Current Events > Why did your last relationship end? Try to be as unbiased as possible.

(+) Yeah! (+)

This will require some serious reflection.

Gaslighting

His dick wasn't big enough

We simply weren't a match.
Did some sexual stuff, went to a concert, got along great.
Just way too different from each other.

It was over 25 years ago, as I met my wife back in 1997, but the girl I was with before that broke up with me on my 19th birthday because she was still 17 and Didnt feel right dating an adult.

Think I dodged a bullet with that one.

Not the last one but 2nd to last one (my actual last relationship ended in boring way)..
I was pretty abusive so she found someone else once the opportunity arrived.. my actions towards her after we broke up was pretty bad too. I know her entire family hates me now and at first I thought they should hear my side of things. After thinking about it some more (over a few years) I realized that every fight we had i was actually the aggressor the entire time damn.

vegan

She told me she wasn't ready for dating.

Walked in on her and her ex.

He told me I was bothering him too much.

She had issues but a better partner could have alleviated her issues. I made them worse. That is unbiased honesty.

After seven years we grew to hate each other, and at the end the only thing that was still good was the sex, and that just wasnt enough

it ended in one if those terrible fights where we were screaming at each other on the front lawn after she had punched me several times

shit was fucked up

He was distant and I was petty.

He was a narcissistic mamas boy and pathological liar. His mom was also pretty bat shit. We broke off a wedding two days before because his mom threw a fit at our rehearsal and said she wasnt coming. He wanted to postpone until she changed her mind even though we had all our guests already flying in and all the deposits paid. I realized he did not really care for me (he was verbally abusive for a few months before too) so I declined postponing and broke it off instead.

She told me I wasn't who she thought I was and asked if we could break up

Cleo_II posted...

He was a narcissistic mamas boy and pathological liar. His mom was also pretty bat shit. We broke off a wedding two days before because his mom threw a fit at our rehearsal and said she wasnt coming. He wanted to postpone until she changed her mind even though we had all our guests already flying in and all the deposits paid. I realized he did not really care for me (he was verbally abusive for a few months before too) so I declined postponing and broke it off instead.

Okay, you "win". Happy you got out of that

She had strabismus, we just didnt see eye to eye

We brought out the absolute worst in each other. Like mixing fire and gasoline. We recognized that while we do love each other we should not be together.

We were together for 7 years and by the end were not the same people that fell in love with each other. While it was mutual, I would have liked to continue the relationship but it was for the best.

Didn't see myself with her for more than just fun and sex.

I wasnt emotionally mature enough in regards to mental health. It wouldnt have lasted anyway, but it could have ended more amicably if I were more understanding.

The massive amount of cocaine we were doing affected both of our mental health situations. She also had in her words a "borderline r-word" memory while mine is really good regardless of what drugs I'm on, so she'd overcommit verbally to me while intoxicated then pretty much act like nothing had happened the next day which extremely confused me.

She ended up breaking up with me after 2 months saying stuff like "you took things out of proportion, we were never very serious" despite basically telling me she was falling in love with me while on MDMA one night, and then the next day just being distant and bored.

She had bipolar too

Don't mix drugs and dating folks

She was a kleptomaniac, all she did was take take take

Because I don't deserve love or companionship. I am the embodiment of the word "manchild". It was only a matter of time before she saw through the facade and realized that she deserves so much better than me.

I'm not exactly a hit with the ladies, but I did lose my former best friend last year and that's been fucking me up ever since.

I ended the friendship over a girl, which is absolute pussy shit, but it was one of those things where it literally would have not been a problem if she had gotten with anyone else, and it was only such a massive deal because it was my best friend.

Like you'd expect me to be mad at her, but I was mad at my friend because I spent a year building myself up to asking her out - she lived somewhere else during a lot of this - and confiding in him about this crush.

He was upset that I didn't share more with him, like he knew that I had shit going on I wasn't telling him and he wanted to be let in. I'm a private person and I keep to myself, but he was getting worked up about it. So I let him in on this crush I had, because it was the most benign fucking thing I could think of and there was only one way for him to fuck it up.

I asked her out eventually once she moved back, and she rejected me and we stayed friends - that was fine. I have a long history of like intense jealousy and self-loathing when a crush doesn't work out, and I committed myself to breaking the cycle here. She's gonna get a boyfriend and it's not gonna be me, and I'm going to be okay with that because she's my friend and I want her to be happy. Then one day when I put the work in, I'm gonna find love and everyone is gonna be happy.

The one caveat in my brain is if that boyfriend ends up being my best friend.

At this point, I already feel inadequate compared to my former best friend. I feel like less of a person compared to him, in the way he can speak to other people in ways that I feel I can't and in the way I'm often made the butt of the joke around him. There's a bunch of stuff that began to fall into place around this time that made me realise how miserable I felt around him - i.e. how I let him in on this crush thing because he wore me down about letting him into more of my life - and after confiding in him about this girl, I can't see him getting with her. That's not in the sense of like "I can't possibly imagine this possibility ever happening", I mean that in the sense of "if this ever happens, it is going to break my spirit". The pieces were very much put in place for this to blow up in my face.

