Poll of the Day > Being Socially Inept fucking SUCKS.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I hate it I can't have a proper flow with my conversations.
I hate it I'm unable to easily start talking with others.
I hate it that I'm not an interesting person to other people.

I can't tell a story about something I've experienced without people getting bored.

And when I realize I can actually chime in and join a conversation, I decide to not do it because I'm certain I wouldn't add much to the current conversation anyway.

Every single day I get to hear them all talk to each other about all kinds of shit like they've known each other for years.

And I have to think about something I want to say for like at least a minute because I need to predict all the potential responses I might get if I say that think I just thought about.

And amazingly enough, sometimes I've actually managed to say something but then I got responses I wasn't prepared for and I get stuck into another infinite loop.
And if I don't get enough time to think about my response, I usually end up saying something that doesn't make any sense or my words gets out of my mouth in wrong order.

And believe me, I've seen how puzzled their faces look as they're trying to process what I just tried to say to them.

My coworkers must think I'm really weird for not being as socially adept as them.

I want to have the same bond with them like they have with each other but I just keep fucking it up for myself.

/RantFAQs
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I find that we are sometimes harder on ourselves than other people are on us. I don't always like the way that I stumble over my words because I want to be seen as someone who is well spoken. Despite what I've thought about myself, other people have told me that they don't even notice those things that bother me about myself. Try not to worry about how you come off to others. You're not going to get to where you want to be without practice and you're never going to get there if you don't give yourself a chance to even try. Don't let your fear of failure become a self-fulfilling prophecy! You can do it! And if anyone gives you shit about this then they weren't worthy of your time anyway!

Just get over it and focus on doing what you love most.

Talking itself will eventually come naturally to you if you interact with people of the same interest as you.

GunslingerGunsl posted...

I find that we are sometimes harder on ourselves than other people are on us. I don't always like the way that I stumble over my words because I want to be seen as someone who is well spoken. Despite what I've thought about myself, other people have told me that they don't even notice those things that bother me about myself. Try not to worry about how you come off to others. You're not going to get to where you want to be without practice and you're never going to get there if you don't give yourself a chance to even try. Don't let your fear of failure become a self-fulfilling prophecy! You can do it! And if anyone gives you shit about this then they weren't worthy of your time anyway!

Yeah I probably am too harsh on myself but that's what happens when you're suffering from depression. You start noticing all the bad things about yourself and begin to resent them.

I mean, I've noticed a lot of things from my coworkers by just observing them and listen when they talk with each other.
Some of them often repeat specific words when they talk, some always talk about the weather every morning, one guy always takes a cup of coffee from the coffeemachine at a specific time every day, etc.

It would've annoyed me so much if I noticed that I overused certain words.

I feel like I want to explain about my disorder(Aspergers) so other people know why I behave like I do.

Just take this situation for example:

I talk with one of my coworkers.
And then another coworker joins our conversation.
Ok it is going to take more effort for me to continue the conversation but I can handle it.

Oh, now there's like five people in our conversation and I haven't said anything for a while.

Well, I guess I might as well go away and do something else instead of just quietly standing there like a fool.
Hopefully no one thought I walked away because I got upset or something.

thedeerzord posted...

Just get over it and focus on doing what you love most.

Talking itself will eventually come naturally to you if you interact with people of the same interest as you.

There is one coworker that I often work with that likes videogames but I don't want to be clingy so I try to not bother him too much.

Yeah I know that seems kinda counterproductive when I'm longing to create bonds with my coworkers but that's my brain's logic and it only makes sense to me.
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It does. You already know a lot of it is in your head. Try to put yourself in their shoes - Would you enjoy it if a co-worker stopped by and discussed a shared interest for a little bit? It's much more likely that the other person will enjoy or be neutral to the conversation rather than disliking it.

Practice always helps, too. People tend to suck at things they don't do often. You have to avoid getting out of that loop of avoiding things you're bad at or it won't get better.

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LeetCheet posted...

And I have to think about something I want to say

That's your problem, just let it flooow

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I know I've felt the same way at times. You just have to keep chipping away and learning it. It is a skill and almost an artform that gets taken for granted and for some people just resonates for them. But there's just as many public speakers who were equally cripples by fears and impediments.

Being socially gifted while an introvert is honestly a nightmare all of its own. You end up being surrounded by extraverts and because you present yourself so well are constantly put in exhausting social situations or people just "don't get it" and you just wanna fucking punch them. There have been so many instances where sociability without being an extravert is a massive conflict and it creates a lot of issues. It's a combo people don't grasp unless they share it. It's very frustrating sometimes.

