Current Events > Being called "my dear" by a male coworker

(+) Yeah! (+)

I am glad us Koroks do not have a gender, it sounds too complicated TBQH

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My co-workers and I called each other chief, boss, captain, etc.

Do people say that where any of you work?

Vladimir posted...

My co-workers and I called each other chief, boss, captain, etc.

Do people say that where any of you work?

No

Vladimir posted...

My co-workers and I called each other chief, boss, captain, etc.

Do people say that where any of you work?

Boss all the time, chief yes when I lived in New Jersey. Never worked on a boat so never heard captain before lol

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Vladimir posted...

My co-workers and I called each other chief, boss, captain, etc.

Do people say that where any of you work?

My co workers call each other by name. But we call Link Mr. Hero

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CyricZ posted...

Because of people like NOM who will take it as a personal insult that they can't call you whatever they want.

Don't know for sure if that's the type that Cleo's dealing with, but they exist.

Yes thats what I dont know about him. If hell get butthurt and make things weird or not. Like I said, hes new and I barely know him. My instinct is to deflect and hope he adjusts his behavior. If he continues then Ill be direct and if he STILL doesnt stop then its HR.

Vladimir posted...

My co-workers and I called each other chief, boss, captain, etc.

Do people say that where any of you work?

No, not unless theyve become friends and know each other well. Its not common for anyone to throw out terms of endearment where Im from either. I cant remember the last time any coworker male or female has used terms like that with me. Our company is very big on using respectful language in the work space and are huge on training people on it, its a Californian tech company lol

Thousands of women and children are being trafficked every day

TC is upset someone used a warm term towards her

Can't make this stuff up

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CyricZ posted...

Because of people like NOM who will take it as a personal insult that they can't call you whatever they want.

Don't know for sure if that's the type that Cleo's dealing with, but they exist.

WTF do you mean "people like NOM?" why you stereotyping me bro that's offensive! lol

I actually never have any problems with this stuff IRL. If someone were to ask me not to call them dear or hon, or anything really, I would do it and apologize if they took offense. But its never happened because its never been an issue IRL.

It's just stuff like this really irks me how someone can be so upset over nothing. Makes you worry for the next generation when this one is already so fragile.

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im not 13 posted...

Thousands of women and children are being trafficked every day

TC is upset someone used a warm term towards her

Can't make this stuff up

Why are you posting here when there are children to save?

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Post 107 I suspect is 13 year old person

im not 13 posted...

Thousands of women and children are being trafficked every day

TC is upset someone used a warm term towards her

Can't make this stuff up

Posts like this are dumb as fuck. Also lol at warm term. That really says it all

I know the feeling, I have a female coworker who frequently refers to me as my dear.

Can you help me with something my dear. Like I have a name. Very disrespectful.

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People call me Fake Vegy at work

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im not 13 posted...

Thousands of women and children are being trafficked every day

TC is upset someone used a warm term towards her

Can't make this stuff up

Nice selective reading youve got there. Ive mentioned time and time again it wasnt just the term but the combination of context, which seems lost on you and a few others for some reason. But then again with the kind of men that frequent this board, Im not surprised by some of the responses.

darkphoenix181 posted...

She may not like that but never told you.

If that's true, she wouldn't be calling me 1920's slangs either.

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I used to call my Army co workers douchebags.

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Cleo_II posted...

Nice selective reading youve got there. Ive mentioned time and time again it wasnt just the term but the combination of context, which seems lost on you and a few others for some reason. But then again with the kind of men that frequent this board, Im not surprised by some of the responses.

If "dear" triggers you then don't walk down a local market in the UK

Someone might even refer to you as "luv"

Rage inducing I'm sure.

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Cleo_II posted...

I feel better after venting. Im just going to make a joke like My dear? Am I 80? Lol and hope he gets the point.

Dont do that. That is the dumbass shit chicks do that just complicates things.

Hell, this trope is ancient. Woman vents because she's frustrated the guy doesn't understand what she wants. Because instead of just saying it plainly, she just drops a few stupid hints and expects him to read her mind.

Just keep it simple and tell him plain what you want him to stop doing.

Hell, making joking banter like that is just going to risk more drama, because it can be indistinguishable from flirting.

Veggeta X posted...

People call me Fake Vegy at work

How much does gamefaqs pay?

DuranOfForcena posted...

i don't understand this post. why are you saying "no offense"? what would i take offense from? bringing it up to the dude so he can apologize is literally what i am advising TC to do. and what would be not professional about that?

Mostly cause I threw a jab at TCs expense over the whole DONT work in a professional setting - I couldnt resist

but then I thought eh, I mean - if youre really feeling that way I guess the solution is there should you wish it prompting my second post >_>

CyricZ posted...

Because of people like NOM who will take it as a personal insult that they can't call you whatever they want.

Don't know for sure if that's the type that Cleo's dealing with, but they exist.

