Poll of the Day > You get into a knife fight with a gorilla

(+) Yeah! (+)

Your left hand is handcuffed to the gorilla's left hand. You both are equipped with a knife. It is a fight to the death.

How screwed are you?

Me and the gorilla decide to kill each other some other time and we become besties.
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While the gorilla obviously has greater strength and size, I've done some training with knives and have superior intelligence. To be fair I'll put the odds at 40/60.
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Assuming the gorilla doesn't just walk off and drag me for a couple miles before stopping... just take that knife and sliiiiiiiide it in just in front of the ear.
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Bell rings. Gorilla swings his arm in literally any direction. At the very least, my arm is broken, and I am on the ground for a split second before the gorilla moves his arm again. Eventually, either my wrist and hand lose enough structure to slip from the handcuff, or I pass out. Either way, the gorilla is now free from his shacle and will rip me apart. I do nothing to counteract this, as it all happens in a matter of seconds.

Gorillas are monsters. The only way you are not dying is if happens to pull your knife into his head at the perfect angle. He is killing himself, you are accomplishing nothing.
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Left to left makes the knife irrelevant since it's not like you'd easily be able to attack with your knife. Nor would the gorilla use his because, well, he's a gorilla.
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Dreaming_King posted...

While the gorilla obviously has greater strength and size, I've done some training with knives and have superior intelligence. To be fair I'll put the odds at 40/60.

Oh thats right, youre the sword guy.
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aDirtyShisno posted...

Dreaming_King posted...

While the gorilla obviously has greater strength and size, I've done some training with knives and have superior intelligence. To be fair I'll put the odds at 40/60.

Oh thats right, youre the sword guy.

I thought he was the mattress boi
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SmokeMassTree posted...

aDirtyShisno posted...

Dreaming_King posted...

While the gorilla obviously has greater strength and size, I've done some training with knives and have superior intelligence. To be fair I'll put the odds at 40/60.

Oh thats right, youre the sword guy.

I thought he was the mattress boi

Hes probably multiple things. I just remember a while back when he was posting about being the sword guy, so I tagged him that.
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Is this an angry gorilla? Does it even know we are fighting?

If the Gorilla is just sitting there with me handcuffed to him, maybe I could stab it in the head or throat to kill it? Even if I were successful in doing a fatal wound, it would likely kill me due to the fact it's a FUCKING GORILLA long before it died. Also I don't think I have the heart to straight up murder something like that.

If it were enraged, or knew we were fighting, it would probably just swing me around, and bludgeon me to death.

Honestly the only way I'm getting out of this alive is if the gorilla is friendly or indifferent towards me, and I used the knife to escape the handcuffs before it chose to hurt me.
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I think the knife is cheating, so I throw it away.

The gorrilla agrees, and throws his knife away as well.

We mutually respect each other for our decisions, and I offer the gorrilla a banana.

Gorilla and I break the stupid handcuffs and hunt down the idiot who handcuffed us together, tearing them to pieces.

I know have a cool as *#$# backup gorrilla/friend.

Thank you.
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Dreaming_King posted...

While the gorilla obviously has greater strength and size, I've done some training with knives and have superior intelligence. To be fair I'll put the odds at 40/60.

You could be the greatest at knife combat in the world, as well as the smartest person in the world, and it's still gonna do jack shit against a gorilla in this situation.
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CarefreeDude posted...

Dreaming_King posted...

While the gorilla obviously has greater strength and size, I've done some training with knives and have superior intelligence. To be fair I'll put the odds at 40/60.

You could be the greatest at knife combat in the world, as well as the smartest person in the world, and it's still gonna do jack shit against a gorilla in this situation.

Yeah, even if the knife is approaching arming sword size, and you got a clean shot at it's carotid artery, it's going to beat you to a bloody pulp as it bleeds out. Just the thrashing it'll do will probably end up ripping the cuffed arm right off. And that is all assuming that you catch the gorilla completely unaware. I would suspect that the gorilla is already wary of your intentions as soon as you're cuffed to it.
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Slip out of the cuffs because handcuffs that work on a gorilla are going to be comically oversized for me.

Then hope the gorilla isn't pissed at me and lets me leave.
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