Current Events > So the girl I've been dating is too appreciative of the money I spend on her.

(+) Yeah! (+)

gamepimp12 posted...

is it? For record I spent that on myself on purely recreational stuff this month alone.

maybe thats why I dont see it as a big deal ?

I think everybody has their own personal recreation allowance they give themselves and they expect everybody else to adhere to that same amount; so if you spend too much or too little you get criticised.


---

Bass_X0 posted...

I think everybody has their own personal recreation allowance they give themselves and they expect everybody else to adhere to that same amount; so if you spend too much or too little you get criticised.

I think most people wouldnt spend $2k in a month on their recreation allowance. Let alone $2k on a woman he apparently saw an average of 2x a month for the last 6 months based on his own posts here.

Lmao...

---

daynlokki posted...

I think most people wouldnt spend $2k in a month on their recreation allowance. Let alone $2k on a woman he apparently saw an average of 2x a month for the last 6 months based on his own posts here.

I mean its been a very good year for me. I damn near tripled what I made last year.

I guess 2000 can be excessive but if Im spending that on my self regularly I dont think its excessive relative to what I do for myself.

---

TheoryzC posted...

https://youtu.be/GG7fLOmlhYg

Ha. Good shit.

---

ToadallyAwesome posted...

Kinda sounds like she played you a bit dude. Maybe not even intending it. Good relationships usually arent that lopsided :(

I think you need intention to 'play' someone.

---

gamepimp12 posted...

I mean its been a very good year for me. I damn near tripled what I made last year.

I guess 2000 can be excessive but if Im spending that on my self regularly I dont think its excessive relative to what I do for myself.

Think most people probably tripled what they made during covid.

daynlokki posted...

Think most people probably tripled what they made during covid.

I mean my earnings wasnt effected by covid.

---

gamepimp12 posted...

I mean my earnings wasnt effected by covid.

Im just pointing out how saying that means absolutely nothing to anyone on an anonymous game forum board. You could legit be 12 for all we know.

daynlokki posted...

Im just pointing out how saying that means absolutely nothing to anyone on an anonymous game forum board. You could legit be 12 for all we know.

im not sure what your point is or has been ?

---

Tell her you will step back and stop doing so much for her financially if you want to keep her

---

gamepimp12 posted...

im not sure what your point is or has been ?

So apparently you need it written in crayon. I see why this post happened now.

daynlokki posted...

So apparently you need it written in crayon. I see why this post happened now.

I mean all youve been doing in here is talking about my personal recreational spending habits.

and then when I said I had a really good year financially you where kinda judgmental about that

So yeah spell it out for me

---

Pogo_Marimo posted...

lmao

How are people on this board so fundamentally bad at dating?

---

You need to spend way more on your next girl to keep her. I suggest spending no less than 5k

---

Looked gf posted...

You need to spend way more on your next girl to keep her. I suggest spending no less than 5k

I doubt my next girl will be as kind hearted as this girl is.

---

Gladius_ posted...

The problem was the money being spent and you keep trying to make excuses for it. You didn't know but that's okay. Follow Jeff's advice earlier in the thread but also look to Harpie's. To follow up on that in the future:

You may not think you spent that much money and while it isn't a lot for you (and made you feel good) it is a lot for the other party. When you spend more money than someone is spending back on you by far there's several problems that develop..

If they lose interest in you there's the possibility that they keep stringing you a long for financial stability. If they are using you in the first place you are a victim of someone emptying out your wallet to take advantage of you. If the person is decent.. they are going to feel guilty not being able to pay your back.

This last one is the most problematic because it can ruin a decent chance at someone who is relationship material. See, good people are going to want to return the favor but as you continue to pour more money into the situation this becomes an insurmountable goal. This will eventually lead to anxiety for the other party.

They are likely going to re-evaluate the relationship while feeling like they are taking advantage of you. Even if you assure them they aren't that doesn't matter. Those feelings will persist and the obvious conclusion of "This person will be better off with someone who can provide back an equal balance" will bite into the relationship.

You need to spend less in the future. Don't always be so insistent on buying a gift, or spending money, and don't always be the first to text/call. Keep things chill but understand that you admitted this thing wasn't even exclusive. As long as that's true the other party can pull out at anytime. You need to take it more casually and less serious.

I mean I got all of that, and understood all of that prior. that wasnt the point he was trying to make.

---

CRON posted...

She was using you for money and it's fairly obvious.

I dunno if she is doing that. Like TC doesn't have to shower her with gifts

But I've been in a situation where I gave people gifts and they felt really uncomfortable because they couldn't pay me back the same way.

But anyway, they aren't serious.

---

Arcanine2009 posted...

I dunno if she is doing that. Like TC doesn't have to shower her with gifts

But I've been in a situation where I gave people gifts and they felt really uncomfortable because they couldn't pay me back the same way.