Lots of people think lots of things, but yeah - I mean, some people arent receptive to being told what they cant or cannot do

More often than not conflict resolution is possible, people just dont really opt for that for whatever reason

Cleo_II posted...

Nice selective reading youve got there. Ive mentioned time and time again it wasnt just the term but the combination of context, which seems lost on you and a few others for some reason. But then again with the kind of men that frequent this board, Im not surprised by some of the responses.

Yeah judging by the type of women that frequent this board, I could properly guess what their responses were going to be, too.

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Cleo_II posted...

Yes thats what I dont know about him. If hell get butthurt and make things weird or not. Like I said, hes new and I barely know him. My instinct is to deflect and hope he adjusts his behavior. If he continues then Ill be direct and if he STILL doesnt stop then its HR.

No, not unless theyve become friends and know each other well. Its not common for anyone to throw out terms of endearment where Im from either. I cant remember the last time any coworker male or female has used terms like that with me. Our company is very big on using respectful language in the work space and are huge on training people on it, its a Californian tech company lol

Weird. I work in Los Angeles and have been called terms of endearment by multiple people. Had a few guys that call everyone boss. And one guy called everyone "my guy" but he wasn't an LA native. Also worked with women that called every guy sweetie, hun, or honey.

But yeah, you have to explain to him that you don't want to be called dear. I hate to say it, but us guys are dense lol. He may not even realize he's being condescending. If he doesn't stop, then go to HR (but obviously don't tell him you're going to HR).

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Esrac posted...

Dont do that. That is the dumbass shit chicks do that just complicates things.

Hell, this trope is ancient. Woman vents because she's frustrated the guy doesn't understand what she wants. Because instead of just saying it plainly, she just drops a few stupid hints and expects him to read her mind.

Just keep it simple and tell him plain what you want him to stop doing.

Hell, making joking banter like that is just going to risk more drama, because it can be indistinguishable from flirting.

You say that but you dont have experience with being direct with men as a woman either. Ive been politely direct with men before and got called names or had meltdowns over it . Men will say they want you to be direct but many get butthurt and confrontational after (of course not all or even a majority). He could act nice to me then go around and tell the whole team behind my back that Im such an uptight bitch, etc. That is why I plan on just taking it lightly for now and direct if he does it again. I dont know enough about him personally to gauge what sort of reaction hell have.

Better than being his deer

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Esrac posted...

Dont do that. That is the dumbass shit chicks do that just complicates things.

Hell, this trope is ancient. Woman vents because she's frustrated the guy doesn't understand what she wants. Because instead of just saying it plainly, she just drops a few stupid hints and expects him to read her mind.

Just keep it simple and tell him plain what you want him to stop doing.

Hell, making joking banter like that is just going to risk more drama, because it can be indistinguishable from flirting.

Agreed.

TC, if this makes you uncomfortable thats understandable. Being direct with something like this would be your best option:

Sure Ill take a look at this. Just as an aside I have one request for you, could you please refrain from using terms like dear in reference to me? I understand that it is probably not your intention but being referred to like that makes me uncomfortable. Thanks for understanding

If he is a jackass after that then yeah Id report him to HR

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NoxObscuras posted...

Weird. I work in Los Angeles and have been called terms of endearment by multiple people. Had a few guys that call everyone boss. And one guy called everyone "my guy" but he wasn't an LA native. Also worked with women that called every guy sweetie, hun, or honey.

But yeah, you have to explain to him that you don't want to be called dear. I hate to say it, but us guys are dense lol. He may not even realize he's being condescending. If he doesn't stop, then go to HR (but obviously don't tell him you're going to HR).

What kind of company do you work for? Ive been in CA for 10 years now and Ive rarely ever been called that by someone I havent already established a friendly relationship with. But Ive always worked office jobs.

TC if he said "be a dear and get that for me" would you find that offensive ?

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TC having a meltdown, i get called pet names all the time, who cares.

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Total power move and it seems it's working
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roos1046 Reborn posted...

over react much?

YIKES

Random wussy: YIKES

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Jesus christ is this a real topic?

If so, stay away from the southern US or your delicate little sensibilities may be in for a rude awakening.
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Choco posted...

i dunno about "cultural" but if he's ESL it may just be a language mistake?

@Cleo_II is this not a possibility? people who only speak english never seem to realize that language barriers are a thing?

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hockeybub89 posted...

Yes we know the southern US is full of idiots

I disagree, but even if you were correct I'd rather be an idiot than a snowflake.
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Lord_Wombat posted...

Jesus christ is this a real topic?

If so, stay away from the southern US or your delicate little sensibilities may be in for a rude awakening.

Lmao Im a woman and a minority. Why on earth would I even want to be in a southern state? You can keep your ingrained racism and sexism for all I care.

Choco posted...

@Cleo_II is this not a possibility? people who only speak english never seem to realize that language barriers are a thing?

