Current Events > I'm going to perform stand up tonight.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I signed up at a comedy club that one of my friends work at. I have to do a 10 minute bit.
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ImAMarvel posted...

Is it going to be filmed or streamed anywhere? If so, you have an obligation to show CE.

I'm going to have another friend film it on their phone, but no way I'm showing it here. It'll be my secret shame.
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Make sure you open with a joke about airplane food
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Be funny

When you get on stage, make the first thing you say, "WHATS UP FUCKERS!?"

good icebreaker
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need material?
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Good luck dude. I'm assuming you have 10 minutes worth of jokes written already, right?
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so tell us a joke funny man
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Here's a couple you could try:

"I had to call in to my other job to be here tonight. Don't you just hate it when you call in and they try to fuck with you about it? I finally got to the point where, when I call in and they ask questions I just say, "I've been on the toilet all night." And after that all questions usually stop."

"But if they keep asking then I just go ahead tell them that I have the green apple splatters. I'll be like, "I'm sorry, but I've just had EXPLOSIVE diarrhea all fuckin night. And I don't mean the little kind where it just drizzles out. When I say explosive, I mean EXPLOSIVE. Green apple spatters sir, I'm sorry. Could bring you a free sample if you want."

"But I know the reason they question you. It's because people are too soft now. And it's the schools fault too. I have a friend that's a teacher and any time a kid fucks up in class or talks shit to the teacher, they just get written up and nothing happens. I wish it were like one of those Clint Eastwood movies where you could just grab them by the ear and be like "Sit down you little shit!" But we're too soft. He's right about this being the pussy generation."
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You'll be nervous. They'll sense it. You'll bomb.

There isn't a comedian it hasn't happened to.

RedWhiteBlue posted...

*Kitt walks on stage*

*Crowd is silent and waits*

Kitt - ". . . . Women"

*Crowd chuckles*

Kitt - "Am I right?"

*Crowd laughs loudly*

Kitt - "Outside of the kitchen? She's gettin' a stitchen!"

*Crowd goes wild, chairs are sliding out, people are falling over*

Kitt - "Right!?"

*Crowd suffocates from laughter*

Lmao

Smashingpmkns posted...

Good luck dude. I'm assuming you have 10 minutes worth of jokes written already, right?

Yeah, I've been jotting notes all day so far.
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Sting posted...

When you get on stage, make the first thing you say, "WHATS UP FUCKERS!?"

good icebreaker

I actually planned on calling them drunk idiots.

more_cow_bell posted...

so tell us a joke funny man

"What exactly is political science? Is it the amount of shit the average politician is full of?"
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Will there be ethnic jokes
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Kitt is gonna have a Michael Richards type meltdown on stage
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Ten minutes is a LOT. I do stand up as a hobby, took me a long time to have a solid ten and the stagecraft to engage people for that length, at least a year of gigs before I got good.

Couple tips:

Move the mic stand to the side when you come on stage, don't leave it in front between you and the audience.

Make sure you work the whole room, if you are just looking ahead and down at the front row it leaves people at the sides cold and less involved in the infectious laughter.

If something gets an unexpectedly great reaction, run with it.

Don't worry if you forget something, the audience doesn't know your set, only you do. They only know something's gone wrong if you start to visibly panic.

Have a drink with you. If your not used to a lot of public speaking, your mouth will get dry over ten minutes.

tell funny stories about people you know
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also have a beer or two before you go on stage, will relax you
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will you make jokes about CEmen
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RedWhiteBlue posted...

*Kitt walks on stage*

*Crowd is silent and waits*

Kitt - ". . . . Women"

*Crowd chuckles*

Kitt - "Am I right?"

*Crowd laughs loudly*

Kitt - "Outside of the kitchen? She's gettin' a stitchen!"

*Crowd goes wild, chairs are sliding out, people are falling over*

Kitt - "Right!?"

