Current Events > My ex did something I think is pretty scummy

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'll assume this is fake, but in the event that this is real:

I've been texting her about once a week to check in and see how things are going, and I would see if she had any interest in getting back together. She really wasn't receptive to the idea, but I explained to her that once she comes to get her s***, I would make one final pitch to her and if she refuses I would stop pestering her about wanting to get back together.

You were bothering her, "pestering" by your own admission, asking her once a week to get back together. She didn't want you. She had no obligation to follow through with your bullshit games, and she had every right to get together with someone else. Move the fuck on.
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Welcome to being emotionally unavailable. We have hot Asian chicks with drug dependencies to have meaningless sex with in the back.
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MrMallard posted...

I'll assume this is fake, but in the event that this is real:

I've been texting her about once a week to check in and see how things are going, and I would see if she had any interest in getting back together. She really wasn't receptive to the idea, but I explained to her that once she comes to get her s***, I would make one final pitch to her and if she refuses I would stop pestering her about wanting to get back together.

You were bothering her, "pestering" by your own admission, asking her once a week to get back together. She didn't want you. She had no obligation to follow through with your bullshit games, and she had every right to get together with someone else. Move the fuck on.

It was more than a one way conversation.

She contacted me several times since the breakup for emotional support about a few bad things that happened in her life, and I was there for her. We were on fairly good terms, and had a couple friendly conversations.

I'm so sorry that I may have been a little annoying about telling her I love her, and just wanting to take two nights out of the 365 nights available in a year, for what is likely the last time I'll ever see her, to show her a good time, which is what she agreed she wanted. What a monster I am.

Flockaveli posted...

Welcome to being emotionally unavailable. We have hot Asian chicks with drug dependencies to have meaningless sex with in the back.

Sign me up.

Yeah I think what she did was somewhat shitty, but I think you should take it as a sign she's not available anymore no matter what you do.
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KhanJohnny posted...

Spam_n_eggs posted...

Flockaveli posted...

Youre that long distance open relationship with a college chick guy right?



Also you never answered my question when you first made the topic:

Is she Asian?

Isnt TC one of those guys who post racist stuff all the time?

And he dares have his feelings hurt? Lmao why can you have feelings and deserve empathy and closure when youre cruel to others because of the color of their skin!?

I'm a racial minority myself so I really doubt I'm racist, but maybe so.

Oh yeah the old I am a Saxon from westfalia and therefore a minority in Detroit shtick huh?

Spam_n_eggs posted...

KhanJohnny posted...

Spam_n_eggs posted...

Flockaveli posted...

Youre that long distance open relationship with a college chick guy right?



Also you never answered my question when you first made the topic:

Is she Asian?

Isnt TC one of those guys who post racist stuff all the time?

And he dares have his feelings hurt? Lmao why can you have feelings and deserve empathy and closure when youre cruel to others because of the color of their skin!?

I'm a racial minority myself so I really doubt I'm racist, but maybe so.

Oh yeah the old I am a Saxon from westfalia and therefore a minority in Detroit shtick huh?

I'm literally not white. I don't know what you people want from me. My conservatism is mostly anti-SJW hysteria and opposition to transgender stuff. If you want to call me a bigot about that, feel free. But I'm at least center left on racial and economic issues.

catboy0_0 posted...

Yeah I think what she did was somewhat shitty, but I think you should take it as a sign she's not available anymore no matter what you do.

I absolutely agree. I think she did what she did out of some twisted concern that I wasn't moving on fast enough. But it's just so completely thoughtless and perhaps malevolent from my perspective.

But I guess I am more likely to move on faster now.

KhanJohnny posted...

Spam_n_eggs posted...

KhanJohnny posted...

Spam_n_eggs posted...

Flockaveli posted...

Youre that long distance open relationship with a college chick guy right?



Also you never answered my question when you first made the topic:

Is she Asian?

Isnt TC one of those guys who post racist stuff all the time?

And he dares have his feelings hurt? Lmao why can you have feelings and deserve empathy and closure when youre cruel to others because of the color of their skin!?

I'm a racial minority myself so I really doubt I'm racist, but maybe so.

Oh yeah the old I am a Saxon from westfalia and therefore a minority in Detroit shtick huh?

I'm literally not white. I don't know what you people want from me. My conservatism is mostly anti-SJW hysteria and opposition to transgender stuff. If you want to call me a bigot about that, feel free. But I'm at least center left on racial and economic issues.

Ok youre Asian got it

Spam_n_eggs posted...

KhanJohnny posted...

Spam_n_eggs posted...

KhanJohnny posted...

Spam_n_eggs posted...

Flockaveli posted...

