Poll of the Day > My girlfriend is close to her ex husband's family

(+) Yeah! (+)

And I'm not sure how to feel about it.

They had three kids together, they were married for 22 years and have been divorced for more than 5. I get that those people were her family for a long time. I have no problem with that or her keeping contact with those people. It's only natural for her to have connections to them over that much time. I'm still friends with some of my sister's ex boyfriends. I get it.

Well her ex husband's father died over the past few days. She was close with the man and has been feeling guilt having not gone to see him in a few years. This is the grandfather of her children, right? He was a father to her when her own father was being quite cruel and distant. I totally understand and have no problem with this either.

So let's just fast forward to my dilemma. I saw her post something on FB about her ex father-in-law today, some R.I.P. type stuff. There's all the typical responses of condolences and all that. No biggie. Well a few hours go by and I happen to open up FB again to see that post at the top of my news feed. My girlfriend's last response was "I love you too." I didn't think much of it, though I got curious and clicked the comments to see what prompted her to say that and when it went to load the post, it said there was an error and to try loading it again. Tried again, nothing. I logged out, logged back in and checked her profile to see that the post was no longer there.

Now there's only a few options here. A) She hid the post from me. B) She deleted the thread. C) There's some kind of glitch on FB and the topic is lost somewhere in electronic limbo.

I've had no reason not to trust her up until this point, but suddenly alarm bells are going off. I'm probably over-analyzing, but suddenly I feel a bit suspicious. Anybody deal with something like this? Any insights?

tl;dr

Girlfriend's post about ex-husband's recently deceased father magically disappears after she says "I love you too" to someone before I can see the proper context.

I'd ask her. "hey I can't see that post anymore, did it get deleted?"

Not a big deal.
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The question is : when she visits his family, are you also invited or does she go by herself?
Do they know that you are dating her?
How long have the 2 of you been dating?
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Not something I would typically do, but maybe that's a good course of action. I'm usually not very nosy about such things, but it would probably give me some peace of mind.

Idk I've always been really straightforward about shit that bothers me in relationships. If you don't speak about that kind of stuff it will just make you agitated and probably visibly so

SusanGreenEyes posted...

The question is : when she visits his family, are you also invited or does she go by herself?
Do they know that you are dating her?
How long have the 2 of you been dating?

We've been dating a little over three months and in that time she hasn't visited his family at all. Our relationship status is public on FB.

I'm not trying to be a dick or anything, but she could love her ex- husband (and not be in love with him). They could be really good friends.

She could've also said "I love you too" to a different family member.

I have no idea what the situation is, obviously. Best to just ask your gf about it.

green dragon posted...

I'm not trying to be a dick or anything, but she could love her ex- husband (and not be in love with him). They could be really good friends.

She could've also said "I love you too" to a different family member.

I have no idea what the situation is, obviously. Best to just ask your gf about it.

Oh I know she loves the guy. They shared a huge part of their life together, they just are terrible for each other.

I'm pretty sure she just said it to another family member too. It's just the whole disappearing act that troubles me. I wish she didn't feel she had to hide that kind of stuff from me. She has jealousy issues so I figure she probably hid it because she was afraid it'd spark jealousy in me. She didn't need to do it and it really back-fired because it sparked some trust issues instead.

RCtheWSBC posted...

I'd ask her. "hey I can't see that post anymore, did it get deleted?"

Not a big deal.

This was good. I appreciate the advice.

She said things started getting weird once people started tagging her ex-husband in the post. She knew he wouldn't appreciate that and she thought it was better to just delete the post.

I feel a lot better about the whole thing now. Thanks to all you guys for the insights.

DDirtyDastard posted...

They had three kids together, they were married for 22 years and have been divorced for more than 5.

Sounds like someone was way too much baggage for me. Still it's understandable how she feels about her ex and his family given the history.

DDirtyDastard posted...

We've been dating a little over three months

Relatively new relationship then. I suppose you're still at the "getting to know each other" stage.

DDirtyDastard posted...

I wish she didn't feel she had to hide that kind of stuff from me.

