Lurker > alt4445

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NonDairyMiltank posted...

alt4445 posted...

We've worked together since October, she has a bf but she used to hook up with another coworker, we're playful and teasing with each other (I wouldn't say it's sexual though, though sometimes a lil romantic in nature).

"Omg she loves me! We're just coworkers and never did any real socializing outside of work, but this is clearly romance!"

rofl

I basically posted because I can't tell if she's just playing me or if it's normal that she's being this hard. I've hung out with her a couple of times now outside of work. Just not really 1 on 1
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ChainedRedone posted...

You should have fucked her the time you guys smoked. The hell? You invited another coworker because he had stuff? Lol come on

She was like, I have stuff, do you have a thing to smoke out of, I'm like, nah but maybe coworker does?

There's a chance I might've messed that one up. But basically the whole reason she wanted to initiate the hangout was because I told her that she's difficult to hang out with so I wont care about her until she starts. She asked if that counted, I told her that I'm still not convinced yet. So she still knows that, even if her intention was to hook up, I'm still open to it.
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Johnny_Nutcase posted...

almost threw up reading that. Get her in bed or get the fuck outta there. No more 3rd wheels in this bullshit shit show.

lol, but do you think there's a chance?

Johnny_Nutcase posted...

Once again you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I sleep with HR all the time.

lol
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Johnny_Nutcase posted...

She always wants other coworkers around? Fuck that shit, cut your losses. Either ask her straight up if she wants to fuck or move upwards and onwards.

She initiated a hangout once, she wanted to smoke, but I didn't have the right accessories and another coworker did. I'm not sure if she intended that just us two hang out but it ended up being a group hangout or what. She also did it on a day where that coworker she hooked up with came back (he used to be regular but now only comes for an hour on Mondays). And that guy came over. She asked if she got credit for initiating a hangout, I said only 50% because he was there.
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So I guess, my real hesitations on this are a couple of things. One, she seems to have developed feelings for that first coworker but is denial about it. Two, she doesn't seem to want to hang out 1 on 1, the time I asked her, she's like "get coworker and coworker and stuff and see when they're free". I called her out on it, like, "wtf, I shouldn't have to do that, you're not worth THAT much".

Idk if she wants to take it to the next level or is waiting for me to. Today, we closed the building together, just us 2, but we just both went home.
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r4X0r posted...

Yes. But given she has at least two guys she's hooking up with that you KNOW about, I would advise looking elsewhere.

I mean just on the basis of hooking up, not dating, unless that's what you meant too.
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Imagine trying to discuss the higher implications of fucking DBZ's plot.
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We've worked together since October, she has a bf but she used to hook up with another coworker, we're playful and teasing with each other (I wouldn't say it's sexual though, though sometimes a lil romantic in nature). She usually likes sticking by me and stuff, but sometimes she doesn't. I started pushing away a little and she got a little more flirty. She's come over my house but that was when 2 other coworkers were also there.
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Banjo2553 posted...

lmao, yeah that was my thought.

shit
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eston posted...

Yeah sorry dude that came off like you were interested in him

fml
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Crap. Coming off as gay was literally the exact opposite I was trying to convey to her. Oops
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glitteringfairy posted...

Very nice. Touch his hotdog

I meant towards her, not him.
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bemp
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Theres this coworker A thats been giving me rides to and from work since my car broke, and that coworkers seem to be liking me a little much, and when I asked coworker B (cute girl) for help on something, he (coworker A) jumped in to help me right away. So I texted B being like "lol you see how quick he jumped in? I think hes jealous", and shes like "he loves giving you rides, hes prob gonna kiss you eventually", and I'm like "most people end up kissing me eventually, haha"

Is that da flirt?
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SomeLikeItHoth posted...

It's not really possible to like someone unless you've hung out with them a few times and gotten to know them.

eh, what
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>i met her as an extension of a specific social circle i saw every once in a while (friend of friends gf)
>thought she was super cool and pretty and liked her, but i prob would go nowhere
>way later, that circle lives in a new apartment and she lives there too
>i go there almost weekly, she comes out in living room and hangs out with us
>we joke around with each other and get along much better, def seems like girlfriend material

So then, they host a NYE party, and after short time passes, she asks me to sit next to her. She's wearing a nice dress. She's playing with my feet with her own, lying her legs on me, leaning over me, etc. Grabbing my waist. I'm flirting back and it seems good. I'm thinking, oh shit, maybe it could happen. I've liked this girl for a while now.

