Current Events > My girlfriend tried to kill herself after I told her I couldn't do this anymore.

(+) Yeah! (+)

it's not your fault. I've never been in this situation so I can only imagine how you feel, but she made her own decisions. you probably saved her life by still caring and going out to look for her, and if you can find it in you maybe you should be involved with her first couple therapy appointments after she recovers? but I say that hesitantly because if she can do something like this she might also try to guilt you into staying during therapy.

Definitely get in to see a therapist. They will help you to process what has happened and how to process it and move forward.

Really shitty situation to find yourself in, I can't imagine what'd it'd be like to feel like you're holding someone's life in your hands. That's definitely something you need to see a therapist about.

I'm rooting for you anyway, I don't imagine the 50+ messages acting like you're just supposed to blow this girl off are helping much or feeling particularly empathetic. I'll just say I hope when you see someone you can find a path that helps.

I thought I had fucked up relationships... Damn run away fast

pinky0926 posted...

On Sunday we had an epic argument, and I told her I was done with this. Immediately she started sobbing and pleading for me not to go. She actually vomited. I didn't move on this, because usually my biggest weakness is that I always put on the hero cape when there's a damsel in distress, but I'd been stressed out for months by this point.

On Monday morning she asked if she could pick me up and drive me to work, and I agreed. She really hoped I'd changed my mind, but I hadn't. I said I needed space and I couldn't reassure her that we'd be fine, because we weren't. She started using catastrophic language. I told her I had to go. So I went to the office, she drove off.

About an hour later I started to get some concerning messages from her. "I'm going to sleep, I love you". I mean it was 10am. I asked her friends if they could check on her, and they all said the same thing: she'd sent them a concerning message too and hadn't replied to their messages, which is very out of character. I texted her closest friend who said she'd received a message with the password to her laptop and phone.

I called the police, gave them all the details, and told my line manager at work (who happens to be a friend of hers, we'll call him Steve) and we immediately went out looking for her.

We found her car abandoned at the side of the road maybe 4 miles down from my office, beside some woods (I work in a rural area). We jumped out and started frantically looking for her in the paddock, in the woods nearby, at the stream. I don't know how much time passed, it could have been 5 minutes or 30, but eventually I heard the worst thing I think I've ever heard: Steve screaming "call an ambulance!".

I ran to where I heard the voice, scared of what I was about to see. She was lying unconscious under a bush. She was breathing, but very pale, and convulsing. EMTs arrived, police arrived. We went to hospital. She'd taken a cocktail of painkillers and other opioids and beer. She came to in the ambulance and immediately started crying. I told everyone what was happening, and they all started to visit.

I know it's not my fault, logically. Everyone keeps telling me that. But I'll never get the image out of my head of that desperate pleading look in her eyes when she told me not to go and I just got out of the car, nor of the image of finding her body, or that horrible scream from Steve.

I don't really know where I'm going with this but I think I need to talk to someone professional because my mental health has taken the biggest hit of my life over this. I think the experience has given me a kind of PTSD because all I'm doing lately is breaking down several times a day.

And now the situation is even worse. She's in a psych ward, and I still have this thing hanging over my head that I said I wanted to break up and now it feels like I can't do that, because what if she dies?

So yeah, welcome to my blog.

Pro tier manipulation right here

cleat76 posted...

Pro tier manipulation right here

she legitimately tried to kill herself. Its toxic, its unhealthy, but I dont think its pro tier manipulation if she meant it. Shush.

Holy hist. Sorry that happened. You did everything you could and you actually saved her life by acting fast on your instinct. Completely not your fault, but follow through with the therapist.

Holy shit dude.

Let me know if you need to talk about it. No one should have to go through that.

Zonbei posted...

she legitimately tried to kill herself. Its toxic, its unhealthy, but I dont think its pro tier manipulation if she meant it. Shush.

I wouldn't try to say whether she wanted to hurt OP or "just" made a cry for help, but it's 100% emotional manipulation regardless of her intentions or state of mind.

OP, the best thing you can do is seek professional help and stay away from her for both of your sakes. It may sound cold, but you can't take care of anyone if you're in a bad way yourself. She will also need time and space and her own help, but there is nothing more you can do for her at this point. I'm sure you're running through all the scenarios in your head, but we're in the one where you did the right thing and ended up saving her. You have helped her, but further aid is for others to give.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Certainly some fucked up takes to assign blame on someone for attempting suicide, but then again a lot of people dont understand mental health and hold grave misconceptions.

She needs to get help and OP isnt equipped to deal with that. He did what he could and helped save her life.

jesus christ pinky, that's traumatic. I hope she gets the help she needs now and that you do to if needed.

I want to clarify: while there were many toxic elements to our relationship, she didn't threaten to kill herself if I left her. She just went and did it somewhat quietly (sending messages to friends), and it was easy enough to miss her that it seemed like a real attempt.

I am sorry to hear what happened. Definitely seek a therapist. Know that you are not at fault here.

reincarnator07 posted...

I wouldn't try to say whether she wanted to hurt OP or "just" made a cry for help, but it's 100% emotional manipulation regardless of her intentions or state of mind.

Actually trying to commit suicide isnt a cry for help. Shut the fuck up.

Jesus Christ that's heavy. I got choked up honestly. I'm so truly sorry for your situation and I hope you both get the help you need so you can move past this.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Zonbei posted...

Actually trying to commit suicide isnt a cry for help. Shut the fuck up.

I have been in OP's position before, just with family rather than a partner. Do not tell me what I know here.

reincarnator07 posted...

I have been in OP's position before, just with family rather than a partner. Do not tell me what I know here.

Have you considered that it was in fact a different situation? That not every person is the same person? That actual suicidal ideation exists?

I have had people ACTUALLY manipulate me with threats of self harm. Ive been in abusive relationships. Ive also been with genuinely suicidal people. I have talked friends down from suicidal ideation. You dont have a monopoly on life experience.

Zonbei posted...

Have you considered that it was in fact a different situation? That not every person is the same person? That actual suicidal ideation exists?

I have had people ACTUALLY manipulate me with threats of self harm. Ive been in abusive relationships. Ive also been with genuinely suicidal people. I have talked friends down from suicidal ideation. You dont have a monopoly on life experience.

Have you considered that these are not mutually exclusive?

Ok people... it's not ALL about YOU here.

SweetNut_Farm posted...

Ok people... it's not ALL about YOU here.

Fair point. I shall no longer respond to the others.

OP, I hope you're doing better.

Sorry to hear that TC. Best wishes to both of you.

Getting some counselling this week I think. Need to clear out my head and get out of this loop.

I am so sorry youve gone through that, pinky. Absolutely seek psychological help, particularly if you think you need it. That would definitely cause PTSD.

Its impossible not to feel guilt in a situation like this, but her decisions are her own, and she is the only person responsible for them.