Current Events > Completely shitty CYOA: You are a jar of jam on a kitchen counter

(+) Yeah! (+)

Nothing happens. You are just a jar of jam on a kitchen counter. An inanimate object with no freewill or motor functions.

What do you do?

A - Wait 15 minutes
B - Wait 30 minutes
C - Wait 45 minutes

A - Wait 15 minutes
---

A - Wait 15 minutes

15 minutes has passed.

Nothing happened.

You got tired of waiting, so you tried to look around. But you see nothing. You are a jar of jam. You don't have eyes to see with.

Still, you know that there's a jar of peanut butter beside you. You don't know how you know that, but you just do.

What do you do?

A - Try to say hi to the jar of peanut butter
B - Try to fight the jar of peanut butter
C - Try to slide off the kitchen counter.

B - Try to fight the jar of peanut butter
---

B - Try to fight the jar of peanut butter

Try as you might, nothing happens. You are just a jar of jam. You have no hands or legs.

On the other hand, the jar of peanut butter is as lifeless as you are. It's just a jar of peanut butter, with no life of its own.

Night time comes, you

A - Shut off your vague conscience and get some sleep
B - Shut off your vague conscience and get some sleep
C - Shut off your vague conscience and get some sleep

C!
---

i can't wait to see what happens :3
---

What's the plot twist gonna be?!?!?!?! O____O
---

C - Shut off your vague conscience and get some sleep

...... ...... ... ... ...... ............ ...... ...... ... ......... ...... ......... ......

............ ...... ...... ... ......... ...... ......... ......

............ ...... ...... ... ... ... ... ...... ......... ...... ............

A - ...... ...... ......
B - ...... ... ... ... ...
C - ............ ......

A!

being a jar of jam = chill af
---

Just monika

I mean B
---

Someone post a tie breaker damnit.

No, no, no!!! Do you all want to mess this up badly?! So you really want to end up falling off the shelf and smashing this poor jar to smithereens?!?

I'm ashamed of you all. You should've picked C. It's the honest choice.
---

Still looking for that tie breaker

Alright then. I'll do all three. In sequence.

A - ...... ...... ......

......... .............. .............. ............ ......... .........

.......... .................. ............ ...........

B - ...... ... ... ... ...

........ .............. .......... ........ ..............

........................................................................

................... ............... .....................

..................... ................................. ..................... .......... .......

C - ............ ......

.......... ............. ................ .................?!

A - It's just daytime.
B - It's the middle of the night, and someone's coming
C - It's the middle of the night, and a cockroach is crawling on the counter

Combination of A, B, and C.
---

C

B!

anyway. I'm making a jam jar theme song. :3

C - It's the middle of the night, and a cockroach is crawling on the counter

It's the middle of the night, and a cockroach is crawling on the counter. You'd feel disgusted and irked out if you were a human. But you are just a jar of jam. You feel nothing.

Just then, a guy enters the kitchen. He's your owner. He's a lazy bastard, so he's not going to bother switching on the lights.

He's here to get a cup of water before going back to bed. But little does he know, the cockroach has crawled into his cup. What do you do?

A - Leave him be
B - Shout out a warning to him
C - Try to fight the cockroach

B - shout out a warning to him, then C - lunge at the cockroach in a heroic manner
---

B - shout out a warning to him, then C - lunge at the cockroach in a heroic manner

You try to shout something to your owner, but nothing comes out. You're a jar of jam. A non-living thing. Attempting a lunge produced the same effect: nothing.

You somehow spectate your owner absent-mindedly pour some water into his cup. The cockroach tries to scuttle out of the cup, but by then the cup is already en route to your owner's mouth.

Still half-asleep, he felt hairy legs scrambling in between his lips and tongue. He gags for a while.

"OH FUCK!"

He spat out the water and the cockroach. Now the cockroach is back on the counter, along with a big puddle of water. Your owner ran off to rinse and gargle his mouth. Who cares about your owner anyway? The camera is on you, the jar of jam, as meaningless as that is. The cockroach is about to scurry off into the night.

A - Ask the jar of peanut butter to team up and chase after the cockroach
B - Listen to your owner gargle down the whole bottle of Listerine
C - Sit there and do nothing

C
---

B

A
---

"A" bitch!
---

A - Ask the jar of peanut butter to team up and chase after the c***roach

You try to speak to the peanut butter about teaming up, but you couldn't muster a single word. You have no mouth. Didn't you learn this from post #24 already?

While the cockroach disappeared into the night, your owner has already gone back to sleep. It's darkness all around again.

4 hours later, it's daytime. Your owner wanders into the kitchen, looking for something to eat. You see him take out a couple slices of bread.

A - Campaign to your owner to eat his bread with your jam
B - Campaign to your owner to eat his bread with your neighbour's peanut butter
C - Sit back and let your owner down his bread with a swig of water

B plz

You know what? I may be only a jar of jam... but I'm a realist. Even *I* know all I'm capable of doing C.

So C is my pick.
---

b
---

A, and get aroused by the owner scooping jam from inside myself.
---

b
---

Oh, you guys came back.

B - Campaign to your owner to eat his bread with your neighbour's peanut butter

You thought of sending your neighbour to its doom, but nothing happened. You're just a jar of jam. You're not campaigning for anything because jars of jam can't do anything, except sit there and wait for their owners to consume its contents.

Anyway, your owner picked out the jar of peanut butter by himself. The jar of peanut butter did not die. It was never alive to begin with. You're just jam. You'll never beat peanut butter as the top spread on breads. Ever.

You:

A - Sulk
B - Mope
C - Brood

C
---

D - Cheer yourself up by telling yourself that hey, you're still better than that chump marmalade.
---

Wait for your mom to spoon me.
---

C
---