Current Events > how old were you when your friends started to drift away?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I only had one really close friend and a lot of acquaintances through him. when he killed himself that was the end of my social life pretty much.

24

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I always thought it was weird that lots of people just lose friends from getting married and having kids. That always seemed weird to me. I have a bunch of friends that got married. Nothing really changed from when they were single, to dating, to marriage in our friendships. And having kids never really affected anyone I knew. When my SO had kids, he still saw his friends a lot. Same with my mom. If her friends had kids, the kids would play together while the parents hung out and talked. And if they didn't, they'd still come over to catch up. And when my mom wanted to go out, I was either with my stepdad or grandma. When I got older, I'd watch my siblings. My mom has known a lot of her friends from before I was even born... I guess it's just something I never understood. Keeping friends while married and with kids doesn't really seem like something super difficult to me...
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28-29.

We all pretty much started hanging out when we were 11. Some before that too, from when they went to elementary together. There was about 7 of us total. One drifted away when he moved away for college and ended up staying in that town. Another had a kid, so he can't hangout as much, and one just completely vanished when he met his wife. I live with 2 of them now, but I suspect once we go our separate ways if that might start to be it.


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Late 20s.

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XxKrazyChaosxX posted...

28-29.

We all pretty much started hanging out when we were 11. Some before that too, from when they went to elementary together. There was about 7 of us total. One drifted away when he moved away for college and ended up staying in that town. Another had a kid, so he can't hangout as much, and one just completely vanished when he met his wife. I live with 2 of them now, but I suspect once we go our separate ways if that might start to be it.

What about the 7th person?
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LinkPizza posted...

What about the 7th person?

He kinda made other friends he likes hanging out with that like to go out drinking more than the rest of us do these days. If some of us get together to go to the movies or go out to eat he'll join from time to time.

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27-28

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In my 20s.

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There are certainly a few people I was good friends with in high school that I havent spoke to in years, I think in most cases we stayed in touch initially and still hung out and such until marriage or kids came along, plus some have moved out of the area.

Still, I have a lot of the same friends that I did in high school and even some in elementary that I communicate with on a regular basis and still hang out with some timeswe are all 36 or 37 and have wives and kids and such so there simply isnt much spare time for anyone and of course its even less likely our free time will match up often, but we get together when it does.

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theAteam posted...

2018 (I was 29) but it was mostly my own fault because I moved across the country.

@theAteam

Spier Falls says hello!!
That and that Corinthian antenna!!
You know what I'm talking about.

https://imgur.com/fHkck1P
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SiO4 posted...

@theAteam

Spier Falls says hello!!
That and that Corinthian antenna!!
You know what I'm talking about.

https://imgur.com/fHkck1P

Wait do I actually know you? Spier Falls is way too on the nose of a reference.

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I'm probably seen as that guy for a few ppl tbh cos I'm really bad at organising stuff lol

I feel like I meet ppl periodically so wouldn't really say I've drifted all that far from ppl I want to stay in contact with. There is one group that I'm kinda sad about not really hanging out with anymore post-school but honestly the last few times I've seen them out they've been borderline obsessive about trying to source coke and that feels like it'd get boring lol

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Friends come and go I make new ones all the time. Tho as far as HS goes I only talk to one friend from there. I'm 27.

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LinkPizza posted...

I always thought it was weird that lots of people just lose friends from getting married and having kids. That always seemed weird to me. I have a bunch of friends that got married. Nothing really changed from when they were single, to dating, to marriage in our friendships. And having kids never really affected anyone I knew. When my SO had kids, he still saw his friends a lot. Same with my mom. If her friends had kids, the kids would play together while the parents hung out and talked. And if they didn't, they'd still come over to catch up. And when my mom wanted to go out, I was either with my stepdad or grandma. When I got older, I'd watch my siblings. My mom has known a lot of her friends from before I was even born... I guess it's just something I never understood. Keeping friends while married and with kids doesn't really seem like something super difficult to me...

it just happens tbh, when you go through these big lifestyle changes (getting serious with career, marriage, kids, etc) you tend to learn who your real friends are & what friendships have longevity in them, and aren't just a friendship of convenience (i.e. drinking buddies).

your priorities start to shift as your life changes and often it doesn't line up with those of other people and your friendship begins to drift apart because it's like you guys aren't on the same wavelength anymore.

it is a weird feeling. it happened a bit with me when i got married and now it is really happening to me as I am about to have my first kid.