Youre that long distance open relationship with a college chick guy right?



Also you never answered my question when you first made the topic:

Is she Asian?

Isnt TC one of those guys who post racist stuff all the time?

And he dares have his feelings hurt? Lmao why can you have feelings and deserve empathy and closure when youre cruel to others because of the color of their skin!?

I'm a racial minority myself so I really doubt I'm racist, but maybe so.

Oh yeah the old I am a Saxon from westfalia and therefore a minority in Detroit shtick huh?

I'm literally not white. I don't know what you people want from me. My conservatism is mostly anti-SJW hysteria and opposition to transgender stuff. If you want to call me a bigot about that, feel free. But I'm at least center left on racial and economic issues.

Ok youre Asian got it

I'm not going to divulge my racial background for CE's benefit. I've already let too much personal information out on here tbh. All you need to know is that I'm a person of color. If you want to pretend that that my racial background determines my political views, feel free. I have nothing more to say on the subject, and won't respond to any more inquiries on it. Thanks!

KhanJohnny posted...

Spam_n_eggs posted...

KhanJohnny posted...

Spam_n_eggs posted...

KhanJohnny posted...

Spam_n_eggs posted...

Flockaveli posted...

Youre that long distance open relationship with a college chick guy right?



Also you never answered my question when you first made the topic:

Is she Asian?

Isnt TC one of those guys who post racist stuff all the time?

And he dares have his feelings hurt? Lmao why can you have feelings and deserve empathy and closure when youre cruel to others because of the color of their skin!?

I'm a racial minority myself so I really doubt I'm racist, but maybe so.

Oh yeah the old I am a Saxon from westfalia and therefore a minority in Detroit shtick huh?

I'm literally not white. I don't know what you people want from me. My conservatism is mostly anti-SJW hysteria and opposition to transgender stuff. If you want to call me a bigot about that, feel free. But I'm at least center left on racial and economic issues.

Ok youre Asian got it

I'm not going to divulge my racial background for CE's benefit. I've already let too much personal information out on here tbh. All you need to know is that I'm a person of color. If you want to pretend that that my racial background determines my political views, feel free. I have nothing more to say on the subject, and won't respond to any more inquiries on it. Thanks!

You guys have it so hard. Affirmative action does not benefit you and people expect you to be good at math huh?

Cry me a river

CE is the worst lol
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catboy0_0 posted...

CE is the worst lol

Tell me about it, catboy lol

See instead you should pitch having anal one last time (or first time?) That way you can send her home to her new guy with your load in her ass then forget about her and move on to the next thing.
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Orthopox12 posted...

See instead you should pitch having anal one last time (or first time?) That way you can send her home to her new guy with your load in her ass then forget about her and move on to the next thing.

We had discussed trying anal in the past, and in theory had it planned for her last visit, but she broke up with me instead lol

I'm not that into the idea of it anyway. Seems a little icky.

KhanJohnny posted...

I absolutely agree. I think she did what she did out of some twisted concern that I wasn't moving on fast enough. But it's just so completely thoughtless and perhaps malevolent from my perspective.

But I guess I am more likely to move on faster now.

Okay woah did you ever even once, instead of thinking she was being malicious, she was doing LITERALLY THE EXACT OPPOSITE?
She probably has confused feelings- she was with you a long time. She was probably pretty okay with the idea of spending a few nights with you, just pretending it was good times, pragmatically brought up the issue of sex, and thought this was all something she could do.
Well, that can all be true while shes still living her life on the other side of the country or wherever and along comes some feelings for someone. To me it sounds like she is trying to be honest by letting you know shes seeing someone, not to be cruel, but in fact to be NICE and give you a heads up of this spiel is definitely not going to work because I am now less emotionally receptive. Just because YOU said you knew it wasnt likely to work, doesnt mean SHE knew you knew that. Shes giving you a heads up so you wont get so invested in this plan working that you hurt yourself all over again, but by going and taking it personally you did it anyways.
Heres the fact of the matter- what she does with her life now will have very little, if even a single thing, to do with you. She is not living her life to spite you, she is not making decisions simply to annoy you, she is not going to be thinking of you close to at all. So dont take. Anything. Fucking. Personally. She didnt really owe you anything, and if you truly just wanted to have a good time with her as a last hurrah to the memories of you two then you could still do that but I highly recommend her getting a motel. Just because you are guaranteed to make this awkward and uncomfortable for her and she will probably lose sympathy and become more annoyed and potentially hostile due to youre overbearing sense that she did you wrong.
I literally went through such a closely similar situation recently that I feel you could actually be my ex, hilariously enough.
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Daffadilio posted...

