Poll of the Day > True or False: If you don't date a trans person then you're transphobic.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Veedrock- posted...

I'd comment "Fuck Trans people!" but I'd definitely get modded by the assmads that woosh the message.

I giggled when I got the joke

Californian posted...

no should ever be shamed into having sex for any reason. If you feel shame about something you need to reflect figure out why you feel that way.

Is this what gaslighting is?

Dragooncancer_ posted...

Is this what gaslighting is?

nope because people feel shame for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it is valid. But as you alluded to with your earlier post you are correct that no one should ever feel shamed or pressured into having sex with someone that they dont want to have sex with.

Californian posted...

no should ever be shamed into having sex for any reason. If you feel shame about something you need to reflect figure out why you feel that way.

Probably from people shaming them because they don't want to date someone...

Dragooncancer_ posted...

Is this what gaslighting is?

I was kind of thinking the same thing, tbh...

Entity13 posted...

If none of the people you date happen to be trans, then no. If the sole reason for not dating them is their GID, then yes.

This, also lots of assumptions in this topic, like all trans people have penis' and can't have kids.

IronBornCorps posted...

This, also lots of assumptions in this topic, like all trans people have penis' and can't have kids.

I think many know that there are pre-op and post op They may not know if the person they would be dating has or not yet Possibly

Also, why would a trans person be interested in someone whom they have to convince of their gender?

I can tell you that this trans person would not even care if most of you wanted to have sex or not, as a great deal of you act so entitled and bitter towards anything that doesn't directly serve you. You would all be so lucky to share an experience with anyone, much less a trans person.

OhhhJa posted...

Trans is such a broad category that this is really kind of an ignorant statement.

If anything, the category being so broad just reinforces the idea that rejecting the entire category is unreasonable bigotry.

OhhhJa posted...

But I think your perspective is pretty outrageous. Preferring a biological female does not, in any way, make you transphobic

I think you're misunderstanding. Simply having a preference is not transphobic, no. If you show me a room with a thousand trans women in it and one cis woman, and I pick out the cis woman as being the most attractive, that's just my preference and not transphobia. The issue arises when you decide never to be attracted to a trans person (or specifically, never to act on that attraction, since we know already that attraction itself isn't a choice).

"I will never date trans people" = Transphobic, since that's a deliberate discriminatory decision against trans people as a category (however broad)
"I've gone my entire life and never dated a trans person" = Not necessarily transphobic, provided that's just the result of whatever attraction you end up feeling and the decisions you've made based on that attraction

There's potentially some overlap between those two that can be transphobic, such as feeling attracted to a trans person but deciding not to pursue it because you feel like you shouldn't be, but that's the gist of it. As long as you can say that not dating trans people is the result of simply not having been attracted to any, and not any pre-emptive decision you've made to avoid them, you're good.

But people use homophobic by there actual term. It's not suppose to be used for people who just don't want to date the same sex... That's a very weird way to use the word...

sometimes it is appropriate because there is still so much violence inflicted on trans people, especially trans people of color. I simply dont think that would be happening if people didnt feel so confused and irrationally threatened by people who are different

if I found out someone believes they cant find any trans person attractive then I wouldnt want to be around them at all because that is really dehumanizing. There are all different types of trans people. in our current society though it simply isnt safe for a trans person to trust or feel safe around people that see them as less than human, which sadly many people do.

can't remember who it was a month or so ago that was posting that bullshit about shame, but I think this new alt is the same person

UnMead posted...

sometimes it is appropriate because there is still so much violence inflicted on trans people, especially trans people of color. I simply dont think that would be happening if people didnt feel so confused and irrationally threatened by people who are different

if I found out someone believes they cant find any trans person attractive then I wouldnt want to be around them at all because that is really dehumanizing. There are all different types of trans people. in our current society though it simply isnt safe for a trans person to trust or feel safe around people that see them as less than human, which sadly many people do.

If there is violence, thats homophobic. But if my straight friend doesnt want to date me, but still treats me the same as they did before they found out I was gay, then Inwould call them homophobic. That would be like calling me heterophobic just because I dont want to date women Thats the problem And I would probably apply that same logic here Its slightly different. But lightly throwing around homophobia and transphobia helps no one. And actually hurts both causes because people stop cari. When something as small as a straight guy not wanting to date a gay guy because hes a male is considered homophobia Thats my opinion as a gay guy, at least

Now if somebody just assumes they cant find a trans person attractive, thats very different from a straight guy not wanting to date a gay guy. VERY different. That say, I would immediately jumpy o conclusion that they are dehumanizing. They may just be ignorant, and havent seen many, if any, trans people. Jumping to conclusions is also a bad idea. Sometimes, talking to someone will allow you to see more of the situation But I think more people are comfortable with trans. Not everybody, but more than before Some people just need a little more time

Krazy_Kirby posted...

can't remember who it was a month or so ago that was posting that bullshit about shame, but I think this new alt is the same person

You think Californian is their new alt?