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27

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Mid 20s when we all started in decent jobs. Then I moved two states away last year lol

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Romulox28 posted...

it just happens tbh, when you go through these big lifestyle changes (getting serious with career, marriage, kids, etc) you tend to learn who your real friends are & what friendships have longevity in them, and aren't just a friendship of convenience (i.e. drinking buddies).

your priorities start to shift as your life changes and often it doesn't line up with those of other people and your friendship begins to drift apart because it's like you guys aren't on the same wavelength anymore.

it is a weird feeling. it happened a bit with me when i got married and now it is really happening to me as I am about to have my first kid.

Yeah. For me marriage wasn't a major change, and I'd say the same for the majority of my friends, but having kids is what really does it. My friends are cool and wouldn't complain about it, but its obviously not the greatest thing ever if I bring my two year old to meet at a restaurant or go to someone else's house, and can't really take her into a movie, etc. Can't always find a babysitter or want to pay for one. I just have the two year old, pretty much all my friends have older kids and eventually schedules start to open up again a bit, unless the kids are really involved in sports or whatever then it goes back to just hard to find the time, lol.

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Eh, 26ish

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Romulox28 posted...

it just happens tbh, when you go through these big lifestyle changes (getting serious with career, marriage, kids, etc) you tend to learn who your real friends are & what friendships have longevity in them, and aren't just a friendship of convenience (i.e. drinking buddies).

your priorities start to shift as your life changes and often it doesn't line up with those of other people and your friendship begins to drift apart because it's like you guys aren't on the same wavelength anymore.

it is a weird feeling. it happened a bit with me when i got married and now it is really happening to me as I am about to have my first kid.

Maybe its that all my friends are real friends, then. Weve all been through big life changes. Yet, its still the same as it was before. So, thats probably it, I guess...

The Top Crusader posted...

Yeah. For me marriage wasn't a major change, and I'd say the same for the majority of my friends, but having kids is what really does it. My friends are cool and wouldn't complain about it, but its obviously not the greatest thing ever if I bring my two year old to meet at a restaurant or go to someone else's house, and can't really take her into a movie, etc. Can't always find a babysitter or want to pay for one. I just have the two year old, pretty much all my friends have older kids and eventually schedules start to open up again a bit, unless the kids are really involved in sports or whatever then it goes back to just hard to find the time, lol.

Try just having them over. Thats what my mom did. Friend would come over so they could just catch up. Also, what about grandparents. I know my grandma use to watch me often. Or the other parent, for you to have some time with friends. Or whatever...
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Im 28 now, and the weekly hangouts are starting to become less frequent.

We pretty much much hangout every Friday night, but life has started getting in the way, for everyone

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Im the friend who is drifting away at age 22. I just dont want to deal with them anymore. Half of them only care about doing any drugs they can while the other half never grew up past middle school age.

Would rather be on my own. Never did like people anyways.

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LinkPizza posted...

Try just having them over. Thats what my mom did. Friend would come over so they could just catch up. Also, what about grandparents. I know my grandma use to watch me often. Or the other parent, for you to have some time with friends. Or whatever...

That's what happens usually, but even then at her age she is all over the place and its hard to really have a conversation when she's doing weird things, and of course I was always polite about it, but I have often been annoyed when my friends' kids would pester me directly, lol. So I try to spare them. Grandparents already do the babysitting when we're both at work, so I hate to abuse their kindness when I just want to goof off with friends. My wife works most evenings and weekends.

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The Top Crusader posted...

That's what happens usually, but even then at her age she is all over the place and its hard to really have a conversation when she's doing weird things, and of course I was always polite about it, but I have often been annoyed when my friends' kids would pester me directly, lol. So I try to spare them. Grandparents already do the babysitting when we're both at work, so I hate to abuse their kindness when I just want to goof off with friends. My wife works most evenings and weekends.

I wouldnt say abuse their kindness. But a couple times a month wouldnt be bad. My grandma loves spending time with me. I even lived with her during the week sometimes. But once a week or every two weeks shouldnt be too bad. And it doesnt have to be long, either. Like a couple hours for either lunch or a movie...
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theAteam posted...

Wait do I actually know you? Spier Falls is way too on the nose of a reference.

@theAteam

I'm one of Santa's helpers. I was assigned to you to make sure if you've been bad or good. :-p

Heh, idk how I know, but we must have been talking about in the something in the area.
And you said you were from Glens Falls. So I tagged you. It may have been the weather or the track or something. That I don't remember.
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SiO4 posted...

@theAteam

I'm one of Santa's helpers. I was assigned to you to make sure if you've been bad or good. :-p

Heh, idk how I know, but we must have been talking about in the something in the area.
And you said you were from Glens Falls. So I tagged you. It may have been the weather or the track or something. That I don't remember.

