Current Events > My wife passed away July 17th with utilizing MAID. Join my healing journey.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I don't think it's gonna be easy at almost 40, but I dunno, it's also kinda exciting to meet new people and get to know them and all that jazz.

Yeah I'm sure there are benefits to dating at 40 also. You know what you want and your old enough to be able to express yourself well. Meeting new people even if it doesn't lead to romance can be quite fun.

I remember it took me a while to learn to express myself well. My emotional intelligence was much lower than the rest of my thought processes.

It is tough to watch the person you love face failing health. It is also tough on you having to be more and more of a support for them, rather than being 50/50 partners.

It's also really difficult on the partner who is getting sicker. Lindsay apologized to me multiple times a day because I had to "do everything" and she felt increasingly not just useless but a barrier to my ability to succeed.

I went to therapy to work out my feelings on all that because from a very technical level that was true. I faced support fatigue and I never allowed myself to express that ever. Knowing your partner is struggling makes you feel like an asshole for recognizing the struggle you have yourself.

It's why my therapist made me say out loud that certain aspects of my life would improve when Lindsay passed. I hated myself the first time I said it out loud but like... it was true. It was emotionally, spiritually, financially exhausting to be a constant caregiver to a dying partner. It's a very complicated feeling to have and I would never judge anyone for feeling so conflicted and lost in everything.

I am sorry Shrike that your partner is facing some complex health troubles. It is a difficult position to be in and any time you need to just bitch and moan and be sad about it, that's part of this topic my friend.

Cheers guys. Im being a bit melodramatic possibly. She works. Is able bodied. We go out all the time. Its just that little nagging in the back of my head that she doesnt seem to be as healthy as others our age and has a load of underlying health issues that are only going to get worse with age. Its not like Im worried shes going to drop dead tomorrow more just a general fear of what lies ahead in 10-15 years.

What started this pessimistic slump is when we were away at the weekend we went out for some fast food and chatting to the guy who served us and he was 50 and was talking about how hed lost his wife not too long previously and it just just kinda freaked me out a bit. More so he was talking about going out and dating again and its the thought of starting again that scares me the most but seeing Snoopy and this guy throw themselves right into it kinda reassuring in a weird way. I will always admire your strength to keep going when others would have folded and not only that come out the other end and get back on it. Youre an inspiration truly.

Also Ive been incredibly lucky with not experiencing death. I got to be 36 before having to experience it up close. But since
then had five family and close friends die in 3 years.

Apologies a lot of this is just insecurity and Im sure itll pass.

You're allowed to have these feelings and I feel like talking about them will help you to work through it. Trust me, trying to keep it all in is rough. Good on you for being open!

https://youtu.be/-1UyUsz0A-A?si=RqMEvXraWN5f-UYd

Most days I'm not feeling like this but like... on REALLY bad days? This is just so relatable.

NOTE - I had a very good day today, I just stumbled upon this song. XD

Ouch, I dunno how I never saw this, but that's tragic, sorry for the loss. I have trouble with my body severely reacting with allergic bumps all over my body, and it feels pretty unbearable sometimes. I genuinely can't imagine having to deal with 2 other significant diseases on top of it. Really unlucky, and at least she can finally rest

We had that conversation Jeff. She knew it was a big ask. I also having lost our mutual friend just 8 months earlier was a huge ask. I said I'll handle it. Over the next 15 months she said she was sorry numerous times. I'd reply it was my choice. I owe you alot and I couldn't just say no and walk away. It's a bad thing to live alone and die alone. She also wanted it on her own terms. To her own detriment sometimes. God Bless her though. Man was she strong

I went to see The Boy and the Heron last night and it made me cry a few times and then in general because when Lindsay was alive she LOVED anime and after the movie was done I imagined what kind of conversation we would have had, the debate we would have shared, and just how fun the experience would have been.

She was passionate about anime just like I am and I loved that about her.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I went to see The Boy and the Heron last night and it made me cry a few times and then in general because when Lindsay was alive she LOVED anime and after the movie was done I imagined what kind of conversation we would have had, the debate we would have shared, and just how fun the experience would have been.

She was passionate about anime just like I am and I loved that about her.

What was her favorite anime?

Zikten posted...

What was her favorite anime?

Her favorite was Baccano! Not what she would have said was the BEST, but definitely what her favorite was.

