Current Events > Have you ever slowly grown to dislike a close friend of yours? What happened?

(+) Yeah! (+)

One friend I've been close to for years started being different. I used to be able to joke around with him but now he takes jokes personally, uses me for favors, vents to only me about stuff everyone does to him including me but he knows I'll listen (ie taking jokes personally), and became tryhard in video games in an unpleasant way compared to before. It sucks and I want to rekindle what we used to have, but all these flags pop up in my psyche and I realize that maybe he's just different, or me, or both.

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2015 happened.

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AldousIsDead posted...

2015 happened.

huh

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Master Kazuya posted...

huh

Have you ever slowly grown to dislike a close friend of yours? What happened?

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I had a good friend who I lived with, then he abandoned me. That was strike one.

Then I lived with him again, and he did it again. Strike two.

Then his sister gave me herpes and he abandoned me for a third time. Strike out.

He's my enemy now.

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Heartomaton posted...

I had a good friend who I lived with, then he abandoned me. That was strike one.

Then I lived with him again, and he did it again. Strike two.

Then his sister gave me herpes and he abandoned me for a third time. Strike out.

He's my enemy now.

What do you mean by abandoned? Like you needed an Uber and he didn't show up? Or like, he disappeared and didn't pay rent/utilities?

AldousIsDead posted...

Have you ever slowly grown to dislike a close friend of yours? What happened?

What's your problem m8? How on earth would I know what the hell "2015 happened" means? I can't read your thoughts.

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Master Kazuya posted...

What do you mean by abandoned? Like you needed an Uber and he didn't show up? Or like, he disappeared and didn't pay rent/utilities?

Like he moved out and left me to find a new place to live twice.

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Master Kazuya posted...

What's your problem m8? How on earth would I know what the hell "2015 happened" means? I can't read your thoughts.

Politics happened. Did not feel this was a difficult conclusion to jump to. A tortoise with a bum leg could make it.

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No. My friendships ended abruptly. I used to move around a lot. Not the type to keep in touch. Not that I made many friends anyway.

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AldousIsDead posted...

Did not feel this was a difficult conclusion to jump to. A tortoise with a bum leg could make it.

You're mean for no reason.

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Master Kazuya posted...

You're mean for no reason.

Welcome to CE, brother.

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AldousIsDead posted...

2015 happened.

I can relate to this. One of my closest friends always had Libertarian points of view, but once Trump started gaining steam, he went full speed ahead and started making some baffling takes.

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Hayame Zero posted...

I can relate to this. One of my closest friends always had Libertarian points of view, but once Trump started gaining steam, he went full speed ahead and started making some baffling takes.

Yeah, it was pretty sad to see happen. Nothing you can really do though.

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Hayame Zero posted...

I can relate to this. One of my closest friends always had Libertarian points of view, but once Trump started gaining steam, he went full speed ahead and started making some baffling takes.

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Me and my best friend go through phases of this. It's probably mutual though. The last occurrence was because she was banging a married guy and I told her she was being a shitbag. I dont keep opinions to myself which irritated her and I lost a lot of respect for her. We're good now though.

We've gone through this cycle a few times over the years. It's weirdly strengthened our bond but sometimes I just straight out dislike what type of person she is. Wonderful friend but horrid person.

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Jiek_Fafn posted...

Wonderful friend but horrid person.

I feel like with these kind of people, it's inevitable that they'll do something to hurt you the closer you get to them. I have people in a related sense where I enjoy their company but I do not wish to be any closer, and I keep them at a certain distance away on purpose.

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Dislike isn't the right word, but I basically stopped talking to my high school best friend after he joined the Army. They took him and rewrote his personality completely, and it felt like we had nothing in common anymore because all he could talk about was the Army.

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friend i grew up with was batshit crazy off his adderall. piss in bottles, throw chairs at teachers crazy. got kicked out of public school a few times for it, and even then i stayed in contact since i'd known him since pre-school and i helped suppress his worse habits when i was around. he finally got his act together when they balanced his meds and he made it to my highschool... and then he started drinking...

i dont like alcohol. my dad was an abusive drunk and i got to watch him die from liver failure because of his issues. almost died in a car accident with him when he paired his drinking with some valium and got into a road rage accident that almost ejected me from the car (shit old car with busted seat belts, only thing that saved me was the fact i was in the back and the front seats were bench seats). so its safe to say i dislike alcohol and hate alcoholism.

well my friend started drinking, heavily, and pairing it with high speed driving in the sports car he got from a dad overcompensating for being a shit father. and i made the mistake of driving with him once. we almost hit a kid because he was going 80 in a neighborhood, he thought it was funny... next time he stopped i snagged his keys, popped him in the mouth, and walked home with them. ended up mailing them to his mother. haven't talked to him since.