OhhhJa posted...

If you're a dude that doesn't want to fuck a dude, that doesn't make you homophobic. I don't see why this has to be different

Exactly. It's all preference.

OhhhJa posted...

I feel like people are forgetting what "phobia" actually means. Not being interested in fucking someone isn't the same as being fearful of the thought of it

Yeah. A lot of people throw around words these days without understanding what they mean. Not wanting to date any rans person doesn't mean you're scared of them. This can be said about race and same sex dating too.

In a vacuum you are right Link but society is no where near that point. We simply dont live in a world where a trans person can feel safe around people that hold views like that. Far too many are abused or killed by trusting insecure individuals.

If you truly just couldnt be attracted to any trans person then that is how you are and there isnt shame in that, its how you are. But when you go around parading that preference it is dehumanizing to trans people in a deeply wounding way, and far too many trans people take their own lives over that kind of thing.

UnMead posted...

In a vacuum you are right Link but society is no where near that point. We simply dont live in a world where a trans person can feel safe around people that hold views like that. Far too many are abused or killed by trusting insecure individuals.

That would be transphobia since thats actual violence. And that does happen. But I wouldnt even say thats even the majority of people That said, I cant be sure Thats probably not something we have real data on

UnMead posted...

If you truly just couldnt be attracted to any trans person then that is how you are and there isnt shame in that, its how you are. But when you go around parading that preference it is dehumanizing to trans people in a deeply wounding way, and far too many trans people take their own lives over that kind of thing.

Thats the things, though. I dont se how saying its preference is dehumanizing. When I say my preference is males, Im not dehumanizing females. It really depends on more than that. There are somethings that people want. For example, some people may not want to date pre-op trans people because of genitalia. Some may not date them because they want biological children. But some may actually be transphobic. Saying they are dehumanizing just because they are saying preference is a jump to conclusions thats not actually warranted I cant say how trans people feel, but I wouldnt feel wounded if a straight guy says their preference is females. Nor would most gay guys that I know

LinkPizza posted...

That would be transphobia since thats actual violence. And that does happen. But I wouldnt even say thats even the majority of people That said, I cant be sure Thats probably not something we have real data on

Thats the things, though. I dont se how saying its preference is dehumanizing. When I say my preference is males, Im not dehumanizing females. It really depends on more than that. There are somethings that people want. For example, some people may not want to date pre-op trans people because of genitalia. Some may not date them because they want biological children. But some may actually be transphobic. Saying they are dehumanizing just because they are saying preference is a jump to conclusions thats not actually warranted I cant say how trans people feel, but I wouldnt feel wounded if a straight guy says their preference is females. Nor would most gay guys that I know

personally it feels dehumanizing to me because it makes me feel like if I embrace my real identity Ill just be seen as some freak or fetishized person. Im a romantic and more on the pansexual side of the spectrum so the idea that you just couldnt be drawn towards a person that you havent even gotten to know at all is an alien and confusing concept to me

I would never tell someone that I wasnt interested in that my disinterest is based on who they are inside unless they were a cruel or abusive person, and even then it would only be to try and get them to confront whatever is causing that

UnMead posted...

personally it feels dehumanizing to me because it makes me feel like if I embrace my real identity Ill just be seen as some freak or fetishized person. Im a romantic and more on the pansexual side of the spectrum so the idea that you just couldnt be drawn towards a person that you havent even gotten to know at all is an alien and confusing concept to me

I would never tell someone that I wasnt interested in that my disinterest is based on who they are inside unless they were a cruel or abusive person, and even then it would only be to try and get them to confront whatever is causing that

You can embrace yourself without feeling like that. The problem isnt everyone. Its some people. Just because some people will see me a freak because Im gay doesnt mean everyone will. The problem is that some people suck. But just because some people suck doesnt mean everyone does So, you need to look at it in the way that transphobic people suck, but not people who just have a preference Unless those people are the transphobic ones. But to say someone is transphobic just because they say its a preference would be wrong, and shaming some people who arent.my transphobic

And sexuality is always confusing. You can be drawn to anyone, and thats you. But thats not me or everyone else. Im drawn to men and not women. That doesnt mean Im heterophobic or gynophobic. Its just means Im gay. You not understand that people arent drawn to everyone is literally just like when straight people dont understand why gay people are drawn to the same sex, and not the opposite sex

And like I said, for some people, its based on what they want in like. For example, a survey said many trans men actually did not want to medically transition over. And for me, that would be a deal breaker (I believe medical transitioning also contains the procedure that would give them a penis). Which is what I would want in a partner. There are others who want specific genitalia. Or others who dreamed of biological birth. And while they are working on it, its not a reality for everyone yet It just all depends

LinkPizza posted...

