Current Events > Dude, I don't know SHIT about Final Fantasy 7. Pls explain it to me.

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Kitt
05/11/19 8:30:11 AM
#1:


The closest thing I've played to a Final Fantasy game to completion were the first two Kingdom Hearts.
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Zikten
05/11/19 8:31:05 AM
#2:


It's about eco activists going to war with a company that took over the world
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Kitt
05/11/19 8:36:09 AM
#3:


So Cloud is an eco-terrorist? That makes a lot of sense actually.
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The Popo
05/11/19 8:37:02 AM
#4:


A spiky-haired man with a 50 lbs sword, black man with a gun for an arm, bartender with giant jugs, flower-selling girl who really wants the D, lion who is sometimes old and wise while sometimes has the mentality of a 5 year old, toy cat riding a stuffed white monster, kleptomaniac teenage Asian ninja with a wooden leg, retired failed astronaut with a penchant for swearing, and a man who had numerous experiments done to him against his will and sleeps in a coffin fight against a man with a 40 foot long sword over a black stone that summons a giant rock while an evil corporation tries to drain all of the energy from the planet.

You have the option to ride a roller coaster.
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Kitt
05/11/19 8:38:52 AM
#5:


The Popo posted...
A spiky-haired man with a 50 lbs sword, black man with a gun for an arm, bartender with giant jugs, flower-selling girl who really wants the D, lion who is sometimes old and wise while sometimes has the mentality of a 5 year old, toy cat riding a stuffed white monster, kleptomaniac teenage Asian ninja with a wooden leg, retired failed astronaut with a penchant for swearing, and a man who had numerous experiments done to him against his will and sleeps in a coffin fight against a man with a 40 foot long sword over a black stone that summons a giant rock while an evil corporation tries to drain all of the energy from the planet.

You have the option to ride a roller coaster.

I like this description more.
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fan357
05/11/19 8:39:35 AM
#6:


This guy are sick.
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spikethedevil
05/11/19 8:40:05 AM
#7:


Yuffie doesnt have a wooden leg....
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The Popo
05/11/19 8:41:10 AM
#8:


spikethedevil posted...
Yuffie doesnt have a wooden leg....

AAAARRRRR, MATEY!!!

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk...

gJ8vnK7
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PMarth2002
05/11/19 8:41:37 AM
#9:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iq6K1rIR8MQ" data-time="

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SoraOwnsOctopus
05/11/19 8:43:25 AM
#10:


Just read through this topic and you'll get all the story beats no prob

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/400-current-events/77704309
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Kitt
05/11/19 8:47:51 AM
#11:


What I do know is Cloud is a sad boi with a big sword. Yuffie is the ninja girl with the short haircut and the giant shuriken/boomerang (?). There's the other girl that looks like an MMA fighter that people jerk it to because she have big breasts.
Sephiroth, the half demon-angel guy dude with a really long sword. I assume he's the final boss.
And there's the other chick that nerds argue over because her name is different in certain regions that the game was released.

She's also killed at some point in the story. Despite even me knowing that, that can still get you moderated apparently...
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specialkid8
05/11/19 8:51:47 AM
#12:


narutocrap
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AlisLandale
05/11/19 9:02:32 AM
#13:


Spoilers below

Theres this company named Shinra. They like succing all the mako out of the planet to power their industry.

Mako is sort of like if gasoline was also a giant soul.

You play a couple of terrorists who want to stop Shinra from succing the planet off. Theres a big climactic battle at Shinra HQ...

But Shinras CEO is already dead! dun dun dun!

Turns out nobody gives a shit about Shinra, now the story is about Sephiroth and how he used to be from an alien race called Ancients who were screwed over by humanity. Sephiroth wants to blow up the world.

So you and your rag tag team of losers, but mainly just Yuffie because she is best girl, travel the world chasing Sephiroth.

Eventually you get to Sephiroth, but before the final battle, Cloud and Tife bang each other while everyone else watches them. This happens and is canon.

Then you kill Sephiroth.