But anyway, they aren't serious.

This is basically what I thinks going on

Im dont think shes Uncomfortable persay with the gifts/support cause she has admitted between that and how thoughtful I am she loves the way I make her feel. Shes mentioned bragging to her sister and her friends when they ask about me.

She just clearly doesnt like to tell me no right now which causes a lot of tension cause she making promises she cant keep and Im getting upset over that.

she feels like she has to try and see me every weekend and she really doesnt and this is a really recent thing thats only happened in the last 3 weeks.

edit: for what its worth weve both kinda said its casual only because she doesnt have the time investment right now.

---

gamepimp12 posted...

I might relate to that. If I may ask, how has her upbringing been or past relationships if ever?

---

Gladius_ posted...

Oh I quoted the wrong message. It wasn't defending the person you were quoting. That person seems to be just trying to get a rise out of you. I would suggest ignoring him.

oh okay thanks.

But yeah, its clear we need to have a long talk about what each other wants, and what we think the other wants. Her thinking she has to be dedicated a certain amount of time to me was off setting.


---

yunalenne10 posted...

I might relate to that. If I may ask, how has her upbringing been or past relationships if ever?

as far as I know shes the baby of the family, and her father and older siblings all make really good money (like I make decent money and they clearly make way more than me)

the only relationship I know of hers is like 10 months ago she was dating this dude who had just lost a shit ton of weight and he put on a bunch of muscle, like viral shit. And he kinda dropped her to go be a hoe with his new found body.

---

she feels like she has to try and see me every weekend and she really doesnt and this is a really recent thing thats only happened in the last 3 weeks.

edit: for what its worth weve both kinda said its casual only because she doesnt have the time investment right now.

Those are red flags, GLARING red flags.

If she liked you, really liked you, she wouldnt have to struggle. She would love to see you.

I know its hard to hear, but you have to move on. Every girl that wanted a relationship to be serious with me, definitely didn't wait 6 months, more like 4 weeks and then demanded exclusivity. Didnt matter if they were in college, post college etc. It was always quick.

Never invest 2000+ in a girl who is casual. Only after you agree to exclusivity do you lavish her with flowers/gifts. Right now shes getting girlfriend privilege's without being a girlfriend.

---

gamepimp12 posted...

as far as I know shes the baby of the family, and her father and older siblings all make really good money (like I make decent money and they clearly make way more than me)

the only relationship I know of hers is like 10 months ago she was dating this dude who had just lost a shit ton of weight and he put on a bunch of muscle, like viral shit. And he kinda dropped her to go be a hoe with his new found body.

It's definitely not about the money. I can relate with wanting and being able to shower someone with gifts. Really. Haha, I was a pretty materialistic person, thinking money was the most important thing in life. That's just not going to cut it. Neither was it to my beloved. I think a deeper emotional, intimate connection needs to be made somehow. A lot of people value other things more than material possessions. It's really important to actually make and spend time enjoying things together.

---

TC, you need to watch the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You."

If she wanted to see you, she'd see you. If she wanted you for a boyfriend, she'd have made you her boyfriend.

Honestly, it sounds like you were the "I don't want to be alone" patch she put on while she waited for the guy she really wanted to show up. And now she thinks she's met him, and she's going to put you on the back burner until she figures out if this guy is the one she wants. If he is, you'll gradually just stop hearing from her until you ultimately get completely ghosted. If he's not, she'll want to pick things up with you until the next guy she really wants comes along.

---

Aren't there lots of exams of all kinds this time of year in medical school? I would think that there would be stuff in addition to classes and performance in a clinic. I think medical students now do a weekly group discussion where they may end up on the spot for an opinion.

I guess you could ask whether she gets a winter break. If you are in a college town, there are lots of free/inexpensive plays, concerts, film festivals, sport events. You can spend an evening feeding chocolate chip cookies to the geese.

---

ManaYuka posted...

she feels like she has to try and see me every weekend and she really doesnt and this is a really recent thing thats only happened in the last 3 weeks.

edit: for what its worth weve both kinda said its casual only because she doesnt have the time investment right now.

Those are red flags, GLARING red flags.

If she liked you, really liked you, she wouldnt have to struggle. She would love to see you.

I know its hard to hear, but you have to move on. Every girl that wanted a relationship to be serious with me, definitely didn't wait 6 months, more like 4 weeks and then demanded exclusivity. Didnt matter if they were in college, post college etc. It was always quick.

Never invest 2000+ in a girl who is casual. Only after you agree to exclusivity do you lavish her with flowers/gifts. Right now shes getting girlfriend privilege's without being a girlfriend.

dude what time do you think a med student who plays D1 athletics has ?


---

CobraGT posted...