KhanJohnny posted...

I absolutely agree. I think she did what she did out of some twisted concern that I wasn't moving on fast enough. But it's just so completely thoughtless and perhaps malevolent from my perspective.

But I guess I am more likely to move on faster now.

Okay woah did you ever even once, instead of thinking she was being malicious, she was doing LITERALLY THE EXACT OPPOSITE?
She probably has confused feelings- she was with you a long time. She was probably pretty okay with the idea of spending a few nights with you, just pretending it was good times, pragmatically brought up the issue of sex, and thought this was all something she could do.
Well, that can all be true while shes still living her life on the other side of the country or wherever and along comes some feelings for someone. To me it sounds like she is trying to be honest by letting you know shes seeing someone, not to be cruel, but in fact to be NICE and give you a heads up of this spiel is definitely not going to work because I am now less emotionally receptive. Just because YOU said you knew it wasnt likely to work, doesnt mean SHE knew you knew that. Shes giving you a heads up so you wont get so invested in this plan working that you hurt yourself all over again, but by going and taking it personally you did it anyways.
Heres the fact of the matter- what she does with her life now will have very little, if even a single thing, to do with you. She is not living her life to spite you, she is not making decisions simply to annoy you, she is not going to be thinking of you close to at all. So dont take. Anything. Fucking. Personally. She didnt really owe you anything, and if you truly just wanted to have a good time with her as a last hurrah to the memories of you two then you could still do that but I highly recommend her getting a motel. Just because you are guaranteed to make this awkward and uncomfortable for her and she will probably lose sympathy and become more annoyed and potentially hostile due to youre overbearing sense that she did you wrong.
I literally went through such a closely similar situation recently that I feel you could actually be my ex, hilariously enough.

1) I told her I had no expectations of her and that I was fully prepared to except that she might not have a change of heart. It isn't less hurtful for her to bring up another dude. It's more hurtful by far. I didn't want any guarantees from her at all. Just a chance to spend two nights with her and to give her my spiel. What's the big deal if I annoy her few a few hours, concede my defeat, and then progress on with her as friends or something like that?

2) If she is so emotionally unavailable, and wants nothing to do with me, then she should just grow the fuck up and get a motel then. I'll get the message. Don't tell me you still love me, you still want to fuck me, and then throw in my face that you're seeing someone, when all I asked for was two nights to spend with you because I'll never see you again regardless.

3) No she doesn't owe me anything. But a person who claims to care about your feelings, claims they don't want to hurt you, claims they really want you in their life as a friend and don't want to lose you, does not shit all of over your expectations and the low cost finality you want, which is just two nights of their time. I just really don't see what could possibly be benevolent about her actions. I was fully prepared to be somewhat hurt by the final rejection, but I've also been expecting it anyway. Throwing another guy into the mix at this point, when she claims it isn't even serious at all is unnecessarily hurtful.

It's not her prerogative to tip toe around your fucking feelings. Again, she shouldn't even be going over there in the damn first place if she can bring back everything she needs on a flight back. Do both of you a favor, mail that shit and forget about it.
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Smashingpmkns posted...

It's not her prerogative to tip toe around your fucking feelings. Again, she shouldn't even be going over there in the damn first place if she can bring back everything she needs on a flight back. Do both of you a favor, mail that shit and forget about it.

That's just completely false, imo. There is no need to bring up what is essentially irrelevant information, if it will only cause emotional pain. And when you claim to care about someone and want them to remain your friend, you don't cause them unnecessary emotional harm.

She claimed that she's only seeing some dude nonseriously. I'm seeing other women nonseriously too. We were in an open relationship before this breakup.

If it isn't serious, then the only reason to bring it up is to cause me distress.

It's literally not about you. She probably just wants her shit and that's it. You made it weird by keeping on about getting with her. She tried to make it not weird. You pushed on it. You literally did this to yourself.

She may want to be amicable but she doesn't want to be best friends or some shit. Live with it and move the fuck on.
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Smashingpmkns posted...

It's literally not about you. She probably just wants her shit and that's it. You made it weird by keeping on about getting with her. She tried to make it not weird. You pushed on it. You literally did this to yourself.

She may want to be amicable but she doesn't want to be best friends or some shit. Live with it and move the fuck on.

That's false again, based on what she has expressed to me.

I get that it's easy to make big sweeping statements, but life isn't that simple. She has mentioned time and time again throughout this process that she really doesn't want me to stop being in contact with her, and wants me to be someone that she can talk to like any of her friends.

Like I already mentioned earlier, she has even come to me a few times throughout the past few weeks looking for emotional support because of things that went wrong for her. And I was stupid enough to give it lmao.