The end.
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SoraOwnsOctopus
05/11/19 9:05:34 AM
#14:


Yeah, everyone watching Cloud tittyfuck Tifa is canon. And that is hilarious
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Kitt
05/11/19 9:11:56 AM
#15:


but before the final battle, Cloud and Tife bang each other while everyone else watches them. This happens and is canon.


SoraOwnsOctopus posted...
Yeah, everyone watching Cloud tittyfuck Tifa is canon. And that is hilarious


Wat.
I wasn't aware that anyone in those games are capable of love, let alone sex. Especially sadboi Cloud.
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SoraOwnsOctopus
05/11/19 9:14:11 AM
#16:


The director literally said in an interview that Cloud and Tifa canonically had sex right before the final boss lol
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The Popo
05/11/19 9:15:05 AM
#17:


Kitt posted...
I wasn't aware that anyone in those games are capable of love, let alone sex. Especially sadboi Cloud.

Thats nothing. A mad scientist really really really really wants the lion and flower girl to fuck as he watches.
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SoraOwnsOctopus
05/11/19 9:16:00 AM
#18:


I hope that scene where Hojo forces a lion to fuck Aeris is in the remake.
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SoraOwnsOctopus
05/11/19 9:22:09 AM
#19:


Cloud also gets fucked by 7 guys in a brothel so he can get sexy underwear from them to put on and pretend to be a girl and infiltrate a mob boss's mansion.

This is real >_>
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AlisLandale
05/11/19 9:37:11 AM
#20:


sadboi Cloud


This is actually a pet peeve of mine. Cloud does start as an angsty dork but he become a pretty well-rounded, likable guy throughout the game.

But ever since they started doing all those spin-offs and movies they regressed his character to who he was in the beginning of the game so they could appeal to all the angsty weebs who never grew out of the cringiest level of their emo phase in high school.
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SoraOwnsOctopus
05/11/19 9:37:59 AM
#21:


Yeah, Cloud isn't really emo in FF7, just in the spinoffs
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Tyranthraxus
05/11/19 9:40:24 AM
#22:


Kitt posted...
So Cloud is an eco-terrorist? That makes a lot of sense actually.

Cloud is hired muscle. Barrett is the Eco terrorist.
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Ruvan22
05/11/19 9:54:36 AM
#23:


Kitt posted...
The Popo posted...
A spiky-haired man with a 50 lbs sword, black man with a gun for an arm, bartender with giant jugs, flower-selling girl who really wants the D, lion who is sometimes old and wise while sometimes has the mentality of a 5 year old, toy cat riding a stuffed white monster, kleptomaniac teenage Asian ninja with a wooden leg, retired failed astronaut with a penchant for swearing, and a man who had numerous experiments done to him against his will and sleeps in a coffin fight against a man with a 40 foot long sword over a black stone that summons a giant rock while an evil corporation tries to drain all of the energy from the planet.

You have the option to ride a roller coaster.

I like this description more.


Couldn't it also be summed up as "A black man with a gun for an arm says "We didn't come back for your spiky headed ass!!" ?
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The Popo
05/11/19 10:04:45 AM
#24:


Ruvan22 posted...
Kitt posted...
The Popo posted...
A spiky-haired man with a 50 lbs sword, black man with a gun for an arm, bartender with giant jugs, flower-selling girl who really wants the D, lion who is sometimes old and wise while sometimes has the mentality of a 5 year old, toy cat riding a stuffed white monster, kleptomaniac teenage Asian ninja with a wooden leg, retired failed astronaut with a penchant for swearing, and a man who had numerous experiments done to him against his will and sleeps in a coffin fight against a man with a 40 foot long sword over a black stone that summons a giant rock while an evil corporation tries to drain all of the energy from the planet.

You have the option to ride a roller coaster.

I like this description more.


Couldn't it also be summed up as "A black man with a gun for an arm says "We didn't come back for your spiky headed ass!!" ?

