Current Events > There is no hope for me anymore. I've spent over 10 years trying to get better

(+) Yeah! (+)

Conflict posted...

Wutobliteration posted...

''Only you can help yourself''. Even if there are people helping you, nothing will change if you don't help yourself. Even if there is no one helping you either, nothing will change if YOU don't help yourself.
Stop putting the blame on others or on the rest of the world. Life isn't fair. Some guy born in a 3rd world country doesnt whine he's poor, he just works hard till he can put food on the plate for himself and his family. Meanwhile some guy who just gives up will stay that way.

Btw, I'm gonna clarify further on this in that motivation and encouragement from other people can be extremely effective in changing your mindset. Yes, at the end of the day you will have to take action, and things won't change unless you do, but the fact that it could take help and advisement from other people to totally change your mindset suggests that people need to stop bluntly stating "only you can help yourself" when there's evidently more to that

Also, stop with the stupid comparisons to random 'hard working people in 3rd world countries'. Everyone's mindset and everyone's circumstances are different. It's idiotic. This isn't about them. I start to wonder just how 'depressed' some of you were if you give shitty advice like this.

except as you can hear from TC, he gets encouragement from no one. Seems like no one likes him, which makes it even harder.

Meanwhile if you're somehow the kind still in depression despite a whole bunch of loved ones of family and friends being aware of it and trying to help you, then you're a sad excuse for a person to be in depression. Probably not even depression, just being pathetic.

I never had anyone to talk to or help me through my bad moments. It's either I do something myself, or just sit there and whine and deteriorate further. I have to help myself. Same for anyone in this kind of situation. If everyone tells you to go jump off a building, you gonna give in to that peer pressure?
In the end, you're the one who decides.

Rabid_Banana posted...

Conflict posted...

Keith_Valentine posted...

Why did you ignore this post, tc? This is what pisses me off about people that complain and have self pity. They never fucking listen. They don't want to put in the work to get better, they want it to be easy and comfortable. Get off your ass and go get a fucking job, and stop eating snacks all day. That is good advice. Leme know if you follow through.

And about being alone.. you know damn well you arent ready for a relationship anyway. You'd make bad.moves, screw it up, and then youd go being miserable and heart broken. This is what happens when society encourages men to talk about their goddam feelings. You think I love working 6 days a week, think we're all out here having a blast every day? You gotta take care of your shit, that's why you're piss ing people off, you're lazy and won't do shit about it because you're scared of everything.

Your advice is pretty negative, insulting, judgmental and stereotypical. It encourages no one. Why would anyone listen to that?

I've given TC shit for the whole keto diet situation and not listening to anyone else on that but the guy's not lazy, he's done some things for himself to try and get better. It's not like he's been sitting in his bed complaining for the past 10 years without doing anything. Your tolerance for people that are unsatisfied with their lives is obviously way too low for you to give helpful advice. The "man up" shit doesn't work. Probably the absolute worst advice you can give to someone who's hurting.

Actually

Right?
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Conflict posted...

Don't really need to read the rest of your post to understand that your idea of "depression" is a complete joke. You probably never even experienced it and you're just busy shitting all over the keyboard.

Conflict posted...

It's not a matter of being sensitive, your whole post is full of assumptions and pure negativity. Hell you just mindlessly assumed I was unemployed because I didn't approve of the advice you were giving and how you were giving it. You aren't going to positively influence anyone talking like that.
.

lol, talk about being a hypocrite

You guys are cute

Welcome to a Joe topic
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Rabid_Banana posted...

You guys are cute

Welcome to a Joe topic

Yeah really. Nothing more to add. It's like a monthly thing.
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Conflict posted...

I don't know what "actually" is supposed to mean here

Conflict posted...

It's not like he's been sitting in his bed complaining for the past 10 years without doing anything

He actually has.
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I feel the same way tc. It sucks to be hopeless. I hope you can fight your way out of it.
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Bunch of sad-sacks ITT
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Conflict posted...

Actually I was responding to your idiotic assumption/generalization with another one, so that doesn't really make me a hypocrite. It does make you look embarrassing tho

Oh since when did I made any assumption?