Sure, definitely possible. But as I mentioned, if it was just the term Id be more understanding. But the combination of coming across like giving me an order when hes just the new guy that started a couple of months ago is what bothered me.

And I can fully recognize that I might be overly angry being 6 months pregnant and incredibly sleep deprived (4 hours a night). So its not like I went screaming to HR. I vented to the board and feel a lot better. Some people are just really bored and making this topic to be something much different.

this shouldn't have ever been a thread let alone have 136 posts as of mine.

who cares. chill out.

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Cleo, as someone who has worked heavily with people who have English as second/third/fourth language, they can really get the short end of the stick in terms of what is and isn't ok

I get you're (understandably) annoyed but if he does it again ask him to stop and explain that you don't feel comfortable. At worse he'll keep doing it and you have to go to HR at best he'll stop doing it to any other women and probably correct any of his friends too
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Lord_Wombat posted...

I disagree, but even if you were correct I'd rather be an idiot than a snowflake.

Yeah here they'll just cry if you try to do something while gay. So much better. The South can't even get over racist rich people losing an insurrection after 150 years.

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Lord_Wombat posted...

I disagree, but even if you were correct I'd rather be an idiot than a snowflake.

youre both, though

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thronedfire2 posted...

youre both, though

LMAO

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Cleo_II posted...

What kind of company do you work for? Ive been in CA for 10 years now and Ive rarely ever been called that by someone I havent already established a friendly relationship with. But Ive always worked office jobs.

Right now I work for Social Services and only the one manager that I'm close to, calls me by pet names. Before though, I did office work in a police station. That was where the pet names happened the most. One woman was calling me sweetie the moment she introduced herself.

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I run a bar and I call everyone "my dear", wtf. Mostly female customers.


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im not 13 posted...

Thousands of women and children are being trafficked every day

TC is upset someone used a warm term towards her

Can't make this stuff up

Found the Qanon supporter.
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What is so bad about this exactly? I'm often called Honey, Dear, Sweetie, and even Darling by random women and men.
If you don't like it. politely ask him to refrain from calling ;you dear. Its not a big deal. More than likely your co-worker meant nothing by it.

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hockeybub89 posted...

Lord_Wombat posted...

Jesus christ is this a real topic?

If so, stay away from the southern US or your delicate little sensibilities may be in for a rude awakening.

Yes we know the southern US is full of idiots

Live in the Southern US. Can confirm.
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How is it even hard to understand, like he just fucking met her
If Russian Lady had started calling me her husband at work when we just met it would be fucking weird
It was only after months of working together as work friends she was using pet names for me and even then it was clearly fucking ok with me

You people need to fucking like... adult
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Baby woulda been weird.

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SpaceBear_ posted...

I run a bar and I call everyone "my dear", wtf. Mostly female customers.

Ok. Say youre serving a long ass line of customers and some woman who started a couple of months ago came up to you and said Hey, the person in the back of the line wants your attention. Please get to them now. Thanks dear that would not bother you?

Cleo_II posted...

You say that but you dont have experience with being direct with men as a woman either. Ive been politely direct with men before and got called names or had meltdowns over it . Men will say they want you to be direct but many get butthurt and confrontational after (of course not all or even a majority). He could act nice to me then go around and tell the whole team behind my back that Im such an uptight bitch, etc. That is why I plan on just taking it lightly for now and direct if he does it again. I dont know enough about him personally to gauge what sort of reaction hell have.

My GF (might as well be my wife) outright tells men to not call her "sweetie" or "dear" or whatever. She's a manager at Walmart and deals with a bunch of truck drivers that do that, and she'll just say "Don't call me that, I'm not your ___." It'll catch them off guard, too, because she's just so blunt and up front about things. Sometimes they'll give her some sass or back talk, and she'd tell them pretty rudely to shut up, so she can unload the truck.

Just say things matter-of-factly and with confidence, and a man will respect you (more likely to think you're a bitch, too, but who cares -- you're there to work). If they act like a crybaby, then ignore the bitch fit and redirect it back to the task at hand. This is how my GF has dealt with men all her life, at the workplace, and why she's always in a power position.

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Cleo_II posted...

Lmao Im a woman and a minority. Why on earth would I even want to be in a southern state? You can keep your ingrained racism and sexism for all I care.

Do you need me to explain the irony here, or should I just post this to r/selfawarewolves my dear?

hockeybub89 posted...

Yeah here they'll just cry if you try to do something while gay. So much better. The South can't even get over racist rich people losing an insurrection after 150 years.

Cool, but we're discussing pet names used politely in a professional manner, not the morons the media presents that make all southerners look like your stereotypical slack jawed yokel.

nothanks1 posted...

How is it even hard to understand, like he just fucking met her

So is offensive that my go to term for males I don't know is "boss" or "my guy"? If not, how is "dear" offensive?
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