Board 8 > Sign up to be a ruler in my Crusader Kings 2: Holy Fury game (with write-ups)

(+) Yeah! (+)

IfGodCouldDie posted...

6 kids happened lol

Best answer lol. In CK2 terms, I wasn't sure at the time what triggered the event for her since previously I'd only seen it on men who join a holy order. But having played a little more, I realize there are some new events that can let a person choose celibacy

Tom Bombadil posted...

aw

Yours is next!

handsomeboy2012 posted...

How old was my character when he died? Sad that he didn't get a proper send off.

He was 44. I wonder who had it out for him, since he was fairly well-liked by all his vassals. I still have a bunch of saves (I don't really savescum, but I don't play on Ironman mode, so I always feel like I might as well save just in case). I might go back and see if I can "catch" someone during the act, just out of curiosity. And yeah, sorry for losing the pics. :( Actually... if I do have an old save, I might be able to find a pic of him just before he died so you can see what his traits were.
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I heard there's a event where someone with lots of kids can become celibate. Giving birth is hard and is more dangerous when a woman gets older, maybe she simply had enough.

Gonna upload piecemeal for a bit so I don't run out of material right away.

@Tom_Bombadil
KING TOMBOLO THE FOWLER
b. February 9th, 815
r. August 18st, 837 December 5th, 872

Alright, here we go. Tom wanted me to play this character peacefully, focusing on infrastructure and religion. So there may not be a lot of conquest happening. I also dont think a peaceful character would go raiding. So for now, Im going to play the way you play character who cant raid. Time to build marketplaces! Luckily I have a lot of money from Dad Ormrs treasury (I was just about to go raiding again when he died)

Since Tombolo was the Chancellor before, he needs a new one and the best one in the realm is his wife. Haha. Usually I hate having your spouse be a councilor, but thats for metagame reasons. Sara wants to be a Chancellor and Tombolo likes her quite well, so I let her have the job.

Im going to have the Steward oversee construction. its not an option I take often, but I think it fits the type of work Tombolo will be doing. Hes gonna build up Nidaros into a proper economic city. Likewise, I sent the Spymaster to research technology in Constantinople.

Tom is worried about his brother Kanzaris not eating properly and not getting much sleep. But because of his high diplomacy, hes able to give some polite advice.

Damn it, Kanzaris! I tried

Since Tom Bombadil wanted me to play this guy as focusing on religion I took the Theology lifestyle and already Im raking in some good traits. I lost Cynical almost immediately, unsurprisingly.

Id like to take a moment to appreciate this amazing woman, my court bard. Shes a Strong, Brawny Giant, but shes Blind and shes my court poet. You go, girl!

Tombolo raised a Runestone to stand in memory of his father, King Ormr.

I wanted to sway my wife to make her like me a little more and it turns out Tombolo has the best idea out of anyone so far just fucking ask her whats on her mind. Unsurprisingly, Sara then became pregnant. >_> I dedicated the next harvest festival to her. Shes very popular with the public, maintaining a cheerful demeanor and always smiling at everybody. And Tombolo is also attracted by the sight of his wife, and this time I let him indulge his desires and he became Lustful. Welp. Hopefully he doesnt have 20 kids now!

Im now trying to sway my brother Kanzaris. Some of the options to say here (which are decided on your traits) are sorta lolworthy. one of them is it is rare to have such a charming host as myself because Tombolo is Attractive. Another one is because hes Lustful and he hints that hes been offering his brother some whores. I just picked the high Diplomacy option, as it was the least awkward.

I had my second son, an Attractive boy who clearly got it from his father. Like I did with Kanzaris, this will be named after the next character, but its just a what if kid, and hopefully not the real one. Thus his name is Wynn, but the real Wynn should hopefully be Kanzariss son.
---

It's a tradition of this dynasty to name children after their uncles/aunts, apparently

Ok, you've piqued my interest! I'd like to sign up if there's still room left (if not, no big deal).

Preferred name: Elias
Okay to be female?: Yep
If yes, preferred female name: Emilia
Role-playing preferences (optional): None

I can't promise I'll get to your character, MetalmindStats, but I'll put you on the list just in case.

~~~

This game has really been giving me a lot of boys. >_>

Denmark just took a lot of land that used to be mine lol.

Tombolo has been partying with his friend, Chieftess Astrid of Nordland. He almost slept with her, but hes in love with his wife, so I said no. Unfortunately, it made him depressed.

Wynn wants to play with me today! This 2 year old kid already has a 3 in Diplomacy and then after playing with him, he got a 4.

I got the Book or Falcon event, and Tombolo seems like a book kind of guy, so I had him read the book, but it was super boring and full of bad poetry, so he went to play with the new falcon instead. He loved the falcons and its now one of his favorite pastimes.

Luxury clothes are trendy at the moment and since Im a proud, wealthy, attractive guy, I dont mind introducing some new fancy fashions to keep the courtiers busy.

My cook complained about my sons temper again. Kanzaris punched a kid in the face again. I tried to encourage him to be more patient, but it didnt work out. Hes still Wroth.

Tombolo has a courtier who practices Catholicism, but he is an open-minded fellow and sees the value in other religions. He believes we are more alike than we are different. He has sympathy for Catholics.

Kanzaris is really doing his best to reject everything I teach him. Hes also become Shy, and when I tried talking to him about making some new friends, he didnt do it. Hes still shy.

Sara is pregnant again, but also feeling a bit gloomy. I bought her something nice to cheer her up. This time the child was a girl! She probably wont inherit, but in case the unspeakable happens to both Kanzaris and Wynn, I named her Alany so it comes back to Drakeryns choice of name.

Tombolo visited the Temple of Maere where he felt the spirit of Odin permeating through the air.

Wow! The game pulled a fast one on me. Tombolo went into meditation for a week and his regent was left in charge. Then the faction leader who wanted to lower tribal authority was allowed to have her way because my regent was part of her scheme! I immediately fired my regent, of course (my fathers old friend Holmger), as well as taking away all of his and the faction leaders honorary titles.

My brother Kanzaris thinks Ive been eating too much! Funny coming from a guy who used to starve himself

Son-Kanzaris is being a bully to his own brother Wynn, who then came to me for help. I had to punish Kanzaris for being a bully. However, I can do something nice for Kanzaris. I noticed he has a friend, a girl named Katarina. Shes 2 years older than him and with pleasant traits: Honest, King, Gregarious, Just. Shes Holmgers granddaughter, but shes a nice girl. Maybe if they get married, the rift between our families can be healed.

Ive spent a lot of money on improving the capital. I switched my focus to Business to learn more about making money. Son-Kanzaris is following in my footsteps and he became Diligent.

OH SHIT. Son-Kanzaris got Rabies! Thats not something you recover from easily in real life, let alone in this game hes dead. RIP Kanzaris.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1565807715

Well, the heir is now Wynn. Ill name HIS child Kanzaris/Alany. Wynn is betrothed to a Strong girl named Helena who is being taught by Tombolos friend Bertil, the Chief of Oland. Not sure what Helena is doing there as her mother is Chieftess of Wermelandia
---

RIP Kanzaris
---

Oh, I forgot! I did go back to a previous save and get a picture of Ormr before he died. Here's him with some of his more noteworthy murders:

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996413

Also, I think I know who killed him. I couldn't get them to reproduce it, but I realized he had a lot more rivals than I thought. >_> When he killed Glod the Monster, the woman he conquered and then who was conquering too much land within Norway, he made enemies of all her relatives (she's not on my kill list, I think because her servant was the one to poison the wine even though I ordered it? Or maybe she is on the list and I just missed it.)
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Eerieka posted...

Wow! The game pulled a fast one on me. Tombolo went into meditation for a week and his regent was left in charge. Then the faction leader who wanted to lower tribal authority was allowed to have her way because my regent was part of her scheme!

That's a pretty cool event, never had that happen to me before.
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rip kan :(
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CybrMonkey posted...

That's a pretty cool event, never had that happen to me before.

I hadn't either. I think it might be new to Holy Fury? I'm pretty sure I've had scheming regents before and that never happened.

Drakeryn posted...

rip kan :(

His death shook up the order, but I eventually got a Kanzaris on the throne.