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monkmith posted...

friend i grew up with was batshit crazy off his adderall. piss in bottles, throw chairs at teachers crazy. got kicked out of public school a few times for it, and even then i stayed in contact since i'd known him since pre-school and i helped suppress his worse habits when i was around. he finally got his act together when they balanced his meds and he made it to my highschool... and then he started drinking...

i dont like alcohol. my dad was an abusive drunk and i got to watch him die from liver failure because of his issues. almost died in a car accident with him when he paired his drinking with some valium and got into a road rage accident that almost ejected me from the car (shit old car with busted seat belts, only thing that saved me was the fact i was in the back and the front seats were bench seats). so its safe to say i dislike alcohol and hate alcoholism.

well my friend started drinking, heavily, and pairing it with high speed driving in the sports car he got from a dad overcompensating for being a shit father. and i made the mistake of driving with him once. we almost hit a kid because he was going 80 in a neighborhood, he thought it was funny... next time he stopped i snagged his keys, popped him in the mouth, and walked home with them. ended up mailing them to his mother. haven't talked to him since.

Wow that's quite a story - I'm glad you are okay after your dad and friend

Yeah, a few. I grew up and they didn't. Which is fine, more power to them. But I don't want to drink and act like I did when I was 20 for the rest of my life.

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Yea, he was easily one of my best friends too. I told him that the same week I started dating my now-ex, that I cheated on her and felt bad because it was a year and a half into the relationship at that point. Neither me or my ex thought it was going to last more than a month, and that's the only reason I did it. She already knew and we were working through it.

He said he was "disgusted with me", then went to her house later that day and slept with her forcing an end to the relationship instantly (no, they never started dating but he convinced her that getting back at me that way was "the right thing to do").

Most fucked up part was he had cheated on one of my other good friends constantly when they dated. I didnt hold it against him because it wasnt my business. He knows how pissed I am at him now and avoids me like the plague because of what I told him id do if I saw him again when I found out.

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I stopped talking to the man I considered a brother for a couple decades about a year or two ago. He was never the same when he came back from Afghanistan, but he really went off the deep end when he moved to Florida and went full on ultra right wing conspiracy theory white nationalist. Broke my heart when he started spewing racist shit our last conversation (I'm half black), haven't spoken to him since.

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I have a situation where I have a childhood friend who still seems interested in being my friend but I don't have the heart to tell him I don't like him, I just try to ignore him as much as possible. It's kinda weird cause we don't have direct tensions between us and I wouldn't say it was "slowly" but I just realized one day he isn't a good person. Plus, we had already drifted apart after a point, as things happen like when I went off to college, but suddenly he kept trying to get in touch with me and it was like man I don't know felt like we moved on with our lives at that point.

In hindsight the signs were always there, but I think as a kid I was more tolerant of some of his concerning behaviors. I guess I just hoped he'd grow out of them. The thing that really put me off was that he posted some extremely vulgar rant about a rude driver or something like that on FB. Then another friend of mine, who was a mutual but didn't really know the disliked friend that much, commented sternly but politely more or less "dude do you realize how many people can see this and how badly you come off?". The shitty friend doubled down and flipped at him, just saying more vile shit. This wasn't at my direction or anything and I didn't know what was going on but the good friend told me about it and when I saw it that was a big "what the fuck is wrong with this kid" moment.

And then he unsurprisingly went down the white supremacist rabbithole around 2016. I say unsurprisingly because he was always pretty racist but beyond like just the casual prejudices a (sadly) large amount of people can have, it was apparent he was turning into the type of person who just needed something to be angry at all the time. Dude still acts like he's 15 basically, can't figure out that maybe his own actions are the reason he's unhappy with his life, just blames everyone else. And a lot of those kind of little behaviors that are childish and off-putting, like swears every sentence, still calls stuff "gay" and "r-word" all the time, etc.

monkmith posted...

haven't talked to him since.