1. I only gave my opinion on people with depression under certain circumstances

2. You just made another assumption, which oh look, happens to be untrue. Who are you to automatically assume on me?

3. You are being a hypocrite by doing exactly what you tell others not to do, and

4. Being the only embarrassment here. You seem so desperate to turn this topic where people are trying to give TC advice into some flame war thread, it's pretty sad.

Sure topics like this happen. The feels is something others can relate to. Part of the responses show how others deal with it. Many advocate change. It requires the person to find balance in themselves in a physical state (for changes in activity) and mental state (for change in mindset) of wellbeing. Theres also a spiritual change once you align yourself to inner peace of mind and well being. Many dont realize it but its there. That kind of balance takes effort and time to do and maintain. Its the kind of effort and time some of us dont see the point in doing because theyre too focused on the negativity in their lives. They try and try and it seems to lead nowhere. Nothing is wasted. You may gain further insight. Keep tryin and eventually, you see how we use externalities to validate us as people. Hopefully, youll realize that its what you find in yourself through fitness of body and mind that extends into the world. youll do it. You can do anything you put your mind to. Youre worth it.

When i see this talk about loss of hope, its those who rather give up. They see no point to progress in life. Its as if the world is crushing them through its pressure of success, wealth, and social/cultural demands. Its a very dangerous mindset to remain in because each passing time is an excuse to delay (what in their minds is) the inevitable. Here, theyre weighing in on the release of whats inevitable. Will today be the day i finally go... I know, its what i thought of and it got difficult to wake up every morning with that kind of thought. Its too easy to find the negativity in our lives and we often convince ourselves thats the way its was, is, and ever will be. However, its not. We dont see the option we have and block ourselves from a truth long forgotten - whatevers there we looked inside ourselves and choose to dwell on the things the stifles our growth as a human being --we choose to be this way. Thats why others here bluntly acknowledge that point. Thats why they dont sympathize. They choose not to take every word posted to affect them cause it shouldnt. Those of us who reply may have a more depth of understanding cause all it takes is 1 trigger word to bring them back to a time in their lives when they experienced it. They may recall the despair and close minded ways. They know what it feels like to be isolated. They know what it means to have someone, anyone out there care enough to ;tldr a specific point. To the tc and other readers, a lil encouragement means much more to them than any of us will ever know. It did for me. Youre always worth it.

How do you deal with the negativity. Itll be there but its there in a way to balance yourself towards a better sense of selfworth. There comes a point in everyone where they tell themselves, enough is enough and its time for a change. Theyre ready listen. So, they take an effort. Make the time to brainstorm and find their way to achieve that balance in life. They take everything into account from various sources and wisdom to find themselves. They tried to find themselves externally through what the world defines but the truth is always been something from within. We let the world shape us and for some its not enough. You have to reflect internally to find it. Its often difficult to find because we are so different, unique, and seek others and other things. We close our minds by focusing externally. Its never too hopeless but its often challenging because nobody teaches us to keep our minds open and look within ourselves to seek the answers that fulfills us. It Gives us hope and no longer wanting to feel empty inside. That my friends is the hope thatll redefine you. Its this journey of inner well being and self reflection thatll solve any challenges the world has. I hope one day youll understand this.
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Conflict posted...

I address shitty advice because shitty advice doesn't help people. If you don't want people calling out your shitty advice, don't give shitty advice.

It's pretty easy.

oh wow, look guys, @Conflict knows his stuff so well, he's the only one entitled and qualified to give advice to depressed people like TC!
it's not like he doesn't give s****ty advice either, since who are we to judge? Only he can judge others! His advice is golden and the only things worth knowing!

oh, I can just imagine you like a guy pretending to be doctor

''here, take this medicine''
''why should I?''
''because I say it's good for you and my advice is the only thing in the world not s****ty!''
''are you a doctor?''
''no''
''then why should I listen to you?''

Same
People who keep saying it gets better don't realise it doesn't apply to everyone
For some it never gets better
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Rabid_Banana posted...

Vitamin deez

Nuts!
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Kanaya413 posted...

