Board 8 > Your partner asks for sex, but you don't want to. What do you do?

(+) Yeah! (+)

The situation is you have a busy schedule and you and your partner see each other about once a week. Even when you guys have private time together, you don't feel like it. You tell them it will happen at some point.

Mileage will vary of course. My friend told me even when she doesn't want to, she still gives it to her ex because "us" is more important to her than "me". I feel kind of the same way, but I'm curious what is b8's view on this matter. How healthy can a relationship be if there is no sex for a long period of time?
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where is the "lol partner" option
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where is the "i'm basically always horny so why the fuck would i say no" option
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if hand can be partner, I would vote for that too
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all this voting talk is making me hard
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My dick gets limp a lot so its really a question of its not possible. But I can fuck her with a dildo.
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StartTheMachine posted...

where is the "i'm basically always horny so why the fuck would i say no" option

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My partner is horny most, if not all the time, but still doesn't want to give it
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bummer
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For those who can relate to the scenario raised in this topic personally, was there anything you tried that was effective in getting your partner to be more sexually active with you, even when they are tired or "not feeling it"?
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Sometimes, not as an obligation or a favor or anything though. But usually there's other ways to be sexual that are fine alternatives. If you want sex and can't do anything else unless you get it, then you're just incompatible. You def shouldn't try to make them give it to you.
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D. Put it in
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Even if I'm not feeling up for or not "prepared" for going all the way, I'll still usually do oral since that's always simple and quick enough.
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mnkboy907 posted...

Even if I'm not feeling up for or not "prepared" for going all the way, I'll still usually do oral since that's always simple and quick enough.

Yea, they don't even feel motivated for oral
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I dunno I'm married we have sex regularly.

If you're partner gives you the "I have a headache" excuse try this

When they get into bed toss a bottle of tylenol their way.
"What's this for?"
"Your headache"
"What headache?"

"OOOHHH YAAAAA" strip naked and jump them

Probably only works once
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Some people aren't as sexually active as others.

Try to get them to open up about their sexuality. Maybe try to fulfill a fantasy that your partner has.
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How about you give us your partner's number and we'll talk to them if you won't
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charmander6000 posted...

Some people aren't as sexually active as others.

Try to get them to open up about their sexuality. Maybe try to fulfill a fantasy that your partner has.

The catch is it's an open relationship and they are getting action elsewhere. I asked them about it and they said it wouldn't be any different if it weren't open, stuff happens when they're "in the right place at the right time" kind of thing. There was more going on between us previously, but ever since they started school and more bowling leagues, not much has happened
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Well if it's an open relationship you can always find someone else to help satisfy your needs while still being with this person.
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Are you in an open relationship because you both want it to be, or is it more they wanted it and you're just accepting it?
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charmander6000 posted...

Well if it's an open relationship you can always find someone else to help satisfy your needs while still being with this person.

That's what they told me, but I don't have the time to go look for other people and really just want it from my partner

mnkboy907 posted...

or is it more they wanted it and you're just accepting it

This. I accepted it to keep them happy. I used to think I found my life partner, but I don't know anymore
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I'm getting divorced now over my struggles to accept an open relationship. I thought I'd eventually learn to accept it, but all it does is make me uncomfortable. Like, I'm not jealous as much as I have rather severe anxiety over diseases. For a while I convinced myself I was asexual to justify why I wasn't having sex with my partner anymore, but it was really just discomfort with our entire situation.
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@OliviaTremor I believe that there's a relevant meme but i can't think of it
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seems like he's sucking bigger dicks than you so he don't want none of what you got
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Are open relationships just destined to fail?
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barreldragon88 posted...

Are open relationships just destined to fail?

Not really, but they are more complicated. You have to take more people's feelings into account.

There is more to relationships than sex, even if it is a big part of it. What else attracts you towards your partner? If it's just sex then maybe you are looking for the wrong thing with him.

The lack of time spent together can be an issue. A couple hours a week isn't much, especially for someone who isn't waiting all week to get some.
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barreldragon88 posted...

charmander6000 posted...

Well if it's an open relationship you can always find someone else to help satisfy your needs while still being with this person.

That's what they told me, but I don't have the time to go look for other people and really just want it from my partner

mnkboy907 posted...

or is it more they wanted it and you're just accepting it

This. I accepted it to keep them happy. I used to think I found my life partner, but I don't know anymore

Sounds like sex is the least of your problems, and they are YOUR problems not theirs
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barreldragon88 posted...

Are open relationships just destined to fail?

it depends on the personality type I think, but personally, after being in one I have to say I'll never do it again. Monogamy just feels so much better
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not to laugh at your misfortune but

lol this topic holy shit

I can't help myself
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The thing with an open relationship is it's more than just sex. If you or your partner just needs more sex, there are plenty of outlets for that. Swinging and escorts and all that stuff our parents used to do in the 80s. An open relationship is when you're actually seeking emotional attachment to other people, where sex is involved or otherwise. That requires a massive understanding and communication among everyone involved. Not just "well I guess they'll have sex with other people occasionally".

barreldragon88 posted...

really just want it from my partner

Like this is 100% incompatible with just the sex sharing, let alone the emotional aspect of open relationships
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MariaTaylor posted...

not to laugh at your misfortune but

lol this topic holy shit

I can't help myself

Don't worry it's a hypothetical question
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Why does she still give it to her ex
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barreldragon88 posted...

