Current Events > "He's just a friend"// "Girls and guys can just be friends"

(+) Yeah! (+)

I've seen this debate on GameFAQs where it seems a lot of people believe this.

Here's a short comedy sketch I think illustrates why that's naive:
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRTMbeFD/

some can some cant

Depends on age. My first friend ever was a girl. I moved away when I was 6. Years later as a teenager, my family met up with her family again for a day. I remember being attracted to her

It depends. Is he deep in the friendzone? Or is he a 6'0" muscular guy she hooked up with in the past?

Definitely yes.

As per the skit, your S/O having a friend thats trying to fuck (and is in denial of) is a whole different matter that needs to be worked out.

If you find it hard to believe that its possible, it just means that you don't view the opposite sex in a healthy way.

I work in female dominated profession. As a result, probably around 70% of my friends are women. It has never been a problem.

It helps if you aren't attracted to them or if they already taken. I wouldn't usually go out of my way to hang out with a woman alone, unless I was attracted to them, or if it was work related.

Generally yes, guys and girls can just be friends. What Matt is talking about in his standup is completely different.

Having regular opposite gender friends is not the same as having a friend that secretly wants to get with you. Like my ex had plenty of male friends, and they were cool guys. But there was one, just one, that gave me the "oh he's secretly trying to fuck her" vibes. And sure enough... She's my ex now because fuck that lol.

My best friend was a girl for 18 years until she passed away when Covid started.

The-Apostle posted...

My best friend was a girl for 18 years until she passed away when Covid started.

oh no Im sorry you lost your friend

Don't give me that, don't even give me that!

You! You got what I neeeed! But you say he's just a friend, you say he's just a friend!

The majority of my friends are female, so...

I mean.. I'm friends with my exes... I'm friends with girls that "friend zoned" me. And I'm friends with girls where it's always been platonic on my end.

It's not hard.. Maybe back in the day when gender roles made it to where women and men wouldn't have as much in common for friendly discourse. But nowadays there's so much overlap for shared interests that I have to question why a person can't befriend the opposite sex.

If you're friend zoned and it hurts too much, I can understand why you'd need to pull away to heal. But if you really liked her, wouldn't you still want her in your life? Or is it that you just wanted to fuck her?

Maybe the attraction won't go away and it hurts I guess..

But I'm guessing you're not sexually attracted to all women... So then I'm wondering why a dude can't befriend a chick he's not attracted to the same way he would another dude.

I guess if you're a very masculine dude who likes things that are still largely dominated by men.. Hunting, trucking, beer drinking kinda guy.

But like.. there's still the occasional chick who likes that shit..

But then maybe if you find a chick like that, it's impossible not to be attracted to her for you.. thus bringing us back to not being able to handle unrequited feelings with a friend.

Don't mind me.. just arguing with myself.

Pepys_Monster posted...

It depends. Is he deep in the friendzone? Or is he a 6'0" muscular guy she hooked up with in the past?

It depends, am I threatened by him or am I not?

so fuckin sad

It depends on a lot, including how much you trust your girlfriend/boyfriend.

My last girlfriend's best friend was a straight male, but he was always cool to me. Never saw them flirt, never felt threatened.

MICHALECOLE posted...

It depends, am I threatened by him or am I not?

so fuckin sad

More like "Is he a threat, or not?"

Pepys_Monster posted...

More like "Is he a threat, or not?"

Sure, thats different

if that makes you feel better

sad little boy

Definitely. But I've heard that phrase when he is more than just a friend.

VampireCoyote posted...

some can some cant

I mean, frankly, this is the right answer.

Most of my closest friends are women, and I'm a dude.

I will also admit though, like 40% of my friends, I've asked out once. If they said nah, I just said "ok cool no worries." and we kept being friends. (I'm also friends with some of my exes still)

In my opinion, the issue really happens when a dude asks their friend out, they say nah, and then the dude acts all bitter and proves they didn't actually wanna be friends with them, they just wanted to fuck.

If you're attracted to your friend(s), that's fine. But if you stop being friends with them the second they reject you romantically and/or sexually, you're just a dickhead IMO.

JKwaffle posted...

I mean, frankly, this is the right answer.

Most of my closest friends are women, and I'm a dude.

I will also admit though, like 40% of my friends, I've asked out once. If they said nah, I just said "ok cool no worries." and we kept being friends. (I'm also friends with some of my exes still)

In my opinion, the issue really happens when a dude asks their friend out, they say nah, and then the dude acts all bitter and proves they didn't actually wanna be friends with them, they just wanted to fuck.

If you're attracted to your friend(s), that's fine. But if you stop being friends with them the second they reject you romantically and/or sexually, you're just a dickhead IMO.