Same
People who keep saying it gets better don't realise it doesn't apply to everyone
For some it never gets better

Only if you don't want it to.
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joe40001 posted...

Whatever was supposed to happen in my life hasn't, and can't anymore.

As one of the oldest people here, let me tell you that 10 years is a drop in the bucket. Hell, I only remember about 5 things from the 90s. A bad 10 years doesn't have to determine your future. Not at all. Whatever you think can't happen, you're wrong. It absolutely can.

BeyondWalls posted...

joe40001 posted...

Whatever was supposed to happen in my life hasn't, and can't anymore.

As one of the oldest people here, let me tell you that 10 years is a drop in the bucket. Hell, I only remember about 5 things from the 90s. A bad 10 years doesn't have to determine your future. Not at all. Whatever you think can't happen, you're wrong. It absolutely can.

Yeah but in his case, "was supposed to happen" are things he made up in his mind "if I copy this game I'll be rich" "if I write this non-funny sketch, people will think I'm witty, and I'll be rich" "if I do a water-only diet for a week, I won't be fat anymore"
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joe40001 posted...

People who are depressed that long don't get better

I missed my life and will never get better

Everyday life only gets worse and more pathetic.

I'm the only one to blame.

I am terrible,

Never say never. Your life will improve, you can get through this. Also, going through depression does not make you a terrible person.

Keith_Valentine posted...

Why did you ignore this post, tc? This is what pisses me off about people that complain and have self pity. They never fucking listen. They don't want to put in the work to get better, they want it to be easy and comfortable. Get off your ass and go get a fucking job, and stop eating snacks all day. That is good advice. Leme know if you follow through.

And about being alone.. you know damn well you arent ready for a relationship anyway. You'd make bad.moves, screw it up, and then youd go being miserable and heart broken. This is what happens when society encourages men to talk about their goddam feelings. You think I love working 6 days a week, think we're all out here having a blast every day? You gotta take care of your shit, that's why you're piss ing people off, you're lazy and won't do shit about it because you're scared of everything.

This is all horrible advice because the first step to getting better is being honest with your feelings so you're doing good tc! Don't listen to these neandrethals that tell you to 'man up' you're as strong as any of them my dude.
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When has coddling and being sympathetic ever worked for someone? It's akin to virtue signaling and by being 'sensitive', you think you hold some kind of moral correctness. It doesn't work...it never has.

The cold hard truth is the cold water that wakes you up. A lot of people face depression, but it's not because of medical reasons. They're depressed because nothing is going their way and they see change as an obstacle too big to overcome, so they give up and wallow in their self-pity.

I fought depression; the same hopelessness that consumes you when nothing is going for you. Previously, I kept thinking...if things don't go my way this year, I'll do this and that next year. Except that never worked. I woke up one day when I was walking home after a barber gave me a lousy haircut because he was rushing to finish up so he can give his friend a haircut. I saw my reflection in a car window, saw how pathetic I was.

What worked? A big change in my attitude (less negativity and more optimism) and started shoring up my weaknesses. I went to meetup groups, faced my fears and started making friends. I gave it 150% of my effort to make the change. A psychiatrist isn't going to help you...You have to help yourself. Don't expect anyone to help you, except for the friends you make who share the same goals as you do.

That was almost 10 years ago. Today, you'd be jealous if you see my wife. You'd be envious if I tell you my 6-figure yearly earnings.
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Well thats the next step: accepting yourself and doing what you need to do to get better. Accepting the 'reality' of the situation.

The reality is its never as bad as you think and other people's lives are never as good as you think. This is the problem with facebook and social media and the like, people can paint their lives how ever they want no matter how shitty.

Some people have it 'easier' sure but those people will never really know true happiness. Once you make it through this you will :)
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joe40001 posted...

Inferno Dive Dragoon posted...

I can relate, I've spent most of my life being resentful of the fact that I was ever born at all because it was obvious from very early on that I was never going to amount to anything and was just surplus human stock.

I keep hoping for the day where I don't wake up again, and in the mean time I just shuffle about and idle.

I hope it gets better for you.