When she was a little healthier she ran an anime youtube channel for fun. I was on a bunch of podcast type episodes with her, and while rarely did any of her videos take off, she did have a few with thousands of views.

Along that line my friend wanted to start a podcast on Horse Racing as that was her passion and hobby. I had the equipment since a few years earlier I was starting one. I sometimes think she wanted to leave something behind. Know what I mean?

Oh yeah, absolutely! I just listened to Lindsay and I chatting about our favorite anime of 2019. Our longer podcasts only got like 100 views, but we had so much fun just recording them and talking anime with each other.

I don't think she ever wanted to be famous but rather leaving something behind that she was passionate about.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Her favorite was Baccano! Not what she would have said was the BEST, but definitely what her favorite was.

When she was a little healthier she ran an anime youtube channel for fun. I was on a bunch of podcast type episodes with her, and while rarely did any of her videos take off, she did have a few with thousands of views.

I really need to get around to watching Baccano.

spikethedevil posted...

I really need to get around to watching Baccano.

It was amazingly fun.

Would have been her birthday on the 13th. Maybe I will watch one of her favorite movies on Saturday to commemorate the day. She LOVED You've Got Mail, I could watch that on a sleepy Saturday. Lol

January 11th, 2024

We had our first huge snow storm of the year and as I was driving home through the near white-out conditions I was reminded of the fact that for the previous 11 years I would have been on the phone with Lindsay as I made my way home. Beyond times when she was maybe asleep or busy with a different phone call or an appointment, it was kinda our thing. Anytime I was driving around for work or just making my way to get groceries, we would be on the phone together. This was especially true for when conditions werent great out. It provided me so much comfort and pure joy just to hear her voice and talk through whatever was going on, problem solving together as much as we could. I think Lindsay appreciated that even when I was working I would still find the opportunities to speak with her and check in.

I loved those mid-day check ins. Some might consider that cloying or just too needy or something like that, but it was just one of the quirky things about us that you know... made it us. Just as some couples might take separate vacations, or might sleep in separate beds, its all about what is right for them. Finding that equilibrium together and finding the way in which you live together. I loved all that even when it was difficult. I loved talking with Lindsay even as her health deteriorated and our conversations became more about helping her to manage stress and anxiety day after day. Or at least I have this lingering thought in my head that I loved it. But did I?

Its a constant struggle to remind myself what the reality of our life together was. I was always the positive one. We had joked that we were perfectly balanced because I was the one where my positivity was so strong that I would fly into the sky and completely lose touch with reality. Lindsay was the weight of realism and pessimism that grounded me and kept me more in-touch with reality. As her health became worse I felt I HAD to be the positive one. Negativity and pessimism was not going to be overly helpful for us; it wouldnt give us energy and hope. As things got worse for Lindsay I had to become an ever harder cheerleader, try my best to find ANY silver lining in a sky full of dark clouds. I wonder now how often I annoyed my poor wife with my attempts at positive thinking when she clearly knew she was dying, you know? I would like to think she appreciated my upbeat attitude right up until our final moments together. Im sure that she did.

Even if it is a trick of my own mind, I do miss the conversations. I miss being done with a hard day and being so excited to share in my day with Lindsay that I would call her and chat with her on my drive home rather than waiting the 20 minutes before I arrived. I miss the care she would have for my well-being if I had a hard day, the concern she would have if I was driving home in a snow storm. But if Im being honest with myself, I dont miss having to take a fifteen minute walk by the park near my office to help her calm down from a panic attack. I dont miss her calling me asking if she should go to the hospital for how she was feeling. I dont miss the fear, frustration, pain, and sadness in her voice as she struggled to feel normal when we both knew that normal was never going to happen again.

Lindsay. I miss you every day. But you know me, I miss the idealized version of you that I have in my head. Even in your worst times you still brought me so much joy and love. I miss that. I dont miss what was happening to you. Can I say that Im happy I didnt have to see you die slowly? Is that OK? Theres a part of me that still is horrified that I would even think that. A small part of me that becomes smaller as the days and weeks turn into months. But its still there. I didnt want you to die, but I didnt want you to suffer and Im more happy about the fact you didnt have to suffer than I am sad that you had to die before I wanted you to. And there's a part of me that will always hate myself a bit for that being the truth. I know I shouldn't and ideally I will hit a point where I don't. But today is not that day.

