Poll of the Day > How can I help my friend with depression?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I have a co worker thats always depressed. Its become so annoying that I was feeling sympathy at first, but now Im just desensitize to it where I dont feel any sympathy at all. Hes always going on about killing himself and recently he fell in love with a woman thats already married so now hes sad because he cant be with her.

What can I do to help this man out?
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Cant

He needs to help himself

And it might take years and years or it might never happen

Edit: that doesn't mean you can't be a good friend though. Just be a friend.

Tell him to stop being sad

OreonX1 posted...

What can I do to help this man out?

Like with any mental illness all you can do is try and support them in anyway you can if you truly care enough. Sometimes just having a friendly ear to talk to helps someone. Sure you can tell him what he needs to do but it's futile as he probably already knows that.
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go down on him
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Brojob
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wwinterj25 posted...

Like with any mental illness all you can do is try and support them in anyway you can if you truly care enough. Sometimes just having a friendly ear to talk to helps someone. Sure you can tell him what he needs to do but it's futile as he probably already knows that.

This. Speaking from experience, he probably won't listen to much (if any) of the advice you give anyway. Best you can do is listen, suggest small changes he can make just to make life easier, be a friend - try and find things to do that'll distract him from being depressed.

You say he's hung up on a girl - maybe convince him to go to the bar with you? maybe introduce him to a mutual friend?

I wish I could be more help, but I've been depressed before and know it's hard on friends/family and for the individual. Sometimes them knowing that someone's there for them is enough of a stepping stone.

ReggieTheReckless posted...

Cant

He needs to help himself

And it might take years and years or it might never happen

Thats about it. I worked with a guy that literally began every shift with a sigh and a complaint.

Hes obviously seeking attention, as people who kill themselves tend to not talk about it all the time, it sort of allows people to prevent it... hes probably confusing Im going to kill myself with I wish I was dead. Theres a big difference. Theres really nothing you can do except talk to him about stuff.
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Explain to him that our minds are like mirror filled rooms. Depressing thoughts brood more depressing thoughts, happy thoughts brood more happy thoughts. Life can suck, but it's up to you if you're going to let depressive thoughts echo in your head. It takes time, courage, and effort to pull out of it. The most important thing that's the easiest and hardest, is effort.
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TheCyborgNinja posted...

ReggieTheReckless posted...

Cant

He needs to help himself

And it might take years and years or it might never happen

Thats about it. I worked with a guy that literally began every shift with a sigh and a complaint.

Hes obviously seeking attention, as people who kill themselves tend to not talk about it all the time, it sort of allows people to prevent it... hes probably confusing Im going to kill myself with I wish I was dead. Theres a big difference. Theres really nothing you can do except talk to him about stuff.

This is a very harmful myth. People who actually kill themselves frequently do talk about it a lot before they do it. It should never be taken as just attention seeking.

eating4fun posted...

Explain to him that our minds are like mirror filled rooms. Depressing thoughts brood more depressing thoughts, happy thoughts brood more happy thoughts. Life can suck, but it's up to you if you're going to let depressive thoughts echo in your head. It takes time, courage, and effort to pull out of it. The most important thing that's the easiest and hardest, is effort.

With actual depression, it is very literally not up to you what thoughts are in your head. Think positive is the WORST, most annoying advice for someone who is depressed.
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Nade Duck posted...

go down on him

FellWolf posted...

Brojob

Yup.

Tell him that he is not as pathetic as ICOYAR is.

That should cheep him up.

Hmm Im not so much annoyed by it. Just finding myself caring a lot less. So theres no help for him? Drugs maybe??
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OreonX1 posted...

Hmm Im not so much annoyed by it. Just finding myself caring a lot less. So theres no help for him? Drugs maybe??

PotD is my only drug.

And just look at me now.

Tell him to NUT UP or SHUT UP.
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Moonjay posted...

With actual depression, it is very literally not up to you what thoughts are in your head. Think positive is the WORST, most annoying advice for someone who is depressed.

Sure there's people who actually have brain chemistry imbalance, there's a hell lot of people who are diagnosed with depression and treated with drugs when all they actually need is proper support and counseling.

It is annoying because it's the truth. I've been there. There's no helping someone who isn't trying to help himself, even if they're complaining about their issues one way or the other. Imparted wisdom is just useless knowledge unless applied, experienced, and taken to heart.

I don't mean just think positively, I mean surround yourself and revel in anything positive. However small and insignificant it can be, it's all useful.
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He also hasnt had sex in 3 years... and always says hes not worth anyones time!
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eating4fun posted...

Sure there's people who actually have brain chemistry imbalance, there's a hell lot of people who are diagnosed with depression and treated with drugs when all they actually need is proper support and counseling.

It is annoying because it's the truth.

Anecdotal.
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If he's making threats of suicide you need to call the police.

eating4fun posted...

Moonjay posted...

With actual depression, it is very literally not up to you what thoughts are in your head. Think positive is the WORST, most annoying advice for someone who is depressed.

Sure there's people who actually have brain chemistry imbalance, there's a hell lot of people who are diagnosed with depression and treated with drugs when all they actually need is proper support and counseling.

It is annoying because it's the truth. I've been there. There's no helping someone who isn't trying to help himself, even if they're complaining about their issues one way or the other. Imparted wisdom is just useless knowledge unless applied, experienced, and taken to heart.

