Current Events > why do people who can't get pregnant spend thousands of dollars to try when

(+) Yeah! (+)

there are a bunch of orphans out there who need homes? whenever I hear about people crying about trying for years to get pregnant I just think "why can't you just adopt?"

as someone who has an adopted sibling, I just find it hard to sympathize with people who think they are too good for adoption

The bizarre delusion that the first year or two of life are somehow precious, instead of being an endless stream of puke and shit.

Adoptions probably more money.

Or at least that's what I'm told.
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Yeah its a shame
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What women experience carrying a child and then nurturing them after birth is supposed to be the most amazing bonding experience for them. That's a really hard thing for them to mentally deal with if they are having troubles. Their bodies literally start to yearn for having a child biologically in most cases.

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We looked into adoption, it was more expensive than IVF. So we did IVF.

OpShaft posted...

Adoptions probably more money.

Or at least that's what I'm told.

Correct.
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It is easier than to adopt
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"I want my own"
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people want to make their own. and most people who want to adopt want a baby, and they are hard to come by.
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Is it really that hard to understand why people would feel compelled to have their own kids when pretty much all of life since the dawn of it has been driven heavily by procreation?

People have kids to pass on their genetics. Adoption is just pet ownership with more steps.
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Some people just want their own babies rather than someone else's

I've redd a story of some guy who was treated like family until they had to go to something involving a funeral or maybe something about heritage, and they told him "blood family only."
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Isn't it more expensive to adopt the younger the kid is? Quick, graph and figure out what age it starts consistently being about the same to adopt as IVF+bills from checkups and all those things through to giving birth at a hospital
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IHeartRadiation posted...

Some people just want their own babies rather than someone else's

I've redd a story of some guy who was treated like family until they had to go to something involving a funeral or maybe something about heritage, and they told him "blood family only."

I've read some like that. Raised a boy, sent him to college and everything since they were pretty well off. Rather than letting him inherit the family business or get any inheritance, it was all given to the blood daughter and her husband who the parents hated but "at least had married into the family".
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s0nicfan posted...

Is it really that hard to understand why people would feel compelled to have their own kids when pretty much all of life since the dawn of it has been driven heavily by procreation?

People have kids to pass on their genetics.

This TC, this ain't rocket science... it's biology instead. *ba dum tss*

Adoption is just pet ownership with more steps.

People love animals more than humans so not sure how this is a bad thing, with that being the case.
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Xx09x7 posted...

People love animals more than humans so not sure how this is a bad thing, with that being the case.

Oh don't get me wrong. I'm not saying its a bad thing. Just that it's distinctly different from raising your own child. The difference being "I want to raise MY child" versus "I want to raise A child"
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Why is preferring a biological child an alien concept to TC.
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It should be pretty obvious why most people want to raise their own kids rather than another persons kids

not that it wouldn't be nice if more people did adopt tho
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I think the better convincing argument to make, and if you have the money to support is having one biological child, and one adopted child if you wish to make a difference.

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Kaliesto posted...

I think the better convincing argument to make, and if you have the money to support is having one biological child, and one adopted child if you wish to make a difference.

That's what I wanna do. Just gotta convince my wife
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People are so uneducated about the cost, absurd waitlists and possible legal complications of adoption. I always laugh when people tell me I should just adopt like I can go buy a baby from a baby store today. Meanwhile IVF was covered for me at 100% with my company with just the cost of meds out of pocket. I have a few embryos on ice as well and am looking to join another company who will cover the cost of transfers. Im not opposed to adoption, but at this time its not worth the headache or cost compared to IVF. Well cross that bridge when we get there.

Also TC, as a man I dont think you can truly comprehend a womans biological need to reproduce. I cant explain it but right around 30 I just started having these overwhelming feelings of birthing a child. I couldnt help it. And knowing that I cannot do what is expected from women from the dawn of time can bring such a complex range of emotions. As a man, you will never get the number of questions regarding children that I do, from friends, family and complete strangers. I am shamed by society for being unable to reproduce and treated like Im broken.

Were fucking built that way and its sad that you think you can just shame women who want their own biological children with 0 real comprehension on the matter. Get a fucking clue or kindly keep your opinions to yourself.

I don't think it's about being too good. People just want their own biological children.

Lot's of people who are fine with adoption, some just prefer to have their own.

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I understand the urge, but I agree that it's selfish and bizarre. Adoptions from state agencies are usually subsidized, so anyone telling you IVF is cheaper is just obsessed with the purity of infants.
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s0nicfan posted...

Adoption is just pet ownership with more steps.

Wow that has to be the most ignorant thing Ive read today.
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sorry I touched a nerve to some people. but like I said, my family has gone through adoption and i know firsthand how it can change a life. and yea, we didn't adopt a baby. my sister was 8 when she was adopted. and the track of her life shifted in a dramatic way. I just think of all the unadopted orphans out there who nobody wants

This is why we shouldn't be so against abortion. Women want their own and lots of people are weird about a kid that isn't theirs. We need to minimize how many children we doom to the orphanage since many will never find the right family. The last thing we need is more children born into that because their mothers don't want them.
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Duncanwii posted...

s0nicfan posted...

