Current Events > There is no hope for me anymore. I've spent over 10 years trying to get better

(+) Yeah! (+)

People who are depressed that long don't get better

I missed my life and will never get better

Everyday life only gets worse and more pathetic.

I'm the only one to blame.

I am terrible,
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joe40001 posted...

I've spent over 10 years trying to get better

Is that right?
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If you had truly given up, you wouldn't have bothered to make this statement. I think you still have hope that you can fix this, and maybe you just need a little help to get started. Just my two cents.
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I've been depressed for probably 13-15 years, and severely depressed for about 7 of those. You'll manage. Just keep your chin up.

You've made a really good life change lately with the keto diet which is a step in the right direction towards happiness. Don't disappoint me, Joe. I believe you can do this.
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Should have had a V8
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Join the club, pal

joe40001 posted...

I'm the only one to blame.

Acknowledging that is the first step toward fixing things, so consider yourself on the right track.
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SpiralDrift posted...

joe40001 posted...

I'm the only one to blame.

Acknowledging that is the first step toward fixing things, so consider yourself on the right track.

I've always known this. I've tried to change and improve, but I can't. I've put a lot of emotional effort into it and I just can't. I'm the only one to blame because I am so horrible that every effort to improve fails.

I'm fat, old, alone, unemployed, pathetic, completely unsuccessful, and lots of people hate me.

And I'm not feeling sorry for myself because it's all my fault, I'm to blame, I'm terrible.
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Rabid_Banana posted...

Should have had a V8

LOL

Like 90% of us know how you feel though. So at least you're not alone.
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The Eternal Flame posted...

I've been depressed for probably 13-15 years, and severely depressed for about 7 of those. You'll manage. Just keep your chin up.

You've made a really good life change lately with the keto diet which is a step in the right direction towards happiness. Don't disappoint me, Joe. I believe you can do this.

If you've been as depressed as me you'll know it never really gets better.

I can't do it anymore.

Everybody who's ever believed in me is incredibly disappointed in me, I'm incredibly disappointed in me.

Whatever was supposed to happen in my life hasn't, and can't anymore. If it could have it would have in all these years of trying so hard.
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It seems like you might be putting too much pressure on yourself by comparing your life to other people.

Set some small goals and go for them. Take up a hobby you've always wanted to try - a photography club, amateur drama, a martial art, whatever. You'll meet new people and gain some confidence.

Do a little bit of physical exercise every day, even if it's just walking. If you're trying, then you're not a failure.

God damn I hope this doesn't end up like the other guy...

joe40001 posted...

SpiralDrift posted...

joe40001 posted...

I'm the only one to blame.

Acknowledging that is the first step toward fixing things, so consider yourself on the right track.

I've always known this. I've tried to change and improve, but I can't. I've put a lot of emotional effort into it and I just can't. I'm the only one to blame because I am so horrible that every effort to improve fails.

I'm fat, old, alone, unemployed, pathetic, completely unsuccessful, and lots of people hate me.

And I'm not feeling sorry for myself because it's all my fault, I'm to blame, I'm terrible.

Most people aren't as old as they think. How old are you?
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@StupidGenius for your bingo card
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TC, you had the willpower to go on that water diet for a whole week. That's not something that most people could do. Maybe you just need to be a little more patient with yourself though and not expect results so fast.
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SpiralDrift posted...

Like 90% of us know how you feel though. So at least you're not alone.

90% of people have low days where they feel hopeless maybe.

But 90% of people haven't gone tons of years without employment, relationships, pride, or affirmation of any kind.

There is no way most people have felt as low as I feel, because if you had most people would've killed themselves. I won't because my brother did and I saw how that effects everybody and let's be honest it won't help anything.

But this isn't sad, this isn't "heartbroken", this is the real knowing that you and your life has been a TOTAL inexcusable waste, that you have no cause for hope or to be happy, that you are shit and will always be shit.

This is a 9/10 on the existential pain scale where 10 is actively just trying to hurt yourself because it's just something to do and you have nothing to do right now that will do anything.

I've screamed at the top my lungs a bunch, just to do something. to try to feel like I can express all this as wrong and it might be wrong, it might change some day. But it won't.

10 years of chronic severe depression without any positives to correct for it breaks a person. And I am broken.
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TC, wanna work together on an app? We could make some money together. That oughta help your unemployment situation.

QuantumScript posted...

TC, wanna work together on an app? We could make some money together. That oughta help your unemployment situation.

Sure. What do you need?
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It may not be much consolation but I can relate to all of that. You just have to soldier on. Don't go down without a fight.
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SpiralDrift posted...