Are you sure you're not being paranoid? Perhaps said deletion really had nothing to do with you. Still stalking her Facebook and making this topic seems to me you don't trust her. At the end of the day she's decided to be in a relationship with you and given you a lot of trust being around her kids. If she wanted her ex she wouldn't be with you. I'd suggest just talking to her and clearing the air otherwise it's the start of a very slippery slope.

Edit:
DDirtyDastard posted...

She said things started getting weird once people started tagging her ex-husband in the post. She knew he wouldn't appreciate that and she thought it was better to just delete the post.

Nothing to be worried about then.
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DDirtyDastard posted...

RCtheWSBC posted...

I'd ask her. "hey I can't see that post anymore, did it get deleted?"

Not a big deal.

This was good. I appreciate the advice.

She said things started getting weird once people started tagging her ex-husband in the post. She knew he wouldn't appreciate that and she thought it was better to just delete the post.

I feel a lot better about the whole thing now. Thanks to all you guys for the insights.

Hey man, no problem. That kind of shit happens on Facebook from time to time.
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Dont go lookin for shit you dont want to find.
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Sounds like someone was way too much baggage for me.

As opposed to..

wwinterj25 posted...

Sounds like someone was way too much baggage for me.

What? Just so you know, as people age they have more life experiences.
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CacciatoPart2 posted...

What? Just so you know, as people age they have more life experiences.

Just so you know three kids is a deal breaker for me. Hell so is any kids for that matter. Plenty of single folk without kids.
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wwinterj25 posted...

CacciatoPart2 posted...

What? Just so you know, as people age they have more life experiences.

Just so you know three kids is a deal breaker for me. Hell so is any kids for that matter. Plenty of single folk without kids.

Ever stop and think, and I mean really think maybe your standards are unrealistic and growing more out there as you age? Get to 30 and see how many women don't have children and do want to date someone with zero romantic experience.
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Doctor Foxx posted...

Get to 30

He is 30, and is a virgin, and doesn't date.
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RCtheWSBC posted...

Doctor Foxx posted...

Get to 30

He is 30, and is a virgin, and doesn't date.

He's already 30 oh jeez
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DDirtyDastard posted...

They had three kids together, they were married for 22 years and have been divorced for more than 5

1) Too old
2) Has kids
3) Close ties to ex

Holy shit! It's the perfect pyramid of "Get the fuck out of there, dude!"

DDirtyDastard posted...

I get that those people were her family for a long time. I have no problem with that or her keeping contact with those people. It's only natural for her to have connections to them over that much time. I'm still friends with some of my sister's ex boyfriends. I get it.

...more importantly, they're literally relatives of her children. There's no real way to get around that without hurting the kids.

Doctor Foxx posted...

Ever stop and think, and I mean really think maybe your standards are unrealistic and growing more out there as you age? Get to 30 and see how many women don't have children and do want to date someone with zero romantic experience.

Overlooking that there are plenty of 30 year-olds without kids, he can just date a bit younger. He's a guy, not a girl.
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Doctor Foxx posted...

Ever stop and think, and I mean really think maybe your standards are unrealistic and growing more out there as you age?.

My standards are very realistic. I don't see them changing.

Doctor Foxx posted...

Get to 30 and see how many women don't have children and do want to date someone with zero romantic experience.

I'm 31 and see plenty of single folk without kids. The "zero romantic experience" is irrelevant as it's not like that would be the first thing I say to someone. Still by your logic I should hit on single mums as they like the lack of experience correct?

RCtheWSBC posted...

He is 30, and is a virgin, and doesn't date.

31 try again.
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Zeus posted...

Overlooking that there are plenty of 30 year-olds without kids, he can just date a bit younger. He's a guy, not a girl.

Yes, and do they want to involve themselves with him? Survey says hell no. Though I don't think children are the deciding factor there.

The guy I'm seeing is a good bit younger. Many of my lady friends have younger partners. Not sure what you're suggesting with that.
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wwinterj25 posted...

I'm 31 and see plenty of single folk without kids. The "zero romantic experience" is irrelevant as it's not like that would be the first thing I say to someone. Still by your logic I should hit on single mums as they like the lack of experience correct?