Adoption is just pet ownership with more steps.

Wow that has to be the most ignorant thing Ive read today.

It's a bit of hyperbole. Don't drop your monocle over it.
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Some people just want their own kids that inherit their genes and shit.

Nothing wrong with that.

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s0nicfan posted...

Duncanwii posted...

s0nicfan posted...

Adoption is just pet ownership with more steps.

Wow that has to be the most ignorant thing Ive read today.

It's a bit of hyperbole. Don't drop your monocle over it.

It's a lot of hyperbole. Children are goddamn human beings. They aren't owned. They aren't an accessory
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Zikten posted...

sorry I touched a nerve to some people. but like I said, my family has gone through adoption and i know firsthand how it can change a life. and yea, we didn't adopt a baby. my sister was 8 when she was adopted. and the track of her life shifted in a dramatic way. I just think of all the unadopted orphans out there who nobody wants

It sounds like your parents adopted after having their own biological child (you). And more power to them. I think its wonderful that they did that. But that doesnt mean you should trivialize womens struggles in conceiving their own children. You have no idea the kind of social pressure they experience. You have no idea what its like to get bombarded by questions on why you dont have children on a regular basis. My husband gets no questions while I have someone asking me about it about every week or two. There is so much social pressure on women, the older we get especially. And seeing pregnant women and babies everywhere, while knowing it cant be you is one of the hardest things to overcome. Im surrounded by babies, kids birthdays, baby showers, etc and every time I attend these events I have to brace myself for the inevitable influx of questions. Just last week at a casual lunch at my cousins, one of my older (male cousins) started giving me the third degree on kids and why I shouldnt wait too long or Ill be too old. And as Ive learned from experience, if Im honest and tell people that I cant conceive then its the inevitable you should just adopt comment, or dozens of follow up questions or other unwanted pieces of advice like dont stress, it will happen for you I just know it or some anecdote of some person they know that had a miracle baby years later.

To each their own. Some people choose to adopt and others dont, while others weigh their options. Theres no one path thats better than the other or that can erase the struggles (emotional and physical) women face when they are unable to conceive.

Zikten posted...

sorry I touched a nerve to some people.

Wow. What a typical Zikten response. Throw out a dense opinion and deliver an even denser rebuttal when others take issue with what you say.

We're already halfway through the Zikten Post Cycle!

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Sorry Cleo. I guess I didn't know all the points of view. I still think adoption should be more popular. But I will think about what you said.

Kitt posted...

Some people just want their own kids that inherit their genes and shit.

Nothing wrong with that.

I never understood that specific part to be honest. We're not goddamn royalty. We don't need to keep our bloodline up to keep the throne. We're just a bunch of irrelevant specks in the universe. Most of will do absolutely nothing that significantly influences our world. What the fuck do their specific genes mean to anything? Just live your life and have kids if it makes you feel happy.
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gunplagirl posted...

IHeartRadiation posted...

Some people just want their own babies rather than someone else's

I've redd a story of some guy who was treated like family until they had to go to something involving a funeral or maybe something about heritage, and they told him "blood family only."

I've read some like that. Raised a boy, sent him to college and everything since they were pretty well off. Rather than letting him inherit the family business or get any inheritance, it was all given to the blood daughter and her husband who the parents hated but "at least had married into the family".

That reminds of that time when Koedderich and Wasilewski, a white married couple got IVF. There was a sperm mixup that lead to the wife having an Asian daughter which they said lead to them getting a divorce. It reminds me of people who only adopt an animal if it's "a perfect pure-breed."
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Cleo_II posted...

Zikten posted...

sorry I touched a nerve to some people. but like I said, my family has gone through adoption and i know firsthand how it can change a life. and yea, we didn't adopt a baby. my sister was 8 when she was adopted. and the track of her life shifted in a dramatic way. I just think of all the unadopted orphans out there who nobody wants

It sounds like your parents adopted after having their own biological child (you). And more power to them. I think its wonderful that they did that. But that doesnt mean you should trivialize womens struggles in conceiving their own children. You have no idea the kind of social pressure they experience. You have no idea what its like to get bombarded by questions on why you dont have children on a regular basis. My husband gets no questions while I have someone asking me about it about every week or two. There is so much social pressure on women, the older we get especially. And seeing pregnant women and babies everywhere, while knowing it cant be you is one of the hardest things to overcome. Im surrounded by babies, kids birthdays, baby showers, etc and every time I attend these events I have to brace myself for the inevitable influx of questions. Just last week at a casual lunch at my cousins, one of my older (male cousins) started giving me the third degree on kids and why I shouldnt wait too long or Ill be too old. And as Ive learned from experience, if Im honest and tell people that I cant conceive then its the inevitable you should just adopt comment, or dozens of follow up questions or other unwanted pieces of advice like dont stress, it will happen for you I just know it or some anecdote of some person they know that had a miracle baby years later.

To each their own. Some people choose to adopt and others dont, while others weigh their options. Theres no one path thats better than the other or that can erase the struggles (emotional and physical) women face when they are unable to conceive.

