Current Events > Your male friend says "I don't know if I could raise a gay son"

(+) Yeah! (+)

"Not because I have a problem with gay people, I just want a normal (first) son"

Your friend in this situation is a straight, typical masculine dude who goes out to the club most weekends trying to impress chicks with his muscles.

Do you break off the friendship? Do you try to slowly change their mindset?

Note: he isn't going to outright abuse or disown his son, but he'll remain distant once his son comes out the closet.

Its normal to want a normal kid so they dont get bullied or need specialized/expensive medical or other care.

It would depend on the previous context of things he has said before which I here lack.

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Ha ha! Joke's on you, I don't have any friends!

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I would say "Your dad probably wanted a normal son, too. Too bad he ended up with a homophobic asshole."

I would hope that person's attitude would change when they realize it isn't an either/or situation. Your son is who he is, and if he happens to be gay then you have a gay son. It's not like you can go trade him in

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I would slowly stop talking to him and hope he finds out I dont like him.

This is an interesting subject. You should delete this topic and lose the bias in the OP, though.

Second paragraph is completely unnecessary.

And the topic title says "I don't know if I could...." so how do we know he will "remain distant"?

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MachineJaipur posted...

Do you break off the friendship? Do you try to slowly change their mindset?

Lol, no, Im not going to break off the friendship. He opened up about his concern, so its an opportunity to talk about it, like adults do. Ill mainly ask him what he is so worried about and then go from there.

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I live in a civilized area where being gay wouldn't being a societal penalty. That being said, it would certainly be easier to relate to a straight son, or a gay daughter, but I'm not against the vice versa either.

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Who hurt you TC? Someone with muscles?

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I say nothing. I stare deeply into my friend's eyes and slowly remove my shirt, revealing my "Man Love 4Ever" tattoo on my chest, located right above my belly button like Tupac's (RIP) Thug Life tattoo.

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Nothing wrong with the father wanting a normal son who hopefully will have children that are half him and half his partner.

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Dude has a preference for what kind of offspring he'd like to raise and is afraid of having one he doesn't relate to/may have extra difficulty growing up. This is noteworthy why? How different is this from a mother hoping to raise a proper lady or a father who wants his kid to be the MVP of [insert sportsball here] like he was as a kid? Ain't nothing wrong with having present desires for/about you kids before they're even born (depending on what said desires are, ya Nazis). What matters is how you handle it when thing don't play out like you expect them.

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I dated a very religious chick once and she said something along these lines and it put me off enough to tell her I don't want to meet up with her again.

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I'd agree with him. Who actually wants a gay son? That's something you have to tolerate, not something you should want.

Having preferences or wanting things a certain way isn't the same as saying "I don't know if I could"

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MachineJaipur posted...

Do you break off the friendship?

No.

Do you try to slowly change their mindset?

Why would I do that? I agree with him.

Besides, how he raises his son isn't any of my business. Even if I disagreed with him, which is highly unlikely, that wouldn't be a deal-breaker to end a friendship.

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One my bestfriends says he'll stop supporting his brother if he's gay. So I'm actually in a situation adjacent to this. I choose the latter. It doesn't effect me directly and if I can get through to him over time then good. We've had direct conversations about it. I also think he's wrong about himself. Most will see that as denial on my end, which is fine. But I've known him for 10 years and I'm very observant of people's behavior.

Also their mom died last year. Which makes me really think he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he ditched his brother.

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The virtue of the TC.

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Hmmm... Its a weird subject since Im gay. Personally, most of my friends are super ok with it. And would most likely be with their kid. From what Ive seen. Someone saying that might actually make me act distant to them. But I cant say I would completely break off the friendship.

If their son actually is gay, Id probably stay friends to mostly help mentor the kid. Especially if the dad really is distant from them...
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What even is normal? It's interesting how "normal" typically refers to "not LGBT" when it comes to topics like this.

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LinkPizza posted...

Hmmm... Its a weird subject since Im gay. Personally, most of my friends are super ok with it. And would most likely be with their kid. From what Ive seen. Someone saying that might actually make me act distant to them. But I cant say I would completely break off the friendship.

If their son actually is gay, Id probably stay friends to mostly help mentor the kid. Especially if the dad really is distant from them...