Aren't there lots of exams of all kinds this time of year in medical school? I would think that there would be stuff in addition to classes and performance in a clinic. I think medical students now do a weekly group discussion where they may end up on the spot for an opinion.

I guess you could ask whether she gets a winter break. If you are in a college town, there are lots of free/inexpensive plays, concerts, film festivals, sport events. You can spend an evening feeding chocolate chip cookies to the geese.

yeap shes been doing exams/homework all week.

her schedule frees up pretty soon, but were going into my busy season so

---

SierraDawn posted...

TC, you need to watch the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You."

If she wanted to see you, she'd see you. If she wanted you for a boyfriend, she'd have made you her boyfriend.

Honestly, it sounds like you were the "I don't want to be alone" patch she put on while she waited for the guy she really wanted to show up. And now she thinks she's met him, and she's going to put you on the back burner until she figures out if this guy is the one she wants. If he is, you'll gradually just stop hearing from her until you ultimately get completely ghosted. If he's not, she'll want to pick things up with you until the next guy she really wants comes along.

Alot of men get hurt this way, and dont recognize the signs that they are being used, or the temp guy who gives her attention until she finds the Alpha she wants. Its sad. But many men cant be reasoned out of this situation, and have to just experience it themselves.

---

ManaYuka posted...

Alot of men get hurt this way, and dont recognize the signs that they are being used, or the temp guy who gives her attention until she finds the Alpha she wants. Its sad. But many men cant be reasoned out of this situation, and have to just experience it themselves.

Oh don't give me that "alpha beta crap." Different girls have different preferences. Don't pretend like we're all over here dreaming of getting put in our place by a strong alpha or whatever.

---

SierraDawn posted...

TC, you need to watch the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You."

If she wanted to see you, she'd see you. If she wanted you for a boyfriend, she'd have made you her boyfriend.

Honestly, it sounds like you were the "I don't want to be alone" patch she put on while she waited for the guy she really wanted to show up. And now she thinks she's met him, and she's going to put you on the back burner until she figures out if this guy is the one she wants. If he is, you'll gradually just stop hearing from her until you ultimately get completely ghosted. If he's not, she'll want to pick things up with you until the next guy she really wants comes along.

I mean thats not what the situation was at all.

---

gamepimp12 posted...

I mean thats not what the situation was at all.

How would you know if it was? She's not going to tell you that youre her backup option lol.

---

SierraDawn posted...

How would you know if it was? She's not going to tell you that youre her backup option lol.

cause the entire set of behavior your suggesting goes against her character and hours of conversation we've had about us, relationships and dating in general.

what youre suggestions would require her to have been lying to me for over a year, when she had no reason to lie to me as we where platonic with no interest in each other for awhile.

---

I think it's just different personality types and priorities. I had a friend who used to buy a lot of alcohol for people around him, and I was really shitty about it at the time - relying on a lot of that to get drunk. To this day, I feel extremely guilty about it, even after years of him being like "it's fine, there's no debt". What make it worse is that for the last three years of our friendship, I began to really resent him, and I only stuck around because I felt indebted to him over shit like that.

I feel shitty, like I was an opportunist who took advantage of him, or who at least owes a lot of money and time to him. That's something I don't think I'm ever really gonna be able to escape. And it made it that much harder to leave when I began hating him, because it's doubly as shitty to get free drinks and then eventually leave them - even years after I stopped being a fuckface and began buying my own drinks. That feeling of debt still remains.

Even if money is no big deal to you, people still feel guilty over money being spent on them and it can strain relationships. Just because everything's all clear with you, the baggage of that spending remains. And that's not everybody, but there are some people who can't escape that feeling, and it impacts their relationships.

---

Gladius_ posted...

Sierra is being more blunt than everyone here but the advice posted isn't dissimilar to the advice you have been receiving since the topic has been made. I am not going to reiterate the points multiple posters have said to you but instead tackle an aspect that does bother me.

You are super hung up over the fact that she introduced you to her mother and her friends. I want to be very clear to you that isn't a special feat.

This means you have hit "casual friend" status. Many woman have had zero problem breaking up with men they've introduced to family even after only a week or so of dating them. Remember, this is boyfriends I am talking about which you admitted post 1 you're not even.

As someone who has been in college I promise you she isn't spending every day studying to the point where as soon as she is done she goes to sleep. Human beings need more than that to unwind.

The truth is she may enjoy genuinely hanging out with you but you aren't the only one she is hanging out with. These hang outs may not always be in person. They can be on the phone or on the internet but you aren't her sole focus.

You are one of her many friends. A friend she realized is looking more into this relationship than she is. You getting upset about the time told her that you don't see this as casual as she does. So she put out the breaks.

You don't understand how a woman thinks but this isn't your fault. Most men don't and this is because men live in a different world than woman.

Woman are constantly bombarded by unwanted male advances, have to deal with men who refuse to accept no for an answer, and seem incapable of taking a hint.

