Current Events > Asked my coworker to lunch... it was an unmitigated disaster

(+) Yeah! (+)

Backstory: she works upstairs in accounting, me downstairs in the dealership service lane. She's cute but quiet, and we don't interact much outside of work stuff.

On Thursday, I ask her if she'd care to join me for lunch the next day. She says she unfortunately has to leave early, but maybe another time. I take that as a polite "no" and back off.

On Friday, she actually does leave very early. So I ask three of my other trusted female coworkers for their opinions, and they all basically say "she's hard to read, but if you like her, ask one more time." So I do, yesterday. Short, polite, and to the point. Friendly smile and a "So I wasn't sure about the other day, but.. care to try for lunch tomorrow?" Really reserved like.

She SQUIRMS. Not in a disgusted way, but like she was incredibly uncomfortable and wanted nothing more than to run away crying. "I'm really flattered, but... no? Sorry?"

I don't think I've EVER misread someone that badly. It was awful, I feel pretty bad. Not because she turned me down, I don't care. It's just... she was almost terrified. There's no way I could have expected to intimidate someone like that. I'm not ugly or scary or rough around the edges, I'm very clean cut and normal. Plus it's not like it's a really formal or hostile work environment, everyone here is really relaxed and there's a bunch of coworker couples.

Fuck, I hope she doesn't go to HR... :/

Coworkers should not be in your dating pool

She probably just has social anxiety or something. It's probably not you, she'd have that reaction to most people.
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No shit, where eat.
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Master_Bass posted...

She probably just has social anxiety or something. It's probably not you, she'd have that reaction to most people.

This.
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ShadowStarEdge posted...

Coworkers should not be in your dating pool

St0rmFury posted...

No shit, where eat.

No kidding. This place is weirdly relaxed, so I figured the worst thing that would happen is a "no thanks". She looked like I killed her dog.

Master_Bass posted...

She probably just has social anxiety or something. It's probably not you, she'd have that reaction to most people.

I guess. I've never had experience with stuff like that. Guess there's a reason nobody knows anything about her other than her name >_>

it doesn't sound that bad. she said no, life goes on. you'll both be ok.

unless she goes and offs herself this thanksgiving break or something...

Fam_Fam posted...

unless she goes and offs herself

Dont worry she doesnt post here.
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Also, I never ask other women for their opinion on these matters because most women don't know what they want.

So I told my coworker about it this morning and he started laughing. Apparently she lives with her parents and either doesn't like or is afraid of men. Guess I dodged a bullet lol

treewojima posted...

So I told my coworker about it this morning and he started laughing. Apparently she lives with her parents and either doesn't like or is afraid of men. Guess I dodged a bullet lol

Nah, the bullet you dodged was dating an accountant.
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EnterTheTekken posted...

Also, I never ask other women for their opinion on these matters because most women don't know what they want.

Yeah women are terrible at giving dating advice. Good at telling you what other women are probably thinking, bad bad at the "therefore, here's what you should do" part.
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Damn, sorry man ):
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treewojima posted...

So I ask three of my other trusted female coworkers for their opinions

You shouldn't have done this.

They told her.
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Master_Bass posted...

She probably just has social anxiety or something. It's probably not you, she'd have that reaction to most people.

Also this could be it, she might have a bad past too
As a rape victim myself I'd have the same reaction but with more tears. Its hard to get over the fear
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the_cajun88 posted...

treewojima posted...

So I ask three of my other trusted female coworkers for their opinions

You shouldn't have done this.

They told her.

Nah, I made it clear that I didn't need their help, I was just asking for their input since they knew her.

not actually that bad. don't worry about it tc

treewojima posted...

I made it clear that I didn't need their help

This doesn't matter. They told her.
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and so is life as a non-chad
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she probably discussing about this creepy guy at work as we speak
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Wouldnt call that a disaster. She said no, but was awkward about it.
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the_cajun88 posted...

treewojima posted...

So I ask three of my other trusted female coworkers for their opinions

You shouldn't have done this.

They told her.

Nah, if that were the case they'd have gotten back to me and told me not to press the issue. They were both really surprised that she responded that way. This isn't some cliquey group of high school teens lol

where are the pics
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Dude you never date coworkers in an office/career type setting. Leave that for retail or fast food.
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Sounds like it was less that she thinks you're disgusting and more that shes awkward af and not used to being asked out or something.
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Probably only likes 2d guys

Sorry you were born with an extra dimension

refmon posted...

where are the pics

Yeah, not gonna happen. She's a real cutie, but I respect her right to privacy too much to do that. Besides, what kind of asshole would I be to potentially reveal her personal information like that after our less than stellar encounter?

TheBiggerWiggle posted...

Dude you never date coworkers in an office/career type setting. Leave that for retail or fast food.

It's a car dealership, so hardly a stuffy office. One girl in accounting is about to have a baby with one of the techs, and the service writer right next to me has already popped out a kid with his girlfriend that he met working in the service cashier's office. Things like that tend to happen here lol

Touch posted...

Sounds like it was less that she thinks you're disgusting and more that shes awkward af and not used to being asked out or something.

That's what I figure. I don't feel like she was disgusted, just really awkward and intimidated. She told me point blank that she was flattered, but it's hard to take it as a compliment when she looked like a deer in the headlights >_>

I would try again, once more, just as polite. Not because its a good idea or you should but just out of curiousity to see if she freaks out or is more clear about not being interested.

