Board 8 > Preparing to w**** Chester out on Reddit, think this image does the job?

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Ainoxi
03/17/12 12:10:00 PM
#1:


Any input on how to improve it?

external image

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mnkboy907
03/17/12 12:12:00 PM
#2:


Well your first sentence says "a game I've working on".

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Ainoxi
03/17/12 12:12:00 PM
#3:


Hooray proofreaders!

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AlecTrevelyan006
03/17/12 12:13:00 PM
#4:


"Each filled with to the tippy-top"

change to each fill up to the tippy-top

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KingButz
03/17/12 12:14:00 PM
#5:


Just a quick proofread

"You're travel"

"Each filled with to"

The rest looks great!

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Naomi_Diamond
03/17/12 12:15:00 PM
#6:


You're travel across 7 worlds visitng

each filled with to the TIP-TOPPITY with



few more

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KingButz
03/17/12 12:15:00 PM
#7:


oh and lol gamefaqs for censoring whore

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Naomi_Diamond
03/17/12 12:15:00 PM
#8:


i'm slow!

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KingButz
03/17/12 12:15:00 PM
#9:


oh yeah visitng

didn't even see that

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Forceful_Dragon
03/17/12 12:15:00 PM
#10:


Willy Wonka is creepin me out.

kill it

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Ainoxi
03/17/12 12:16:00 PM
#11:


From: Forceful_Dragon | #010
Willy Wonka is creepin me out.

kill it


XD
Gotta play to the audience!

And thanks for all of the proofreading.

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Forceful_Dragon
03/17/12 12:17:00 PM
#12:


Maybe include the price/sale price as well?

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mnkboy907
03/17/12 12:17:00 PM
#13:


Also you put an e in attacks, under the style change collage.

And then "You're travel across 7 worlds vistng".

Edit: I should refresh more.

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Forceful_Dragon
03/17/12 12:19:00 PM
#14:


Also I think it would be better if "this is chester" was on a line by himself (and slightly bigger)

And then "these/this is/are chester too" just beneath it. Not important maybe but they feel all cluttered and 'off to the side' is over there.

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mnkboy907
03/17/12 12:20:00 PM
#15:


Also, maybe you should mention it was mentioned in Xbox Magazine (or whatever).

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KingButz
03/17/12 12:23:00 PM
#16:


maybe mention positive reviews?

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Ainoxi
03/17/12 12:24:00 PM
#17:


Updated!
external image

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WazzupGenius00
03/17/12 12:25:00 PM
#18:


"us their styles" -> "use their styles"

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mnkboy907
03/17/12 12:25:00 PM
#19:


From: KingButz | #007
oh and lol gamefaqs for censoring whore


And yeah, lol. It took me a minute to figure out what he was trying to say.

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Justin_Crossing
03/17/12 12:25:00 PM
#20:


My one comment is that the picture you chose for hand-drawn has the blurry foreground object so I think it detracts a little from the message >.>

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Ainoxi
03/17/12 12:26:00 PM
#21:


[Ignore that overlaying text at the bottom. <_<]

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KingButz
03/17/12 12:26:00 PM
#22:


maybe "or in the middle of any level"

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Rad Link 5
03/17/12 12:26:00 PM
#23:


Did you put "le reddit" in there?

They get a ridiculous boner for that for some reason.

(I'd also mention that the Official Xbox Magazine called it better than Sonic.)

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mnkboy907
03/17/12 12:27:00 PM
#24:


The Desura link is crowding with that other text.

Edit: Bah.

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KingButz
03/17/12 12:27:00 PM
#25:


From: mnkboy907 | #024
The Desura link is crowding with that other text.


The Desura logo is also crowding the text

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Robazoid
03/17/12 12:28:00 PM
#26:


Was 'super special sale price you you' on purpose?

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th3l3fty
03/17/12 12:31:00 PM
#27:


"but priorities people!"

stick a comma after priorities

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Weakupedia
03/17/12 12:32:00 PM
#28:


agy can't english

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BIGPUN9999
03/17/12 12:32:00 PM
#29:


"Featuring art by Punny!"

IMO

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Forceful_Dragon
03/17/12 12:34:00 PM
#30:


From: BIGPUN9999 | #029
"Featuring art by Punny!"

IMO


include this in 1 point font.


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Ainoxi
03/17/12 12:36:00 PM
#31:


XD
Hopefully got everything.
external image

Going to get the new patch up and then post it. Hopefully it doesn't get one upvote and die. <_<

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Ainoxi
03/17/12 12:36:00 PM
#32:


From: Forceful_Dragon | #030
include this in 1 point font.