Bro this girl sounds like a fucking mess.
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Flockaveli posted...

Bro this girl sounds like a fucking mess.

Dude, you are not wrong. She clearly does not know what she wants on some level or has no idea how to break up with someone lol.

But I love the bitch haha. And I'm too indulgent.

You keep saying that all you wanted was to show her a good time for the two days, and also to make a pitch to her about getting back together which you knew shed say no to but you were okay with that, so I guess you just wanted some final monologue as if you were in a movie. Fine, whatever. And you also expected sex, which is a weird expectation from a girl who broke up with you months ago, but apparently she brought it up so I guess if she didnt want that, she wouldve said so.

So if I take what youve been saying at face value, then I dont understand why youre so upset now. Why would the fact that shes just started seeing someone prevent you from having your final date and having the sex you already agreed upon, and saying your piece that you already knew wouldnt change anything? You can still do all of these things and the outcome will be what you claim you knew and accepted it would be. Nothing has changed.

It seems to me that the reality is, you havent accepted that shes not with you anymore. The fact that you expect sex from her when she broke up with you a while ago is a good indicator of that. And your expectation for her visit was that either youd change her mind and shed take you back, or youd put enough doubt in her mind that she wouldnt pursue a new relationship right away, thus giving you more time to find a way to convince her to get back with you. Your insistence that your holding onto her stuff was a nice thing you were doing for her, was actually you trying to maintain some control over her because you knew shed have to come see you again to get it. If it was just something you were doing as a friend, you wouldnt keep bringing it up as evidence of how youve been good to her since the breakup.

Your claim that shes disrespecting you either by having a new partner or telling you she has a new partner, is stupid. You two are supposed to be friends now and friends tell each other about new people in their lives. Shes respecting you as her friend. Shes also respecting your past relationship status by allowing you to have your final date and say what you need to say to her face to face, which most women definitely wouldnt do. You need to be more respectful of her and understand that she is not your girlfriend anymore and she doesnt owe you anything. Shes not denying you your closure at all. Shes denying your not-so-secret hopes of getting back together, which I understand hurts you and I have sympathy, but you need to accept reality and start moving on.

I think you should consider not being friends with her after her visit. Its obviously hard for you to move on from this four-year relationship and talking to her every day is just making it harder. Seeing her with a new partner is going to hurt you. I have a feeling you want to remain friends only because youre hoping to get back with her, not because youre actually okay with being just friends for the rest of your lives as she gets married to someone else, has children, etc. Cutting all ties may be the best thing for you. Think it over.

When she comes to see you, enjoy your time together. Dont be bitter. Its the last time youll see her so leave it off on a good note and be grateful for your shared memories.

holy **** TC you really need to just not see this girl anymore, your infatuation with her is insanely unhealthy
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I didn't expect sex from her. She brought up sex. I also don't talk to her everyday. I've messaged her about once a week for the past few weeks. She has also initiated a few calls of her own volition whoch have lasted hours

I just wanted to show her a good time and say my final spiel before we both go out separate ways forever. We have both been seeing people on the side already so it doesn't even need to be mentioned.

But even now she claims to not be exclusive with this dude and also claims it isn't even serious. If that's true it's no different from what we've been doing for months now. Question is, why even bring it up then?

It's just to shut me down and crush my expectations for no reason. If there's no way I can win her back anyway, then why even mention it? I told her I just want to spend two nights together with her and I have no expectations or hard feelings if she refuses me. She originally agreed and even mentioned wanting to fuck, which wasnt wasn't on my radar.

Now I'm not sure that's true anymore, and the entire time will have a black cloud hanging over it, that didn't need to happen.

solosnake posted...

holy **** TC you really need to just not see this girl anymore, your infatuation with her is insanely unhealthy

You really think is unhealthy to care a lot about someone you've been with for four years and had every intention of marrying once you closed the distance?

Sorry man, Im not trying to be mean. Its one of the hardest lessons youll ever learn in life.

She doesn't love you the same way.
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Theres music for times like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqzXyOlM5yo" data-time="

You cant turn an emotionally unavailable ho with daddy issues and a good pussy into a housewife.
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KhanJohnny posted...

In the end I guess it's a good thing, and I learned a valuable lesson: trust no one.

No, the lesson you should have learned was, 'don't try to extort people'.

