Current Events > Being called "my dear" by a male coworker

(+) Yeah! (+)

Why do some men do that? The context is pretty bad too. Basically sent a slack asking me to take a look at something and thanks my dear. Hes new to my team and I hardly know him. Im honestly pissed off and wont respond to him. The hormonal pregnant side of me wants to report his dumb ass or tell him off but I wont. Fuck guys like him so hard. I have a name and its not my dear. Ugh just wanted to vent somewhere.

Christ, that's creepy.

---

How odd. Sorry you had this experience my lady.

Nice topic my dear

---

were they mansplaining?

---

How old was he?

---

How old was he? Old woman call me honey lol

---

Anyways, been called sweetey and dear by female coworkers.
This is called society.

Report report report

---

Dear dear you'll be okay

---

Squall28 posted...

How old was he? Old woman call me honey lol

or sweetie :3 I kinda like it lol

I hate when any coworker calls other coworkers "honey, dear, babe, etc"
Our HR dep even sent an email to stop calling coworkers "honey" and people still do it

---

Eww

---

WingsOfGood posted...

Anyways, been called sweetey and dear by female coworkers.
This is called society.

i hate "this is how it's always been done" as an excuse. you've been doing something wrong for 100 years and are just ok with doing it wrong for the rest of humanity?
---

I can imagine that kind of stuff gets under your skin, especially when it's the umpteenth person calling you that.
Not sure if reporting someone like that right away is the way to go. Telling someone to don't call you that should indicate for him where your boundaries lie. If not, then reporting them is fair.

---

E32005 posted...

were they mansplaining?

No but asked me to look at someones application and give feedback. With no context as to why. The req has hundreds of people in it so its impossible to review every single resume. It was basically Can you look at this persons resume and give them feedback? Thanks my dear

Fuck that so hard

Squall28 posted...

How old was he? Old woman call me honey lol

He looks to be late 20s or early 30s

No_U_L7 posted...

i hate "this is how it's always been done" as an excuse. you've been doing something wrong for 100 years and are just ok with doing it wrong for the rest of humanity?

Fucking exactly. I dont have women talking to me like that either. Im in California not some state in the south where this is normal

I hate being called diminutive pet names. Can't imagine how women feel

---

You need to calm down. "Hey, can you not call me that?" Just try that first before going to HR.

---

Cleo_II posted...

He looks to be late 20s or early 30s

Fuck him, report da bastard
---

The only thing I can give him is hes from Brazil and moved to Canada a year ago so it might be cultural but I dont give a shit. Fuck off with that crap.

smoke_break posted...

You need to calm down. "Hey, can you not call me that?" Just try that first before going to HR.

Thats probably what Ill do. Like I said Im just being hormonal right now and needed an outlet for it. I have no intention of reporting him off the bat but I want to lol

over react much?

YIKES

---

Just tell him to stop. If he continues then go up the chain.

---

I know you won't like this since you want to avoid the guy (which is understandable) but you should talk to him at least once and tell him exactly how you feel. Some people generally don't think they're doing anything wrong by saying stuff like that, you gotta let him know this is not okay. If he doesn't know that this bothers you then they'll just keep doing this unfortunately.

---

Consider possible cultural differences, I guess.

Like, terms of endearment are very common in the American South. Where I'm from, its not generally a big deal to have someone you've never met before call you honey, sweet, or whatever casually. If its the norm where he's from, he's probably just trying to be cordial.

Eh, some people think they're being suave or sophisticated when they put things like that. I wouldn't sweat it, but if it makes you uncomfortable, then yeah, I would say something. I say try to give him the benefit of the doubt (for now), and the next time he says like that, just tell him, "hey, I don't go by that. My name is..." then just say what you go by. If he keeps on screwing up, then definitely take it higher up. But I suspect he is just awkward trying to sound smart.

roos1046 Reborn posted...

over react much?

YIKES

Fuck off. Its not an over reaction. Ive put up with crap from male coworkers for years. I used to be an engineer. I cant stand for this kind of shit anymore and I wont.

Esrac posted...

Consider possible cultural differences, I guess.

Like, terms of endearment are very common in the American South. Where I'm from, its not generally a big deal to have someone you've never met before call you honey, sweet, or whatever casually. If its the norm where he's from, he's probably just trying to be cordial.

