Current Events > Old Simpsons jokes you remember randomly, Part 2

(+) Yeah! (+)

"Well sir, I won't bore you with the details of our miraculous escape, but we desperately need a real emergency exit."

There's THE TRUTH
And THE TRUTH!

when grandpa walks into the sleaze house and sees bart and pulls a u turn lmao.

Nothing at all, nothing at all

Sir, have you been reading my diary again?

Zzzzaap

Woozle wazzle?

"Now, the wife of this couple has an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow."

"We need names!"

Well, let's just call 'em, uh... Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson!"

"Thank you so much for visiting our plant, Dr. Kissinger. We'll let you know if your glasses turn up."

"Uh, yes. Well, I'm sure I left them in the car."

(Thinking) "No one must know I dropped them in the toilet. Not I, the man who drafted the Paris Peace Accords."

I don't want to hit a sore spot, but can we talk about herpes?

Herpes herpes bo-berpes, banana-fana fo ferpes, herpes! Oh!

Hey, that spot on Gorbachav's head? Herpes! Trust me.

Anybody here have herpes? Huh, huh?

I only speak in Simpsons quotes.

I also only eat things in bar form.

... hospital, please.

"I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals fa-laming!"

"Troy, this circle is you."
"My God, it's like you've known me all my life!"

You know, my course can help you with every personality disorder in the "Feel Bad Rainbow." Let's look at the rainbow. What's in there?
Depression, insomnia, motormouth, darting eyes, indecisiveness, decisiveness, bossiness, uncontrollable falling down, geriatric profanity disorder (or GPD), and chronic nagging...
nagging...
nagging...

Selma: Sorry, it does that sometimes. [hits the tv]

There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome...

Helloooo mother dear

Get that cat out of the way!

"So many memories...aww, look...Knightboat!"

Euripides posted...

"I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals fa-laming!"

lol, this was my signature for a couple of years

Nelson (to bullies): So I says to Mabel, Mabel, why di-

*adult walks into the room*

Nelson: Yeah, so I just started whaling on the nerd.

divot1338 posted...

Nelson (to bullies): So I says to Mabel, Mabel, why di-

*adult walks into the room*

Nelson: Yeah, so I just started whaling on the nerd.

They reused this?

For some reason Bart's "So I says to Mabel, I says..." cracks me up way more than it should

Some folkll never eat a skunk,
and then, again, some folkll.

Like Cletus, the slack jawed yokel.

I can see my house from here.

Hey ma! Get off the dang roof!

HylianFox posted...

They reused this?

For some reason Bart's "So I says to Mabel, I says..." cracks me up way more than it should

Maybe my brain overwrote who was saying the line. Youre probably right.

divot1338 posted...

Maybe my brain overwrote who was saying the line. Youre probably right.

You may have confused Bart's "Mabel" line with Nelson's "Huckleberries" line, which ends with saying he "kicked the guy's ass" when Skinner walks by

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KfFJz9n1ao
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95YtSyect8I

Next on Exploitation Theatre: Blacula, followed by Blackenstein, and The Blunchblack of Blotre Blame!

And now, the thrilling conclusion of 'Colonel Dracula Joins the Navy!'
"Uh, Colonel?"
"Blaugh!"

From the Z to the O to the double R-O
He's the dude in the mask from the barrio.

With his horse and his mask and his big ol' sword
He'll cut your butt from a '52 Ford.

PeteyParker posted...

From the Z to the O to the double R-O
He's the dude in the mask from the barrio.

With his horse and his mask and his big ol' sword
He'll cut your butt from a '52 Ford.

I... am a COWARD!

ngl I'd pay good money to see an actual 'The Poke of Zorro' movie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXxRQ4MYz3E

HylianFox posted...

ngl I'd pay good money to see an actual 'The Poke of Zorro' movie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXxRQ4MYz3E

Only if it stars Curtis "Booger" Armstrong, Eric Roberts and James Earl Jones as the voice of the Magic Taco.

PeteyParker posted...

Only if it stars Curtis "Booger" Armstrong, Eric Roberts and James Earl Jones as the voice of the Magic Taco.

