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Ainoxi 03/17/12 12:10:00 PM #1: |
Any input on how to improve it?
-- C _ _ H _ _ E _ _ S _ _ T _ _ E _ _ R _ _ _ http://img.imgcake.com/chestaga1gifun.gif \ http://bbg-games.com \ http://twitter.com/BennFried ... Copied to Clipboard!
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mnkboy907 03/17/12 12:12:00 PM #2: |
Well your first sentence says "a game I've working on".
-- http://i50.tinypic.com/23qx00.jpg "First time I got punched in the face, I was like "oh no", then I was like "this is a story"." ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Ainoxi 03/17/12 12:12:00 PM #3: |
Hooray proofreaders!
-- C _ _ H _ _ E _ _ S _ _ T _ _ E _ _ R _ _ _ http://img.imgcake.com/chestaga1gifun.gif \ http://bbg-games.com \ http://twitter.com/BennFried ... Copied to Clipboard!
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AlecTrevelyan006 03/17/12 12:13:00 PM #4: |
"Each filled with to the tippy-top"
change to each fill up to the tippy-top -- "nah, it's not my team if I drop pitchers for merely being horrible" -War13104 ... Copied to Clipboard!
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KingButz 03/17/12 12:14:00 PM #5: |
Just a quick proofread
"You're travel" "Each filled with to" The rest looks great! -- http://img.imgcake.com/nio/bokbokbokpngur.png Ok everyone this is Bartz so just remember. ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Naomi_Diamond 03/17/12 12:15:00 PM #6: |
You're travel across 7 worlds visitng
each filled with to the TIP-TOPPITY with few more -- ziggie ziggie wop wop http://tinyurl.com/7rseben ... Copied to Clipboard!
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KingButz 03/17/12 12:15:00 PM #7: |
oh and lol gamefaqs for censoring whore
-- http://img.imgcake.com/nio/bokbokbokpngur.png Ok everyone this is Bartz so just remember. ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Naomi_Diamond 03/17/12 12:15:00 PM #8: |
i'm slow!
-- ziggie ziggie wop wop http://tinyurl.com/7rseben ... Copied to Clipboard!
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KingButz 03/17/12 12:15:00 PM #9: |
oh yeah visitng
didn't even see that -- http://img.imgcake.com/nio/bokbokbokpngur.png Ok everyone this is Bartz so just remember. ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Forceful_Dragon 03/17/12 12:15:00 PM #10: |
Willy Wonka is creepin me out.
kill it -- ~Ç~ http://img.imgcake.com/AlecTrevylan006/fdshieldpngyn.png Eff_Dee http://img.imgcake.com/nio/9fdpngys.png ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Ainoxi 03/17/12 12:16:00 PM #11: |
From: Forceful_Dragon | #010 XD Gotta play to the audience! And thanks for all of the proofreading. -- C _ _ H _ _ E _ _ S _ _ T _ _ E _ _ R _ _ _ http://img.imgcake.com/chestaga1gifun.gif \ http://bbg-games.com \ http://twitter.com/BennFried ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Forceful_Dragon 03/17/12 12:17:00 PM #12: |
Maybe include the price/sale price as well?
-- ~Ç~ http://img.imgcake.com/AlecTrevylan006/fdshieldpngyn.png Eff_Dee http://img.imgcake.com/nio/9fdpngys.png ... Copied to Clipboard!
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mnkboy907 03/17/12 12:17:00 PM #13: |
Also you put an e in attacks, under the style change collage.
And then "You're travel across 7 worlds vistng". Edit: I should refresh more. -- http://i50.tinypic.com/23qx00.jpg "First time I got punched in the face, I was like "oh no", then I was like "this is a story"." ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Forceful_Dragon 03/17/12 12:19:00 PM #14: |
Also I think it would be better if "this is chester" was on a line by himself (and slightly bigger)
And then "these/this is/are chester too" just beneath it. Not important maybe but they feel all cluttered and 'off to the side' is over there. -- ~Ç~ http://img.imgcake.com/AlecTrevylan006/fdshieldpngyn.png Eff_Dee http://img.imgcake.com/nio/9fdpngys.png ... Copied to Clipboard!