There certainly are quite a few. That number is going to be smaller as you get older.

No, the single parents are not going to love the lack of experience. Very few people will. Just like very few people want to get involved with someone with a family. But you meet people and you like that person and you make things work if you really want to.

You can pretend you're too good for people with children, or a past, or whatever, but let's be real: when have you been good enough for them?
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Doctor Foxx posted...

Yes, and do they want to involve themselves with him? Survey says hell no. Though I don't think children are the deciding factor there.

Doesn't change what I look for or my standards being "unrealistic" though does it?
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wwinterj25 posted...

Doctor Foxx posted...

Yes, and do they want to involve themselves with him? Survey says hell no. Though I don't think children are the deciding factor there.

Doesn't change what I look for or my standards being "unrealistic" though does it?

Form what Ive seen you should only be looking for two criteria: warm and willing.
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wwinterj25 posted...

Doctor Foxx posted...

Yes, and do they want to involve themselves with him? Survey says hell no. Though I don't think children are the deciding factor there.

Doesn't change what I look for or my standards being "unrealistic" though does it?

In 31 years on this planet no one has met your standards in a mutual way. Yeah, that would be a sign your standards might be out to lunch
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Doctor Foxx posted...

There certainly are quite a few. That number is going to be smaller as you get older.

Depends how young you like people to be to be honest.

Doctor Foxx posted...

No, the single parents are not going to love the lack of experience. Very few people will.

I guess everyone stays single then. I mean everyone starts somewhere. Doesn't matter your age.

Doctor Foxx posted...

You can pretend you're too good for people with children, or a past, or whatever, but let's be real: when have you been good enough for them?

What? Kids are a deal breaker for me for many reasons but being "too good for the mother" isn't one of them.

CacciatoPart2 posted...

Form what Ive seen you should only be looking for two criteria: warm and willing.

No kids too.

Doctor Foxx posted...

In 31 years on this planet no one has met your standards in a mutual way. Yeah, that would be a sign your standards might be out to lunch

Implying I'm even trying to date every person I've found attractive. However again that's not got any baring on my own standards. I could get rejected by a unattractive person just as much as a attractive one.
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My mom and my grandma (on my dad's side) are still very close and my parents have been divorced for like 27 years
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Zeus posted...

DDirtyDastard posted...

They had three kids together, they were married for 22 years and have been divorced for more than 5

1) Too old
2) Has kids
3) Close ties to ex

Holy shit! It's the perfect pyramid of "Get the fuck out of there, dude!"

DDirtyDastard posted...

I get that those people were her family for a long time. I have no problem with that or her keeping contact with those people. It's only natural for her to have connections to them over that much time. I'm still friends with some of my sister's ex boyfriends. I get it.

...more importantly, they're literally relatives of her children. There's no real way to get around that without hurting the kids.

Doctor Foxx posted...

Ever stop and think, and I mean really think maybe your standards are unrealistic and growing more out there as you age? Get to 30 and see how many women don't have children and do want to date someone with zero romantic experience.

Overlooking that there are plenty of 30 year-olds without kids, he can just date a bit younger. He's a guy, not a girl.

Gotta address it:

She's 45, I'm 33. I'm into her because she has her shit together and is mostly drama free. She's really into me and supports my passions 100%. She's super hot for 45 and three kids. Her youngest is 18 and just joined the military. None were living with her when we started dating.

I've dated countless women in their 20's and 30's over the past few years. I've found every single one of their personalities to be repulsive in the long run. Most of them are poly-amorous, unable to commit to a relationship unless it's financially gainful. The ones that don't need money are usually already in a relationship and are bored with their significant other. Not willing to leave, but looking for excitement. Dick 'em down and they'll pay for the date. Just don't contact them between the hours of 6pm and 6am.

There's also the powerful woman that just loves sex. She'll pay for the date, fuck you, and chuck you. Just like the men in power do.

Long story short:

After asking her what's up about the whole thing she explained it, (see earlier post) and now we're talking about how perfect we are for each other. I feel dumb for suspecting her, but you guys gave me a much needed realty check.

Stay rad PotD