It may not be much consolation but I can relate to all of that. You just have to soldier on. Don't go down without a fight.

If you've truly gone through what I've been going through for so long at such intensity then I apologize on behalf of the world, you didn't deserve that.
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maybe your vitamin D levels are low or potentially candida overgrowth
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Dude... being a man means accepting that life is unfair, and will always be unfair. You chose to neglect your health and not settle for a shitty job like some of us have had to. The self pity is absurd and embarassing. Either improve or dont, there's no trying.

Look on the brightside...there's no where to go but up.

You are very hard on yourself it seems, im the same way, it helps to be able to laugh at yourself a little because nothings ever going to be perfect. Then once you find humor in the situation you can move on from there. Atleast thats what helped/helps me. : )

Godspeed, bro.
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How old are you?

Here's the reality. If you don't make a commitment to improve, it's not going to get better. If you half ass it, it's not going to work.

I suggest you join a meetup group and make some friends. Go out, gets some sun and get some Vitamin D.
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Vitamin deez
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Good and bad things happen for a reason, I believe. Try to learn from both. Maybe try some meditation, clear your mind of thoughts. Our mind can be our worst enemy.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mind_monkey
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Joe numbers being joe numbers.
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"No one is as depressed as me"

Speak to a therapist about your obvious narcissism. Treating it could be the first step in getting you back on your feet.
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GreatEvilEmpire posted...

How old are you?

Here's the reality. If you don't make a commitment to improve, it's not going to get better. If you half ass it, it's not going to work.

I suggest you join a meetup group and make some friends. Go out, gets some sun and get some Vitamin D.

I'm 31

I've spent all of my adult life trying as hard as I can to overcome my depression, it hasn't happened. 5 years ago people might encourage me to have hope, at this point I think most people would just wish I'd shut up and accept being miserable and alone forever.

As life goes on people will start getting upset with you that you aren't better and happier, your constant misery can become a burden on those who care about you.

It's almost funny, if you hurt when you are young people want and hope you get better, but as you get older people get mad at you for being hurt. At this rate, by the time I'm 40 people will just wish I was dead. Some people already do.
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At least you're not clock boy
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joe40001 posted...

I'm 31

I've spent all of my adult life trying as hard as I can to overcome my depression, it hasn't happened. 5 years ago people might encourage me to have hope, at this point I think most people would just wish I'd shut up and accept being miserable and alone forever.

As life goes on people will start getting upset with you that you aren't better and happier, your constant misery can become a burden on those who care about you.

It's almost funny, if you hurt when you are young people want and hope you get better, but as you get older people get mad at you for being hurt. At this rate, by the time I'm 40 people will just wish I was dead. Some people already do.

31 is young.

I don't believe you tried as hard as you can. Hope is for the weak. Action is what gets results.

You already know your biggest problem...you're fat. If you truly want to change your life, that's the first place to start. Lose that fucking weight and commit to it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc7P4nhtyfE

That's real people losing weight. They tried hard. You haven't. Find another fat guy/person around the area and go to the gym together, stick to a diet. Join a meet up group for people wanting to lose weight. And start thinking positively about life.

Nobody wants to hear your sob story. People want inspiration in their lives. Maybe the losers will enjoy your misery, but not the winners. Come back when you lose 50 lbs and tell people your success.
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Why did you ignore this post, tc? This is what pisses me off about people that complain and have self pity. They never fucking listen. They don't want to put in the work to get better, they want it to be easy and comfortable. Get off your ass and go get a fucking job, and stop eating snacks all day. That is good advice. Leme know if you follow through.

And about being alone.. you know damn well you arent ready for a relationship anyway. You'd make bad.moves, screw it up, and then youd go being miserable and heart broken. This is what happens when society encourages men to talk about their goddam feelings. You think I love working 6 days a week, think we're all out here having a blast every day? You gotta take care of your shit, that's why you're piss ing people off, you're lazy and won't do shit about it because you're scared of everything.

I can relate, I've spent most of my life being resentful of the fact that I was ever born at all because it was obvious from very early on that I was never going to amount to anything and was just surplus human stock.

I keep hoping for the day where I don't wake up again, and in the mean time I just shuffle about and idle.
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Inferno Dive Dragoon posted...

I can relate, I've spent most of my life being resentful of the fact that I was ever born at all because it was obvious from very early on that I was never going to amount to anything and was just surplus human stock.

I keep hoping for the day where I don't wake up again, and in the mean time I just shuffle about and idle.