Too vague. You could just as easily be describing an episode of the Price is Right.
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Live action Hungry Hungry Hippos though, now that was a sport. ~Aeon Azuran
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codey
05/11/19 10:08:17 AM
#25:


Ok, I really didn't care about the remake because it's an ARPG, but this topic has reminded me of cross dressing cloud and now I have to see it.
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coinstarcad
05/11/19 10:09:46 AM
#26:


Guy feels bad because the main bad guy is laughing at him. Then he kills the bad guy.
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k debonair
05/11/19 10:10:46 AM
#27:


Kitt posted...
Especially sadboi Cloud.


See, here's the thing: In FF7, Could was a chad. He's confident, highly-skilled, speaks his mind and stands up for his friends. He has a goofy sense of humor and dgaf what anyone thinks about it. He has no problem being around women and doesn't get all awkward.

Only in the other games/media is he this snot-nosed emo. I dunno why they did that to his character, but in FF7 he's a cool dude and an awesome main character.
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Ilishe
05/11/19 10:16:40 AM
#28:


FF7 has great mini games too.

Cloud is only ever really himself in 7 and sort of in Tactics.
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Laserion
05/11/19 10:21:48 AM
#29:


The Popo posted...
spikethedevil posted...
Yuffie doesnt have a wooden leg....

AAAARRRRR, MATEY!!!

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk...

gJ8vnK7
That's chain mail. At least you didn't call her leather-armored arm "a cast/broken arm".
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The Popo
05/11/19 10:36:57 AM
#30:


Laserion posted...
The Popo posted...
spikethedevil posted...
Yuffie doesnt have a wooden leg....

AAAARRRRR, MATEY!!!

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk...

gJ8vnK7
That's chain mail. At least you didn't call her leather-armored arm "a cast/broken arm".

Nah. Wooden leg, supported by a chastity garter belt. In Wutai, a healthy baby is celebrated by having the left leg chopped off at age 2. Its canon. Canon.
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spikethedevil
05/11/19 11:30:09 AM
#31:


The Popo posted...
spikethedevil posted...
Yuffie doesnt have a wooden leg....

AAAARRRRR, MATEY!!!

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk...

gJ8vnK7


https://giphy.com/gifs/fantasy-final-cloud-UCD9bVBagMnHW

@The_Popo
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Nazanir
05/11/19 11:41:10 AM
#32:


Bad guy has mommy issues, so he hates the world.

Good guy is a whiny little bitch because he isn't who he thought he was.

Evil corporation is evil.

You have an awkward moment in a spa.
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KogaSteelfang
05/11/19 11:50:28 AM
#33:


Giant alien tick attaches to the earth. Ancient people scab it over by bleeding the earth. Current day people think the tick is an ancient person, and implant it's DNA in people turning them into monsters. One of these people inherits its desire to go to space, so he summons a giant meteor he intends to spear through the earth and he'll hop onto it and surf it to another world.
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The Popo
05/11/19 12:03:18 PM
#34:


spikethedevil posted...
The Popo posted...
spikethedevil posted...
Yuffie doesnt have a wooden leg....

AAAARRRRR, MATEY!!!

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk...

gJ8vnK7


https://giphy.com/gifs/fantasy-final-cloud-UCD9bVBagMnHW

The_Popo

Yep, she got it fixed by then.
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Lairen
05/11/19 12:09:00 PM
#35:


"My swords impossibly big and my hairs impossibly spikey"- Cloud

"Im overrated as fuck!"- Sephiroth

"My tits are so big its funny but the graphics make em look silly and theyll be reduced when the graphics are better. Thats my only notable trait." -Tifa

"I just run the fuck off by myself!"- Aeris

"I suck"- Vincent

"I suck more"- Cait Sith

"Recruit me without a guide! Lol!" -Yuffie
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Ruvan22
05/11/19 1:30:52 PM
#36:


The Popo posted...
Ruvan22 posted...
Kitt posted...
The Popo posted...
A spiky-haired man with a 50 lbs sword, black man with a gun for an arm, bartender with giant jugs, flower-selling girl who really wants the D, lion who is sometimes old and wise while sometimes has the mentality of a 5 year old, toy cat riding a stuffed white monster, kleptomaniac teenage Asian ninja with a wooden leg, retired failed astronaut with a penchant for swearing, and a man who had numerous experiments done to him against his will and sleeps in a coffin fight against a man with a 40 foot long sword over a black stone that summons a giant rock while an evil corporation tries to drain all of the energy from the planet.