My dad works at the Spier Falls plant

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my high school friends scattered to the four winds after graduation - all over the state and country, so i don't see them much anymore

went to college in another state and didn't make many friends; those i did are all over the world and country

post-college circle i still hang out with occasionally, though some people have moved, others broken up, the party house got demolished, and i've become a bit of a tee-totaling recluse

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@theAteam

theAteam posted...

My dad works at the Spier Falls plant

Oh, haha. No shit!
That's pretty cool.
What does he do? Do that have any openings..lol.

But ya, that is really close to home.
Don't worry, I'm not a stalker. I've been hiking a paddling there for years. ((Way before the state took it over...which, imo sucks.))
I could draw a map of the area from memory.

Here's a better shot.
https://imgur.com/EmNWKcF
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SiO4 posted...

What does he do? Do that have any openings..lol.

He's been operating that hydro for like 20 years. Basically makes sure it keeps running and restarts it whenever there's an automatic shutdown for whatever reason, usually something like debris buildup at the intake.

You'd have to apply with Brookfield, which is the company that owns that plant plus 6 other ones in the area (Schuylerville, Sherman Island, Feeder Dam, etc...). It's a union job so tough to get in and it's usually labor intensive but they make a fuckload in overtime. Even the stooges doing landscaping make $80k+ counting overtime.

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@theAteam

theAteam posted...

He's been operating that hydro for like 20 years. Basically makes sure it keeps running and restarts it whenever there's an automatic shutdown for whatever reason, usually something like debris buildup at the intake.

You'd have to apply with Brookfield, which is the company that owns that plant plus 6 other ones in the area (Schuylerville, Sherman Island, Feeder Dam, etc...). It's a union job so tough to get in and it's usually labor intensive but they make a fuckload in overtime. Even the stooges doing landscaping make $80k+ counting overtime.

Oh, damn...no pun intended...that's not bad.
And that's awesome he's so high up. I've been going to the area for even more than 20 years.
But less so now. Now that the yuppies have showed up. It was better when it was the wild west.
Basically, the rules then were, don't burn the place down, and don't hurt yourself. Now it's out by dusk and it has trail and shit.

I bet your dads had some interesting commutes in the winter, there is no angle to get in there that doesn't involve some kind of real deal hill.
Also, side note: Just down stream from the damn is one of the few places The Hudson flows due north.

I hope I didn't weird you out. I was just posting my favorite spot in the greater Glens Falls area.
In fact, I never walked across stage at my HS graduation...I went but watched...the main reason is, I was parting with my friends at the lower boat launch the night before...back in the late 90's, when you could still get away with those things.

Also there is some nice Quartz in the mountain. Reddish Rose Quartz.
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I'm 30 and... Still have most of my friends from when I was a early teen or better.

Only ones that left the circle two who conspired to try and rip me off when I was building a PC for one of em.

Internet makes it mad easy to keep in touch. We all talk at least twice a week in discord n watch Netflix together on occasion.

probably 2016. at least, i felt so, anyways. i remember one specific evening at the house, since a close friend was kind enough to let me stay there for a while. and anyways, a mutual friend came over and even though we had a good time i couldn't shake this really awful feeling i had.

i felt like our friendship, or at least my friendship with my friends, was basically dead.

i felt like things had stagnated, and i had the worst sinking feeling that i was effectively at the edge of the universe. it didn't really hit until 2019, when i moved away from the people i knew to be closer to my cancer treatments. and then it really sunk in. i've only seen my best friend twice in the last year. my only other friend i haven't seen in over a year.

i harbored some nasty ill will towards my best friend in 2019, but have since shaken that. now i'm just grateful we ever happened, all of us ever happened. i more or less am just waiting to die because i don't want to bother anyone anymore. i don't want anybody to feel like they're obligated to see me, and i know once i'm dead that's one less burden they'll have to shoulder. i legitimately dread the day i have to call upon them to see me one last time before i die, as i imagine most people do - it's so unfortunate. nobody should have to see someone they love in such a state.

it's like i told my mom tonight, i feel like i'm at the very edge of the world and it's just me. and i'm separated by a vast ocean wherein everyone i've ever loved and cherished is so very far from me. a howling wind is whipping as i stare back and forth between the suffocating dark of nonexistence, and the light of the people that meant anything to me. and i'm just sitting on that edge, legs dangling off like a kid's on the back porch of his home one summer evening.

anyways. i know my other friend visits this forum and he may or may not see this message. sorry. i'm sorry i'm such a negative piece of shit. you deserve better, you always did.

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