Oh yes. Ug. Also bad is being nervous when people are too close naturally, a pandemic starts, and people in places you HAVE to go couldnt social distance if you gave them a manual.

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Be yourself.

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A lot of the time I learned people will talk to you if you just open up.

Also since I have autism (high-functioning) I have had to learn social skills.

Theres a lot of good social skills you can pick up from self-improvement channels on youtube.

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I'm fucking terrible at small talk, but there are some topics I can go on forever about so I try to lead the convo there if I feel dead air coming.

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As someone who is also socially inept, just don't give a crap what they think. I know it's hard to do but psyching yourself out of conversation is going to do more harm than looking stupid

Also they probably won't even notice your mistakes (or not care) because they aren't looking for them like you are, they're worried about their own mistakes

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Raddest_Chad posted...

Being socially gifted while an introvert is honestly a nightmare all of its own. You end up being surrounded by extraverts and because you present yourself so well are constantly put in exhausting social situations or people just "don't get it" and you just wanna fucking punch them. There have been so many instances where sociability without being an extravert is a massive conflict and it creates a lot of issues. It's a combo people don't grasp unless they share it. It's very frustrating sometimes.

Fo real.
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i haven't been able to make a friend since middle school

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LeetCheet posted...

-snip-

Yet you have a gal. Can't be all bad.

Greenfox111 posted...

i haven't been able to make a friend since middle school

My last friends were at the age of around 10. Acquaintances is all I've had at best since. Although the other week my bros housemate called me his friend. It was disgusting.

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darcandkharg31 posted...

LeetCheet posted...

And I have to think about something I want to say

That's your problem, just let it flooow

If I don't then there's a high chance I say something completely R.
Like yesterday, when I told two of my coworkers that they missed their lunch break.
And for some reason I said that the lunch break had gone home instead of it just being over.

I noticed they didn't really paid much attention to me after I told them they missed the lunch break because they were in the middle of a discussion.
I walked away just as I realized what I just said and immediately started face-palming myself.

Unfortunately, as I was subtly face-palming myself, the really cute coworker who I've worked with this week was apparently just behind me.
God I'm so clumsy.

SunWuKung420 posted...

Be yourself.

At my previous job I was this goofball who always made these shitty jokes.
It felt so good to just let go of my internal chains and just say something that popped up in my head.

The thing is, it was easy there because pretty much everyone was a goofball to a varying degree.
It didn't matter much because I wasn't the only one who said weird things sometimes.

I'm too afraid to reveal the real goofball me in this place because well, I've worked here for almost two years now and at this point I'm pretty sure I'm universally known as that really quiet guy who don't say much most of the time.

I can't predict what the others would think of me if I suddenly made a 180 with my personality.

deoxxys posted...

A lot of the time I learned people will talk to you if you just open up.

Also since I have autism (high-functioning) I have had to learn social skills.

Theres a lot of good social skills you can pick up from self-improvement channels on youtube.

Yeah I've noticed they do that but the problem is that I pretty much need someone to start the conversation with me.
I usually hesitate too much to do it myself, as I tend to think that they are probably too busy for a chat and I would just bother them if I began talking with them.

party_animal07 posted...

I'm fucking terrible at small talk, but there are some topics I can go on forever about so I try to lead the convo there if I feel dead air coming.

Most of my colleagues aren't interested in videogames and movies like I am though.

I've noticed about myself is that when I really get into talking with someone about something, my words tends to slur together and get out in wrong order.

Likeimaginesomeonetalkinglike thistrytoand understand whattheysaid justwith varyingpitches throughout thewholesentence.

When I catch myself doing this I have to pause for a bit and quickly restructure what I just said so he or she can easily understand what I was trying to say.

There's only like four people in my life that this never happens with though.
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Muscles posted...

As someone who is also socially inept, just don't give a crap what they think. I know it's hard to do but psyching yourself out of conversation is going to do more harm than looking stupid

Also they probably won't even notice your mistakes (or not care) because they aren't looking for them like you are, they're worried about their own mistakes

I know this makes a lot of sense but my brain like refuses to rewire itself on it's own.

I usually take the easy way out of a conversation I feel like I can't reintegrate back into by just walking away without saying anything and hoping they understand.

wwinterj25 posted...

Yet you have a gal. Can't be all bad.