Another victim of female toxicity. What's new?
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Its kinda funny that literally everyone in this topic has told TC he sounds like he thinks he is entitled and comes off like he thinks she owes this to him, and he repeats his same story of no expectations BUT THIS though theres no new information in any of it enough to make us think he doesnt really think this way. Keep telling yourself something long enough, I suppose. If you wanna be mad, be mad- you cant help your feelings. You can control how you react however and right now rather than look at the advice you asked for by posting this topic, youre getting upset most arent siding with you. That makes me lol a bit.
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Tldr tc is in denial and is mad his girl is getting dicked instead of enabling his delusions
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Indeed, josifrees. He's naive about what females are capable of.
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josifrees posted...

Tldr tc is in denial and is mad his girl is getting dicked instead of enabling his delusions

That's what I'm getting. She tried to break it off, he was pushy, she made it 'open', and then broke it off when she got the nerve, he tried to extort her with her stuff, she called his bluff and now he's mad that his strategy failed.

Breakups are hard and people rebound to cope. Dont look too far into this, but you also need to let her go and focus on the positives, namely that you wont have to limit yourself with a girl who isnt around and that you dont have to waste any more time worrying about whether you can tenuously get back together with someone who isnt around.

Its fucking hard, but one day youll be balls deep in something new and promising and realize you dont miss her like you used to.
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KhanJohnny posted...

We honestly had the definition of a roller coaster relationship. Extremely high highs with amazing sex, great time hanging out on the town, travelling the world, fancy dates followed by extremely painful bouts of yelling, emotional incompatibility, callousness, and all sorts of hurtful behavior. Then we'd make up and get back to the highs, and so on

Sounds like Bipolar.
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KhanJohnny posted...

Unsugarized_Foo posted...

KhanJohnny posted...

Unsugarized_Foo posted...

Lol, that's about as good of closure as you can get

She still has to come get her stuff....

And? Give it to her and close the door, don't be weird

She has to fly over, and the plan was to let her spend two nights because she has to fly back out.

So we're going to be in the same place for like 40 hours lol. I'm not going to make her waste a couple hundred bucks on a hotel, just because I'm a nice dude. And I just wanted to make a last pitch to her.

It's crazy, because last week when we talked she actually brought up whether we would have sex, which is what she wanted. And now this week she drops this bomb on me. She has no awareness whatsoever that these two ideas might be conflicting.

Well you two are in an open relationship, I'm sure her new man is cool with it. Not sure why all of a sudden you are thinking she is monogamous.
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Polyamory is a valid life-style
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Tc comes off as a fucking weirdo in the OP
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Dude she doesn't owe you shit and you don't own her. Your relationship sounded toxic as fuck and you need to move on. Get over this one last pitch with your dick denial plan. You guys sound like friends with benefits at best and we're perfectly fine with seeing other people right before the break up. Women move on faster than men bro and since its long distance its time for you to move on.

Best advice is make her get a hotel or pay to have her things shipped back to her. Don't slip your dick in her if you can't handle the emotion. It's over.
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TC has no idea the level of creeper he's at right here.

Move on, dude. Seriously. Your mindset on this is warped af.
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Dash_Harber posted...

josifrees posted...

Tldr tc is in denial and is mad his girl is getting dicked instead of enabling his delusions

That's what I'm getting. She tried to break it off, he was pushy, she made it 'open', and then broke it off when she got the nerve, he tried to extort her with her stuff, she called his bluff and now he's mad that his strategy failed.

It's funny how you people come up with narratives like this based on no information lol

KhanJohnny posted...

I know she doesn't owe me anything. But for someone who claims they want to continue being my friend, and who claims to still love me as a person despite everything that's happened, she really took a massive shit all over my feelings and expectations for no real reason.

She didn't

If you think the only way for her to stay your friend is to keep dating you, then that's a sign that she dodged a bullet and you're not a friend worth having

Seriously how dumb is this that you're complaining about her seeing someone while she's single
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Funbazooka posted...

Another victim of female toxicity. What's new?

Funbazooka posted...

Indeed, josifrees. He's naive about what females are capable of.

They're capable of avoiding incels like you like the plague
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I don't see anything scummy here. She was honest with you and had no obligation to indulge you just so you can have closure.

You guys broke up and are both seeing other people. Time to move on.
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Daffadilio posted...

If you wanna be mad, be mad- you cant help your feelings. You can control how you react however

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TC keeps mentioning sex in every single one of his posts, expecting it, pathetic.

KhanJohnny posted...

Dash_Harber posted...

josifrees posted...

Tldr tc is in denial and is mad his girl is getting dicked instead of enabling his delusions

That's what I'm getting. She tried to break it off, he was pushy, she made it 'open', and then broke it off when she got the nerve, he tried to extort her with her stuff, she called his bluff and now he's mad that his strategy failed.

It's funny how you people come up with narratives like this based on no information lol

I mean yeah your posts are empty and meaningless
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