I've told him my history of crushes ending in like self-hatred and intense jealousy. I ask him, multiple times, to give me some sort of warning if he's going to pursue her himself. I get that I was asking for a lot with that last one, it's none of my business and he doesn't have to tell me shit, but I was asking so I could put some distance between myself and that situation so I could avoid being hurt.

And then it happens. I don't catch them kissing or anything, but I catch something damning and it snowballed into me lashing out and him eventually admitting it. And I had this long internal dialogue between my rational brain and my emotional brain, how I needed to get over it because I didn't want to hurt anyone but how I just couldn't overcome what had happened and how much it had hurt me.

I made multiple attempts to go back to that friend group. The only way that's gonna work is if I'm friends with them separately and never hear about their lovelife. That's incredibly selfish and unreasonable, so I try to come to terms with it. I get exposed to the relationship too soon and lose any progress I had been building up to. I had my first and only panic attack because I felt like I was on a timer and if I didn't come to terms with it soon, I was going to lose everyone I cared about. This friend group was an escape from a bad home life, and I was about to lose all my friends because I couldn't come to terms with this relationship.

But the tipping point - the part where I let my emotional side win and I committed to cutting these people out of my life forever - was when I thought back to when I first became friends with my former best friend. Specifically, the first time we hung out outside of school.

We went to the town pool and went swimming. And after a while, he gets out of the pool along with another friend, and I go to climb out - and he steps on my hands so I have to let go and stay in the water. I go to the other side, he's run over there so he can step on me more and keep me in the pool. He and another friend are having fun by stopping me from getting out of the pool, by treading on me for their own amusement.

And it dawns on me that this friendship was never built on respect. It was never a fair balance between equals. That's not to say that we didn't get along famously or were never friends, but it did establish a foundation of disrespect that had always been at the foundation of my friendship.

So I stopped trying to go back, and I left that friend group. And to be totally honest? I'm still incredibly fucked up about it. I tensed up multiple times writing this post, and I'll occasionally have like imaginary arguments about him trying to come back into my life and me having to explain why I didn't want that to happen. I just stand at work having these imaginary arguments because I need to get it out, because the thought of my former best friend trying to come back into my life is a fucking nightmare. I have to be prepared to shut him down totally and live my life without his backstabbing ass breathing down my neck. I owe him a lot, genuinely, but I can never repay that debt of gratitude and belongings because him being a part of my life in any way is going to fucking destroy me mentally all over again.

So long story short - my last "relationship", per se, ended fucking terribly. I became a really ugly person, and I learned how to be selfish in a way that lets me look after myself. I'm going to put my wellbeing first. I come first. I'm never going to let another person make me feel that shitty about myself. If that means hurting other people to do it, I will hurt other people to do it.

I've never been in a relationship

She was toxic. She cheated on me. Gave me 3 STDs. She gaslighted me multiple times. She would purposely start arguments out of nowhere over text and then proceed to block me for a few days as "punishment". She self harmed many times and accused me of being the reason. She never spoke up for me when her friends made racist jokes about me (I'm black and she's white). Most of the time we were together, she was high so conversing with her in person was horrible at times. When she wasn't high, all she talked about was her ex. She accused me of being controlling when I told her not to go homeless for shits and giggles because it was a stupid idea. She purposely tried to get in the way of my schooling by spamming me with calls and texts in order to distract me when she knew I was in class (she doesn't believe in education). She told me that I was better off without my family and that I only needed her. She told me that my life would be better if my sister, whom I am close to, died.

There's probably more I can mention but I just woke up. The cheating was the last straw for me. I left after that. I only stuck around for so long because she was very attractive at the time. She used to be an amateur model signed on with agency before she quit because she thought everything in life should be free and no one should have to work.

I wish I was making this shit up

We hadn't been together too long, maybe 3 months. I realized I was totally and completely uninterested in the relationship and had probably been more interested in the attention I was getting in the new and exciting phase in the relationship.

So I broke it off. I didnt tell her any of this because I wasn't trying to hurt her or anything but she kind of went a little crazy. I tried to remain a friend, which we were kind of able to do, but she kept complaining that I wasnt wanting to hang out all the time. I don't know it was like 14 years ago.

We were both rebounding, and I was in such a trainwreck of life that I couldn't treat her well, and flaked on numerous commitments. It helped me get my shit back on track though.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

She ended up breaking up with me after 2 months saying stuff like "you took things out of proportion, we were never very serious" despite basically telling me she was falling in love with me while on MDMA one night, and then the next day just being distant and bored.

That just sounds like a typical reaction to MDMA. Profound feelings of love and connection, followed by a huge slump the next day. Some people don't experience the slump, but for others it can actually be depressing compared to the previous high. It can last for more than a day too. Depends on the dose, of course, among other factors for each individual.