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mnkboy907 03/17/12 12:20:00 PM #15: |
Also, maybe you should mention it was mentioned in Xbox Magazine (or whatever).
-- First is mnk'boy'907, who looks fab with her gray skin and grandma poncho/shawl thing~ http://img.imgcake.com/nio/boypngbu.png - Nio ... Copied to Clipboard!
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KingButz 03/17/12 12:23:00 PM #16: |
maybe mention positive reviews?
-- http://img.imgcake.com/nio/bokbokbokpngur.png Ok everyone this is Bartz so just remember. ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Ainoxi 03/17/12 12:24:00 PM #17: |
Updated!
-- C _ _ H _ _ E _ _ S _ _ T _ _ E _ _ R _ _ _ http://img.imgcake.com/chestaga1gifun.gif \ http://bbg-games.com \ http://twitter.com/BennFried ... Copied to Clipboard!
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WazzupGenius00 03/17/12 12:25:00 PM #18: |
"us their styles" -> "use their styles"
-- (10:17:09 PM) Ed Bellis: i think pac-man just keeps repeating, for instance (10:17:26 PM) ertyu: ya well tell that to billy michtlle ... Copied to Clipboard!
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mnkboy907 03/17/12 12:25:00 PM #19: |
From: KingButz | #007 And yeah, lol. It took me a minute to figure out what he was trying to say. -- http://i45.tinypic.com/fpchec.gif http://img149.imageshack.us/img149/9413/cutepuppy16.png - Number of people that D'awwed: 64 ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Justin_Crossing 03/17/12 12:25:00 PM #20: |
My one comment is that the picture you chose for hand-drawn has the blurry foreground object so I think it detracts a little from the message >.>
-- ~Acting on Impulse~ Black Turtle still didn't MAJORA'S MASK ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Ainoxi 03/17/12 12:26:00 PM #21: |
[Ignore that overlaying text at the bottom. <_<]
-- C _ _ H _ _ E _ _ S _ _ T _ _ E _ _ R _ _ _ http://img.imgcake.com/chestaga1gifun.gif \ http://bbg-games.com \ http://twitter.com/BennFried ... Copied to Clipboard!
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KingButz 03/17/12 12:26:00 PM #22: |
maybe "or in the middle of any level"
-- http://img.imgcake.com/nio/bokbokbokpngur.png Ok everyone this is Bartz so just remember. ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Rad Link 5 03/17/12 12:26:00 PM #23: |
Did you put "le reddit" in there?
They get a ridiculous boner for that for some reason. (I'd also mention that the Official Xbox Magazine called it better than Sonic.) -- Ace Detective in Sir Chris' Police http://img196.imageshack.us/img196/9451/20110530afabodo.jpg ... Copied to Clipboard!
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mnkboy907 03/17/12 12:27:00 PM #24: |
The Desura link is crowding with that other text.
Edit: Bah. -- http://img94.imageshack.us/img94/4418/dsc02035h.jpg http://i38.tinypic.com/2zqtqur.jpg ... Copied to Clipboard!
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KingButz 03/17/12 12:27:00 PM #25: |
From: mnkboy907 | #024 The Desura logo is also crowding the text -- http://img.imgcake.com/nio/bokbokbokpngur.png Ok everyone this is Bartz so just remember. ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Robazoid 03/17/12 12:28:00 PM #26: |
Was 'super special sale price you you' on purpose?
-- **R.O.B.A.Z.O.I.D** ... Copied to Clipboard!
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th3l3fty 03/17/12 12:31:00 PM #27: |
"but priorities people!"
stick a comma after priorities -- thelefty for analysis crew 2008 imo -tranny I have a third degree burn in flame-o-nomics -Sir Chris ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Weakupedia 03/17/12 12:32:00 PM #28: |
agy can't english
-- XS2 is the only good Xenosaga game - Lady Ashe http://backloggery.com/cwistofu ... Copied to Clipboard!