~~~

The event chain in which you buy an inn and fix it up triggered. I like to think Tombolo went walking through the forest grieving the death of his son when he came across it and is now using this as a distraction from the cruelty of death.

After kicking out the vagrant, patching up the holes in the roof, and cleansing the most offensive odors, its time to name the tavern! I named it The Mead Fountain. I put in 20% salt with the meal, which I believe is the ideal amount, but I didnt double check. I hired a eunuch castrado singer to provide the entertainment, but unfortunately he was incredibly bad. At least the salt trick worked! I sold off the inn for a nice little profit and gained 2 Stewardship from the experience.

I noticed that Brother-Kanzaris, the King of Sweden, is having a rough time of life. Hes in four wars right now. Hes doing alright in them, but he himself has taken a beating including losing a leg. Also, his heir is my son Wynn although he has kids of his own, but through concubines so maybe they dont have the vote of the vassals.

I may have fired Holmger from being regent, but hes still the best Marshal, and he did some good work. hes been bolstering the army, though under Tombolos rule, the army hasnt done shit. At least we have defense! Holmger did wage his own war through, so the territory is expanding a little. Specifically, hes reclaiming land that used to belong to Ormr before the split, and which Kanzaris of Sweden let fall into enemy hands.

Wynn is also shy, but I talked to him about making some friends, and he actually listened! Good kid!

Ooh, I triggered the immortality event. Theres like a .0.01 percent chance itll work and I could actually die from it, but I kinda like to see what will happen. I havent played a super Diplomat character in a while so Im curious what the diplomacy route will be. Also since my chancellor is my queen, Sara, it makes the even a little more interesting because part of his idea was he wanted to live forever with her. Anyway, the search was fruitless, but thats probably the best scenario since sometimes this can lead to an early death.

Oh yeah, and Sara is pregnant again lol. I had an Attractive daughter who probably wont inherit anything so Im not worried about naming her after one of the users here. Tombolo thus named her after himself, and she is Tomboletta.

Now Brother-Kanzaris thinks Im too thin! Come on, brother Hes also now in 6 wars and getting his ass kicked. >_>
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Eerieka posted...

Now Brother-Kanzaris thinks Im too thin! Come on, brother Hes also now in 6 wars and getting his ass kicked. >_>

What an arse. Getting his ass kicked so he's gotta talk shit lol.
---

Tombolo was inspecting the buildings in Nidaros and thinking of ways to improve them in case the town was ever under siege. He asked his friend Bertil for advice. He had some ideas and now itll be a little cheaper to build things in Nidaros. Ive built up the economic buildings as well as I can for now, so I improved the war camp for when my heir takes over because Tombolo wont be going to war lol.

Sara is pregnant again! She craved a hares head this time. This kid has no chance of ever inheriting, I hope, so I just named him after Saras father, Hakon the Spider (err, the kid was named Hakon. Not Spider. Thats just his nickname). Also, poor kid has a harelip.

Wynn has a habit for wild parties! Im fine with either of the traits you get for allowing it.

My Steward wants to organize an expedition to exotic lands. This is a good money-making opportunity and it often leads to the character becoming friends with a foreign ruler. It costs money, but I have enough to make the most of it. I bought the merchant ship legitimately. Tombolo wouldnt resort to hiring bandits to steal it. However, he WOULD ask the clergy to accompany him to spread the word of Odin (metagaming, this is usually a bad choice if you dont want to piss off the person youre trying to befriend). We set sail for Wales. Okay, not as exotic as I was thinking. Also awkward, because Ormr definitely raided the shit out of them. >_> the Count of his province is a member of the Benedictine Order. Im not sure how well the gift of a dozen strong warriors would realistically go over, so instead I give him a chest of quality cloth from home. During dinner, my steward is stuffing her face like a pig, but I was able to convince the count that this is just her acting in accordance to our religious traditions. Then the godis that I brought with me are arguing with the Catholics. Since I am sympathetic to the Catholics, I tell my godis to stop. It made my Seeress angry, but then she converted a county to Germanic, so shes alright. I made a profit of about 100 gold when all was said and done, plus bolstered the economy of Norway.

Alany called one of the courtiers fat, but I scolded her and told her that honesty has its bounds. Meanwhile, Wynn spends all his time reading the Sagas. What a bright child! I wanted Wynn to get a little more military training, so I sent him to Holmger who will hopefully make him stronger.

Tombolo woke up one day and decided it was time for a new project. Time to become a gardener! This event is a little more expensive, so I may not be able to take all the best options. I adorned the garden with statues of the gods. It has a modest fountain, not the crazy expensive one that flows with wine. I did import some exotic flowers since they were cheaper than I expected.

Hes also struggling with whether he wants to be a hedonist like his friend Bertil who is now a cannibal. Yikes! I dont want to be like him!

Wynn came of age and his military training paid off. He is a Brilliant Strategist with Battlefield Terrain Master. Of note, his wife Helena is also a Brilliant Strategist, but she has the Holy Warrior trait.

My wife Sara has really been letting herself go recently. She became fat, but with my high diplomacy, I was able to convince her to go on a diet. In celebration of our mutual love and respect, I constructed a romantic pavilion in my garden. Tombolo likes to see things flourish! Hes become a Gardener.

I could mint some new coins, but its a little expensive after all the money I put into the garden. And Tombolos not the kind of guy who would debase the currency for a quick profit!

Alright, the Business Focus has paid off, and now its starting to make Tombolo stressed out. Time to take a step back, relax, just go spend time with your family.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566115457
---

I dont know what the FUCK happened, but I just found out that my Seer is some dude with 6 Learning and theres literally no one else in my court whos any better. Tombolo has plenty of piety, so he hired some holy men to join his court. Also, he needs a fucking physician.

Wynn and Helena had a son. The game wanted to name the boy after Tombolo, but since Kanzaris got Rabiesd, this gets to be the new one.

I met Odin!
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566115474

Wynn caught syphilis! Oh, and I forgot to hire a court physician after hiring all those holy men to my court, so thankfully the game let me point at the one Id made into my seer and select him. And good timing too, because it provided the new physician/seer with enough time to ask for better medical supplies. Then a week later Tombolo came down with the flu

I invited a guy to my court with the highest Intrigue I could find on a Germanic just for the sole purpose of raising some of my kids. Interestingly, the guy has a Harelip and the son I want him to raise, Hakon, also has a harelip. I think theyll get along.