Dayum

SolidShadow3 posted...

He said he was "disgusted with me", then went to her house later that day and slept with her forcing an end to the relationship instantly

I'm sorry to devalue your story but stuff like this is too normie for me to understand. Like, how and why would the girl just be like "oh teehee! I shall sleep with whoever wants to sleep with me regardless of context! =)". Did they have a thing before? Did she hate your guts too and wanted to cheat at the first chance of dick she got? Just how desperate is she or does this dude have a diamond-encrusted dick? How the fuck does one just 'sleep with a good friends girl' in just one day? How does a guy MAKE girls cheat? Either that's the most fragile shit I ever heard of or maybe this is what normies do is just sleep with each other all day and night.

Zodd3224 posted...

haven't spoken to him since.

GrabASnickers posted...

white supremacist rabbithole around 2016.

Damn, it's wild how much Trumps rhetoric enabled a lot of people. In some ways it's good cause it shows true colors, even if sorting it out hurts in the short term.

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Master Kazuya posted...

Damn, it's wild how much Trumps rhetoric enabled a lot of people. In some ways it's good cause it shows true colors.

I don't think I'd be friends with him even if he wasn't a Trump supporter, though it's hard to imagine a hypothetical where he's not one, unless he was a different person entirely. I don't mean to generalize that all Trump supporters are bad people, but he definitely fit the "looking for some kind of anger to rally around" bill.

I don't really talk to any friends anymore who are (open) Trump supporters/conservative, though I don't know if it's related. There are other factors for sure, but that is another one that certainly makes it easier to just stop talking to someone.

Yeah.

I had a friend that I was very close with for a number of years. Like, at least a dozen or so.

Throughout those years he started to become a bit more toxic. He was very opinionated but it got to the point he would start pointless fights with us all basically because he was in a bad mood and wanted us all to be in a bad mood. He holds it against the rest of us that we have our lives figured out (jobs, mates, families) and he does not.

Everything came to ahead during the pandemic when he lashed out at our group (about 7 of us) and said that we did not reach out to him to see how he was doing. You know, about a month after the pandemic when 3 of us lost our jobs, and the other 4 were trying to figure out how to keep their kids safe. He said that real friends would have made sure he was doing fine, claimed none of us were his friends (he even lives in the basement of one of our group for a bargain price) and that he needed to "move on" from us.

I wasn't involved in this discussion and he has not spoken to me since.

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These stories are sad, but it's nice in a way to know that it's normal that friendships don't last forever. I mean, I feel like deep down we all know that, it's normal and everyone goes through it, but sometimes you feel like you're alone in having that kind of situation.

I'm still not sure that my friend in question realizes it's normal, though. He didn't go to college and I did, and I feel like post-college is one of the biggest wake-up calls you can have about people going their separate ways. Hate to stereotype but people who only went to high school tend to hang out more with other people who also only went to HS, and people who only went to HS IME have a higher tendency to not branch out very far in their lives, so it creates this kind of insular, skewed perspective on the world for them.

Yeah it was someone I worked with. I slowly came to realize how much of a terrible person she was and the end of it was when she sent me the nudes of another girl we worked with and was making fun of her.

(The other girl sent them to her because she was trying to fuck her >_>)
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Grew up playing music but shutting on each others lives means that eventually other things like politics get involved and make that something really nasty

I had to remind them that the other half of playing music is knowing how to shut the fuck up


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I was bullied throughout the entirety of school, and in the last year or two of high school I began to assimilate into a group of people. I became best friends with one of them in particular, and in the seven years since I left school, I've probably spent more days hanging out with him than I haven't.

I'm a pretty shy, introverted person. I'm a bit better than I used to be, in that I can actually be around people and get on okay by myself - but initially, I relied on people I felt comfortable around to act as a social buffer. They made headway, I supplemented their personality. There was a point where I needed that safety net, and my best friend was that safety net - for which I'm genuinely grateful. I couldn't ever repay him for that.

That's not to say that our friendship never had issues. He's always spoken over me in social situations. For what it's worth, sometimes I'll try to interject something into a conversation, and I understand that I might not be accepted into that conversation. That's something I need to work on, but it's not solely what I'm talking about.