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BIGPUN9999 03/17/12 12:32:00 PM #29: |
"Featuring art by Punny!"
IMO -- http://img.imgcake.com/LtM/1202942476287.jpg ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Forceful_Dragon 03/17/12 12:34:00 PM #30: |
From: BIGPUN9999 | #029 include this in 1 point font. -- ~Ç~ http://img.imgcake.com/AlecTrevylan006/fdshieldpngyn.png Eff_Dee http://img.imgcake.com/nio/9fdpngys.png ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Ainoxi 03/17/12 12:36:00 PM #31: |
XD
Hopefully got everything. Going to get the new patch up and then post it. Hopefully it doesn't get one upvote and die. <_< -- C _ _ H _ _ E _ _ S _ _ T _ _ E _ _ R _ _ _ http://img.imgcake.com/chestaga1gifun.gif \ http://bbg-games.com \ http://twitter.com/BennFried ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Ainoxi 03/17/12 12:36:00 PM #32: |
From: Forceful_Dragon | #030 XDD -- C _ _ H _ _ E _ _ S _ _ T _ _ E _ _ R _ _ _ http://img.imgcake.com/chestaga1gifun.gif \ http://bbg-games.com \ http://twitter.com/BennFried ... Copied to Clipboard!
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WazzupGenius00 03/17/12 12:40:00 PM #33: |
the change to the priorities joke makes it worse now
should have kept it the same phrasing as before, but just added a comma before "people" -- [NO BARKLEY NO PEACE] If you can't slam with the best, then jam with the rest. ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Ainoxi 03/17/12 12:42:00 PM #34: |
Oops, switched to the old text somehow. Back to 'people.' >_>
-- C _ _ H _ _ E _ _ S _ _ T _ _ E _ _ R _ _ _ http://img.imgcake.com/chestaga1gifun.gif \ http://bbg-games.com \ http://twitter.com/BennFried ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Rad Link 5 03/17/12 12:44:00 PM #35: |
I would put quotation marks around this part, and also insert a comma after platformer. Like so:
"An indie 2D platformer, you say? How original!" I'd remove "as well" from the block of text below the style images to make the sentence flow better. Or I'd make it: These styles aren't just superficial changes, either! They offer unique gameplay bonuses! (slower enemies, cheaper special attacks, lower gravity, etc!) This one's kind of iffy, but while I'm critiquing sentence flow, I'd change the sentence about the alternate Chesters to: The different universes I mentioned earlier don't just house alternate versions of the same character. or The different universes I mentioned earlier don't just give us alternate versions of the same character. By collecting brains, yum! should be By collecting brains. Yum! -- Ace Detective in Sir Chris' Police http://i51.tinypic.com/2dqowae.jpg ... Copied to Clipboard!
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BIGPUN9999 03/17/12 12:45:00 PM #36: |
From: Forceful_Dragon | #030 I'll accept this! -- http://img195.imageshack.us/img195/1209/vgharem.jpg http://img72.imageshack.us/img72/4679/b8harem.png ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Ainoxi 03/17/12 12:47:00 PM #37: |
From: Rad Link 5 | #035 I'm addressing that fellow Yum that everyone knows so well! >_> <_< -- C _ _ H _ _ E _ _ S _ _ T _ _ E _ _ R _ _ _ http://img.imgcake.com/chestaga1gifun.gif \ http://bbg-games.com \ http://twitter.com/BennFried ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Rad Link 5 03/17/12 12:51:00 PM #38: |
Also if you're looking for publicity, consider making a TVTropes page for the game.
I have no idea if that works to push copies, but I mean you're going to Reddit of all places, so hey. -- Ace Detective in Sir Chris' Police http://i52.tinypic.com/2nar4wm.jpg ... Copied to Clipboard!