I don't mean just think positively, I mean surround yourself and revel in anything positive. However small and insignificant it can be, it's all useful.

With actual depression, sometimes you cant revel in anything. Nothing feels positive or good, even things that used to make you happy. That is not an actual solution for real depression.
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Moonjay posted...

With actual depression, sometimes you cant revel in anything. Nothing feels positive or good, even things that used to make you happy. That is not an actual solution for real depression.

And like I said, some people are just feeling depressive and are not actually depressed. Psychiatry as a field is really muddy, and it isn't anywhere close to an exact science compared to shit like math or physics. I wouldn't be surprised if centuries from now, they look back on psychiatry today and compare it like alchemy to chemistry.

https://www.karger.com/Article/Abstract/345968
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Tell him to watch Batman Begins. A LOT.

Or tell him you know the rage that drives him: that impossible anger strangling the grief until the memory of your loved one is just... poison in your veins. And one day you catch yourself wishing the person you loved had never existed... so you'd be spared your pain.
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Moonjay posted...

TheCyborgNinja posted...

ReggieTheReckless posted...

Cant

He needs to help himself

And it might take years and years or it might never happen

Thats about it. I worked with a guy that literally began every shift with a sigh and a complaint.

Hes obviously seeking attention, as people who kill themselves tend to not talk about it all the time, it sort of allows people to prevent it... hes probably confusing Im going to kill myself with I wish I was dead. Theres a big difference. Theres really nothing you can do except talk to him about stuff.

This is a very harmful myth. People who actually kill themselves frequently do talk about it a lot before they do it. It should never be taken as just attention seeking.

eating4fun posted...

Explain to him that our minds are like mirror filled rooms. Depressing thoughts brood more depressing thoughts, happy thoughts brood more happy thoughts. Life can suck, but it's up to you if you're going to let depressive thoughts echo in your head. It takes time, courage, and effort to pull out of it. The most important thing that's the easiest and hardest, is effort.

With actual depression, it is very literally not up to you what thoughts are in your head. Think positive is the WORST, most annoying advice for someone who is depressed.

Harmful myth? I was a fucking basketcase at one point. I'll concede that for some people you may be right, but for others you're totally not. It depends on the person.
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The whole damn point of calling that a harmful myth is that it's different for different people and you can't just assume someone is attention seeking because some people do talk about it before doing it.
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Moonjay posted...

The whole damn point of calling that a harmful myth is that it's different for different people and you can't just assume someone is attention seeking because some people do talk about it before doing it.

Exactly don't write off people that really are crying for help and not attention
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smoke him up
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I think what helped me personally (may not apply to him) but maybe try to become a better communicator vs being misunderstood all the time. Try to be a friend to someone else if you want someone to be a friend to you. Be vulnerable with someone else, who can maybe validate those feelings and then redirect that energy into more positive behaviors. Care less about what other people think. Don't assume what other people think about you. You're not a mind reader. Try to do things that make you proud of yourself, even in baby steps. Set small achievable goals.
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Contact his immediate family and mention your concerns. If you believe that he's an imminent threat to himself, maybe try contacting the authorities but generally speaking you'd really need his family on-board to push for an involuntary psychiatric hold. Other than that, all you can do is suggest he gets counseling and, unless you're a training professional, you can't do much to help him.

Moonjay posted...

The whole damn point of calling that a harmful myth is that it's different for different people and you can't just assume someone is attention seeking because some people do talk about it before doing it.

Plus even if they are just doing it for attention, they STILL need counseling and a similar course of treatment because that's some seriously unhealthy shit. Either way they need help.
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OreonX1 posted...

He also hasnt had sex in 3 years... and always says hes not worth anyones time!

Well clearly he was worth someones time at some point otherwise he wouldn't have had sex at all. Still I see very little point in trying to understand someones logic when it comes to mental illnesses as there isn't any really.

What he should be doing is working out the route of his depression and working on fixing that if he isn't already. Have CBT sessions, take his medication to try and help with the symptoms and hope for the best. Not much more he can do as this won't go away until he finds the route of his problem. Everyone has a trigger for most mental illnesses like depression or anxiety. Even if it's not clear to begin with.
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wwinterj25 posted...

Well clearly he was worth someones time at some point otherwise he wouldn't have had sex at all.

idk, maybe he went down to the Hotel Arlen.
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Zeus posted...

idk, maybe he went down to the Hotel Arlen.

*nod and smile*
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Advise him to get medical help and be supportive.
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wwinterj25 posted...

Zeus posted...

idk, maybe he went down to the Hotel Arlen.

*nod and smile*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6UgAjPLRZw
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No wonder I didn't get it. We have a hotel called Arlen in Blackpool over here so I was confused.
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Did King of the Hill get shown much in the UK? It ran for a long time in the US, but I know that doesn't always translate into international popularity.
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Read this blog comic thing and maybe understand it better?
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
I found it very insightful at one point.
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Zeus posted...

Did King of the Hill get shown much in the UK? It ran for a long time in the US, but I know that doesn't always translate into international popularity.

It's been shown but not as much of course. I remember watching it now and then but I haven't seen it aired in years so I'm not sure if they still air it.
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