What gets to me is the times where I've been talking in a group setting - whether it be addressing a group or talking directly to someone - and as I go to say something, my friend will just butt in ans say what he wants over what I was about to say. Something I can be guilty of, except I realise I'm being an asshole and I stop talking - whereas he just keeps going. And then he'll finish what he was saying, and I'll go to say what I was going to say before he cut me off - or build on what he was saying - and he'll start saying something else after I've started talking. This happens three or four times in a row - I'm trying to say something in a conversation I'm already in, and a few words into whatever I was gonna say, he just talks over me. And he does it multiple times, every time.

He'll stop as if he's finished whatever he wants to say, I'll even wait for a second to see if he's finished, and when I go to speak again he just talks over me again.

It's like, there was a time when I didn't have a voice and I was lucky to have someone who could speak up and make social situations easier. But now I've found my voice, and I feel like I'm being spoken over. I didn't mind being in other people's shadows to begin with, but now I'm trying to come into my own and stand on my own two feet, I feel like I'm being overshadowed by other people in response. Not everyone - there are people in my life who listen to what I'm trying to say, and who even point out when I'm being spoken over. It's mostly just this one person who's making it this hard.

Another thing is that my friend will deliberately try to make me uncomfortable for his own amusement. He'll touch me when he knows it'll make me uncomfortable, like grabbing my arm or touching my hair, and he'll yell at his family members or deliberately try to make them feel bad for his own amusement which stresses me out. His mother is a high-strung lady, and when he lived at home, he would intentionally upset her for his own amusement - and that would make me uncomfortable, so it would be even funnier to him. He'd even tell me that he was gonna make his mum upset before calling her into his room so he could watch me squirm before he did it.

And the thing is, our relationship has always kinda been like that. Being bullied for years made me painfully withdrawn, and even if they would tease me and make me uncomfortable at points, I was glad to have friends who seemed to actually like having me around and who could make it easier to come out of my shell and adapt to new experiences. There was some good aspects to our friendship right from the start - we've always made each other laugh, really fucking hard - and there were bad aspects that - to the credit of my friends - have significantly diminished as we've gotten older.

But as I've tried to grow and become a better person, aspects I didn't mind so much have become suffocating and toxic. And looking back, I think I always knew that those aspects were toxic.

I've never been truly comfortable around my best friend. Our friendship always involved similar aspects to the bullying I went through, just with the understanding that it was in good fun and that they still liked me as a person. I used to think that I would instinctively flinch around them because I was still traumatized from the 10+ years of bullying I had been through before I met them - and to be fair, I definitely was. But then my friend began to complain about boundaries that I had put up, that I wouldn't speak to him about stuff he wanted to speak about, and there was this feeling that because someone confided something private in me, they would expect me to open up to them to a similar degree. And I never would, because I just wasn't comfortable sharing privileged information with them. I think that's a legitimate boundary to have.

It's only recently that I've managed to put all of this into words - I never really felt safe around my best friend. And I'm not comfortable in his company at all any more - being around him actively makes me feel bad.

One reason I don't trust him is because of how he's gossiped about other people the entire time I've known him. He's good at getting close to people, and he likes those deep and meaningful conversations where you confide deep seated insecurities to each other. When he ran into privileged information, the sort of shit you're not meant to tell anyone else, he would tell me about it.

A mutual friend of ours confided in him that he had gay or bisexual feelings - my friend coped with the stress of that confession by bouncing it off me. He phrased it like that, too. I knew when people were having affairs and shit, because he'd find out and he told me. He even told me about how one of his hook-ups had developed a condition where she pulled her hair out and ate it. Shit I was not supposed to know - sometimes, shit he wasn't even supposed to know. And as a private person myself, it began to make me more and more uncomfortable when he'd tell me this stuff.

So I always knew that if I ever told him anything sensitive, he would tell other people. Because he didn't just tell me any of that stuff - I saw him tell two or three more people the same stuff he was telling me. We'd go to lunch with other friends, and he would tell them the same privileged information in the same way he told me.

He's tried to get better about this sort of thing. He's tried to treat me better, and address aspects of our friendship that bothers me. He even stated as much earlier this week - he knows I get uncomfortable, and he's trying to be better about it.

But the trust has been broken. I haven't trusted him for years. Maybe I never even trusted him to begin with.

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I want to sum up my feelings with an example.