You have the option to ride a roller coaster.

I like this description more.


Couldn't it also be summed up as "A black man with a gun for an arm says "We didn't come back for your spiky headed ass!!" ?

Too vague. You could just as easily be describing an episode of the Price is Right.


Apparently I need to watch more Price is Right o.0
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#37
Post #37 was unavailable or deleted.
Zerocide
05/11/19 1:54:26 PM
#38:


The Popo posted...
spikethedevil posted...
Yuffie doesnt have a wooden leg....

AAAARRRRR, MATEY!!!

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk...

gJ8vnK7

O.o
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spikethedevil
05/11/19 2:27:30 PM
#39:


Zerocide posted...
The Popo posted...
spikethedevil posted...
Yuffie doesnt have a wooden leg....

AAAARRRRR, MATEY!!!

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk...

gJ8vnK7

O.o


Her leg isn't wooden lol.
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Zerocide
05/11/19 2:39:13 PM
#40:


spikethedevil posted...
Zerocide posted...
The Popo posted...
spikethedevil posted...
Yuffie doesnt have a wooden leg....

AAAARRRRR, MATEY!!!

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk...

gJ8vnK7

O.o


Her leg isn't wooden lol.

Okay, that's good to know lol. From the artwork it sure as hell looks like it is.
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divot1338
05/11/19 2:41:15 PM
#41:


The Popo posted...
A spiky-haired man with a 50 lbs sword, black man with a gun for an arm, bartender with giant jugs, flower-selling girl who really wants the D, lion who is sometimes old and wise while sometimes has the mentality of a 5 year old, toy cat riding a stuffed white monster, kleptomaniac teenage Asian ninja with a wooden leg, retired failed astronaut with a penchant for swearing, and a man who had numerous experiments done to him against his will and sleeps in a coffin fight against a man with a 40 foot long sword over a black stone that summons a giant rock while an evil corporation tries to drain all of the energy from the planet.

You have the option to ride a roller coaster.

Tell me more about the roller coaster.
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Deedice
05/11/19 2:49:38 PM
#42:


The Popo posted...
spikethedevil posted...
Yuffie doesnt have a wooden leg....

AAAARRRRR, MATEY!!!

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk...

gJ8vnK7


The leg isnt wooden
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MortimerBrewstr
05/11/19 3:29:09 PM
#43:


The Popo posted...
A spiky-haired man with a 50 lbs sword, black man with a gun for an arm, bartender with giant jugs, flower-selling girl who really wants the D, lion who is sometimes old and wise while sometimes has the mentality of a 5 year old, toy cat riding a stuffed white monster, kleptomaniac teenage Asian ninja with a wooden leg, retired failed astronaut with a penchant for swearing, and a man who had numerous experiments done to him against his will and sleeps in a coffin fight against a man with a 40 foot long sword over a black stone that summons a giant rock while an evil corporation tries to drain all of the energy from the planet.

You have the option to ride a roller coaster.


I think Cloud's swords would weigh way more than that. Also, I thought Yufie just had one long sock. It seemed like in the later renditions she had normal legs, but I like the way you nailed down Vincent's character.
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KogaSteelfang
05/11/19 3:44:48 PM
#44:


Zerocide posted...
spikethedevil posted...
Zerocide posted...
The Popo posted...
spikethedevil posted...
Yuffie doesnt have a wooden leg....

AAAARRRRR, MATEY!!!

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk...

gJ8vnK7

O.o


Her leg isn't wooden lol.

Okay, that's good to know lol. From the artwork it sure as hell looks like it is.

Her arm is like that too. Must be some kind of covering
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