Anyway. My last relationship ended because I didn't want to be monogamous. Which was never a secret about me. But sometimes my partners want something more exclusive and serious, and I usually don't.

TheOnionKnight posted...

That just sounds like a typical reaction to MDMA. Profound feelings of love and connection, followed by a huge slump the next day. Some people don't experience the slump, but for others it can actually be depressing compared to the previous high. It can last for more than a day too. Depends on the dose, of course, among other factors for each individual.

Anyway. My last relationship ended because I didn't want to be monogamous. Which was never a secret about me. But sometimes my partners want something more exclusive and serious, and I usually don't.

It was her first time taking it. I've taken it dozens of times and never lose control of myself the way she did that night. But also, the timing was horrible. It came a few days after we deleted the dating app together we met on and agreed to be exclusive(both her ideas, coke fuelled too lol). The complete 180 she did after that night messed me up.

She was 22 and just discovering drugs, I was 29 and pretty much over them but giving them one last go because she was in her experimental phase or whatever and I dunno it seemed like a good idea. She also revealed 10x more about her life then I did mine during conversations. She basically accelerated things to an unhealthy degree then slammed the breaks on. I felt used and abused

Pretty sure she was boning one of her students.

She was a lying, cheating whore.

She was an out of control alcoholic who was lying about sobriety and drunk drove with me in the car on at least two occasions and wrecked one of my best friendships by ghosting the person repeatedly.

Not that I'm a bed of roses but gee whiz.

She was mean and belittling to me.

Wasn't that long but came to a sudden end when she told me she wanted to be with someone from "her same culture" (South Asian) and that she had known this before meeting me (black dude).

I was as civil as possible when I said bye, but this was also after a month and a half of us really getting into hip hop and RnB to initially connect and her hounding me for older recs since she only got into those genres within the last couple of years. So it seemed pretty hypocritical at the time for culture to be an issue and religion wasn't even a barrier since I wouldn't have even started talking to her if she were religious since that is understandably a barrier.

Distance, mainly He lived far away, which wasnt too bad But then he was taking care of his dad, and wasnt able to come over very often I was fine with it, but he said it wasnt fair. So, we broke up. We did meet up after that once. Went to the Gayborhood together. Had sex and everything. But I love my current BF, so its all good

Because I just didnt really care about her and the whole relationship was shallow to begin with.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


And we all know this to be false...

And I haven't had a relationship end... >_>

haloiscoolisbak posted...

It was her first time taking it. I've taken it dozens of times and never lose control of myself the way she did that night. But also, the timing was horrible. It came a few days after we deleted the dating app together we met on and agreed to be exclusive(both her ideas, coke fuelled too lol). The complete 180 she did after that night messed me up.

She was 22 and just discovering drugs, I was 29 and pretty much over them but giving them one last go because she was in her experimental phase or whatever and I dunno it seemed like a good idea. She also revealed 10x more about her life then I did mine during conversations. She basically accelerated things to an unhealthy degree then slammed the breaks on. I felt used and abused

Sounds like a lot was going on, but yeah a complete 180 from outpourings of affection to emotional numbness is just what MDMA does for lots of people. Like that's one of the standard reactions to be expected. Not saying that it makes what happened any better, of course.

I didnt commit 100% to it.

She worked night shifts, and with different days off to me, to the extent that even though we lived together we maybe saw each other for half an hour a day when the going to bed/waking up overlapped. This lead to us drifting apart and as it turned out neither one of us really cared enough to try and save things.

It was a very amicable parting, though (we even carried on living together for a few months afterwards), we had nothing against each other as people and still got on well, just... neither one of us wanted to be in the relationship any more so we stopped.

Other person reconnected with a friend of theirs while attending another mutual friend's wedding. They eventually ended up getting married themselves.

There were no hard feelings over it; 8 years later all three of us plus my future partner (now spouse) still game online together to this day.

She broke up with me because she said I didn't understand her. In fairness she was one of those extremely emotional / psycho girlfriends who would assume the worst, and at the time my emotional intelligence was low. I was a very simple, stoic dude.

We were both super attracted to each other, we had common interests, but emotionally we were on completely different wavelengths.

Weird miscommunications, really. She had a death in the family and she like, got pissed at me for trying to console her, then wouldnt respond to my texts, and then got mad at me for not texting the right way.

Then a couple weeks later she got mad at me because she kind of sprung an unexpected party on me my friends are having this thing and you can come if you want but of course it had to be on a day where I was feeling pretty shitty and also had to be at work super early the next day (something else that was sprung on me).

So, yeah. Also she was gorgeous so theres no doubt in my mind she had tons of guys after her.

Its probably for the best, but I still cant help but often think if only that shitty-timed stuff had happened way later into our relationship instead of a few months in, wed probably still be together. And this was like five years ago now havent had any luck with women since then, but I also havent really wanted anything to do with dating either because that sucked so much energy out of me. Obviously had an impact on me. A negative one unfortunately.