Mad honorable. You ever wonder if they just say that they'd be cool with it since you're actually connected to the situation?

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Its a bit weird, to say the least. I can see hoping for a specific gender, or some kind of natural talent. And of course every parent wishes for a healthy baby. But wishing for a specific sexual orientation for an unborn (possibly not even yet conceived), hypothetical baby is just weird to me

hockeybub89 posted...

What even is normal? It's interesting how "normal" typically refers to "not LGBT" when it comes to topics like this.

I think they use it in the sense that there are probably less gay people than straight people. I personally dont like the connotation, but I understand it...

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Mad honorable. You ever wonder if they just say that they'd be cool with it since you're actually connected to the situation?

Not really. Because Im not currently living in my home state. But my friends still keep in touch. And try to get me to visit more. And want to come visit me. If being gay was an issue, it wouldnt be hard to dump me as a friend. Yet they dont. Even my male best friend who doesnt know much about being gay ask questions to learn more. And I think hes tried to help me find people to hook-up with a few times.

Solid_Seb posted...

Its a bit weird, to say the least. I can see hoping for a specific gender, or some kind of natural talent. And of course every parent wishes for a healthy baby. But wishing for a specific sexual orientation for an unborn (possibly not even yet conceived), hypothetical baby is just weird to me

I kind of agree. I could care less what their sexual orientation is. They can love whoever they want to love...
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eston posted...

Having preferences or wanting things a certain way isn't the same as saying "I don't know if I could"

Only if you interpret it that way. Plenty of single dads find themselves getting overwhelmed and feeling "I don't know if I kan raise a daughter." Does that default them to being offensively sexist? Does that mean they're either gonna be mentally abusive or disown the girl at some point?

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LinkPizza posted...

I think they use it in the sense that there are probably less gay people than straight people. I personally dont like the connotation, but I understand it...

Referencing dictionary.com, the word common does appear in one of the definitions for normal. The problem is when people conflate that to mean right or moral, which leads to them thinking not normal is synonymous with wrong or immoral.

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The_Korey posted...

Only if you interpret it that way. Plenty of single dads find themselves getting overwhelmed and feeling "I don't know if I kan raise a daughter." Does that default them to being offensively sexist? Does that mean they're either gonna be mentally abusive or disown the girl at some point?

It's a dumb thing to say in general because it really isn't a matter of can or can't. If you have a daughter, then you will be raising a daughter. If you have a gay son, you will be raising a gay son. That's just how it works. Your kid is who they are. Whether or not you feel you did a good job will remain to be seen. But again, it's not like you can just trade them in if you feel overwhelmed.

Also my post said nothing about being abusive or disowning so I don't know where you got that from

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I would be friends with Kevin Hart.

I mean, he is Kevin Hart.

MachineJaipur posted...

"Not because I have a problem with gay people, I just want a normal (first) son"

Your friend in this situation is a straight, typical masculine dude who goes out to the club most weekends trying to impress chicks with his muscles.

Ok, so he's projecting his own insecurities?

The statement in itself isn't that wrong, depends on the reasoning behind it, altough I wonder why he would use the word "normal". I would prefer my son to be heterosexual, but that is because it would make his life a lot easier since certain people can't handle other sexual preferences. If he is gay I wouldn't love and support him any less.

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Lorenzo_2003 posted...

Referencing dictionary.com, the word common does appear in one of the definitions for normal. The problem is when people conflate that to mean right or moral, which leads to them thinking not normal is synonymous with wrong or immoral.

And thats the problem. When they start connecting not normal with wrong, bad, or immoral... If normal was only used as common, that would be fine to a degree. Even then, its bad because it teaches kids the wrong thing. Its ok to be different, but it makes it seem like different is bad because its not normal...
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I'd call him an idiot and move on.

My wife and I have four kids that are all healthy, so far happy, and so far seemingly kind kids. We hit the lotto there. Loads of people have kids with severe health issues or have difficulty even having kids, whining because you want your son to like chicks is just utterly moronic.

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K181 posted...

I'd call him an idiot and move on.

My wife and I have four kids that are all healthy, so far happy, and so far seemingly kind kids. We hit the lotto there. Loads of people have kids with severe health issues or have difficulty even having kids, whining because you want your son to like chicks is just utterly moronic.