Grief is a hell of a thing.

January 13th, 2024

Happy Woulda Been 34th Birthday Lindsay

Wouldas, Shouldas, and Couldas are a funny thing. Both a source of great learning and growth but also a source of stagnation and inability to move forward.

Lindsay would have been 34 years old today. She never liked her birthday, she didnt like aging. Makes sense given her health and the fact that she knew before anyone that she was going to deteriorate. She told me before that by the time she met me she already had a feeling that her best years health wise were behind her. She had already begun to see the effects of what we would know as being Ehlers Danlos and MCAS. Our first conversation happened after she arrived to class with crutches, having fractured her shin in a slip in the shower. She didnt even fall down, but she somehow fractured her shin from a slip in the shower. Her allergies had started to become worse, her heart was going through tachycardia. Another year older was another year of her body breaking down and succumbing more to these disorders, illnesses, conditions.

My wouldas, shouldas, and couldas all revolve around missed chances to experience what we could when she was still healthy enough to maybe do them. She loved going to San Antonio and wanted to go again. We shoulda done that. You dont anticipate your wife becoming so ill she cannot travel before she is 30 years old.

We never got officially married. We had it all planned out, made all the arrangements... and then she we had to travel to Edmonton for Lindsay to get a heart procedure. And we had to stay a couple extra weeks when the heart procedure went wrong and she needed to get a pacemaker. We arrived back home days before what would have been our wedding. We decided against having the wedding and never came back around to it. We coulda just went down to the courthouse, signed the documents there. We coulda done that.

And then today. It woulda been Lindsays birthday. We woulda invited over some friends to watch some TV, play some board games, video games, whatever it was. Despite how tired and weak she was, we woulda tried our best to celebrate despite her consternation. We woulda done that and we woulda have fun...

But she also woulda lamented not looking her best, not being able to be a better host for our friends. Not having been able to allow them to bring over food and drinks and all sorts of things because her MCAS would have caused her to have an allergic reaction. We woulda called the fun early so Lindsay could rest. None of us would have judged her for it, but Lindsay woulda.

Its almost been 6 months now since Lindsay passed. While I do at times lament those wouldas, couldas, shouldas... Im also reminded of what else woulda happened. More weakness, more allergic reactions, more liquid diets. Less visits with friends, less time spent doing what she loved and more time spent struggling to just eek out another day.

You dont get MAID just because you dont want to live. You get MAID because you are dying. And it shoulda been different. But that is what happened. And those wouldas, couldas, and shouldas? I strive to have them help me to live the life I want to moving forward, not trapping me in the past.

I know not many people have posted recently but continuing to update like this is valuable. You never know what lurkers we have on here that will find strength and inspiration from your very open and reflective words. 34 is no age but Ive found over the weeks your attitude and honesty doesnt make me feel continually sorry for you. It makes me hopeful for you. I hope you feel the same way at times.

Definitely don't feel sorry for me. I'm happy that I got to be with someone for over 10 years who made me feel the way my wife did. She made me a better person and I take all that with me as I move forward.

I had a stupid argument with my wife tonight fwiw. Topic makes me feel like a right jerk now (I was) and remind me whats important. Cheers for that. We all need reminding like that once in a while.

Did you guys ever fight? I always find its not the fighting thats important by how you deal with it after.

I've been in and out of your topics, and haven't read every post. I'm coming up on the tenth anniversary of my late husband's death in March, and I recognize so much of my emotional state back then with much of what you've posted. This time of year always hurts a little, even now. I was only a caregiver for about six months; he was diagnosed with metastatic cancer in March 2013, and passed in 2014. Most of it was good quality of life, but his last few months he declined rapidly. There came a point where all we could give him was love. I have my regrets, one big one in particular, but he left this world surrounded by friends and family and love. I held his hand when he died.

I have made my peace with it, as much as I can, anyway. I am happily remarried, and have a good relationship with my late husband's family. Everything you're feeling is perfectly natural. It will always hurt some, but like you said, you're happy you had your time together and wouldn't trade it for anything. That's really all you need.

We only got into a major fight ONCE. I was not entirely forthcoming about our financial situation, mostly because I didn't want her to worry. She couldn't work a lot and due to her medical conditions there was a lot of increased costs just in general to take care of her day after day.