Well thats awkward. I was looking at Sweden-Kanzaris for a second to see if Wynn was still his heir (he is) when I noticed that his wife was pregnant! I watched a while longer and she gave birth to a boy! And it was a bastard oops. Poor Kanzaris. Also, that woman has had 4 Attractive kids now and the girls are all known as the Heavenly. It think thats going a bit overboard. For instance, look at this other woman, my vassal. She should have her heavenly nickname revoked!
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566115526

A woman claiming to be a volva wanted to join my court. Im curious if this will lead anywhere, so I allowed it.

Welp, Tombolo was forced to go to war! Rebels popped up in Finland. And then they were killed by one of my vassals while my ships were carrying the army on their way.

An artist wanted to paint a grand picture of my father, King Ormr. I paid for it, of course.

What the hell? A Catholic just raided me. What is this, Soviet Russia?

Holmger finally passed away. RIP you Giant bastard, you.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566115507

As Tombolo and Sara reach their 50s, they grow every more deeper in love. They both received an eduation in Diplomacy, so they have common interests and are able to help each other with problems. When Tombolo has looked at a problem all day and cant find a solution, sometimes Sara gives it a good look with a fresh pair of eyes and offers a new solution. Being in love also helped him lose his Stressed trait!

Time to train the new Kanzaris. Immediately the kid is torturing rats behind the stable. Ive never actually taken the third option, the pray for his soul option, but that is what I want to do. Reason being is that I want Kanzaris to be Cruel for the intrigue bonus, but I cant imagine Tombolo would want to encourage his grandson in that way.

Tombolo hosted a party and he invited his friend Bertil, now known as The Drunkard. Also I think Bertil may be a devil worshipper. Hes Possessed, Drunkard, Hedonist, Hunchback, Frail, and Cannibal. Yikes.

Tomboletta grew up and has meh stats. I matrilineally married her to a Strong boy hoping shed make some Strong babies for my realm.

Kanzaris got bitten by a snake this morning! (Do snakes even live in Norway?) *googles* Apparently so!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_amphibians_and_reptiles_of_Norway
Oh man, I love their Norwegian names. Fear the Slettsnok! Huggorm is made for hugging!
---

Bertil forgot to invite me to a party, but I dont want none of what that crazy fucker is offering anymore, so I just let it be.

That Heavenly woman I posted a picture of earlier is up to no good again. She murdered the Harelip guy I hired to raise my son Hakon (that guy was also my spymaster, to be fair). I tried to arrest her, but she escaped and raised her flag in rebellion. Unfortunately, Tombolo is a lover, not a fighter. He lost his hand, but captured the woman who swung the sword that did the deed. (Real talk, I couldnt find the button to prohibit yourself from leading armies, which was moved during the readjustment of profiles for Holy Fury. But I didnt think Tombolo was in danger since I had other commanders leading the army. >_> FYI, I did find the button again, so it won't happen again.)

Wynn had a daughter who was born Strong, but also born Lunatic. I named her Alany so that if her brother Kanzaris also dies, she still has a chance at being Drakeryns character.

Kanzaris has become Deceitful, and at this point I hand him off to Hakon the Spymaster to complete his education in Intrigue.

Oh no! Poor Tombolo. He has PTSD from his time at war. Hes been having terrible nightmares, and now hes depressed.

Okay I have a confession to make. Tombolo hasnt been entirely pure. Ive been plotting to kill my nephew, Hrafn, one of the sons of King Kanzaris of Sweden. Why? Because there was a short period of time when Kanzaris was ill and Hrafn was the regent. And in that time, Hrafn became the heir to the Kingdom of Sweden! I didnt want that taken away from Wynn, so I plotted to kill him. Well, someone blabbed about it and now Kanzaris hates me. But wait Kanzaris just sacrificed Hrafn to please the gods? So I guess it all works out in the end.

King Kanzaris approached me one day after the sacrifice with a suggestion: he wants to marry his daughter Gyda, and Attractive girl, to my grandson Kanzaris. Yes, this would be incest. But Kanzaris can also take concubines if hes worried (also, I just realized that hes homosexual). So itll be alright.

I was looking at Kanzariss page, thinking he was getting old and sick. One legged, he had an infected wound hes fucked. Hes gonna die soon, and Wynn will become king of Sweden. As I was looking at it, though Tombolo died! RIP. He officially died of depression all because of that PTSD event, which would never have happened if I had found the damn button that kept him off the front lines. :(

Tombolo at death:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566115538

Wynn at succession:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566115569

My heir Kanzaris:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566115579
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;_; I had a good run before that at least!
---

He had a pretty happy life compared to some others. He actually had a wife who loved him!

~~~

@Pirateking2000
KING WYNN IRONSIDE
b. February 25th, 840
r. December 5th, 872 March 9, 899

First thing Wynn plans to do is reconquer the land that got taken by his siblings. >_> Ill let Uncle Kanzaris keep Sweden since hes basically on his deathbed and Im his heir anyway. Luckily, with all the building Tombolo did, I am able to raise a lot of warriors!

Ooh, I got another event to get a battle trait, and Organizer is on the list! By itself, Organizer is great, but Wynn got Battlefield Terrain Master when he became an adult and was raised as a Brilliant Strategist. Those two traits are powerful together.

So now King Kanzaris died of his infected wound and the ruler of Sweden should be me, right? No, its Gyda, the woman who is betrothed to my son, Kanzaris. Okay? Sure, I'll deal with it later.

Wynn repeatedly questioned his servant about the locked mausoleum beneath the castle, but it wasnt until today that he found the key, hidden inside a rotting chest in the oldest castle tower. Inside the tombs dusty passageways, he found an empty stone coffin which bore the inscription Wynn Boardeight. And naturally, the motherfucker gets inside it (Is this the Cthulhu event? It seems similar, but I don't remember this beginning.)

Since that incident, he has felt uneasy. He took a walk along the coast to clear his mind and found a small village where the people claimed to worship the Old Ones, Gods older than even those of the Germanic faith. They invited me to join in their rituals and showed me a dusty of grimoire written by a mad Saracen. (Okay, so this is a Lovecraftian event. Ive seen one similar to this as a Lunatic character before, but I think this one is different)

Wynn studied the grimoire and has learned much knowledge. He devised a ritual to awaken a powerful Old One where he sleeps, dead but dreaming, in his watery tomb beneath the ocean. The cult has prepared. Wynn put on his robe and wizard hat (theres an old reference I havent thought about in a long time.)

The cult gathered for the ritual on the shore of a black and stormy sea. The chanting begins and in the depths of the dark waters, something stirs

(If I select the option to have this be real, Wynn will die. I mean I JUST got control of him. Also, my heir is some rando kid that King Kanzaris had, not my own son Kanzaris. If it were my son, Id do it and say Ill be Wynn later. But thats not the case, so instead Ill say this was a dream and let Wynn live.) Anyway, the rest of this story is like the Call of Cthulhu, except it was all a dream. Wynn dreamt of slamming his boat into Cthulhu, but its okay, he was just dreaming! However, he is convinced it is real, and he saved them all! He has become a Godslayer.
---

I conquered my siblings with ease, and then had to imprison my own brother Hakon because he was plotting to kill me.

Time for raiding! Oh, and Kanzaris grew up. I handed him off to my spymaster just before he came of age so that hed learn some more Intrigue. He managed to become an Intricate Webweaver.

My sister Alany (who I just conquered and has a -100 opinion of me) has the Family focus and just invited me to hang out. I not-so-politely declined.

Wynn was hosting a party for some dignitaries one night when the full moon comes into view. He hurriedly excused himself, ran to his bedchamber while stripping off all his clothes, and then went out to his balcony to howl at the moon. AAAAAOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Alright, Norway needs to get bigger somehow, and Denmark is starting to squeeze me in. I will kill Denmark one day, of course, but that day wont be today. I need to eat smaller enemies first. So now Ive set my eyes on the British Isles and some of the little islands above it only to find out that Orkney and Shetland are already Denmark lol. Well, Faroe Island can be mine! And the top of Scotland! I know I can also do a prepared invasion, but Im gonna save that for later maybe.

I keep having spymasters die and no one in my court is any good, so I went to the character searcher to invite people to court. I invited a 23-Intrigue genius. That made me realize that I wanted more geniuses in my game, so I invited a few others to my court and married them to people so they would have more genius babies. One of them, Ylva, is absolutely phenomenal. Shes already a shieldmaiden, too. I made her the Chief of the recently-conquered Caithness, Scotland. Oh, and I made her my Chancellor and a Commander as well. Shes just that good.

Oh Jesus, I got a popup about the mass conversion of Denmark and now all of Denmark is Sunni! What the fuck, Holy Fury.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996434
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Wynn is having the wildest reign.

Killing Cthulu and howling at the moon and...the sudden Sunni CULTURE popping up in fucking Denmark!
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Eddv posted...

Wynn is having the wildest reign.

Killing Cthulu and howling at the moon and...the sudden Sunni CULTURE popping up in fucking Denmark!

Wynn did have a pretty fun reign, gotta admit.