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HaRRicH 03/17/12 1:53:00 PM #39: |
Your latest edit will probably do the trick. Maybe you could point out a particular quote from the review (I remember liking the "more variety than two Sonic-games" one or whatever ended the review), but otherwise it's good!
How all have you gone about getting exposure for Chester though? I'll probably start a campaign to get more exposure for a play I wrote about video games soon, so I'd be curious about any advice you may have. -- http://img812.imageshack.us/img812/3492/eponaharr.jpg Nominate SuperNiceDog's Guru-choice, then Epona. ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Justin_Crossing 03/17/12 1:55:00 PM #40: |
I still think using a different screenshot for the 'hand-drawn' picture would be beneficial >.>
-- ~Acting on Impulse~ Black Turtle still didn't MAJORA'S MASK ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Rad Link 5 03/17/12 1:56:00 PM #41: |
I'm gonna echo that sentiment, now that I actually look at it. I was focusing on text stuff, because that's more my speed.
-- Ace Detective in Sir Chris' Police http://img820.imageshack.us/img820/8823/therearepartsofmethatar.jpg ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Ainoxi 03/17/12 2:46:00 PM #42: |
Suppose I could attempt to find a better one. <.<
And just waiting for the 1.1.5 patch to be reviewed on Desura. -- C _ _ H _ _ E _ _ S _ _ T _ _ E _ _ R _ _ _ http://img.imgcake.com/chestaga1gifun.gif \ http://bbg-games.com \ http://twitter.com/BennFried ... Copied to Clipboard!
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The Real Truth 03/17/12 2:48:00 PM #43: |
"about a game I've working on" - about a game I've been working on
-- Tornadoman78: tornadoman and tornadogirl like to kick box each other in my tornaolayzers and she dosent even mind getting hit ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Ainoxi 03/17/12 3:43:00 PM #44: |
Updated!
-- C _ _ H _ _ E _ _ S _ _ T _ _ E _ _ R _ _ _ http://img.imgcake.com/chestaga1gifun.gif \ http://bbg-games.com \ http://twitter.com/BennFried ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Rad Link 5 03/17/12 4:00:00 PM #45: |
That screenshot showcases the HAND DRAWN ART much better.
I don't spy any problems. Everything looks right to me. -- Ace Detective in Sir Chris' Police http://i52.tinypic.com/5206qe.gif ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Weakupedia 03/17/12 4:02:00 PM #46: |
wait if i buy this on desura
do i need to run some desura client to play it -- XS2 is the only good Xenosaga game - Lady Ashe http://backloggery.com/cwistofu ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Ainoxi 03/17/12 4:04:00 PM #47: |
From: Weakupedia | #046 I uploaded a stand alone release to the site as well, so you should be able to bypass the client. If you buy it and can't bypass it let me know and I'll get an installer set up for you. And thanks to everyone in this topic for helping me correct the mass amount of errors in this! -- C _ _ H _ _ E _ _ S _ _ T _ _ E _ _ R _ _ _ http://img.imgcake.com/chestaga1gifun.gif \ http://bbg-games.com \ http://twitter.com/BennFried ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Weakupedia 03/17/12 4:05:00 PM #48: |
cool. that was the only reason i was holding off for a steam release! how will updates and stuff work, then? still just automatically?
-- XS2 is the only good Xenosaga game - Lady Ashe http://backloggery.com/cwistofu ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Ainoxi 03/17/12 4:06:00 PM #49: |
Without the client you'll just have to download the new installer whenever I throw it up there.
-- C _ _ H _ _ E _ _ S _ _ T _ _ E _ _ R _ _ _ http://img.imgcake.com/chestaga1gifun.gif \ http://bbg-games.com \ http://twitter.com/BennFried ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Justin_Crossing 03/17/12 4:12:00 PM #50: |
From: Rad Link 5 | #045 -- ~Acting on Impulse~ Black Turtle still didn't MAJORA'S MASK ... Copied to Clipboard!
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