Board 8 > Religion in relationships

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Two different religions, and specifically, two different people who are really into them, will cause chaos. There is no denying this, unless you have two people who are open-minded enough to persevere. (But what the heck do you teach the kids?)

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From: swirIdude | #051
(But what the heck do you teach the kids?)

to think for themselves?

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Mer_Mer_Yes_Mer posted...
From: swirIdude | #051
(But what the heck do you teach the kids?)
to think for themselves?

"Hey [parental units], my friends are celebrating Christmas and Hanukkah, what are we celebrating?"

"Think for yourself!"

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Because relationships shouldn't be viewed in a utilitarian way? Why is a relationship a waste of time if it never gets serious?

I never said it was. If you read carefully, you'll notice that I said if you want a serious relationship, then it is a waste to invest your time in someone who cannot provide that to you.

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I describe myself as "agnostic as f***", and I'm currently engaged to a christian (non-denominational) and it really doesn't play a factor at all. When we started dating she was a recently converted Mormon (I was a Mormon briefly as a kid, so it didn't freak me out, but I knew exactly how wrong those people are) but I understood that she had gone through some rough times, and that what Mormons do best is swoop in on people who aren't doing so hot who might have a slice of religion within them and make everything they have seem wonderful. She figured out that it was all BS and that she just liked the atmosphere and the people (say what you want, but Mormons when they're not jamming their awful religion down your throat are very nice and helpful people).

So now she doesn't go to any church, does a quick silent prayer before some meals, and I can't say God dammit as much as I'd like. That's it. In this culture especially coming from a rural area like we did, I can't logically fault someone for being religious to the small degree that she is, and she still makes all the right decisions in life without being overly influenced by God or anything like that. She has also said since the beginning she will never try to change me or my views on the subject, and that our children will be free to make their own decisions.

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I don't know if it'll always matter. But the only serious relationship I've ever had, it just couldn't work out because she was so into her religion and I was so into not being into my religion. I've had less serious relationships where it didn't matter but.... that could easily be because it just never got to a stage where it did matter.

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My wife is Mormon, I am religiously-challenged (I believe in spirituality, but I don't believe in any practiced/organized religion [not sure what the term would be for what I am]).

My wife participates in several Mormon things from home teaching to just going to church. She is active in our churches community. I don't pray, or even close my eyes and give a courtesy "Amen" when our home teachers are over, but I am not totally disrespectful either. I let them have their moment and keep my self quiet. I curse quite a bit (and am constantly at battle with making sure my kids know when it is and isn't appropriate), and my wife has let a profanity out once in a while herself. I am the stay at home parent between the both of us.

My wife takes the kids to church, but I stay at home on Sundays and watch football or play games; it's my day off. She has been known to skip church though if she isn't particularly feeling up to going. Since she is the working parent, sometimes she just wants to nap on Sundays.

We have never had a disagreement about anything politics or religion related. She accepts me for being anti-religious, and I give her her needs and time for doing whatever Mormony things she wants to do. I generally don't give a rat's ass about anything politics related. I see the President as mostly just a figurehead for our country, and unless we get some tyrannical force in office, I doubt I will notice much of a change in my daily life. I am somewhat anti-social, so I don't go out to parties or communal activities. My wife is more of the social butterfly though. She tends to speak on behalf of both of us when needed.

We both put family first though. Whatever is needed to best benefit our family and it's development. Thus far, religion and politics have had zero impact on it.

We have been married 10 years, and not a single hiccup. Our fights that we have had usually revolve around whether or not we are spending enough time with each other.

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Hmm.

Me and me long term girlfriend have been together for five years now. While we BEGAN with widely differing views we've both ended up pretty much on the same page. Agnostic. Very liberal. We talk about that kind of stuff a lot and honestly have had a pretty smooth relationship outside of a couple small hiccups related to being stupid 20 somethings.