Honestly, this post just highlights how fucking awful social pressure is. Women should get pregnant only because they want to. Not because it is expected of them or because they get bombarded with questions. It's disgusting than any women is made to feel lesser because they haven't had enough babies.
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"Biological children" as opposed to... Robots?
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hockeybub89 posted...

I never understood that specific part to be honest. We're not goddamn royalty. We don't need to keep our bloodline up to keep the throne. We're just a bunch of irrelevant specks in the universe. Most of will do absolutely nothing that significantly influences our world. What the fuck do their specific genes mean to anything? Just live your life and have kids if it makes you feel happy.

Hey. People are different, man. Lots of folks seem to be big on this in regards to raising a child. And, honestly, it's not that hard to see why. Think about those news stories of dudes losing their shit when they find out a kid that they've been raising isn't theirs.

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People believe their DNA contains parts of themselves.

Like if their dad was a banker good at money, they will think this was passed down in the DNA to the kids.

So they want their own kids so they can have someone like themselves.

Evolution. People want to pass on their own genes. Do you even Darwin?
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QuantumTheory posted...

Evolution. People want to pass on their own genes. Do you even Darwin?

We don't live in the wild. We are passing on more than just desirable genes that increase our survival. I'm not saying we need eugenics, just that modern medicine and our relative safety kind of fuck with survival of the fittest.
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having kids is just as much of a biological imperative as having sex. you can learn to ignore it, not the other way around
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VanananaHeyHey posted...

I understand the urge, but I agree that it's selfish and bizarre. Adoptions from state agencies are usually subsidized, so anyone telling you IVF is cheaper is just obsessed with the purity of infants.

Or you just aren't very well educated and people like me and probably Cleo can't have kids "the easy way" and after agonizing years of trying, did the homework and realize that, nah, its incredibly expensive and difficult to adopt and even *without* insurance covering anything, IVF is less expensive.
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Zikten posted...

sorry I touched a nerve to some people. but like I said, my family has gone through adoption and i know firsthand how it can change a life. and yea, we didn't adopt a baby. my sister was 8 when she was adopted. and the track of her life shifted in a dramatic way. I just think of all the unadopted orphans out there who nobody wants

I think thats great TC. Since you and your sister are adopted Im guessing you plan to adopt two children of your own? I think all people who are adopted should pay it forward, so to speak. Like Randal from This is Us.

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gunplagirl posted...

"Biological children" as opposed to... Robots?

Purposely obtuse, but why?

You know what people mean when they say "biological children".

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My boss at work claimed she spent around "$100,000" trying to have children, including various injections.
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Cleo_II posted...

It sounds like your parents adopted after having their own biological child (you). And more power to them. I think its wonderful that they did that. But that doesnt mean you should trivialize womens struggles in conceiving their own children. You have no idea the kind of social pressure they experience. You have no idea what its like to get bombarded by questions on why you dont have children on a regular basis. My husband gets no questions while I have someone asking me about it about every week or two. There is so much social pressure on women, the older we get especially. And seeing pregnant women and babies everywhere, while knowing it cant be you is one of the hardest things to overcome. Im surrounded by babies, kids birthdays, baby showers, etc and every time I attend these events I have to brace myself for the inevitable influx of questions. Just last week at a casual lunch at my cousins, one of my older (male cousins) started giving me the third degree on kids and why I shouldnt wait too long or Ill be too old. And as Ive learned from experience, if Im honest and tell people that I cant conceive then its the inevitable you should just adopt comment, or dozens of follow up questions or other unwanted pieces of advice like dont stress, it will happen for you I just know it or some anecdote of some person they know that had a miracle baby years later.

To each their own. Some people choose to adopt and others dont, while others weigh their options. Theres no one path thats better than the other or that can erase the struggles (emotional and physical) women face when they are unable to conceive.

I've wondered this about women with fertility issues before, but never asked it of any of them. I mean, how exactly do you ask "You're barren, right? What's it like seeing other pregnant women, knowing that you can't get pregnant despite wanting to?". You can't really ask that without being a cruel, insensitive bastard.

There're a few at our local church. Young girls (early to late twenties) who, for whatever reason, have not been able to conceive with their husbands, despite years of trying. I know that it must be miserable for them, especially seeing other women within the very church getting pregnant. Women they grew up with as friends. I know it has to bring some of them to tears. I mean, heck, my wife and I weren't even trying to get pregnant yet, and she would cry when she heard another one of her friends was expecting, because she wanted to be pregnant so bad. She longed for it every day.

I can't imagine the emotional torment it must cause a woman who wants a baby, but is unable to conceive.

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^^Peers/friends your age you grew up with/etc is bad enough, but it really killed my wife when her nieces in high school got knocked up and we still hadn't had our child. >_>
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The Top Crusader posted...

^^Peers/friends your age you grew up with/etc is bad enough, but it really killed my wife when her nieces in high school got knocked up and we still hadn't had our child. >_>

Is it your wife or you that's, um, "complicating the process"?
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