I told her not to worry about it until basically I had about 12k on my credit card without having told a single soul without a way to deal with it. I ended up eating crow and going to my parents who helped to bail us out.

After that point I froze my credit card until I felt more responsible and we talked openly about finances. I know in some ways it hurt her to be more in the know of how difficult things were for us financially, but I promised her that day I would never lie to her again.

We would have spirited debates about anime and other silly shit like that, but that was the only BIG argument we got into.

Only one big fight is damn good.

spikethedevil posted...

Only one big fight is damn good.

I mean, when your partner is limited and her health is deteriorating it puts a lot of things into perspective.

The only other thing we disagreed on somewhat often was she viewed my family making mistakes in accommodating her (she had a latex allergy and they would forget for a birthday party and have balloons for the kids) as a sign they didn't care about her.

I knew that wasn't the case and it was more a reflection of her own family having treated her like shit but my wife was working hard to focus on that with therapy too. So we would disagree but I wouldn't push her too hard on it.

It's REALLY weird to think that I've now been a widow for 6 months. Like... it doesn't feel like it's been that long at all but also 6 months is a decently long time too.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

It's REALLY weird to think that I've now been a widow for 6 months. Like... it doesn't feel like it's been that long at all but also 6 months is a decently long time too.

It's so...wrong to think life just went on without those we love, and the adult's perception of time moving faster doesn't help.

Nintendo_Porn posted...

It's so...wrong to think life just went on without those we love, and the adult's perception of time moving faster doesn't help.

I honestly think there is a certain beauty to the world moving on? That seems harsh but I guess I don't personally wanna be stuck in the same place I was a week after or even a month after.

This is going to sound rediculous considering what a lot of people went through but my first big death was my cat about three years ago. Wed just moved house and he died suddenly from a heart condition the day after we moved in. Sitting on my wives knee purring away and bang. Just fell to the floor with zero reaction / noise / pain whatsoever. Stone cold dead. I was upset as hell the next day and people telling me whats the issue its only a cat. Really pissed me off. Thought it was unfair I had to do a normal day with meetings and shit with that hanging over me.

Few years on I know it wasnt a big deal. It was just a cat but didnt stop me feeling like shit and almost bursting into tears multiple times.

Since then had five big deaths from family members which does put things into perspective but it still sucked at the time. I probably cried more for that cat than any of those. I dont really get the whole everything happens for a reason but it was basically babies first encounter with grief and probably helped prepare me for the main deaths that followed. At least by letting me know what to expect and that eventually whatever immense pain I felt would change into something else.

I think it's hard to say what your first major loss will be in your life, so it's not silly for it to have been a pet. I've had some pets in my life come and go and I guess my parents always prepared me for the fact that pets will not live as long as you want them to? Maybe it is arguably easier to rationalize since you kinda know that going into it? But I would never think it ridiculous for that to be the first major and effecting grief process of your life.

https://youtu.be/lsbcN9-jU1Y?si=D2X_wM3seiHL5uU0

My wife absolutely adored history and really enjoyed Oversimplified's videos. Lovely to see them with some new videos and I will watch them with great glee. ^_^

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

https://youtu.be/lsbcN9-jU1Y?si=D2X_wM3seiHL5uU0

My wife absolutely adored history and really enjoyed Oversimplified's videos. Lovely to see them with some new videos and I will watch them with great glee. ^_^

I've never seen these. History was my favorite subject and a comedic take on it is great.

dummy420 posted...

I've never seen these. History was my favorite subject and a comedic take on it is great.

Tell me how many of their videos you end up watching this weekend. Lol

Welp Ive also got something to binge now lol.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Tell me how many of their videos you end up watching this weekend. Lol

Probably not many this weekend but later for sure. Rewatching dbz abridged because they finished the commentary.

They are showing the Cowboy Bebop Movie in a theater here in town. Gonna ask my colleague and see if she wants to go with me. Few months ago I did ask her out and she said no, but... things change? XD

Nice!

While she is a big fan of One Piece and Disney, not as much anime in general, so sue politely declined.

I'm still gonna go watch the movie, just on my own. Maybe meet some other wonderful lady who also decided to check it out. ^_^

Well shit.