I probably wouldn't even have gotten the chance of befriending her if she didn't kept initiating the conversations with me.

I usually need someone to lead me as it feels like I'm lost in the dark if someone isn't helping. wwinterj25 posted...

My last friends were at the age of around 10. Acquaintances is all I've had at best since. Although the other week my bros housemate called me his friend. It was disgusting.

I know that feel. Being called someone's friend IRL feels so alien to me.
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It does suck, but take heart: you're not doomed to be socially inept forever. I know autism makes things much more difficult, but social skills are still things that you can get better at with study and practice. Do those four people you mentioned have a circle of friends you could hang out with and game/watch movies together? I have autistic siblings, and this helped them tremendously with building social skills and confidence. Also, there's a lot of help available specifically geared to helping people with autism improve their social skills. Sorry I don't have any links handy at the moment, but I can help you later if you can't find any.

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Lirishae posted...

It does suck, but take heart: you're not doomed to be socially inept forever. I know autism makes things much more difficult, but social skills are still things that you can get better at with study and practice. Do those four people you mentioned have a circle of friends you could hang out with and game/watch movies together? I have autistic siblings, and this helped them tremendously with building social skills and confidence. Also, there's a lot of help available specifically geared to helping people with autism improve their social skills. Sorry I don't have any links handy at the moment, but I can help you later if you can't find any.

Those four people are following:
My brother who I live in the same apartment with.
Our mutual friend we've had since our childhood.
An old coworker who gives me a call every now and then.
A social worker who was appointed to me from the government because I have Aspergers. Before the pandemic hit we watched movies together.
There's also my girlfriend but I didn't count her in.

Becoming friends with my friends' friends feels so otherworldly to me. It kinda feels like I probably shouldn't mooch on other people's friends.

As I said earlier in this post, I have a social worker friend who is supposed to help me with this but due to this stupid pandemic I can't see him right now because he also works with frail, elderly people.

This pandemic sucks overall as well because it makes making friends even harder than before.
How are we supposed to create new bonds with people if we can't even visit them let alone be near them and do friendly things?

People can't even date new people because everyone are too busy being scared of a virus.

If I could, I'd take the risk of being infected if I just could make some more friends than feeling lonely and always having these toxic thoughts.

Depression ain't good for your mental health.
I've suffered from a brainfog that has gradually gotten worse and I just wish I could tell someone at work who could help me cope with it somehow.
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I frequently don't know what to say too ... *offers a hug* <(;.;<)
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LeetCheet posted...

I hate it I can't have a proper flow with my conversations.
I hate it I'm unable to easily start talking with others.
I hate it that I'm not an interesting person to other people.

I can't tell a story about something I've experienced without people getting bored.

And when I realize I can actually chime in and join a conversation, I decide to not do it because I'm certain I wouldn't add much to the current conversation anyway.

Every single day I get to hear them all talk to each other about all kinds of shit like they've known each other for years.

And I have to think about something I want to say for like at least a minute because I need to predict all the potential responses I might get if I say that think I just thought about.

And amazingly enough, sometimes I've actually managed to say something but then I got responses I wasn't prepared for and I get stuck into another infinite loop.
And if I don't get enough time to think about my response, I usually end up saying something that doesn't make any sense or my words gets out of my mouth in wrong order.

And believe me, I've seen how puzzled their faces look as they're trying to process what I just tried to say to them.

My coworkers must think I'm really weird for not being as socially adept as them.

I want to have the same bond with them like they have with each other but I just keep fucking it up for myself.

/RantFAQs

Don't be so hard on yourself. We all have our flaws!

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Just be yourself and stop being so negative on yourself as well.

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I'm always a goofball. Idgaf

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cute_fan posted...

I frequently don't know what to say too ... *offers a hug* <(;.;<)

Hugs are nice. I wish I got them more often.
I remember I got one from my childhood friend last year on his birthday.

Now that was unexpected as I've never been hugged by him before.
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I had extreme social anxiety starting from my late middle school days as a result of small private/homeschools. I didn't go to HS prom because I was too anxious and the person I wanted to go with chose someone else. I avoided alot of social activities because of my anxiety and ended up getting into an emotionally abusive relationship that haunts me to this day. I have one solid group of friends I've known for 10 years and I only feel really comfortable talking to them and I've never met them face to face.

Social anxiety/lack of socializing growing up and in general can be extremly dangerous and damaging and you learn to really value the few people you have, I'm making an effort to change but juggling that with my shitty situation is fucking hard.