~~~

You know what I just said about Prepared Invasions? I think I can do this against Denmark now that theyve become Sunni hmmm. Whats the worst that could happen, huh? Ill be fine, Im sure

Wynn's mother Sara just died of depression. Guess she couldnt handle life without her dear husband.

Oh man, prepared invasions are so hype. Every few days, I get a popup about more people wanting to flock to my banner. I also got some great new commanders with Holy Warrior. Perfect.

Oh right, I was also plotting to kill the Queen of Denmark. Well, that happened, and should only make the invasion more successful.

While I was waiting for more dudes to appear and fight against Denmark, this woman apparently decided she needed to take over some land in Italy? Okay, thanks.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996451

Alright, the time has come! I think I have more troops who came after being summoned than Denmark has in its whole army lol. Well, lets do it! Time to reclaim this land for the proper Germanic gods!!!

Oh jeez, the war just started and Im already one-eyed and wounded after a fight. Maybe I should let the soldiers handle this one (I pressed the little red button to make Wynn not fight)

The King of Denmark is the previous queens 7 year old son who was converted to Sunni during the mass conversion. However, apparently not all his vassals were. As such, a lot of his vassals hate him due to being an infidel and having a short reign. Good news to me, as it means he cant raise as many vassal levies. And hell, his tribal people wont answer the call.

This war is actually really stressful because Denmark has some many little scattered lands all over the place and I keep thinking oh shit what if hes hiding over there?

I just realized my vassal in Iceland doesnt have boats so his troops are just hanging out there wishing they could attach to my troops lol.

Finally his main army reveals itself! A solid 6000 men came across Aland island. I rallied my troops and gave chase. Wynns wound healed and his Battlefield Terrain Master + Organizer is amazing for chasing down enemies, so I put him back on the frontlines and he became a Berserker! He also became Uncouth at some point lol. Dude cannot be assed to clean and dress himself after walking and fighting in mud for days.
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Eerieka posted...

Dude cannot be assed to clean and dress himself after walking and fighting in mud for days.

What do you want? For him to stop bathing in the blood of his enemies long enough to do basic self care?
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Eddv posted...

What do you want? For him to stop bathing in the blood of his enemies long enough to do basic self care?

Hahaha. No! Not at all! I'm all for him being an insane battle-crazy asshole!

~~~

Im just grabbing the last few pieces of land I need when Wynn decides to be insane. He sure as FUCK wouldnt pick Cessation of violence.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996466

PANTS
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996484

WYNN IS A WYNNAR

Before: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996512
After: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996529

TIME TO FUCKING REFORM
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996569

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996586
YAAAA FOR TYR! AND ODIN AND THOR AND FREYJA AND LOKI AND BALDUR AND ALL THOSE OTHER GUYS

Oh god look at all this land I have. I need to create some proper Germanic vassals and give it away.

The next five minutes:
Count Shithead has joined the existing Defensive Pact opposing Wynn Boardeight!

Also I decided to move my capital to Scania since it has a lot of subholdings and I think itll be a better location for future conquest needs. From there, I can easily get ships south, east, and west. Ill hold onto the Duchy of Nidaros for a while since I build up that city nicely and it has a lot of warriors who can be raised there.

Another event similar to the PTSD one. The top option will actually kill you. Wynn seems like the kind of guy who would just want to punch someone, so by Odin, he did it!
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996608

So my heir this whole time has been some fuck named Strykar (cool name, but not Kanzaris). And Ive been trying to figure out how to get Kanzaris as my heir. I wasnt sure how the Meritocracy thing with the reformation would go, but you still need to have Primogeniture or something similar in order to select your heir, so I still have to do all that shit. Anyway, just as I was about to wonder how the fuck Im going to get Kanzaris as my heir before Im able to go feudal (I have to wait like 15 years before I can click a button which will let my vassals VOTE if they want to allow absolute authority Wynn is 47 so he might live long enough, but the guy is already insane, one-eyed, has great pox) but anyway, problem solved! Strykar died in battle against a literal peasant. Welp.

The Queen of Sweden Gyda died and now the country is ruled by Ormr II, grandson of the Ormr I played as ages ago.

I had to go to war with Austrasia because they somehow got a piece of land in Norway. I dont know how. In the meantime, I captured a Duke! I am now 145 gold richer, and that helped pay for a Runestone! Dedicated to myself of course, because Wynn is pretty awesome. Oh, and a Lunatic therefore the Runestone was a monument to his insanity.

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996629
Wynn, proud son of a holy union between Odin, a wild mare, and three forest gnomes, paid Oleifr handsomely to carve these runes. With his flying longship and its crew of twelve singing rabbits, Wynn earned his fame by sailing across the Norse lands solving crim. May the Shining Tentacle preserve us all.

A-fucking-men.

Okay, something odd happened. So Queen Gyda, the old Queen of Sweden, was ALSO Queen of Finland. When she died, the title went to her son Hrothgar. Recall that Gyda was married to Wynns son Kanzaris. Hrothgar was a 7 year old boy, so he had no heirs. He was murdered, and then apparently his own dad was the next heir. So Kanzaris, my heir, is currently the King of Finland. Got it? Good. (And the King of Sweden is my cousin Ormr II). I mean, all in all, its in the hands of House Boardeight.
---

Of course my guy somehow ends up getting the attention of the Old Ones, gets tangled up with lovecraftian wackiness, then proceeds to punch out Cthulhu. Good lord he's amazing. I am loving Wynn's Wild Ride.

Also, what a badass Runestone.
---

Pirateking2000 posted...

Of course my guy somehow ends up getting the attention of the Old Ones, gets tangled up with lovecraftian wackiness, then proceeds to punch out Cthulhu. Good lord he's amazing. I am loving Wynn's Wild Ride.

Also, what a badass Runestone.

Haha, yeah, some characters just come out special like that, and Wynn was determined to be special. He did achieve quite a bit from my perspective too, such as the Germanic Reformation and the switch to feudalism.