The Cineplex site had Cowboy Bebop airing tonight too but apparently that was an error. Since I was at the theatre I just went to see American Fiction instead cause it was starting at the same time. Excellent movie all things considered so no big loss.

Underestimated how hard it is to turn a GF into a weeb, or at least get her off of thinking cartoons are for kids.

Nintendo_Porn posted...

Underestimated how hard it is to turn a GF into a weeb, or at least get her off of thinking cartoons are for kids.

My colleague I like definitely is a big Disney fan and does like OP, which means she is definitely someone I could weeb a little bit.

It's a little complicated with her. When we first met she was kinda my senior at work, but she moved around into some different parts of the company and I moved my way into management. I got to know her more as her boss technically before she moved into management with me.

I get the feeling she always will see me in that light? Like we work very well together and we have a good time and all that, but maybe that initial power disparity kinda weirds her out.

...Sen...pa-*gets shot*

Sure you wanna play this game? I mean...dating a co worker is hard mode - even more so with what you describe.

Nintendo_Porn posted...

...Sen...pa-*gets shot*

Sure you wanna play this game? I mean...dating a co worker is hard mode - even more so with what you describe.

Ohhhh I'm not holding my breath about it. I'm gonna invite her to things and you know, if it works out it works out. If not, that happens too.

Nintendo_Porn posted...

Underestimated how hard it is to turn a GF into a weeb, or at least get her off of thinking cartoons are for kids.

It's not trying to turn its trying to understand the others hobby's. And learn to support what the other does. My friend worked with Horses, race them, train them, break them if people asked. When I lived with her she knew I was a gamer. Never criticized it. When she could see was intrested in a few. She knew I also needed me time. It was usually when she went to sleep. Sadly wasn't very often. The pain, the anxiety that the next breath could be your last. Then going blind on top of it. Anyway that's how it should work . She didn't mind my hobby.

I honestly couldn't really be with anyone who would judge me for enjoying animation. It is a huge element of what I get joy out of.

And when you're close to 40 you kinda realize life is too short to stay with someone who is gonna judge you for how you spend your spare time.

vycebrand2 posted...

It's not trying to turn its trying to understand the others hobby's. And learn to support what the other does. My friend worked with Horses, race them, train them, break them if people asked. When I lived with her she knew I was a gamer. Never criticized it. When she could see was intrested in a few. She knew I also needed me time. It was usually when she went to sleep. Sadly wasn't very often. The pain, the anxiety that the next breath could be your last. Then going blind on top of it. Anyway that's how it should work . She didn't mind my hobby.

I knew and tempered expectations. Shown her the right one and she understands now. Been messing with her with 'one of us" chants though. In the end she opened her mind.

Went out to lunch with some friends and friends of friends, sparked up an awesome conversation with one of the ladies who I didn't know, but unfortunately for me she is seeing someone. It did give me a boost of confidence for sure that even with total strangers I can feel confident and be myself and have a good time.

Not that I've ever lacked for confidence but like, I dunno, this is kinda one of the first times since my wife passed that I went for it. It was fun and exciting and while it is a bummer that she is seeing someone, c'est la vie.

January 29th, 2024

Ive had a tough month. I think the first tough month since the summer. Tough enough that my colleagues were asking how I was doing. They were worried as I seemed a little... off. Distant, distracted, stuff like that. The hell of it is I didnt even recognize it was a tough month until they asked me and I nearly started to cry as I told them that it would have been Lindsays birthday in January. Between the first Christmas, New Years, and her birth date without her I guess it was bound to impact me a bit.

Im not going to beat myself up about it or anything like that. No point to being disappointed in being human. As soon as I told them what January meant for me and where my mind was they understood immediately why it was impacting me. I simultaneously miss her more and less this month and I think that also makes me just kinda sad in general. I did a lot of things in January that I simply couldnt have done when Lindsay was alive and I had fun doing them. Between just deciding after work one day to go to the movies, inviting some friends over for wrestling fun, eating out places that I couldnt have if Lindsay was still with me... the prospect of moving on as it were is liberating and terrifying.

You also feel a sense of guilt. Despite my every intention of moving on, meeting new people, exploring an entirely new side of life that I richly deserve, there will always be that tiny voice in my head that makes me feel bad for taking advantage of my newfound freedom. Its ridiculous since it is exactly what Lindsay wanted for me. How strange that trying to do exactly what she wanted me to do would leave me feeling so confused.