Girls are often very careful when rejecting men because if their ego is hurt the drama begins. She isn't likely to just tell you "Back off." in a blunt manner like that because it will just create drama. If you keep pressing she might but to her the message is clear.

You implied in the past to her you saw each other as platonic. This allowed her to open up with you a bit more. However, your upset about the time thing has given her a new message. You see this as more than a platonic arrangement. She told you politely you need to back off some.

There has to be a disconnect here because you guys are going on tangents about things that arent the issues.

Time spent has never been an issue on my part, She thinks I care more about seeing her regularly than I actually do and thats the problem, because shes making plans that she knows itll be extremely hard to keep.

She is the one actively bringing up our relationships status or if Im seeing anyones else. Shes has literally and verbally expressed the fact that shes into me and its a mutual thing, as recently as of this week.

This isnt a question of if she likes me or not, she either does or shes actively lying to me there isnt some grey area where Ima confused 19 year old.

The issue is the Financial imbalance and the fact shes seeing that as an obligation to sacrifice other aspects of her life for Me, despite me never asking for it.

---

gamepimp12 posted...

I mean all youve been doing in here is talking about my personal recreational spending habits.

and then when I said I had a really good year financially you where kinda judgmental about that

So yeah spell it out for me

I have. The fact you throw around these numbers put at best financial pressure on her. Thats best case scenario. The fact you feel the need to post it on Gamefaqs alone says a ton as well. Nobody should ever ask Gamefaqs what to do and be serious about it.

She likes you, shes into you, but hasnt asked to make it official? Thats rather odd, outright mad really.

Somethings up.

---

ManaYuka posted...

She likes you, shes into you, but hasnt asked to make it official? Thats rather odd, outright mad really.

Somethings up.

she lives 2 hours away most of the time and is swamped with school, a committed relationship between the two of us would require sacrifices neither of us are willing to ask the other for.

if me and her where in a committed relationship Id take all her time from her friends and studying etc etc. I know a lot of her college schedule, she just doesnt have the time regularly without giving something else up, I knew that prior to us being romantic.

---

Gladius_ posted...

The disconnect is that we are reading something that you aren't. To me it sounds like most of what she has done for you was simply out of obligation. Not because she has feelings for you. This isn't me saying that she was lying to you but after she analized it she came to the conclusion that this is what it was.

You put a lot of money, effort, and time into this. So she put a lot of time into you because she felt bad. Originally she didn't know this was the reason why herself. She made a self discovery when time was brought into the picture.

Sierra and others made the point that if she cared as much as you did.. she would have made time. The time would never have been a problem in the first place.

You are making the right call to pursue an answer (you mentioned awhile back.) and clarify your stance regarding the financial portion. My advice isn't to give up.. I simply hope you prepare yourself for dissapointment and if she does express disinterest in continuing the "relationship" you don't blow up or treat her like a villain.

Not necessarily, I can kinda tell when shes forcing plans and when shes not, its a real difference in the structure of them.

Just recently we where hanging out and I watched as she planned her next day out to the minute to find two hours together, and of course something that was out of her control happened.

Its pretty clear to me at least recently shes not trying to comprise/sacrifice anything, and its not working for her.

---

2 hours- I quit a graphic design job, my first outside college just for being an hour and a half away commute wise, thats 4 hours there and back. Really not sure what the problem is, she seems busy and you seem to not want to put yourself as a priority over things like even her friends, stay as the casual friend you are. If you want to be serious, you have to be more important to her and she has to sacrifice for you. Thats what relationships are about.

---

daynlokki posted...

I have. The fact you throw around these numbers put at best financial pressure on her. Thats best case scenario. The fact you feel the need to post it on Gamefaqs alone says a ton as well. Nobody should ever ask Gamefaqs what to do and be serious about it.

Ive never mentioned a Dime to her.
I mean if you notice I never asked a single question.


---

ManaYuka posted...

2 hours- I quit a graphic design job, my first outside college just for being an hour and a half away commute wise, thats 4 hours there and back. Really not sure what the problem is, she seems busy and you seem to not want to put yourself as a priority over things like even her friends, stay as the casual friend you are. If you want to be serious, you have to be more important to her and she has to sacrifice for you. Thats what relationships are about.

yeap 100% I dont want her to make any sacrifices for me, not while shes in school at least. Ive told her I refuse to visit her at school and probably will only do it for vday honestly.


---

gamepimp12 posted...

Ive never mentioned a Dime to her.
I mean if you notice I never asked a single question.

Oh so youre more like those Facebook girls that are just fishing for attention then? Much better.

daynlokki posted...

Oh so youre more like those Facebook girls that are just fishing for attention then? Much better.

I mean youre giving it to me

---

she said she felt obligated to see you, it's over man.

---