You can embrace yourself without feeling like that. The problem isnt everyone. Its some people. Just because some people will see me a freak because Im gay doesnt mean everyone will. The problem is that some people suck. But just because some people suck doesnt mean everyone does So, you need to look at it in the way that transphobic people suck, but not people who just have a preference Unless those people are the transphobic ones. But to say someone is transphobic just because they say its a preference would be wrong, and shaming some people who arent.my transphobic

And sexuality is always confusing. You can be drawn to anyone, and thats you. But thats not me or everyone else. Im drawn to men and not women. That doesnt mean Im heterophobic or gynophobic. Its just means Im gay. You not understand that people arent drawn to everyone is literally just like when straight people dont understand why gay people are drawn to the same sex, and not the opposite sex

And like I said, for some people, its based on what they want in like. For example, a survey said many trans men actually did not want to medically transition over. And for me, that would be a deal breaker (I believe medical transitioning also contains the procedure that would give them a penis). Which is what I would want in a partner. There are others who want specific genitalia. Or others who dreamed of biological birth. And while they are working on it, its not a reality for everyone yet It just all depends

it isnt all people no but it is far too many and even many people that dont feel that way are complicit and not concerned with all the trans people being harmed, killed, and driven to suicidal ideation that is largely fueled by online bullying.

Look I know we say trans women are women and no one wants to further harm their dysphoria. But even with hormones there's some things that just aren't changeable such as skeletal structure or very stubborn like fat distribution. It's these things that cause people to only be attracted to cisgendered people in the first place. Until science reaches a certain point where it can perfectly alter bodies then people will be attracted to CIS people primarily and yes many, exclusively.

Not every man is willing to do this because they're grossed out by the thought but I did bother to watch a lot of trans-porn to learn the anatomical differences between trans women and cis women. While there are a few trans women that were very attractive from specific angles and caked with makeup, cubicle muscular asses with straight hip frames, broader shoulders, square frame torsos and angular faces were still very prevalent.

I know nobody wants to come out and say this because of its potential to hurt trans people's feelings but it's the truth. We can't control what makes us tingle downstairs. So yeah I totally understand why somebody would choose to exclude trans women from their dating pool. No I wouldn't consider it transphobic.

UnMead posted...

it isnt all people no but it is far too many and even many people that dont feel that way are complicit and not concerned with all the trans people being harmed, killed, and driven to suicidal ideation that is largely fueled by online bullying.

Really? Maybe its an area thing. Its not like that in Maryland where Im from. And while Texas is all over the place, the people on base are pretty good about it

LinkPizza posted...

Really? Maybe its an area thing. Its not like that in Maryland where Im from. And while Texas is all over the place, the people on base are pretty good about it

yeah some areas are more enlightened which is great, not everyone can make it to those places though sometimes life and circumstances just dont allow for it

where I grew up if you were not straight then there was basically no limit to the amount of harm the community would subject to you

it wasnt even that long ago that Gawker ran a story outing a gay man who had never openly come out, but things like that still happen at the local level all the time, and some people can be so abusive when they think no one is paying attention and they can get away with it

dioxxys posted...

Look I know we say trans women are women and no one wants to further harm their dysphoria. But even with hormones there's some things that just aren't changeable such as skeletal structure or very stubborn like fat distribution. It's these things that cause people to only be attracted to cisgendered people in the first place. Until science reaches a certain point where it can perfectly alter bodies then people will be attracted to CIS people primarily and yes many, exclusively.

Not every man is willing to do this because they're grossed out by the thought but I did bother to watch a lot of trans-porn to learn the anatomical differences between trans women and cis women. While there are a few trans women that were very attractive from specific angles and caked with makeup, cubicle muscular asses with straight hip frames, broader shoulders, square frame torsos and angular faces were still very prevalent.

So yeah I totally understand why somebody would choose to exclude trans women from their dating pool.

Actually, I think you can change skeletal structure if you get hormones early enough. Most dont do that, though Though, if they wanted to, an orthopedist might be able to help

dioxxys posted...

Look I know we say trans women are women and no one wants to further harm their dysphoria. But even with hormones there's some things that just aren't changeable such as skeletal structure or very stubborn like fat distribution. It's these things that cause people to only be attracted to cisgendered people in the first place. Until science reaches a certain point where it can perfectly alter bodies then people will be attracted to CIS people primarily and yes many, exclusively.