I noticed I have you as a 5 star poster in your tag. I don't remember what earned you your 5 stars, but your post reinforces it.

JKwaffle posted...

they just wanted to fuck.

And what's wrong with that?

obligatory Biz Markie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aofoBrFNdg

Arcanine2009 posted...

It helps if you aren't attracted to them or if they already taken.

Agreed.

BettyWhite posted...

I noticed I have you as a 5 star poster in your tag. I don't remember what earned you your 5 stars, but your post reinforces it.

<3

pkmnlord posted...

And what's wrong with that?

Wanting to fuck isn't the problem, JUST wanting to fuck is the problem. If you only call someone your friend until they reject you, then you never wanted to actually be friends with them. The issue isn't that you're attracted to them, the issue is that your "friendship" ends the second you didn't get sex out of it. That's the problem.

The obvious answer is yes.

I dont understand folks who say otherwise. Even in a scenario that Im attracted to a friend, I still like being around them and spending time. So even if the friendship doesnt advance, Im still cool with being friends.

People should try it more often. A friend that is also eye candy is great.

Now a friend that I am romantically in love with is a tad different. And the only scenario Id understand if you wish to not remain friends.

Not being able to see value in the opposite sex outside of sexual/romantic potential is fucked up.

JKwaffle posted...

Wanting to fuck isn't the problem, JUST wanting to fuck is the problem. If you only call someone your friend until they reject you, then you never wanted to actually be friends with them. The issue isn't that you're attracted to them, the issue is that your "friendship" ends the second you didn't get sex out of it. That's the problem.

Okay, that I can understand.

Tenlaar posted...

Not being able to see value in the opposite sex outside of sexual/romantic potential is fucked up.

Agreed.

I don't see why not.

Like 80% of my friends are women and I've been with my lady for almost a decade now.

Definitely. Also if you've been close friends for a long time at some point it'll generally be brought up why you aren't attracted to each other.

There's always some risk, even if it's low.

I dunno, can gay guys just be friends?

i guess as a bisexual i can't be friends with anyone.

ce is so fucking pathetic

... tiktok videos aren't relegated to 1 minute? Then how come youtube shorts, the direct response feature to tiktok, limits videos to 1 min?

Oh yes. Ive been just friends with women my whole life haha.

Heh.

..yeah.

Of course. But I do think a man and a woman being best friends is often crossing into some weird territory though. The only thing really separating a best friend from a partner is sex and commitment. Just seems really likely that at least one of them probably wants more.

Yes but only after they shagged at least once.

if we're breaking it down to the basest levels of friendship then both guy and girl should come without any baggage(like being taken) and at the very first glance should look at each other and think "that's a person i could be friends with" instead of he/she being "hot/cute/sweet" etc. basically anything that signifies an attraction since the true platonic friend-"ship" has already sailed at that point.

everything else just seems like coping with the situation... like one already asked the other one out and got denied so they stayed friends as if there were any other real choice. or one or both are taken and decide to be friends as if there were any other real choice that wouldn't upend their lives.

of course, in order to function in today's interconnected society you pretty much have to cope or be seen as a sociopathic outcast.

AsucaHayashi posted...

if we're breaking it down to the basest levels of friendship then both guy and girl should come without any baggage(like being taken) and at the very first glance should look at each other and think "that's a person i could be friends with" instead of he/she being "hot/cute/sweet" etc. basically anything that signifies an attraction since the true platonic friend-"ship" has already sailed at that point.

everything else just seems like coping with the situation... like one already asked the other one out and got denied so they stayed friends as if there were any other real choice. or one or both are taken and decide to be friends as if there were any other real choice that wouldn't upend their lives.

of course, in order to function in today's interconnected society you pretty much have to cope or be seen as a sociopathic outcast.

I dont talk to any of my exes, or anybody who Ive ever been turned down by. Its never been a problem.

Friends are friends. Doesnt matter what their gender is to me.

If I'm gay and can be friends with straight guys and gay guys without sex, then so can straight men and women.

Yea of course

Unless youre some redpilled type weirdo

AsucaHayashi posted...

at the very first glance should look at each other and think "that's a person i could be friends with" instead of he/she being "hot/cute/sweet" etc. basically anything that signifies an attraction since the true platonic friend-"ship" has already sailed at that point.

Thats complete nonsense, you can have platonic friendship with people you find attractive.

Spiritlittle posted...

If I'm gay and can be friends with straight guys and gay guys without sex, then so can straight men and women.

Nah if I were gay Id be banging every dude that gave me the look.

But maybe I am just a whore.

Depends but if you're attractive than most likely not