A few years ago, I got an internship at a business that buys and trains racehorses. I told my best friend the day I got the position, and he was happy for me. I went to his place to hang out and celebrate.

When I walked into his house, his mother jumped up and congratulated me, and shook my hand. This made me uncomfortable because I wanted to tell people about it - but my friend meant well, and they got me a cake, and it was nice. There was no malicious intent, and while it bugged me that I didn't get to tell people my own news, I knew that happy news tends to get spread around like that.

But then I spoke to my other friends who I was planning to tell, and he had already told them about it. I would go to lunch with someone, and they'd open up by congratulating me on the position. And it began to get to me, because when we would both hang out with someone who hadn't heard yet, he'd tell them I got the internship while I was right there. I told him that it was bothering me, and he didn't understand why telling everyone about it before I did made me uncomfortable. In his mind, he was being supportive.

Imagine I was gay, and he did the same thing. He told other people, including people I wouldn't have told about it right away, and because he told them in good faith and he told them to be nice about it, he didn't understand why I was so upset about him sharing it. Imagine if the news was something positive, but personal and private.

Then consider that when a mutual friend of ours was having issues with his sexuality and confided in my best friend with the strictest confidence - he told me about it. And he told at least three other people, which I was there for.

So why the fuck would I ever confide in my best friend, considering how he's handled information around me?

Why should I feel comfortable around him when as recently as last night, he deliberately touched me to make me feel uncomfortable?

I haven't felt comfortable around my best friend for years, and I don't think I ever trusted him. And there are people in my life who make me feel secure and comfortable, who I feel like I can confide in. One of them is a mutual friend who was in the same group in high school, and I've only come around to being comfortable in his presence because I'm not around my other friend.

I felt pressured to share information with my best friend for the entire time I've known him. I have people in my life who I feel secure in telling anything, who I've known for half as long and who I've spent a fraction of the time with. It took finding that community to realise just how fucked up my feelings are about my best friend.

Edit: I just remembered. When I had a crush on this girl who moved back to town recently, he would bring it up to a bunch of our friends and put me on the spot about it. I'd tell them if it came up and if I felt like telling them, but by alluding to it, he'd put me on the spot and I would have to tell the other person. I hadn't told her, and I wasn't sure that I would end up telling her, but my friend made it a thing around other people and I would have to let them in on it because of that.

This was happening some time in the past 6 months. We're both 25, and this sort of shit is still happening.

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Trump

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Not so much dislike but learnt to move on when I realized that I was not a best friend of my best friend if that makes sense.

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i cut some people pretty abruptly because i really couldn't level with them anymore. i realised that in a pretty rapid timeframe though, i was changing just as much so its on me too. loyalty means a lot but u got to surround urself with people who bring out the best in u

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MrMallard posted...
Dude, your friend is an asshole.

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DrizztLink posted...

Dude, your friend is an asshole.

I appreciate you saying that. fwiw, I chalk a lot of it up to his personality - he's a pretty blunt, forceful person. He gets along with everyone because he puts himself out on a limb. There are aspects that he can control which are super fucking douchey, but I also think that there's friction due to our personalities.

And while I'm pissed off about him talking over me all the time, I don't think it's because he's actively waiting for me to say something just so he can talk over me. He just does, and it sucks, and he's probably used to doing it so it doesn't phase him. Not a defense, just a clarification.

It's taken me this long to comprehend that being around him is stunting my personal growth.

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Yes. To put it simply, he made it clearer and clearer that he wasn't all that tolerant of the more "autistic" aspects of myself -- difficulties in socialization, detail retention (at least when it comes to details of things that don't pertain to my interests), what have you. (For the record, I am formally diagnosed.)

That clarity made me realize it was becoming more stressful to try to keep him involved in my life than it was to let it go, so let it go I did. When you start dreading your interactions because you just know you'll be made to feel like shit about yourself in some way or another, it's not exactly a difficult choice to make.

The kicker was that he wasn't always a social butterfly himself, so you'd think he would be a little more sympathetic toward people like myself.

Yeah my best friend was the first person I did gay stuff with. We were 16 at the time and super drunk. We both felt pretty ashamed of it and agreed to never talk of it again. We still remained friends and stuff though.

Fast forward to age 21 and we did gay stuff together again. By this point I was comfortable calling myself bisexual and he was starting to somewhat accept that he was gay. We got drunk and fooled around again. Then he completely went no contact on me for over a year. Just never responded the handful of times I tried. Then he hit me up out of the blue. We hung out and partied together on Halloween. Had a great time.