XDD

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WazzupGenius00
03/17/12 12:40:00 PM
#33:


the change to the priorities joke makes it worse now

should have kept it the same phrasing as before, but just added a comma before "people"

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Ainoxi
03/17/12 12:42:00 PM
#34:


Oops, switched to the old text somehow. Back to 'people.' >_>

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Rad Link 5
03/17/12 12:44:00 PM
#35:


I would put quotation marks around this part, and also insert a comma after platformer. Like so:

"An indie 2D platformer, you say? How original!"

I'd remove "as well" from the block of text below the style images to make the sentence flow better. Or I'd make it: These styles aren't just superficial changes, either! They offer unique gameplay bonuses! (slower enemies, cheaper special attacks, lower gravity, etc!)

This one's kind of iffy, but while I'm critiquing sentence flow, I'd change the sentence about the alternate Chesters to: The different universes I mentioned earlier don't just house alternate versions of the same character.

or

The different universes I mentioned earlier don't just give us alternate versions of the same character.

By collecting brains, yum!
should be
By collecting brains. Yum!

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BIGPUN9999
03/17/12 12:45:00 PM
#36:


From: Forceful_Dragon | #030
include this in 1 point font.


I'll accept this!

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Ainoxi
03/17/12 12:47:00 PM
#37:


From: Rad Link 5 | #035
I would put quotation marks around this part, and also insert a comma after platformer. Like so:

"An indie 2D platformer, you say? How original!"

I'd remove "as well" from the block of text below the style images to make the sentence flow better. Or I'd make it: These styles aren't just superficial changes, either! They offer unique gameplay bonuses! (slower enemies, cheaper special attacks, lower gravity, etc!)

This one's kind of iffy, but while I'm critiquing sentence flow, I'd change the sentence about the alternate Chesters to: The different universes I mentioned earlier don't just house alternate versions of the same character.

or

The different universes I mentioned earlier don't just give us alternate versions of the same character.

By collecting brains, yum!
should be
By collecting brains. Yum!


I'm addressing that fellow Yum that everyone knows so well!
>_> <_<

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Rad Link 5
03/17/12 12:51:00 PM
#38:


Also if you're looking for publicity, consider making a TVTropes page for the game.

I have no idea if that works to push copies, but I mean you're going to Reddit of all places, so hey.

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HaRRicH
03/17/12 1:53:00 PM
#39:


Your latest edit will probably do the trick. Maybe you could point out a particular quote from the review (I remember liking the "more variety than two Sonic-games" one or whatever ended the review), but otherwise it's good!

How all have you gone about getting exposure for Chester though? I'll probably start a campaign to get more exposure for a play I wrote about video games soon, so I'd be curious about any advice you may have.

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Justin_Crossing
03/17/12 1:55:00 PM
#40:


I still think using a different screenshot for the 'hand-drawn' picture would be beneficial >.>

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Rad Link 5
03/17/12 1:56:00 PM
#41:


I'm gonna echo that sentiment, now that I actually look at it. I was focusing on text stuff, because that's more my speed.

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Ainoxi
03/17/12 2:46:00 PM
#42:


Suppose I could attempt to find a better one. <.<

And just waiting for the 1.1.5 patch to be reviewed on Desura.

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The Real Truth
03/17/12 2:48:00 PM
#43:


"about a game I've working on" - about a game I've been working on

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Ainoxi
03/17/12 3:43:00 PM
#44:


Updated!
external image

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Rad Link 5
03/17/12 4:00:00 PM
#45:


That screenshot showcases the HAND DRAWN ART much better.

I don't spy any problems. Everything looks right to me.

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Weakupedia
03/17/12 4:02:00 PM
#46:


wait if i buy this on desura

do i need to run some desura client to play it

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Ainoxi
03/17/12 4:04:00 PM
#47:


From: Weakupedia | #046
wait if i buy this on desura

do i need to run some desura client to play it


I uploaded a stand alone release to the site as well, so you should be able to bypass the client.
If you buy it and can't bypass it let me know and I'll get an installer set up for you.


And thanks to everyone in this topic for helping me correct the mass amount of errors in this!

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Weakupedia
03/17/12 4:05:00 PM
#48:


cool. that was the only reason i was holding off for a steam release! how will updates and stuff work, then? still just automatically?

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Ainoxi
03/17/12 4:06:00 PM
#49:


Without the client you'll just have to download the new installer whenever I throw it up there.

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Justin_Crossing
03/17/12 4:12:00 PM
#50:


From: Rad Link 5 | #045
That screenshot showcases the HAND DRAWN ART much better.

I don't spy any problems. Everything looks right to me.



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