~~~

Also, my own son joined the Defensive Pact against me. :(

I killed some adventurer and some rebels and have a few prisoners. Time for a Blot! One of my vassals was still Sunni, but he offered gold to be exempted from the blot. Some of my Suomenusko vassals did not pay, however. (Including a chieftess named Titti, lol). Prisoners were hung, feasts were eaten, fun was had by all who attended (except the prisoners) The Jarl of Viken vomited over Sveinn, a new jarl who I promoted because he spawned to come fight for me against Denmark. We caught the genius chief of Joensuu fucking a serving girl.

I was about to go raiding in the British Isles, but I noticed it was plagued with Camp Fever. I dont want any of that, so I went down to the lands around the Bay of Biscay instead.

While raiding Brittany, Wynn found a strange chest made of an unknown metal. Try as they might, they havent been able to force the chest open and its contents remain a mystery. It has been deposited into his care for the time being.

Welp, my daughter Alanys genius husband died. Then she had a baby, which the game told me was his so I figured she must have just been pregnant before he died. Only no she eloped with a notorious mercenary. Makes me wonder if the husbands death had been accidental. And then Alany died anyway because the childbirth had been too difficult for her.

In Wynns insanity, my poor Chancellor Ylva got GLITTERHOOFD

While raiding, I tried to take revoke the land of a 4 year old Sunni vassal (he was in my de jure duchy, so I guess I got him from Denmark, but I dont know why that land didnt become directly mine.) Anyway, he refused, so I sent my army to beat him up and forgot to turn them off raid mode. Then I chased them into Sweden. Whoops.

Someone else is now the King of Finland and Kanzaris isnt, so he came back home? I dont know anymore.

Its another year before I can switch to Feudalism, and then god only knows how long before I can switch to Primogeniture and everyone is voting for my sister Tomboletta now. I may have to kill her Okay, I did it. I murdered my sister. Im sorry, Tomboletta! I couldnt have all the vassals voting for you instead of Kanzaris. This would be the third Kanzaris to not make it!
---

Eerieka posted...

Its another year before I can switch to Feudalism, and then god only knows how long before I can switch to Primogeniture and everyone is voting for my sister Tomboletta now. I may have to kill her Okay, I did it. I murdered my sister. Im sorry, Tomboletta!

Well well well - guess you shouldn't be do confident about who is and isnt inheriting things eh
---

kanz is just always out to spoil my fun >:\
---

Eddv posted...

Well well well - guess you shouldn't be do confident about who is and isnt inheriting things eh

Yeah, I kinda figured there would be a moment or two of inheritance trouble. Usually it's not a problem for me because I don't care if my heir is my character's son vs some distant cousin. As long as it's not game over, it's all good to me. But of course, I want the named characters to get their due here.

Tom Bombadil posted...