Then we loosely hung out for years. We would usually go out at night to various gay bars together. We would kind of separate to flirt with random dudes then check up on each other throughout the night. It was a good time.

Then he kept getting weirder about his sexuality. I mean, he just cut me off again and that was kind of it for me. I ran into a friend of a friend who told me that he had moved to San Francisco. That hit me hard, because I hadn't spoken to him in 6 months then someone that I never felt he was close to told me that he moved halfway across the country. Felt like a huge betrayal.

Another 6 months later and he was in town and hit me up. I said sure and we hung out. It became clear throughout us hanging out that he was desperate to get laid that night and was trying hard on grindr. I remember him driving me to go pick up a pizza then as he's dropping me off he made a comment like we should hook up again like the old days. Considering this guy had abandoned me multiple times before and was clearly looking at sex with me as a last resort I wasn't the slightest bit interested. I basically just responded with a lot of annoyance that he would suggest that and expressed a lot of desire to go inside and eat my pizza. Then he tried to play off propositioning me for sex as just a joke.

That was the last time I ever saw him.

Was still friends on FB and I'd check up on him every now and then, but thinking about him mostly just upset me. One day I just deleted his phone number and blocked him on FB. I can't imagine ever wanting to see him again.

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Philip027 posted...

Yes. To put it simply, he made it clearer and clearer that he wasn't all that tolerant of the more "autistic" aspects of myself -- difficulties in socialization, detail retention (at least when it comes to details of things that don't pertain to my interests), what have you. (For the record, I am formally diagnosed.)

Dude, this was literally the same thing that happened to me. Hard to talk sometimes, would forget details and repeat myself/state the obvious

She'd get upset easily, lash out at me for no reason, deleted me when I was mourning the death of a friend, and told me she'd rather kill herself than listen to me. Would lash out at me for talking about something 3 times over the course of 3 weeks. But it was perfectly ok for her to talk about something even though I've asked her to stop 10+ times in short succession (politics)

I was nothing but nice to her too, so I immediately cut off that ship

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When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I had a female best friend. She was pretty much the only close female friend I've ever had (although I've had a reasonable number of female friends). Our friendship was great. We didn't even have much in common, but she would text me pretty much every day, email too. I didn't have many friends at the time, and I was pretty grateful. I was fond of her. She started sleeping around at some point, and because I was younger and much more judgemental then, I wasn't particularly happy about. Then, I found out from a mutual friend that she had had at least one friend with benefits, which at the time shocked me (this was back before Tinder made casual sex more acceptable), and I exchanged several unpleasant emails with her, and then we went our seperate ways.

In retrospect, I certainly overrated, but she still made me angry. There was other stuff, as well. This was over a decade ago, and I sometimes wonder what she's up to, but never check through the internet or anything. Did I behave stupidly?

There was another friend, male, who was one of my best friends at school. We got on great. When we got a little older, however, he started acting a bit differently. I think it was when he started drinking. He clearly couldn't handle it. Eventually, he moved to a new street adress without even bothering to tell me, and that was the end of our friendship. Sad. That one was definitely the other person's fault.


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Well yeah, obviously. Pretty much all my high school and early college friends. A lot of those people revolve around your lifestyle at that time. Plus people just come and go in your youth.

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Master Kazuya posted...

I'm sorry to devalue your story but stuff like this is too normie for me to understand. Like, how and why would the girl just be like "oh teehee! I shall sleep with whoever wants to sleep with me regardless of context! =)". Did they have a thing before? Did she hate your guts too and wanted to cheat at the first chance of dick she got? Just how desperate is she or does this dude have a diamond-encrusted dick? How the fuck does one just 'sleep with a good friends girl' in just one day? How does a guy MAKE girls cheat? Either that's the most fragile shit I ever heard of or maybe this is what normies do is just sleep with each other all day and night.

It's all good, it was when I was fresh out of high school, so harmones and shit. But it was mostly that he caught her when she was vulnerable. She had just found out 2 or 3 day prior and was still angry at me so it was very much revenge sex. What really got me was that they both tried to lie to me about it, but she called me the next day and told me. Pretty sure he also brought booze over to help with the proccess.

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