So then the question becomes what is it that I ultimately want. I cant deny that what I want is someone very similar to Lindsay but is healthy and able to be a partner to me to take on the world. I think that is where my conflicted feelings come from? When a relationship ends typically it is due to someone wanting something to change. Wanting something different from their partner, their situation, whatever it is. That was not the case with Lindsay passing away. The only thing I wanted different was for her to be healthier so we could have more time together and she wanted the same. It was a very successful relationship that ended due only to the passing of one of the people in it.

As for it being a tough month, Im gonna assume that the big anniversaries will always be tough. Thankfully my tough was just some poor dietary choices, a little lack of self motivation, and not being as focused at work. I should count myself fortunate that is as far as my tough times get. Again to just add more confusion to it all, Im also proud of myself that all the hard work Ive done has allowed my bad month to be as calm as all that. Its been a month where I wasnt as strong as I would have liked to be and I wasnt as weak as I feared I could be. I think identifying that it was a bad month for me and moving forward has allowed me to get back on my feet and work a little harder to be who I know I can be.

She would be very proud of how Im doing so far. I imagine she would grab my hand in hers, pull me into a warm hug, and ask me why I expect so much from myself. She would pull a me and tell me to take the personal out of it. If I had a client, a friend, or just some random stranger going through what I am going through, would I expect them to just be good all the time? Of course not, that is a ridiculous notion.

Youre allowed to have more difficult times. Youre allowed to bend and not break. Youre allowed to feel, to be confused, to struggle a little. Its all OK. She would kiss me on the forehead and tell me it is all OK. Its all OK Jeff. Youll be alright even when youre not alright.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/medical-assistance-in-dying-mental-illness-delay-1.7098313

I have opinions that I will share later. I'm at work and this will take me some time.

Ohhhh thats a good debate that needs to happen.

The only thing I can add is anecdotal evidence. A single data point. My sister used to work in hospice care for those with terminal cancer.

She said on a number of times shed encounter patients in great pain begging for her to kill them. Obviously she couldnt but she obviously felt sorry for them. Now I dont know how many people on here have ever had to deal with cancer sufferers but mid to late game its not uncommon for people to have good days and bad days.

Her hospice was as much a short term solution to get someone in, manage their pain, and get them back out again as it is pure end of life palliative care.

Why do I bring this up? Because a not insignificant amount of the people in pain and begging for death would, with the right interventions, go on to lead fulfilling lives for many months and sometimes years. In one isolated case a guy went into full remission and is still here today five years on.

So had she the power to euthanise at that time she potentially would have done so to people who would have the potential to lead relatively good lives for a number of years.

Ironically she is very much an advocate of euthanasia but only in very specific circumstances and certainly not on an ad hoc basis.

I feel that this sort of awful grey area / moral conundrum is even more complicated by mental health issues. Should we allow every single person who is depressed and attempted to kill themselves the right to do so? You can argue depression can be treated and thus do you attempt to treat the depression first? Or just take them at face value?

There are some obvious extremes to this like really advance Alzheimer sufferers but then how do you go about getting constant from someone for euthanasia from someone who potentially not legally consent? Do you allow their career / people with powers of attorney to make that decision? How do you ensure they arent doing it for selfish reasons like to expedite getting a large inheritance or because the sufferer is a huge burden on them financially? In the flip side how do you make sure someone that maybe does suit euthanasia isnt kept alive just because they have a lot of money and the home looking after them tend to lose an income stream should they be euthanised?

So complicated and emotive and I dont trust anyone who says they have all the answers because something of this magnitude is not black and white.

That was what my friend wanted in Oct before she got the flu. We had made some appointments with a GI to see if the source of her abdomen pain could be pinpointed and resolved. We pushed it back a bit later was her choice. She had a excerbation and its was serious. While in the hospital picked up the flu. It was there she said she was done. I mean it took its toll. If she had just the pain and not being able to breathe on her own. It was going blind on top of everything else. I think she wanted to live and get better but she was looking down the road and it didnt look like something she wanted to deal with. Best way to describe it would be pull the band aid off and let go. So they did. Send her home with home hospice on her own terms. I understand this article. Did she have mental issues? Yes. Just not the real reason to end her life. I disagree