Amen

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/0/1/8/AAY3DRAAEiCy.jpg

"Seymour, you're fired!"
"I'm sorry, did you just call me a liar?"
"No, I said you were fired."
"Oh. That's much worse."

The other day a coworker was telling me about how her boyfriend found out our boss is gay. Apparently by "partner" he thought, "Business partners who live together." And all I can think of is:

"That John is the greatest guy in the world. We've got to have him and his wife over for drinks sometime."
"Mmm, I don't think he's married, Homer."
"Oh, a swinging bachelor, eh? Well, there's lots of foxy ladies out there."
"Homer, didn't John seem a little "festive" to you?"
"Couldn't agree more, happy as a clam."
"He prefers the company of men!"
"Who doesn't?"
"Homer, listen carefully. John is a Ho - mo..."
"Right."
"...Sexual."
"AAAAHHH!"

*Bart points a laser pointer at Skinner's crotch*

"Hm, there appears to be a red dot on my trouser front. I'd better lower it."
...
"The dot also appears to be on my underpants. Well, down they go."

*Chief Wiggum drives up*

"Hey buddy, you'd better get that red dot checked out. My uncle died of crotch-dot."

matteus70 posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/0/1/8/AAY3DRAAEiCy.jpg

Hand me my patching trowel, boy!

"I was saying Boo-urns."

"Mayor Quimby, Fat Tony wanted me to give you this:" *mmmmmmmmWAH!*

*spits* "You moron! That's the Kiss of Death!"

"Oh no! Maybe I didn't do it right."
*goes in for another kiss*

Homer realizing he was the guy on the pop art and his brain insulting him.
"I'll fix you!" *downs a beer*
Brain: "Oh yeah! I'll fix you! Go drive a car!"
"Yes master...." *wanders off with a keyfob* "Come here car! Come here boy!"

Homer: *running red light* "It's okay, I'm a teacher!!"
Ms. Hoover: "I didn't know we could do that!" *runs red light too*

"Oh, you like Mr. Sparkle?"

"Well, I AM Mr. Sparkle"

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/1/0/5/AAWkTAAAEjCp.jpg

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!

good, this is still here

"What ancient beverage was made using hops and grains?"

"Ancient Hop-Grain Juice?"

Marge, we gettin some drive-thru, and we're doin it twice!

The deed is done. 24 years of trying to kill a ten-year-old child have finally paid off!

buddhamonster posted...

Kent Brockman on TV- Im being told I can speak with the ringleader now.

Homer watching the news broadcast - Dont be the boy. Dont be the boy. Dont be the boy.

*Reveals its Bart on the TV

Doh!

*Hair falls out, gut bursts from his pants*

That scene never fails to get me. Not once.

"freakin no good mother*bleep bleep bleep* cheese!"

"You're the Birthday, You're the Birthday, You're the Birthday Boy OR Girl!"

"What's your name, sweat stain?"
"Bashir."
"Bash here? I love a kid that comes with directions!"

"It's been 4,000 days since my last drink. It was my first and last blackberry schnapps."

Maude: "Ned, did you clip Ann Landers today?"
Ned: "Ann Landers is a boring old biddy!"
Maude: *gasp* "Ned!"

"I was more animal than man!"

WilliamPorygon posted...

"What's your name, sweat stain?"
"Bashir."
"Bash here? I love a kid that comes with directions!"

Lol what episode is that from?

Forest_Temple posted...

Lol what episode is that from?

MyPods and Boomsticks (s20e8)

In the episode, Homer becomes suspicious of Bart's new Muslim friend, Bashir, and decides to invite his family for dinner. When Homer offends them, he goes to their home to apologize but discovers what he believes to be a terrorist plot to blow up the Springfield Mall. In the episode's subplot, Lisa gets a MyPod (a parody of iPod) and racks up a large bill.

WilliamPorygon posted...

In the episode, Homer becomes suspicious of Bart's new Muslim friend, Bashir, and decides to invite his family for dinner. When Homer offends them, he goes to their home to apologize but discovers what he believes to be a terrorist plot to blow up the Springfield Mall.

this reads like a Family Guy plot...