I'm afraid it doesn't work that way. Happiness and success are finite resources that are reserved for a chosen few. I'm not among the lucky ones though, so my only recourse has been to sit on the figurative ball waiting for the timer to run down because the game is already lost.
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Conflict posted...

GreatEvilEmpire posted...

When has coddling and being sympathetic ever worked for someone?

Being sympathetic is working for me right now.

The rest of your post doesn't even remotely contradict that point either, so I don't even know why you're trying to argue this. A psychiatrist won't magically change you but they can provide medication/give you pointers that can help you think differently and be more functional in day-to-day life. Again, shitty advice. Stop giving it.

You're the one giving shitty advice. Telling an unemployed man to throw away money he doesn't have to someone who just listens and give lousy advice. I know a practicing psychiatrist. He doesn't even take his own advice. That's how effective it is.

It's more effective for him to go outside and make some friends instead of sitting in an office for 5-10 hours a week.
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Conflict posted...

Wow, you know one bad psychiatrist. I guess every single psychiatrist in the world should be dismissed because the almighty GreatEvilEmpire came across a bad one.

"It's more effective for him to go outside and make some friends" Yeah? And how would you tell someone who has social anxiety to do that? "Just man up and do it"?

Lol. At least a psychiatrist or a therapist would know how to get to the root causes of these things. You just give generic advice that you think will apply to anyone regardless of their mental state, and it doesn't.

Go ahead, advise TC on how he's going to pay $125/hour to see a psychiatrist, if he's not covered by his insurance, who will tell him what I'm telling him now. Find the root of the problem, which is his weight, and start solving problems one by one.

TC is a reasonably intelligent man and he already know his problems. He listed it one by one. He needs a hypnotist more than a psychiatrist. He knows he's fat, but does he need a psychiatrist to tell him that? Maybe the psychiatrist can convince TC to stop drinking large amounts of soda and eat pizza pies or whatever he's diet he's on, right? That's definitely worth $125/hour. Or he can take a stand and stop drinking soda altogether.
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Conflict posted...

Lol, $125/hour. You're actively picking random numbers to dissuade TC from seeing a professional because you didn't like yours.

Yeah, if he's not covered by his insurance, then that would pose an issue for seeing any professional. But your arguments against seeing them are just flat out not good. They'd know how to get to the root of his introspective problems better than either of us.

I never had a psychiatrist. He's my friend, who went to Stanford and he can't fix his own issues.

https://www.google.com/#q=what+is+the+average+hourly+rate+for+a+psychiatrist

Average is $103/hour. I was off by a little bit, but it doesn't make it any less cheaper.
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Look into psychedelics and peoples experience with it getting rid of depression among other things. It just went away for some people. Bam. As quick as turning off a lightswitch. Your milage may vary however I have personally experienced remarkably similiar things.
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GreatEvilEmpire posted...

Conflict posted...

Wow, you know one bad psychiatrist. I guess every single psychiatrist in the world should be dismissed because the almighty GreatEvilEmpire came across a bad one.

"It's more effective for him to go outside and make some friends" Yeah? And how would you tell someone who has social anxiety to do that? "Just man up and do it"?

Lol. At least a psychiatrist or a therapist would know how to get to the root causes of these things. You just give generic advice that you think will apply to anyone regardless of their mental state, and it doesn't.

Go ahead, advise TC on how he's going to pay $125/hour to see a psychiatrist, if he's not covered by his insurance, who will tell him what I'm telling him now. Find the root of the problem, which is his weight, and start solving problems one by one.

TC is a reasonably intelligent man and he already know his problems. He listed it one by one. He needs a hypnotist more than a psychiatrist. He knows he's fat, but does he need a psychiatrist to tell him that? Maybe the psychiatrist can convince TC to stop drinking large amounts of soda and eat pizza pies or whatever he's diet he's on, right? That's definitely worth $125/hour. Or he can take a stand and stop drinking soda altogether.

What you are talking about is a psychologist and I already see a good one.

A psychiatrist is going to prescribe meds and I haven't gotten linked up with one for a bit, but I still have some current meds I'm on.

That said I was really low when I made this topic but now I feel hopeful. I appreciate the people who were positive and empathetic and don't worry i just ignored those who were not.