Not every man is willing to do this because they're grossed out by the thought but I did bother to watch a lot of trans-porn to learn the anatomical differences between trans women and cis women. While there are a few trans women that were very attractive from specific angles and caked with makeup, cubicle muscular asses with straight hip frames, broader shoulders, square frame torsos and angular faces were still very prevalent.

I know nobody wants to come out and say this because of its potential to hurt trans people's feelings but it's the truth. We can't control what makes us tingle downstairs. So yeah I totally understand why somebody would choose to exclude trans women from their dating pool. No I wouldn't consider it transphobic.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/9/7/9/AACE4xAACs2L.jpg

Even after transitioning Im gonna have to make sure any potential partners are ok with a chick having a cock and a man skeleton

I can come to terms with that lol

UnMead posted...

yeah some areas are more enlightened which is great, not everyone can make it to those places though sometimes life and circumstances just dont allow for it

where I grew up if you were not straight then there was basically no limit to the amount of harm the community would subject to you

it wasnt even that long ago that Gawker ran a story outing a gay man who had never openly come out, but things like that still happen at the local level all the time, and some people can be so abusive when they think no one is paying attention and they can get away with it

You have to remember times have change to. When I was really young, you had to be straight in the area I grew up in, too. But as I got older, people became more open. So, time is also a factor. You can definitely tell on certain subreddits where the older gay men talk about their experiences when they were younger, or mention how much better things are than when they were young. They arent perfect, but no one expects it to be. Not anytime soon, at least. I mean, racism is still a problem for many people, so

LinkPizza posted...

You have to remember times have change to. When I was really young, you had to be straight in the area I grew up in, too. But as I got older, people became more open. So, time is also a factor. You can definitely tell on certain subreddits where the older gay men talk about their experiences when they were younger, or mention how much better things are than when they were young. They arent perfect, but no one expects it to be. Not anytime soon, at least. I mean, racism is still a problem for many people, so

yeah you are right things are moving in the right direction, thats why I think its important for everyone to keep talking and saying their truths, cause theres still a long way to go

UnMead posted...

Even after transitioning Im gonna have to make sure any potential partners are ok with a chick having a cock and a man skeleton

I can come to terms with that lol

Have you stopped to wonder what you would do if the only people you attract after your transition are men?

UnMead posted...

Even after transitioning Im gonna have to make sure any potential partners are ok with a chick having a cock and a man skeleton

I can come to terms with that lol

I think its best to make sure people know up front. I believe it to be safer in most cases. And it lets the partner know upfront with no surprises

HornedLion posted...

Have you stopped to wonder what you would do if the only people you attract after your transition are men?

Some men are fine with that. I know one guy thats fine with cocks, but just doesnt like the male attached to it. But would love a women with a cock. And I know a few bi guys that like cocks on women

LinkPizza posted...

I think its best to make sure people know up front. I believe it to be safer in most cases. And it lets the partner know upfront with no surprises

I actually agree with this. Misleading people doesn't sound like a good bases for dating or the like.

HornedLion posted...

Have you stopped to wonder what you would do if the only people you attract after your transition are men?

oh of course, and honestly even though Im masculine Ive always gotten a lot more attention from men even when I was young. Sometimes in ways that werent okay or consensual. But I like guys and Id be thrilled to be with one if they felt like the right guy. I like girls too but its always gonna come down to personality and human connections to me before anything else. Those are the things I find most attractive.

LinkPizza posted...

I think its best to make sure people know up front. I believe it to be safer in most cases. And it lets the partner know upfront with no surprises

oh for sure, Im not gonna just unleash a surprise dick in front of someone. They are gonna know about me long before it gets to that point. I gotta make sure they are comfortable enough with how they feel that they arent gonna freak out and beat me up when they see my danger noodle

What if I'd date a Trans person but only if they're post op?

lihlih posted...

What if I'd date a Trans person but only if they're post op?

Been there. Done that.

I know Im going to catch a bunch of heat for this but its not the same as a genuine pussy. Like at all.

HornedLion posted...

Been there. Done that.

I know Im going to catch a bunch of heat for this but its not the same as a genuine pussy. Like at all.

Isnt that normal, though. And not just between cis and trans women, but between all women. I mean, just like dicks, vaginas vary. So many will feel different from each other

HornedLion posted...

I know Im going to catch a bunch of heat for this but its not the same as a genuine pussy. Like at all.

Of course it isn't. I doubt any post op genitalia feels the same as the actual thing. Still it works for some folk so good for them.