*Crowd suffocates from laughter*

I laughed

Zurkon posted...

Wow, you are braver than I am. Good luck.

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Sting posted...

also have a beer or two before you go on stage, will relax you

I don't drink :(
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can you give us a teaser?
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SSJGrimReaper posted...

Kitt is gonna have a Michael Richards type meltdown on stage

Lmap
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Whatever you do, do not mention Trump and do not mention religion. People get really I mean really fucking mad about that kind of thing if you aren't a professional, it can get you shot or stabbed or even banned from the club if enough of the customers complain about you. Just shut up and keep it social
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What the deal with CEgals?

Theyre not current and theyre not gals!
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You should steal classic CE topics and pass them off as your own material. Do some bits about trying to pick up women while dressed like Han Solo and then taking them to classy places like Long John Silver.
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Jiek_Fafn posted...

You should steal classic CE topics and pass them off as your own material. Do some bits about trying to pick up women while dressed like Han Solo and then taking them to classy places like Long John Silver.

I was gonna say someone should take CE topics and make a routine out of them
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Jiek_Fafn posted...

You should steal classic CE topics and pass them off as your own material. Do some bits about trying to pick up women while dressed like Han Solo and then taking them to classy places like Long John Silver.

Lmao what? Did that actually happen?
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Kitt posted...

ImAMarvel posted...

Is it going to be filmed or streamed anywhere? If so, you have an obligation to show CE.

I'm going to have another friend film it on their phone, but no way I'm showing it here. It'll be my secret shame.

>Secret shame
>Tells us about it

Pick one!!!
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also update afterwards

As someone who is new to the scene myself, I wish you luck! It's not easy, but you can do it!
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I go up at about 9:15, so right now, I'm killing time.
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Good luck man. Kill em
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Kitt posted...

Jiek_Fafn posted...

You should steal classic CE topics and pass them off as your own material. Do some bits about trying to pick up women while dressed like Han Solo and then taking them to classy places like Long John Silver.

Lmao what? Did that actually happen?

They were two separate topics from back when CE was more goofy fun. Also I hope things went great.
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How'd it go?
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PalmerSensei posted...

How'd it go?

Kitt is gonna be the next Dave Chappelle
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SSJGrimReaper posted...

PalmerSensei posted...

How'd it go?

Kitt is gonna be the next Dave Chappelle

tfw Kitt becomes the next Amy Schumer
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@Kitt
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you should practice online

http://store.steampowered.com/app/665360/Comedy_Night/
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I'd like to think I did great. My friends think I did good. It wasn't as bad as I thought, people were laughing at pretty much anything I was saying. But, as my opening implied, most of them were, in fact, drunk.
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10 minutes was longer than you expected tho huh? I've always wanted to try it man, awesome that you had the balls to do it. What city did you do this in, or if you don't mind, what comedy club was it specifically?
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eggcorn posted...

RedWhiteBlue posted...

*Kitt walks on stage*

*Crowd is silent and waits*

Kitt - ". . . . Women"

*Crowd chuckles*

Kitt - "Am I right?"

*Crowd laughs loudly*

Kitt - "Outside of the kitchen? She's gettin' a stitchen!"

*Crowd goes wild, chairs are sliding out, people are falling over*

Kitt - "Right!?"

*Crowd suffocates from laughter*

I laughed

I did too
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nicklebro posted...

10 minutes was longer than you expected tho huh? I've always wanted to try it man, awesome that you had the balls to do it. What city did you do this in, or if you don't mind, what comedy club was it specifically?

The Basement Theater somewhere out in Buckhead (Georgia). I'm not sure if it's a big thing but a very tight-knit group of people seem to run the place.
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Kitt posted...

I'd like to think I did great. My friends think I did good. It wasn't as bad as I thought, people were laughing at pretty much anything I was saying. But, as my opening implied, most of them were, in fact, drunk.

Well done. It's a massive rush when you get that first big laugh!