Poll of the Day > My friends sister was sexually harassed the other day...

(+) Yeah! (+)

And this is deeply disturbing to me. It is wrong disgusting.

Now, the story, in brief, as I dont know too many details

three kids
male(my friend)
older sister(newlywed)
younger sister(harassed)

Older sister was getting married, dude from the grooms side was being creepy, and as far as I know touched and kissed her while in a room alone without her consent. I dont know what happened, but my friend walked in on it. No idea how the dude left but my friend didnt get physical, but he asked if they were good(like, whats going on?) and he must have left.

Anyways, he tells me she cried next to him after. She told him she doesnt want anybody to know and not to tell anyone.

I understand she is shaken up and traumatized. This is the wrong move. Their dad is a big time lawyer(corporate, but I assume contacts are there) and could get this guy for something with little effort. If he isn't stopped now, he will keep doing it and getting at best a "hey stop that!" for the rest of his life to harass and abuse people. I imagine he's been doing this for most of his life.

So, like, I really want to try to get my friend to perhaps convince her to tell their father or somebody else so he can be stopped and get the punishment he deserves.

But I feel like I need to tell him to tell her, specifically, she did nothing wrong and is not at fault, and that everybody will continue to love her even if they find out, as again she did nothing wrong.

maybe that could be the avenue to success?

What do you folks think?

I don't want this guy to be able to keep doing this, and they could stop it right here right now.

argonautweakend posted...

as I dont know too many details

And that's the problem. When you don't know what did or didn't happen -- and are relying on hearsay -- your "contributions" can do more harm than good for everybody involved.

argonautweakend posted...

Older sister was getting married, dude from the grooms side was being creepy, and as far as I know touched and kissed her while in a room alone without her consent. I dont know what happened, but my friend walked in on it. No idea how the dude left but my friend didnt get physical, but he asked if they were good(like, whats going on?) and he must have left.

That was written confusingly. You almost made it sound like the older sister was the one being harassed.... wait, did this happen before her wedding or is this about another person?

argonautweakend posted...

Anyways, he tells me she cried next to him after. She told him she doesnt want anybody to know and not to tell anyone.

So he already fucked that up.

argonautweakend posted...

I understand she is shaken up and traumatized. This is the wrong move. Their dad is a big time lawyer(corporate, but I assume contacts are there) and could get this guy for something with little effort. If he isn't stopped now, he will keep doing it and getting at best a "hey stop that!" for the rest of his life to harass and abuse people. I imagine he's been doing this for most of his life.

I doubt he could "get this guy" for anything. This wouldn't be a civil matter unless you could prove damages, so it's not like he or his friend could sue. It would have be filed as a police report and, honestly, it sounds like a lot of time has passed since the incident so the odds of them being able to do anything is pretty low considering you don't have much in the way of evidence in the first place. And whether or not the matter should be pursued is entirely up to the wronged party. She might not want to suffer through the process and that's her choice.

More importantly, you freely admit to knowing very little as to what happened yet you're painting the guy as a serial predator. You're operating under a lot of assumptions.

argonautweakend posted...

But I feel like I need to tell him to tell her, specifically, she did nothing wrong and is not at fault, and that everybody will continue to love her even if they find out, as again she did nothing wrong.

maybe that could be the avenue to success?

EDIT: Re-read the passage and realized that you mean having the friend act without your involvement. In that case, this is really something that should have been said at the time. If it's happening after the fact and she just wants to forget, you could be re-opening a wound.
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I'm only talking to my friend. if HE doesnt want to talk about it, or if he does, i will talk about it on him terms.

I don't know his sister so I am not able to nor want to speak to her.

argonautweakend posted...

I'm only talking to my friend. if HE doesnt want to talk about it, or if he does, i will talk about it on him terms.

I don't know his sister so I am not able to nor want to speak to her.

Yeah, after I posted I noticed that and edited my response accordingly. >_<

At the end of the day, though, it still comes back to the fact that you shouldn't have been told anything about it and you're not involved in the conflict so you should really just stay out of it unless your friend is asking for advice. Instead, just keep how you wanted to respond in mind if you're ever put into your friend's position so you can provide that support *when* you're told.
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Newsflash most women in America especially attractive women are harassed on a daily basis so this is nothing new. Harassment can be as subtle as a "Hey you look nice today!" all the way to someone slyly placing their hand on a should, an arm, a behind, etc.

On the flip side of that, I have worked with women who wanted that kind of attention and women who went out of their way to flirt with the boss, etc so it cuts both ways, unfortunately.
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Wouldnt this be sexual assault?
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BUMPED2002 posted...

Harassment can be as subtle as a "Hey you look nice today!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F96bEoKAtS0" data-time="

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Was the scene all grainy and black and white with the imperial March playing in the background while the man was fat and sweaty with slobber stains all over his face?

LinkPizza posted...

Wouldnt this be sexual assault?

Yep, this sounds much more like assault than harassment, meaning it could potentially be a criminal case.
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So one of the grooms friends came onto your friends sister before her wedding and your friend walked in? Maybe the guy misread the signals and/or maybe your friend got the wrong end of the stick. If however the guy sexually assaulted her as it seems this certainly should be a police matter.
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TC was it you who had a friend wrongfully accused of inappropriately touching children or was that MrMelodramatic? I can't remember.
If it was your friend, whatever became of that whole incident?
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Ferarri619 posted...

TC was it you who had a friend wrongfully accused of inappropriately touching children or was that MrMelodramatic? I can't remember.
If it was your friend, whatever became of that whole incident?

It was TC, IIRC. But it wasnt Melo, unless he also had one. I would like to know what happened, though...

Edit: It could also be the person I get TC mixed up with a lot...
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LinkPizza posted...

Edit: It could also be the person I get TC mixed up with a lot...

I get them mixed up too! That's why I had to ask, lol
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I don't think this guy misread the signals. He had apparently been acting creepy the day before in addition to getting super drunk. The groom had to sit him down and tell him to not fuck up his wedding. He sorta got his act together but not all the way.

And yes that perason was me. But i am not talking about it.

adjl posted...

LinkPizza posted...

Wouldnt this be sexual assault?

Yep, this sounds much more like assault than harassment, meaning it could potentially be a criminal case.

I didn't know what to call it tbh. But yeah criminal case. I feel like nobody randomly does this in their 30s and he likely has been doing it for a while and will continue if not stopped. He's also married though cheating isn't a criminal matter.

argonautweakend posted...

And yes that perason was me. But i am not talking about it.

Why not? Did you have to sign an NDA or something?
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No. I can say whatever i want. I just choose not to. I've got people in real life i can converse with about it and that's all i need.

Can you at least tell us if he's out of jail or not?
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argonautweakend posted...

I don't think this guy misread the signals. He had apparently been acting creepy the day before in addition to getting super drunk. The groom had to sit him down and tell him to not fuck up his wedding. He sorta got his act together but not all the way.

All this based on hearsay. Still although I believe reporting it is the right thing it is indeed her choice to make.
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Im sorry but this topic isn't about that so i respectfully decline.

LinkPizza posted...

Wouldnt this be sexual assault?

Yes, that could be tried as sexual assault.

argonautweakend posted...

I feel like nobody randomly does this in their 30s

You feel that nobody gets out of hand when they're drunk and at a wedding in their 30s? You know a lot of wedding receptions have security, right?

argonautweakend posted...

He's also married though cheating isn't a criminal matter.

Sounds like there's an easy venue for him to get his comeuppance, if the victim wanted to go that route.
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