So thanks all
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If you guys haven't noticed, it's pretty obvious Conflict gets so emotionally invested because his irl situation is likely similar in many ways. That's why he reacts personally to advice given to another man. He's been doing it for months, he's got pissed at me before and tries to shut everyone down so he doesn't have to look in the mirror. He can just tel himself 'they're mean, they don't understand'

But we actually do, as he and I discussed last year or so @Conflict.

Conflict posted...

GreatEvilEmpire posted...

I never had a psychiatrist. He's my friend, who went to Stanford and he can't fix his own issues.

Oh wow so your opinion on that matters even less because you know nothing about the practice. Well done proving my point

I know the practice. I work in the healthcare-related field.

Here's something you don't understand. You're just getting started, and maybe you're making some progress and that's great for you. But like I said, you're just getting started, still inexperienced compared to someone who has gone way beyond than just 'getting better'.
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Same GreatEmpire. I overcame being suicidal for years and was in rehab. I share what helped me but the thing is I type fast and think aggressively so I end up using cuss words too much and it dilutes my message. It's been a problem for a long time.

You didn't pick much apart, Conflict, you seem to be alone on your side while others are agreeing with me or at least more on this side. I'm not even trying to be mean to you anymore, but I'm kinda smart, and you get emotional in any topic concerning depression where someone suggest.. 'suck it up and take action'. It's obvious though

Whatever man. Just keep arguing online instead of making a move, not my problem. You're in every topic like this, riled up, not hard to figure out something ain't right.

Stop editing posts and adding or removing shit. You do that frequently. I'm not here to fight, I told you I'm done with back and forth. Quit freaking out because someone thinks differently than you, it's weird.

That's fair, but I get the feeling I'm close to home. You get so pissed. I was riled at tc, not you at first. Anyone who posts aggressive at me i do it back, hard not to. Self pity and victimstance in men annoys me.

ShotOJameson posted...

Keith_Valentine posted...

Why did you ignore this post, tc? This is what pisses me off about people that complain and have self pity. They never fucking listen. They don't want to put in the work to get better, they want it to be easy and comfortable. Get off your ass and go get a fucking job, and stop eating snacks all day. That is good advice. Leme know if you follow through.

And about being alone.. you know damn well you arent ready for a relationship anyway. You'd make bad.moves, screw it up, and then youd go being miserable and heart broken. This is what happens when society encourages men to talk about their goddam feelings. You think I love working 6 days a week, think we're all out here having a blast every day? You gotta take care of your shit, that's why you're piss ing people off, you're lazy and won't do shit about it because you're scared of everything.

This is all horrible advice because the first step to getting better is being honest with your feelings so you're doing good tc! Don't listen to these neandrethals that tell you to 'man up' you're as strong as any of them my dude.

No, he's not atm. You're feeding him bullshit which will make him feel good for a minute and change nothing

Admitting your feelings... ugh. *puke*

Keith_Valentine posted...

ShotOJameson posted...

Keith_Valentine posted...

Why did you ignore this post, tc? This is what pisses me off about people that complain and have self pity. They never fucking listen. They don't want to put in the work to get better, they want it to be easy and comfortable. Get off your ass and go get a fucking job, and stop eating snacks all day. That is good advice. Leme know if you follow through.

And about being alone.. you know damn well you arent ready for a relationship anyway. You'd make bad.moves, screw it up, and then youd go being miserable and heart broken. This is what happens when society encourages men to talk about their goddam feelings. You think I love working 6 days a week, think we're all out here having a blast every day? You gotta take care of your shit, that's why you're piss ing people off, you're lazy and won't do shit about it because you're scared of everything.

This is all horrible advice because the first step to getting better is being honest with your feelings so you're doing good tc! Don't listen to these neandrethals that tell you to 'man up' you're as strong as any of them my dude.