I could maybe chalk it up to just that if it wasnt for the way he requested I do something as if its expected I would and owed to him. He is my peer and not my manager.

E32005 posted...

were they mansplaining?

For those of you ladies that are unfamiliar with mansplaining, its when a man with no shared life experience tells you what is happening.

---

That sucks, and I'm not gonna say it's a good thing, but maybe he comes from the West Island of Montreal? I've noticed that "my dear" has been the regular nomenclature for a lot of dudes the past ten years. Just like the chicks always respond with "sweetie." It's really bizarre but something I've gradually gotten used to.

Edit:I should also say it's rather unprofessional.

---

No_U_L7 posted...

i hate "this is how it's always been done" as an excuse. you've been doing something wrong for 100 years and are just ok with doing it wrong for the rest of humanity?

It hasn't been wrong. Infact, it isn't wrong now either except that people are in the mode of finding things to be pissed about.

Fyi, calling someone dear is like thinking of them as like a nephew and it is designed to be courteous.

And yes, it is cultural.

divot1338 posted...

For those of you ladies that are unfamiliar with mansplaining, its when a man with no shared life experience tells you what is happening.

LOL!!!

---

Cleo_II posted...

Fuck off. Its not an over reaction. Ive put up with crap from male coworkers for years. I used to be an engineer. I cant stand for this kind of shit anymore and I wont.

What kind of crap? Being courteous to you and talking you the way they do everyone else?

@[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Really? Odd. Maybe I'm confusing regions then cause a lot of the Italian crowd at work use "Sweetie" if they're a chick, and "Dear" if they're a dude.

Maybe St. Leo? Shit, I dunno. I ain't from here (from halifax) so anything outside of MTL proper confuses me.

---

humongous eyeroll

I want to jump across the counter and throttle any customers that call my female co-workers cutesy names. They're almost always older men unsatisfied with their wives.

---

WingsOfGood posted...

It hasn't been wrong. Infact, it isn't wrong now either except that people are in the mode of finding things to be pissed about.

Fyi, calling someone dear is like thinking of them as like a nephew and it is designed to be courteous.

And yes, it is cultural.

Do you kiss your kids on the lips too
---

Did you guys see the new Borat? Rudy Guliani is totally like this, always like "my dear, my dear". And I'm just like

Esrac posted...

Consider possible cultural differences

Yeah, I'd often also get called something like this from Arabic guys in Germany. I assumed it was just how they translated their common terms of endearment (e.g. Habibi, which they'd also just use directly sometime), and not all the connotations were the same or understood

Still, if it makes you feel uncomfortable you should absolutely let him know

---

Eat More Beef posted...

That sucks, and I'm not gonna say it's a good thing, but maybe he comes from the West Island of Montreal? I've noticed that "my dear" has been the regular nomenclature for a lot of dudes the past ten years. Just like the chicks always respond with "sweetie." It's really bizarre but something I've gradually gotten used to.

Edit:I should also say it's rather unprofessional.

No hes in Vancouver but moved there from Brazil a year ago. I think if it was just my dear Id be less mad but it was the way he practically ordered me to do a task for him in addition to that.

WingsOfGood posted...

What kind of crap? Being courteous to you and talking you the way they do everyone else?

I am not his dear. I barely know this person. I have a name and its courteous to ask me something politely and use my name, not order me and toss a my dear to make that better somehow.

Probably how he picks up English
explain to him its not appropriate and that it's normally something you'd only expect to hear from a woman or your husband

If he keeps at it, you've got the request in emails so get your pregnant ass to hr and say your doctor said the man is causing what's called 'pet name issues'
---

Cleo_II posted...

I could maybe chalk it up to just that if it wasnt for the way he requested I do something as if its expected I would and owed to him. He is my peer and not my manager.

Do you just never help a peer with their work when they ask you to do something for them?

Unless he was giving you an order to do it, which would be more out of line than the "my dear".

Anyway, my suggestion is try to handle it at the lowest level of authority first, then elevate as needed. Tell him you don't like being addressed that way and that it isn't really appropriate in a professional environment in Canada.

If he keeps it up, elevate to supervisor, and so on.

TC I agree with you but you gotta understand that not everyone will agree with you. And that should be that.

---