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I'm an atheist. My wife is Jewish but she's not very into it. She's from the Soviet Union where being Jewish wasn't really okay, so she was never raised with any of those traditions, apart from fasting on Yom Kippur. That said, she does lean slightly more spiritual than me, in that she does believe in an afterlife of some kind and has a vague belief in a higher power of some sort. She doesn't put a label on it but I'd say her beliefs are pretty close to deist.

We both agree that organized religion isn't for us, and I could see it being a problem if we didn't. As it is though it's actually kind of convenient: we never have to worry about which family to spend holidays with since they don't celebrate the same ones. Also I could see more problems from her family if our genders were reversed. They're okay with her marrying a non-Jew because kids are Jewish if their mother is Jewish regardless of who the father is. Her brother gets pressured to only date other Jews, which was never the case with her.

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Even if I wasn't Christian I'd still celebrate Christmas.

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I'm atheist and liberal, my girlfriend is apathetic on both, although she's starting to care a little about politics.

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Even if I wasn't Christian I'd still celebrate Christmas.

makes sense considering that it is a pagan holiday and all.

I for one welcome our American Overlords.

With jeers.

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boo, bow down

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No.

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Rad Link 5 posted...
Because relationships shouldn't be viewed in a utilitarian way? Why is a relationship a waste of time if it never gets serious?

After a handful of dates, I tend to like the person, so I wouldn't want to be invested with someone I like when it won't work out. It's harmful emotionally. Once you've figured that out, repeating the 'mistake' is a waste of time. When you don't know any better, it sucks but that's just part of growing up.

...and if you don't like the person, then the relationship pretty much just is utilitarian.

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I'm an atheist and don't give a ****. My girlfriend is a christian and doesn't give a ****.

So as long as it stays this way we'll be good. But she did go through a huge christian phase when her dad died (before I knew her) and so if it happens again she may be all "we're unequally yoked! you're bad! boo! hiss!" so we'll see.

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If one partner is passionate about religion and one isn't, the situation is less than ideal, but very doable. If both partners are passionate about conflicting religions, that relationship is very likely to fail. Ideally both partners should have the same religious beliefs(or lack thereof).

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From: MarvelousGerbil | #004
You have to both be either similarly minded, open minded, or generally apathetic.

I think the ultimate answer was given in the 4th post. I think if one of those 3 situations are met you would have no problems.

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From: masterplum | #069
I think the ultimate answer was given in the 4th post. I think if one of those 3 situations are met you would have no problems.

Then my wife and I are the exception. After 10 years of marriage (and 2 years of dating prior), my wife has not tried to convert me to Mormonism once, and she has had no qualms of going to church without me.

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and she makes all the money

man you must do something right

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Donny: Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?
Walter: No, Donny. These men are cowards.

haha

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From: neonreaper | #071
and she makes all the money

man you must do something right

I know, right...

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From: swirIdude | #051
(But what the heck do you teach the kids?)

I would just default to the typical secular Christmas. I dunno about in other countries where Christmas might still have a more religious connotation, but in America, no one should really have a problem with Christmas. If it really doesn't matter, you could do Hannukah or Ramadan/Eid as well, but I presume those are more religious than Christmas (the Islam stuff especially).

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Yeah, to say today's Christmas is anything more than a commercial holiday would be foolish. Which is good, since it's a big part of our economy.

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I'm an atheist and my girlfriend is... Christian or something and it doesn't get in the way at all. She used to go to church before she met me, she doesn't anymore, but that's more because she moved in with me, which is too far away from her church. She says when we have kids, she'll take them to church, which is fine, we won't push anything on them, and if they don't WANT to go to church, I'm gonna tell them they can stay home with me, since I'm not ever going. That's about the extent of how religious she is, it isn't much. I certainly wouldn't be able to date her if she was heavily religious.

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From: BakusaiTenketsu | #070
Then my wife and I are the exception. After 10 years of marriage (and 2 years of dating prior), my wife has not tried to convert me to Mormonism once, and she has had no qualms of going to church without me.

I think you completely fall into the open minded option.

You are open minded to not have any problems with her being a Mormon, and she is open minded enough to still love you despite you not being Mormon.

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