I rather be turned down hard than gently. It kills my interest in the girl and i feel better later.
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the average man is unfuckable

the average woman gets blasted by limitless chad dick
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YonicBoom posted...

treewojima posted...

So I told my coworker about it this morning and he started laughing. Apparently she lives with her parents and either doesn't like or is afraid of men. Guess I dodged a bullet lol

Nah, the bullet you dodged was dating an accountant.

Why? Accountants make bank.

On-topic: don't date co-workers.
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...
Sounds like a trauma victim to me. I know a couple myself. :/
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darkphoenix181 posted...

she probably discussing about this creepy guy at work as we speak

took 20 posts for this lol
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Kanaya413 posted...

Its hard to get over the fear

Man, that's rough. Sorry that happened.
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Lol TC is gonna get fired and arrested, sexual assaulting scum

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5ab8BOu4LE
.
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treewojima posted...

Backstory: she works upstairs in accounting, me downstairs in the dealership service lane. She's cute but quiet, and we don't interact much outside of work stuff.

On Thursday, I ask her if she'd care to join me for lunch the next day. She says she unfortunately has to leave early, but maybe another time. I take that as a polite "no" and back off.

On Friday, she actually does leave very early. So I ask three of my other trusted female coworkers for their opinions, and they all basically say "she's hard to read, but if you like her, ask one more time." So I do, yesterday. Short, polite, and to the point. Friendly smile and a "So I wasn't sure about the other day, but.. care to try for lunch tomorrow?" Really reserved like.

She SQUIRMS. Not in a disgusted way, but like she was incredibly uncomfortable and wanted nothing more than to run away crying. "I'm really flattered, but... no? Sorry?"

I don't think I've EVER misread someone that badly. It was awful, I feel pretty bad. Not because she turned me down, I don't care. It's just... she was almost terrified. There's no way I could have expected to intimidate someone like that. I'm not ugly or scary or rough around the edges, I'm very clean cut and normal. Plus it's not like it's a really formal or hostile work environment, everyone here is really relaxed and there's a bunch of coworker couples.

Fuck, I hope she doesn't go to HR... :/

You're getting #MeToo'd

I am a serial work dater so I'll support your efforts despite the shutdown
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Yeah, women are bad at giving dating advice. They can usually tell what another girl is thinking, as someone above pointed out, but when they try to tell you what you should do, they're thinking from their "in a loving relationship, a guy would do this and sweep me off my feet!" perspective and not from the calm, casual perspective that actually works.

In any case, more to the point, it doesn't sound like something you should take personally TC.
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First off don't dip your pen in company ink.

Secondly it doesn't sound too bad. She just sounds awkward. Either doesn't like telling people no or is uncomfortable with social interaction.

Move on and don't let it get ya down.
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AlephZero posted...

the average man is unfuckable

the average woman gets blasted by limitless chad dick

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I'm over it. I'm gonna make a Tinder and see what happens

Mr_Biscuit posted...

Yeah, women are bad at giving dating advice. They can usually tell what another girl is thinking

I actually disagree with the latter. I think most of the time, people won't tell you what women (or men) in general like, they'll give you the idealized version of what they like. As in, they'll tell you what they want people to think they themselves like. Which is pretty useless. If you want advice on dating women, don't ask women, ask men who have experience with what a wider variety of women like. If you want advice on dating men, ask women.
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Don't shit in the company ink.
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Panthera posted...

Mr_Biscuit posted...

Yeah, women are bad at giving dating advice. They can usually tell what another girl is thinking

I actually disagree with the latter. I think most of the time, people won't tell you what women (or men) in general like, they'll give you the idealized version of what they like. As in, they'll tell you what they want people to think they themselves like. Which is pretty useless. If you want advice on dating women, don't ask women, ask men who have experience with what a wider variety of women like. If you want advice on dating men, ask women.

Yup, thats... what I said in the rest of my post
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Mr_Biscuit posted...

Panthera posted...

Mr_Biscuit posted...

Yeah, women are bad at giving dating advice. They can usually tell what another girl is thinking

I actually disagree with the latter. I think most of the time, people won't tell you what women (or men) in general like, they'll give you the idealized version of what they like. As in, they'll tell you what they want people to think they themselves like. Which is pretty useless. If you want advice on dating women, don't ask women, ask men who have experience with what a wider variety of women like. If you want advice on dating men, ask women.

Yup, thats... what I said in the rest of my post

Sort of but for different reasons
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You had some other topic where you said you had asked out something like 3 women in a week and I said if you were playing the field like that, there was no reason to try to ask out a woman that you work with. Who cares if it's a lax work environment, you know you're gonna have to see her from time to time now. But if you asked her out like that and even asked other women around the office about it casually beforehand, I have no idea why you'd be paranoid about HR getting involved - unless the company has some type of 'no dating' policy which is apparently usually disregarded...but maybe nobody just has complained before or something.
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Master_Bass posted...

She probably just has social anxiety or something. It's probably not you, she'd have that reaction to most people.

Touch posted...

Sounds like it was less that she thinks you're disgusting and more that shes awkward af and not used to being asked out or something.

People say things like this as a way of reassuring that it wasn't your fault, rather, the other party, but let's be real. This is all wishful thinking.

Now I'm not saying that it can't be true, but there's also the possibility that she just didn't find TC attractive, doesn't know the TC well enough to warrant him asking her out, or the whole exchange just happened to be awkward as hell making the girl extremely uncomfortable.
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Sounds like you dodged a bullet! Agree with others on not dating people at your workplace. But good luck with Tinder :)

Don't eat the company ink
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