kanz is just always out to spoil my fun >:\

Hahaha. To be fair, I didn't expect much from that Tomboletta. I was mostly trying to fill the name pool to see if I'd find more Tombolettas in the future.

~~~

Some time ago, my Marshal found out rumors of a relic and he searched for it, but died before he found it. My Steward has now returned with an arm of an ancient hero. I wonder if its the same one I lost a long time ago.

I got to Absolute Tribal Authority and then remembered I need to upgrade my fort lol. And since I recently moved my capital oops.

PEOPLE KEEP VOTING FOR ANYONE NOT NAMED KANZARIS. I just murdered a 12 year old boy for fucks sake!

WHAT THE FUCK KHAZARIA JUST TOOK OVER SWEDEN. Well, I dont have time to deal with that. Im watching my fort get built so I can become feudal and fix this god damn succession crisis before Wynn dies!

Okay, if I just switch to regular gavelkind or ultimogeniture for now, I think I can select my heir, and no one gets to vote! I might go with ultimogeniture for the lulz since Ive never chosen it before. Also, not like it would matter since Kanzaris is my only living child. But first I have to make all my vassals like me Not as hard as it sounds. Most of my vassals love me. Some will need money thrown at them. And if nothing else, I can also make ducal titles and bury the problem children under someone else.

Okay, I clicked on ultimogeniture and the game automatically wants my grandson to rule. By grandson, I mean the kid who Alany had with the merc captain before eloping and then dying because it was such a rough pregnancy. Erm, no. But oh, oh! I can click on a little crown next to Kanzaris and select him to be my heir! All thanks to Meritocracy! Thank you to everyone who voted for Meritocracy!!! Youve helped Kanzaris finally claim his rightful title.

Okay, NOW we have to kill Khazaria (I almost spelled it Kanzaria because Ive been typing Kanzaris so much)

Oh shit, I forgot how drastically things change when you become feudal. I have waaaay fewer troops than I did before, and I cant call tribal vassals anymore. Oops. Aaand, every mercenary band worth a shit is already hired out.

AHHHHH I DIED. RIP King Wynn Ironside. Long Live King Kanzaris!

Wynn at death: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996652
I love how Wynn's death focuses on the one trait that never actually came into play.

Kanzaris at succession: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996667

And his wife: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996695
---

@Drakeryn
KING KANZARIS THE LEGENDARY
b. January 15, 859
r. March 9, 899 February 1, 915

Alright. I think Im gonna try this whole renaming thing. Kanzariss youngest child is my heir under ultimogeniture, and shes only 3 which means I can rename her and select her as my heir. She has a Harelip, but thats fine. Shes a lovely little girl. I dont know if Kanzaris and his wife Berengaria will have any more kids considering they are BOTH homosexual, but theyve had two already soooo I dunno. Whatever! Ingibjorg, I hereby rename you Amana.

I have a kid in my prison and I can banish him for 1947 gold. o_O (It was the Sunni 4 year old who I beat up a while ago)

Kanzaris is also spying on some random jarl for reasons unbeknownst to me, but Im fine with it, if thats his hobby. Since hes an Intrigue guy, Ill probably have him focus on other targets later.

Now that Im feudal, I can take the search for a physician option. I found a drunkard with 21 Learning. Alright, lets see how he does.

Almost immediately after Kanzaris became king, some Suomenusko chieftess on the other side of Khazaria asked if I would please not kill her and shell convert to Germanic. Uhh, sure? Her two whole provinces converted and now Kanzaris gets the title of the Legendary. Thats awesome, but also I feel somewhat undeserved lol.

One of the most expensive merc bands is available to purchase, and with the money I got banishing that Sunni kid, I might as well make the most of it!

Right now the enemy is 3300 men strong. My mercs are 3600, and my army is 3900. It looks like the enemy can be baited into fighting the mercs, so Im gonna do that, and then have my real army crash into them with my super awesome commanders.

Im currently swaying the Queen of Sweden, my cousin and the woman married to my son and the woman subjugated under the Khagan of Khazaria. I got an event about how we can meet under an armistice or I could honor the bravery of her troops. Poor girl. I know she doesnt want to fight for him.

The Crusader Age started! Which is actually excellent for me because I think it means we Germanics start getting Holy Orders as well.

Christ while Im dealing with this Khazarian bullshit, my fucking vassals decided to throw a hissy fit about the succession crisis and theyre trying to force some fuckface who was elected (prior to Wynn switching to ultimogeniture) to be the king. AND ANOTHER ONE

UGH. It sucks, but I cannot deal with Khazaria right now. I have to punish my troublesome vassals. I was able to white peace with them, which is fucking rare in this game. Its usually win or surrender.

Some stupid vassal wanted to duel Kanzaris. He had -2 combat skill and I have 38. Good fucking luck, buddy (to be far, I remember when Ragnarr Lothbrok lost to a -5, so I dont know how good these numbers are). Yep, I got wounded. Figures.
---

Eerieka posted...

Kanzaris is also spying on some random jarl for reasons unbeknownst to me, but Im fine with it, if thats his hobby.

sounds accurate

yeahhh legendary
---

One of the pretenders was brought back under control because Kanzaris fucking assassinated him. I wanted to plot to kill him, but it wasnt gonna happen, so I paid to have it happen. Luckily I had 1000 gold sitting around. Thanks, little Sunni boy! I DID however, then spy on and plot to kill the fucker, Dyre, who tried to put that pretender on the throne. I made up rumors that he likes to diddle little boys. Eventually the plot succeeded and he died in a carriage accident.

Kanzaris has a LOT of prisoners from all these wars. Frankly theyre all getting gutted in the next blot for all he cares. He got an urge to torture some of them, and so he did it. Many a prisoner was sent to the rack so he could hear their sweet screams of mercy.

Kanzaris needed a better spymaster BADLY so he went to the character finder and looked at who would be willing to come to court. The best spymaster? A guy named Tombolo? Why yes! A grandson of good ol Tombolo the Fowler from his son Hakon. I dont think I gave him the name Tombolo, so it must have been the AI pulling a lets name him after granddad. Ive seen the game do that repeatedly until 400 years later Im looking at a long-lost descendant of someone I named back in generation 2.

Amana asked Will I rule one day? If you deserve it, you shall! But remember, my girl, you are my heir because I selected you so you must impress me, because I can just as easily select one of your older brothers or sisters.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996715

Oh jeez, so the person I sent Spymaster Tombolo spying on was trying to put his (Tombolos) dad Hakon on the throne. Awkward.

Kanzaris dueled and killed one of his MANY rivals, then dug up his skull and put it on his mantelpiece. :)

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996733
I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS, FYLKYR

Like, I really want to do it. But this isnt a good time for me!

Amana pulled a Bran Stark as well and fell off the tower. :\ She lived, but shes wounded.

Wow. My Chancellor tried to get Kanzaris to join the Fellowship of Hel, but I didnt really want to deal with that while Im waging 3 fucking wars. I DID want to join them eventually as Kanzaris, but todays just not a good day! And then the Fylkyr excommunicated me! Excuse me? Fuck you too, buddy.

Welp, Kanzaris got Cancer. Jesus this poor guys life has been one massive clusterfuck.
---

Kanzaris is in trouble
---

(in which I learned how to spell Fylkir)

Im STILL at war with the fuckers who want to put Hakon on the throne. Hell, Hakon will probably die before they fuck off. The Great Holy War for Khazaria didnt happen because the Fylkir picked the worst god damn time for it. Now Khazaria is fighting itself, lead by my cousin Sif, the new Queen of Sweden. I hope the rebels there win.

Now the Fylkir wants to holy war Saxony. Well, you excommunicated Kanzaris, so I doubt hes gonna be in a big hurry to help you, asshole.

GOD DAMN IT now my Spymaster Tombolo died. Keep in mind Ive been trying to kill his dad this whole time! Why take the son and not the father?

My cousin the Queen of Sweden has become a Catholic, and this whole revolt thing is actually a Catholic vs Tengri thing. Yeah nah, Ill stay out of it... for now... (I'm coming for you later)

Amana grew up. Since I was so distracted with stuff, I couldnt give her a proper education. Im sorry, my sweet daughter

I was almost finished with the war. I just had to reclaim a bunch of land they took and Kanzaris died to cancer. RIP, you crazy asshole. I was looking forward to have you murder all the people in your dungeon. To think you never knew a day of peace for your entire reign. The entire god damn time was a succession crisis.

Kanzaris at death: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996796
I like that the screen focuses on the fact he was a delightful poet and not the fact that he spent EVERY MOMENT MURDERING, ASSASSINATING, AND WAGING WAR

Amana at succession: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1566996820
I like how the portrait with the helmet wasnt designed with Harelip in mind, so she has a normal mouth lol
---

Man is there no end in sight for all of this war?
---

Just caught up, whew that was riveting. Wynn's arc is my favorite so far.
---

Caught up as well.

Glory to the Godslayer. RIP Wynn, craziest mother fucker in Valhalla.
Respect for the Legendary. RIP Kan, join the fun in Valhalla

They killed good.
---

Ya go my mirror!
---

Glad you're all enjoying it! :) I know I have been, and forcing myself to roleplay certain ways has let me try some new tactics.

~~~

@Mega_Mana
QUEEN AMANA THE LEGENDARY
b. February 8th, 896
r. February 1st, 915 April 11, 956

Her betrothed is some random genius boy that Kanzaris found in a jiffy because he was too busy murdering people to actually find something suitable.

I had her take the Theology focus. No reason, really, just she seems like a really nice girl and I dont want her to be a crazy warrior like her ancestors.

Amana also met Odin!

Amanas brother said he would make a better Seer than the current one (he actually said hed be a better Seeress since the current one was female lol). I let him take the job, and then IMMEDIATELY Amanas genius husband said yeah, no, IM better. Oh yeah, I forgot to take a picture of him. This is Bertil, Amanas husband. Im swaying him so that maybe we can fall in love one day.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1567600491

Amana has spent many days in meditation, resolving to be a better woman. Also, she made sure her regent wasnt some asshole who was going to pass laws that she doesnt want.

Shes pregnant! This is her first child, and shes concerned about doing something wrong. She has become a better woman through prayer, so she tried praying for the childs good health. Bertil also made a huge sacrifice to Freyja this year hoping it would help her deliver a strong child.

Shes spent many months reading the Sagas, containing the ancient wisdom of the gods.