I hope it gets better for you.
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You're right. Depression that bad probably will bug you till the end of your days, But dude, get on the doctors and get the right medication. I used to be in the boat that medication was useless and only helped if you believed it helped. Until they found the right combination. Took three years of experimentation and trying different stuff, but this last lot they gave me after my last suicide attempt really turned things around. The constant self-depreciation/negative thoughts and mood are still there, but instead of being at the forefront of my mind, it's kind of like a quiet whisper that doesn't really bother me, even if I try to get it to bother me. Mood is a lot more stable so when I have anxiety attacks I don't completely break down. It's really cool, and gives me hope that this is an illness I can cope with.

edit: my moods were at the point where I cut myself very badly and constantly punched the shit out of myself to the point where I got black eyes/broken nose/damaged mouth. one glimpse at myself in the mirror could trigger it. all because i hated existing and felt the world was out to get me. so i know suffering.
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Back_Stabbath posted...

You're right. Depression that bad probably will bug you till the end of your days, But dude, get on the doctors and get the right medication. I used to be in the boat that medication was useless and only helped if you believed it helped. Until they found the right combination. Took three years of experimentation and trying different stuff, but this last lot they gave me after my last suicide attempt really turned things around. The constant self-depreciation/negative thoughts and mood are still there, but instead of being at the forefront of my mind, it's kind of like a quiet whisper that doesn't really bother me, even if I try to get it to bother me. Mood is a lot more stable so when I have anxiety attacks I don't completely break down. It's really cool, and gives me hope that this is an illness I can cope with.

I'm happy for you.

I've had trouble getting set up with a psychiatrist, but I'll try again.
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joe you should go walking, like right this second
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Conflict posted...

Keith_Valentine posted...

Why did you ignore this post, tc? This is what pisses me off about people that complain and have self pity. They never fucking listen. They don't want to put in the work to get better, they want it to be easy and comfortable. Get off your ass and go get a fucking job, and stop eating snacks all day. That is good advice. Leme know if you follow through.

And about being alone.. you know damn well you arent ready for a relationship anyway. You'd make bad.moves, screw it up, and then youd go being miserable and heart broken. This is what happens when society encourages men to talk about their goddam feelings. You think I love working 6 days a week, think we're all out here having a blast every day? You gotta take care of your shit, that's why you're piss ing people off, you're lazy and won't do shit about it because you're scared of everything.

Your advice is pretty negative, insulting and stereotypical. It encourages no one. Why would anyone listen to that?

TC isn't listening to anyone. He's one of those 'woe is me' incel types. Only he can help himself. Almost seems like he's fishing for attention.
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joe40001 posted...

Back_Stabbath posted...


I'm happy for you.

I've had trouble getting set up with a psychiatrist, but I'll try again.

do it dude. it's very disheartening getting meds that don't give noticeable relief but stick at it. Venlafaxine, Quetiapine, L-theanine and Sertraline are my magic prescribed cocktail at the moment for moods. Zopiclone or Alprazolam (for very bad nights) for sleep.

oh and regarding the whole weight loss thing improving your moods... be prepared for it to not make as much a difference as you think.. (should you successfully lose it). I went from 308 to 187 over the course of two years and was sad as ever at the end of it. Very disappointing. Same with relationships/company. I am somehow able to get female attention despite my mental instability and have pretty much always had a S.O. But they don't cure self-negativity at all.
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Conflict posted...

Keith_Valentine posted...

Why did you ignore this post, tc? This is what pisses me off about people that complain and have self pity. They never fucking listen. They don't want to put in the work to get better, they want it to be easy and comfortable. Get off your ass and go get a fucking job, and stop eating snacks all day. That is good advice. Leme know if you follow through.

And about being alone.. you know damn well you arent ready for a relationship anyway. You'd make bad.moves, screw it up, and then youd go being miserable and heart broken. This is what happens when society encourages men to talk about their goddam feelings. You think I love working 6 days a week, think we're all out here having a blast every day? You gotta take care of your shit, that's why you're piss ing people off, you're lazy and won't do shit about it because you're scared of everything.

Your advice is pretty negative, insulting, judgmental and stereotypical. It encourages no one. Why would anyone listen to that?

I've given TC shit for the whole keto diet situation and not listening to anyone else on that but the guy's not lazy, he's done some things for himself to try and get better. It's not like he's been sitting in his bed complaining for the past 10 years without doing anything. Your tolerance for people that are unsatisfied with their lives is obviously way too low for you to give helpful advice. The "man up" shit doesn't work. Probably the absolute worst advice you can give to someone who's hurting.