UnMead posted...

oh for sure, Im not gonna just unleash a surprise dick in front of someone. They are gonna know about me long before it gets to that point. I gotta make sure they are comfortable enough with how they feel that they arent gonna freak out and beat me up when they see my danger noodle

They'll know before you tell tell them. I've seen your picture on here and you're not one of the few fortunate ones that will be convincing. You'll be pretty obvious from just the first glance. But this sudden "I'm trans now!!" is very likely just part of your recent and very public mental breakdown that you've been going through and probably won't last. Now, that's not meant to suggest that trans and mental illness go hand in hand. Not at all. But sudden and extreme life changes out of nowhere like this certainly go along with mental health issues. You need to get the other shit sorted out first and see if you still feel like you should make this transition once you're in a better place mentally.

HornedLion posted...

Been there. Done that.

I know Im going to catch a bunch of heat for this but its not the same as a genuine pussy. Like at all.

Oh, like it doesn't feel good, or just not as good?

TentacleDemon posted...

They'll know before you tell tell them. I've seen your picture on here and you're not one of the few fortunate ones that will be convincing. You'll be pretty obvious from just the first glance. But this sudden "I'm trans now!!" is very likely just part of your recent and very public mental breakdown that you've been going through and probably won't last. Now, that's not meant to suggest that trans and mental illness go hand in hand. Not at all. But sudden and extreme life changes out of nowhere like this certainly go along with mental health issues. You need to get the other shit sorted out first and see if you still feel like you should make this transition once you're in a better place mentally.

You never know. Some people can surprise you. Also, hes mentioned being trans, bi, and pan before. When trying to figure it out. This isnt the first time

lihlih posted...

Oh, like it doesn't feel good, or just not as good?

So first, My cunnilingus skills are world renowned. I went down on her and she wasnt reacting at all.

Then when having penetrative sex she didnt get wet like a normal chick would.

So my ranking would be, if you can stomach the dick: Cis females > Pre-op trans women > post op Transwomen.

yes, the same way that not dating the same sex makes you a homophobe /s

TentacleDemon posted...

They'll know before you tell tell them. I've seen your picture on here and you're not one of the few fortunate ones that will be convincing. You'll be pretty obvious from just the first glance. But this sudden "I'm trans now!!" is very likely just part of your recent and very public mental breakdown that you've been going through and probably won't last. Now, that's not meant to suggest that trans and mental illness go hand in hand. Not at all. But sudden and extreme life changes out of nowhere like this certainly go along with mental health issues. You need to get the other shit sorted out first and see if you still feel like you should make this transition once you're in a better place mentally.

my dude Im being healthy in all parts of my life rest assured. I feel the way I feel but Im not in a hurry

if I end up looking like a freak or a dude in drag then oh well, I still gotta be me. Its not my goal to look like some trans pornstar, I just want to embrace my femininity that I feel and have always felt so strongly

And it isnt a sudden thing, honestly dude fuck you for being like that towards me it isnt an easy thing to come out to people

HornedLion posted...

So first, My cunnilingus skills are world renowned. I went down on her and she wasnt reacting at all.

Then when having penetrative sex she didnt get wet like a normal chick would.

So my ranking would be, if you can stomach the dick: Cis females > Pre-op trans women > post op Transwomen.

Oh no, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with a dick. I don't get this logic though. Even if it doesn't behave like a normal vajayjay, isn't it better for them to have your preferred genitals?

HornedLion posted...

So first, My cunnilingus skills are world renowned. I went down on her and she wasnt reacting at all.

Then when having penetrative sex she didnt get wet like a normal chick would.

So my ranking would be, if you can stomach the dick: Cis females > Pre-op trans women > post op Transwomen.

I don't think you have had sex with a post operative trans woman. None of what you said is accurate to how the surgery works.

LinkPizza posted...

I think you were in that topic that I was in, right?

I missed this post sorry Link.

Yeah I was in it.

UnMead posted...

if I end up looking like a freak or a dude in drag then oh well, I still gotta be me. Its not my goal to look like some trans pornstar, I just want to embrace my femininity that I feel and have always felt so strongly

Wait Mead is?

dioxxys posted...

Wait Mead is?

Mead am, yes

dioxxys posted...

I missed this post sorry Link.

Yeah I was in it.

Its cool. That other topic was bananas, though.

UnMead posted...

Mead am, yes

congrats

LinkPizza posted...

Its cool. That other topic was bananas, though.

Yeah.

I just have the handful of users tagged so I remember not to argue with them because for the most part its only a few indivduals who will go to any lengths to call you a transphobe for thinking this way.

dioxxys posted...

congrats

I appreciate that thank you