The baby wants something different today. I ate a quails foot. I also need to order some new dresses as I get wider The baby is a Clubfooted girl. I named her Jan in preparation for her being Bloodychesss character, but I dont really want to play a war character with a clubfoot, so if I have a healthier child later, I may select them. I let the wet-nurses breastfeed her.

The Jarl of Iceland has been talking behind my back, and now hes stealing from the treasury! I threw him in jail.

Some more heathens want to see the light of Thor, so I converted them and also got the title of The Legendary. Alright, unless I want all my characters to have the same damn title, Im going to stop doing that.

Jan is growing into a talkative and cheerful girl, but Mama is worried about what caused her foot to be twisted. And just then, I became pregnant again. This may be the heir.
---

The Catholic Queen of Sweden, Sif is apparently Amanas friend. I was about to declare war on her lol, but I dont think Amana would do that to her own friend.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1568044581

Bertil dispatched some maids to distract me from the pregnancy. Shes Gregarious, so she loves talking to them and relaxing. The child was another girl. A healthier one, but still a girl, so I cant very well name her Pete Persnickity, so Ill name her after the next girl on the list, Denji.

My physician died. I hired a man named Hrolfr who was a godi at a local temple. He is schooled in formal medicine and has served in several sick houses, but hes a little overzealous and insane. Whats the worst that could happen?

I held a great blot to clear out my dungeon and gain some piety. The Jarl of Iceland was still there, so he got hanged, too.

Amana finished her goal of becoming a paragon of virtue which WOULD have gotten her the title of the Holy I think, which would have been nice. At least something different than what her predecessor had. Anyway, Im gonna declare some various holy wars just to improve the authority of the Germanic religion. If the Fylkir wants to call a Great Holy War, I would join. But this one isnt as stupid as the last one who declared wars at the worst possible time.

Amana got the Book or Falcon event and she seems like a poetry type of girl, so she read the new book and it filled her with inspiration! Amana is a poet!

A sailor was steered off course while traveling to Iceland and he discovered America!

Amana had another girl, who was healthy. I just gave her a random Norse name.

Amanas been depressed ever since feeling like she was a blasphemer for not being as strong a believer of the gods as some other people are. Hrolfr thinks he has a cure for depression, however. What could it be? Whatever it was, it worked! She woke up with a big smile on her face the next morning.

Jan was caught torturing rats. I prayed for her soul (in truth I want her to be cruel, but Amana would want her to be good). Shes also very Brave. Shes been playing some daring games with other kids.

Welp, now Amana has cancer Hrolfr is a good physician though, and his treatments have been successful, so she may still live a long life.

Amana is not personally raiding as she is sick, but shes sent strong Viking men out to loot. And what did we find? The key to that mysterious chest! What was inside? Just a few old scrolls that crumbled to dust as I touched them. Just my luck (And apparently you dont have to personally raid. Amana became a Viking just because people knew she was the leader of the raiders. Unless she IS in the raid somehow... I don't think I clicked the "do not join army" button. >_>)

Pregnant again, and this time my husband Bertil surprised me with a collection of assorted presents in my room! Aww

This ones a boy! And hes healthy, so Ill name him Pete Persnickity and name him my heir.
---

Eddv posted...

Man is there no end in sight for all of this war?

Eerieka posted...

This ones a boy! And hes healthy, so Ill name him Pete Persnickity and name him my heir.

---

Eerieka posted...

RIP, you crazy asshole. I was looking forward to have you murder all the people in your dungeon. To think you never knew a day of peace for your entire reign. The entire god damn time was a succession crisis.

I love how accurate Kan's whole story arc was
---

Bloodychess posted...

Indeed. :)

Drakeryn posted...

I love how accurate Kan's whole story arc was

I think I've been quite fortunate in being able to roleplay the way people want me to. Sometimes the game says 'fuck you' and makes the character into something else. Although it helps that several people wanted me to play a warmonger because that allowed me to build a strong empire right away so other characters can fuck around later. I wished Kanzaris had some peace because I wanted to try out mechanics such as sneaking people out of jail, but he never had time for that.

~~~

A small kitty is demanding my attention, so I let her follow me home.

While looting, my men found some good thralls. I had them sent back to Scania since I have a lot of building to do there. I need to make it into a proper capital.

I gave Hrolfl some money to write a medical book (which was a huge success! Everyone loves it), and then I gave money to some woman in the British Isles to promote our religion. Some time later, I was invited to their lands (Bath) to see how it was faring.

Welp, my own husband just went and became an adventurer hoping to get his own land. Fuck you, too. He was in the middle of raising Denji and was my seer, but nah, go do you. Asshole.

Anyway, I finished my journey to Bath. I was welcome with open arms, and the woman Id given money to fed us a magnificent feast and provided us with lovely entertainment. Unfortunately, as I looked around at her people, I found they were Germanic in name only.

So I, Erika the player, really want to go to war with Sweden. Their clay is rightfully mine! I want to form the Empire of Scandinavia, and that wont happen any time soon until I conquer them. However Amanas best friend is the Queen of Sweden and I know she would never fight her own friend. But oh! Whats this? The Queen is fucked!
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1568044581

I may be able to take those lands sooner rather than later. (Literally like 2 days after I took that picture, she died. RIP, my friend Sif.) I got an event about grieving her loss. I dont want to risk becoming a drunkard, and I dont like losing friends, so I took the option to have Amana lock herself in her room and be depressed. Im sorry, Amana. :(

As I went raiding, I was thinking about how I would conquer Sweden. I could take it piecemeal in holy wars. I was hoping the Fylkir might declare a great holy war. And then as Im thinking about it, the Jomsvikings formed! Theyre the Germanic equivalent to the Christian holy orders, so theyll be a big help.

Alright, time for me to educate Prince Pete Persnickity. Hes gonna be a war boy, but Amanas not much of a war lady, so Ill hand off his education once hes a little older.

My husband told me Im getting fat. Wait, my husband? Im still married? Oh yeah, he went off and conquered Innsbruck and Landeck. Whatever, dude. He wants an alliance, of course, which is fine.
---

This topic has been a joy and inspired me to play some Pruthenian Romuvans in the viking age
---

<3 Glad I've inspired you, Eddv.

~~~

YEAH! PETE PERSNICKITY IS 7 AND ALREADY PUNCHING FACES

Amana was approached by a friend who is worried he is being poisoned. Wait, I looked at my friends list like 2 second ago when Sif died to see if Id lose anyone important, and this guy was not on that list. Who the fuck are you, again?

I married Jan off to a Strong Blind guy. By married off I mean invited him to my court as a Matrilineal marriage because we need more members of House Boardeight. Im going to name their first son Denji just in case anything weird happens.

Pete is Cruel now, too. Hes shaping up to be a proper warrior!

Oops, Italy is trying to wage a holy war against my husband. Guess Ill join him. Its not going well after Italy hired some holy warriors of their own. I bailed after the Knights Templar came marching down.

My cat died. :( RIP, kitty.

Omg, Im getting ass fucked. I declared my holy war on Sweden, but then she calls in Saxony who has a ton of money and hired all the holy orders. Maybe I need to declare non-holy wars. Ugh, she was willing to accept a White Peace. Fuck you. Next time Ill do a non-holy war. :|

Amana was writing poetry one day well, trying to. It wasnt going well. She was probably still mad about all the lost wars. A new poet appeared in the castle yesterday and so she invited him in by asking if he could improve her poetry.