No, he's not atm. You're feeding him bullshit which will make him feel good for a minute and change nothing

Admitting your feelings... ugh. *puke*

If you've never gone through real depression or dealt with serious anxiety, well then you're lucky for one, but you should exempt yourself from trying to give advice to those people that have and do struggle and go about your business.
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I know how you feel TC.
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for what it's worth i agree with conflict. it's ignorant to think that all forms of depression can be cured by just getting off your ass and "beating it" by working harder. depression is complex and often irrational, and it's reckless to tell someone who's been severely depressed for a decade that if they weren't such a bitch they could be better by now.

it's always worth it to encourage someone to better their circumstances, but happiness doesn't always come from having a good job, being in shape, and having relationships. i mean honestly, there are plenty of successful people who are depressed. can you really tell a depressed person that it's their fault for being depressed because they aren't successful enough in good faith?

i'm often depressed. it's come and gone in waves since highschool. i will say that the two times my depression were at their worst were when i was incredibly overworked for a few months, and when i was unemployed for a few months after college, which makes sense. bad circumstances usually make depression worse. when i finally got my first job after college, i was doing pretty well for awhile, but eventually my depression reared it's ugly head again. it hit me harder than usual because i realized that no matter how well i'm doing my depression will find a way to bring me down. i had a good job, an apartment to myself for the first time, and i was dating a new girl, but i started contemplating suicide anyways. i felt hopeless, because i realized that independence, money, and relationships didn't keep my depression away. so what's the point in continuing to live if i can't beat this?

my point is, some kinds of depression can't be beat by manning up. don't discourage people from seeking the help they need because you think you understand their mental illness, because you were able to beat it your way.

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TC, i'm sorry you feel that way. i was almost crushed by a few short months of unemployment, and it's easy to spiral into self-defeating attitudes and behaviors. don't let them call you weak or lazy, even if you feel that they're right. sometimes the people closest to you might seem annoyed or angry with you, but many times that's because they're frustrated and don't know what to do.

if you can, see if you can try finding a therapist or psychiatrist. it might seem like a waste of money, but if it sets you on the right track then it's worth the world. and if it doesn't work out, you can always stop going or go find a new doctor.

also, try committing to improving a small aspect of your life, even if it just means something simple like cleaning your room or eating a few more fruits and vegetables. when you learn to control one aspect of your life, you will learn the confidence to improve yourself in other ways. don't be afraid of failure. find something you know you can do.

I do take it too far, and there are many circumstances that could affect someone. But all the talk about feelings and that, it bugs me. You can feel your feelings but still think logically. If you're fat, quit fucking eating so much. If you're ugly , better get some money and nice shit. If you feel crappy, go workout. If you're lonely, find the sexiest body on the ugliest girl to start with. Shit like that.

The utter desolation of so many men's outlooks on life just downs me. It's nice because it's less competition for me, but guys just savage themselves to the point it's like their soul is torn apart. I hate it

Keith_Valentine posted...

I do take it too far, and there are many circumstances that could affect someone. But all the talk about feelings and that, it bugs me. You can feel your feelings but still think logically. If you're fat, quit fucking eating so much. If you're ugly , better get some money and nice shit. If you feel crappy, go workout. If you're lonely, find the sexiest body on the ugliest girl to start with. Shit like that.

The utter desolation of so many men's outlooks on life just downs me. It's nice because it's less competition for me, but guys just savage themselves to the point it's like their soul is torn apart. I hate it

I get it, and you're right in a way, but ignoring feelings can really cause more problems for a person later and completely exacerbate the problem. Also some people really aren't so caught up in the competition in life and just really want nothing more than piece of mind. The thing that gives me 'peace of mind' is just knowing I did my best and all I could regardless of results, and learning from the L's I've taken. I'm honestly an extremely competitive person and it's been a huge burden on me all my life. I hate it tbh. I don't even really care about winning all that much either though I just hate, HATE to lose. Anything. It's crazy, and sometimes it's hard to turn off so I have learned to choose my battles more wisely as a man, and realize not everything is a competition.
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P1. Yes, tc has been posting and behaving like this for years. Literally over 10 years

2. When he says nobody likes or how people hate him, he's talking about posters on CE or LUE. Basically "people" that shouldn't have influence on your life.
He's mit talking about real People in his Life.

He's looking for affirmation please don't enable him
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