Are open relationships just destined to fail?

I think they just shouldn't happen unless both people are genuinely completely fine with the idea.
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Though if they're going to work, I very much believe that it requires a strong level of communication from both partners. So if you're having these feelings but think you can't or shouldn't talk to your partner about them, then that's potentially a big problem right there.
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We provide for each other in pretty much everything else aside from sex (as of late), and I do feel happy when I'm with my partner. The not-seeing each other much each week bums me out. They either have tournaments to go to or work to do or wants time alone. I keep being told I need to find a job

paperwarior posted...

Why does she still give it to her ex

It's weird with them. They broke up, but still love each other very much
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MariaTaylor posted...

not to laugh at your misfortune but

lol this topic holy shit

I can't help myself

Gamefaqs = dead bedrooms apparently
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mnkboy907 posted...

Though if they're going to work, I very much believe that it requires a strong level of communication from both partners. So if you're having these feelings but think you can't or shouldn't talk to your partner about them, then that's potentially a big problem right there.

We did have a talk yesterday. I didn't end up asking everything I wanted to in hindsight, but we did clarify a lot. I want to make it work between us, so I'm letting time be the final judge

And wow, b8 is very sexually-giving
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Each relationship has its pros and cons. It's up to both (or more) sides to work together to lower the cons. Communication is key.

Are you a strict monogamous or do you think you can try poly? One of the pros for poly relationships is that they can add balance to each other. Again communication with all parties is key so don't jump in too quickly.
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And regarding the emotional attachment piece, they are only attached to me. It's all physical outside of us. I think if we can just go back to how it was before he got super busy, we would be good
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charmander6000 posted...

Each relationship has its pros and cons. It's up to both (or more) sides to work together to lower the cons. Communication is key.

Are you a strict monogamous or do you think you can try poly? One of the pros for poly relationships is that they can add balance to each other. Again communication with all parties is key so don't jump in too quickly.

I don't know, never tried poly. I'm a jealous person, so probably wouldn't work out?
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foolm0r0n posted...

Don't worry it's a hypothetical question

at this point I would really hope so. there's no way anyone as oblivious as the TC actually exists, and so this must be an intentional joke topic... right...?
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MariaTaylor posted...

at this point I would really hope so. there's no way anyone as oblivious as the TC actually exists, and so this must be an intentional joke topic... right...?

Some people have outrageous devotion to their partner, which lets them do stupid things they're not completely comfortable with that destroy the relationship in the long run. It's pretty normal! It's somewhat ironic because the devotion that lends them to being such good monogamous partners is what ultimately leads them to try less monogamous situations.
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barreldragon88 posted...

charmander6000 posted...

Each relationship has its pros and cons. It's up to both (or more) sides to work together to lower the cons. Communication is key.

Are you a strict monogamous or do you think you can try poly? One of the pros for poly relationships is that they can add balance to each other. Again communication with all parties is key so don't jump in too quickly.

I don't know, never tried poly. I'm a jealous person, so probably wouldn't work out?

Your partner is already doing it, are you jealous? You can also go poly with mono people.
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barreldragon88 posted...

The situation is you have a busy schedule and you and your partner see each other about once a week.

If someone doesn't want to or can't have sex more than once a week I break up with them.

Whatever the root cause, it really is that easy when it comes to basic compatibility issues
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I was once the one who often denied my partner sex and yeah, it was just because I wasn't feeling the relationship much anymore. That isn't to say I didn't feel strong emotional attachment, because I did, and I really enjoyed our time together. But I would try to avoid sex as much as possible. I just didn't feel like it anymore. And that opened the door for a lot of inner soul-searching and I realized it was a direct consequence of my desire to end the relationship. I was a wuss too and constantly tried to make my partner feel better by saying I just wasn't feeling it, or that I didn't want to have sex, or that I was tired, or really anything. I was having sex about once every two weeks near the end and I dreaded it most of the time.

The fact this is an open relationship, your partner is very much horny, and still refuses to have sex with you is worrying, and I'd think it's a symptom of emotional detachment. But that's only based on my own experiences.
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Yea, I also suspected emotional detachment, and that's where I wish I asked more questions around during our talk yesterday. They wanted me to think otherwise
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Well you should continue to communicate. Maybe after a couple of days...
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barreldragon88 posted...

We provide for each other in pretty much everything else aside from sex (as of late)

How when you don't have a job or other interests or anything else going on in your life?

barreldragon88 posted...

And regarding the emotional attachment piece, they are only attached to me

nah
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foolm0r0n posted...

How when you don't have a job or other interests or anything else going on in your life?

Monetarily, no, but that was never an issue. I do have other interests and am focusing on finding a job and learning on the side
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