Oh my lord, boo hoo. You're probably unemployed too. I didn't mean to be that harsh but I type like I think and talk and there you go. Lots of swearing , proly shoulda toned it down if I wanted it to be considered.

But I hear this stuff soooo much and I'm like, goddam, who gives a shit? And depression on and on and on. He has access to everything you could ever dream of, if he's willing to work for it and make his dreams come true. Assuming this dude lives in the US. Why are we supposed to feel sorry for grown men who refuse to take care of themselves? Why is that ok?

If people quit being so fucking sensitive , look what I said. Get a job. Stop eating snacks. Give a shit abut yourself and stop waiting to win the lottery. It's not gona happen. It's like people actually think they have it so bad, seems to me his problem is he's not getting sex and he's butthurt about it. Talking about being alone hut won't take care of his body to attract a female. It's just crazy that people act thus way

1. Be happy, start smiling, stop frowning, even if you have no reason to be happy, just do it.

2. Don't give a f*** what others think of you.

3. Also don't be a sensitive and self-centered prick, change your personality if that's a flaw of yours

4. If you're living with your family or something which is what makes you a burden, then go be useful. Get a job or something. Start with that.

5. If you want to lose weight, then do actually try. Don't give up halfway and say it's not working.

TLDR; As someone who's been in a very long depression before, I always tell this to people who are in the same situation.

''Only you can help yourself''. Even if there are people helping you, nothing will change if you don't help yourself. Even if there is no one helping you either, nothing will change if YOU don't help yourself.
Stop putting the blame on others or on the rest of the world. Life isn't fair. Some guy born in a 3rd world country doesnt whine he's poor, he just works hard till he can put food on the plate for himself and his family. Meanwhile some guy who just gives up will stay that way.


Also another last thing:

6. Get your ass off CE. This place is a bad influence for depressive people

Conflict posted...

It's not a matter of being sensitive, your whole post is full of assumptions and pure negativity. Hell you just mindlessly assumed I was unemployed because I didn't approve of the advice you were giving and how you were giving it. You aren't going to positively influence anyone talking like that.

You also don't seem to understand that everyone's circumstances are going to vary wildly. Not everyone has "access to everything you could ever dream of" (whatever that even means), and it also seems like you're generally ignorant about depression based on that following statement. Talking like that is how you drive people to suicide, not motivate them to improve their life. Real talk.

Man, you are out of it. If a post on the internet is enough to make someone end their life, that person should.not be allowed online because they obviously can't handle it. He needs real talk, not coddling. What if I said 'oh man, it's not your fault, you can never change or take your own destiny into your hands' would that be better? It might make him feel good for 5 seconds. And I already know he's heard it all before. You dish out sympathy, I will dish out truth. And see which helps people more. For crying out loud. And access to everything means what I said, we live in the United states of america. I feel way more sympathy for the guy in Guatemala who works 10 hours a day for 8$ sifting through garbage to recycle.plastic and fee his family

Mystere posted...

Rabid_Banana posted...

Should have had a V8

LOL

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Conflict posted...

Keith_Valentine posted...

Why did you ignore this post, tc? This is what pisses me off about people that complain and have self pity. They never fucking listen. They don't want to put in the work to get better, they want it to be easy and comfortable. Get off your ass and go get a fucking job, and stop eating snacks all day. That is good advice. Leme know if you follow through.

And about being alone.. you know damn well you arent ready for a relationship anyway. You'd make bad.moves, screw it up, and then youd go being miserable and heart broken. This is what happens when society encourages men to talk about their goddam feelings. You think I love working 6 days a week, think we're all out here having a blast every day? You gotta take care of your shit, that's why you're piss ing people off, you're lazy and won't do shit about it because you're scared of everything.

Your advice is pretty negative, insulting, judgmental and stereotypical. It encourages no one. Why would anyone listen to that?

I've given TC shit for the whole keto diet situation and not listening to anyone else on that but the guy's not lazy, he's done some things for himself to try and get better. It's not like he's been sitting in his bed complaining for the past 10 years without doing anything. Your tolerance for people that are unsatisfied with their lives is obviously way too low for you to give helpful advice. The "man up" shit doesn't work. Probably the absolute worst advice you can give to someone who's hurting.

Actually
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I take issue with something you said. You said you missed your life. That's not true.

You may have missed a few key moments, but there's plenty of time left and so much to do out there. Life is still happening all around you, man. Get yourself out there, be a part of it. It's gonna be hard, but you gotta make that push if you want to experience life.