I tried finding a woman for him to marry, but there are no congenital traits hanging around. I then invited some geniuses and strong people to my court in hopes theyd make more geniuses and strong babies.

Jesus right after I got my ass whupped by Saxony, the Fylkir decides he needs to declare a Great Holy War on it. Alright, lets get fucked again

Yep, lets pretend that didnt happen. (It did, but we wont speak of it.)
---

Ugh, Im not sure what I can do. I gotta conquer SOMETHING. You dont get stronger in this game by sitting on your laurels. For some ungodly reason Sweden is able to hire 7000 men in its current war even though the king is a hundred ducats in debt.

Aww, poor Amana mispronounced a vassals name because of her harelip. As someone with a bit of a lisp in real life, I just ignore it. If someone cant understand me, Ill repeat myself, but Im not ashamed of it or anything. Nothing I can do about it.

Okay okay. The King of Sweden no longer has a buttload of hired troops. Is it time? I hope so. I will declare a war on him which doesnt involve religion, so hopefully nearby Catholics and the holy orders cant get involved. Ill take him out piecemeal, I guess.

My daughter Denji died of snakebite. Wonder who had it out for her? But its okay because like three days later Pete Persnickity finally found out how to use his penis and now he has a son Denji!

Well, that lame war with Sweden was won. Now to wait until the truce runs out.

I raised a Runestone to speak of me. I employed my poet trait so the Runestone spoke of shining rainbows, glittering seas, and the beauty of the world.

Speaking of poetry, I had some prisoners in my dungeon, so I punished them by having an imbecile child read my worst poetry to them. Funnily enough, one guy I read poetry to was the Count of some land that my vassal was fighting to claim. He got the land a minute later, and so I was able to then banish the poor guy and take his money. I like to think Amana wrote a bad poem about that incident and had the child read it to him as he was being escorted out of the city.

I was just thinking that Amana is getting pretty old when she died! Alas, I feel like I never quite got a good grip on her. I wanted to conquer more land, but wasnt very good at it. She was a poet and a lover of life and family.

Queen Amana at death:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1568044635

King Pete Persnickity at succession:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1568044670
---

RIP Amana the Legendary.
---

Eerieka posted...

YEAH! PETE PERSNICKITY IS 7 AND ALREADY PUNCHING FACES

Eerieka posted...

But its okay because like three days later Pete Persnickity finally found out how to use his penis and now he has a son Denji!

Atta boy
---

Bloodychess posted...

Atta boy

Thanks dad
---

Bloodychess posted...

Atta boy

This threw me for a loop because I phrased something EXACTLY like that in an upcoming segment. I initially thought you were copying it, but I haven't posted it yet! Maybe I was channeling the spirit of Pete Persnickity?

~~~

@Bloodychess
KING PETE PERSNICKITY THE SWORD OF FREY, THE RUTHLESS, WOLF SPIRIT
b. February 11th, 928
r. April 11th, 956 - October 24th, 976

I found out who killed sister-Denji. :\
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1568044693

Alright, Pete. Bloodychess wants me to play him as a Warmonger and with 22 Martial, hes on the right path. Maybe this guy will figure out how to fuck Sweden. First lets finish raiding.

Oh, and heres his wife Bithild. Shes a Strong, Ugly, Possessed woman. Probably the only woman in the world who could live with ol Pete. (Ironically, I actually think her portrait is prettier than a lot of others Ive seen)
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1568044711

Mother Amana had asked her friend Kettil to be my friend and protector after she was gone. Hes my Chancellor, a old man with a love of board games. Hes not exactly the type of man Pete would normally hang out with, but you need diplomacy guys to assist war guys, so I accepted his friendship.

I also joined The Wolf Warriors so I could duel and hone my personal combat abilities. My first duel went well. Didn't get a single scratch.

I became a Viking after raiding some castles.

Holy fuck sometimes I forget what a difference a martial score can make. If I wait a little longer, Pete will be able to raise 2000 more troops than Amana could.

Pete chose to become a Flat Terrain expert since a lot of the lands hell be fighting in Sweden are flat plains.

As usual when someone first becomes king, everyone wants to join factions and fuck him up. Luckily, my spymaster put a stop of one of the more powerful vassals right away by threatening him. Dont fuck with Pete Persnickity, motherfucker.
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Eerieka posted...

I found out who killed sister-Denji. :/

Holy shit, i was going to mention how Pete probably was looking out for his sucession line.

Eerieka posted...

Dont fuck with Pete Persnickity, motherfucker.

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Bloodychess posted...

Holy shit, i was going to mention how Pete probably was looking out for his sucession line.

Even the AI played Pete the way you wanted.

~~~

With all my money from raiding, Pete decided to hire an armorsmith to get some fucking armor. Hes still using the Sword from Heaven thats been handed down in the family for eons, but thats fine. Its genuinely a great fucking weapon lol.

Pete was talking to a mayor who is also a member of the Wolf Warriors, but that guy had no ambition whatsoever. Pete decided he was going to inspire him to greatness by showing off the sigils his family has collected.

The leader of the warriors asked me to duel an 60 year old woman. I beat her, of course, and then afterward she wanted to be my friend and teacher. Alright.

The armorsmith arrived and I asked him to make me the best armor he could make. I got Splint Mail Armor which bumps my martial up another point and my Personal Combat up by 7. Unfortunately Pete is currently sick with diarrhea and cramps, so his personal combat is currently down by 20 from his normal lol.

Ooh, the King of Sweden was excommunicated from the church. Will Christians come to his aid if I do a holy war? Not sure I want to risk it honestly. Well, lets get to it. War time!

Pete is trying to sway his wife, and all he can talk about is war, fighting, his military exploits, strategy and she loves it! Wifey is all into military shit too.

Petes dad just told him that he needs to lose weight. :\ Come on Dad, Im in the heavyweight class in the Wolf Warriors!

I got a warning about a powerful faction. The Jarl of Iceland wants to put some Joe Schmo on the throne (okay, his name is Thorsteinn Grimrsson Alfr, much cooler than Joe Schmo). But like, who the fuck is this guy? His mother was of House Boardeight, but she was married off in a normal marriage. (Tracing his ancestry back further, his great-grandfather was Kanzaris the Legendary. Still, my vassals are gonna throw a hissy fit over this nobody? I dont think so. I looked over my options how to fix this. If they go to war, Ill have to haul my ass to Iceland and wherever else my vassals rebel. If I put my spymaster to work, Im not sure hell be able to stop the Jarl of Iceland because she is BADASS. Like, all her traits are no, fuck you, I WONT stop scheming! I have a lot of money, so I was wondering what the chances of me just straight-up assassinating someone are. Its an option I dont like to pick because it feels like an instant win button, but I have a 100% chance of killing this guy with 0% chance of being caught. And it only costs 50 gold. Excuse me? Is that because hes a nobody? Look, Pete Persnickity is a warrior, true, but hed rather fight outsiders and conquer land than fight his own vassals over land which is ALREADY HIS. Therefore, Im doing it. Fuck you, Thorsteinn.
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