Later we're standing around talking about all sorts of stuff. I super imply that we should be a thing which she understood, and she had hesitation, because I was friends with a particular person. Her reason for hesitating on the surface made no sense but it was clear that she just wanted just a reason to hesitate, and haphazardly picked that.

Then, somehow she just drifts away and starts being slightly touchy/feely with another mutual friend there.

Once I got home, I sent a message being like "happy new years, hope u had a good time, i know i did", which she responded to quickly being like "yeah it was fun" and stuff.

Based on advice I've gotten, from both that friend and the girl hes talking to is that I should just be patient, and next time I visit, just act like how I was normally acting, and now it's on her to show interest since I've already shown it on my end.

What do I do about any of this, or is it even worth the time.
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Pepys Monster posted...

I almost always bring my friend Molly to EDM events. I like her much better than my other female friends. They can buy their own tickets if they want to go.

I've only brought my friend Molly to three/two events so far. One was Steve Aoki and some other dubstep guys I forget the name of. My friend introduced her to 3 of my other friends and all 5 of us had a great time, and I grew to really like dubstep because I realized it was more about the energy of the song than the composition. The other time was Deadmau5. She was also there in even fuller force than the Aoki show, and Deadmau5 is another one of my favorites, and it was the day before my birthday, so that was also an amazing time. The day after wasn't though, I missed her a lot. I also went to Seven Lions with her and tried to sneak her in because she didn't have a ticket, but the security caught us and thankfully only she had to leave and not me. Luckily, I found someone similar inside the venue to hang with for the night.

She's crazy though because I've heard that a girl that acts like that around you is only healthy to chill with like once every 6 months, otherwise it can fuck you up permanently.
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CookieMarvin posted...

I feel like she would be cool to go somewhere with, but she really accentuates the introvert in me. Im too worried about going out and having people think Im a damn spazz lmao.

I cooled with her in October and all we did was play super mario odyssey the whole time. Hardly eventful, but a blast nonetheless.

Sounds fun. I remember when I first met her, before she actually arrived, me and a close friend of mine were playing co-op NSMB Wii U until she got there. Eventually we stopped because she clearly wanted to do something else and the levels were getting too hard with her distracting us lol. Nothing wrong with chilling and shit.
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CookieMarvin posted...

wow did you actually go to a show with her? I dont wanna go anywhere when we hang...

Originally I was going to take my other friend Molly as well, but she wasn't available. I'm somewhat musically inclined, so I thought this was the perfect opportunity. She was uncomfortable for a few specific scenarios before they came on, but I was able to calm her down, and then when the main show started, it was just amazing. I'm not recommending everyone to take a date to a show you like as everyone's different and your date might nag you, but yeah, it was an amazing time. I've gone to a LOT of edm shows and stuff and have taken other dates, but the fact that this was one of my favorites, AND the show was incredible (live instruments and band to accompany the music, drumline choreography, room to move around), made this unforgettable.
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We had an amazing time. I wish I could relive it all over again. Listening to the free album I got makes me feel like I'm hanging out with her again.

Such beautiful music. They are one of my favorite artists ever.
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jumi posted...

Saying TC is creepy is a little extreme. There are different kinds of love. I love pizza but I don't want to fuck it. I love Skyrim but I don't want to eat it.

Thank you. I can't believe a forum of adults in their mid 20s cant separate different kinds of love. I love my friends too but it doesn't make me gay. I love my family but it's not incestuous. On one hand, I feel like with a crowd as immature as CE I knew exactly what I was getting myself into, but on the other, I feel like most people here are old enough to be able to understand a little of how life works.
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Today, I was talking to some of the kids, and they asked who my favorite teacher was. I said "Me, obviously". My homegirl was like "that's a little selfish of you.....but I'd have to agree". I was like, dawwww
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awesome999 posted...

I used to be that kid when I was a kid, for real

We're the kid that gets bullied and picked on a lot, unfortunately

Yeah. She used to sit alone during snack which is part of the whole reason why I wanted to befriend her. She reminds me of me at that age except she's cooler and doesn't have really bad mental health at that age. I think me being friends with her is subtly helping her make friends because then other kids come over and want to see why we're having fun or talking about.
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I work at a school, and there's this one little girl that I think I like, love. I'm not IN love obviously, just that I feel like I care about her a lot. She's super well behaved (which is honestly much rarer than I thought would be before I took the job), she's a little shy but actually pretty funny and clever when you talk to her, she's adorable, and is really nice to the other kids. She respects rules of games, she doesn't get mad or upset if the rules of a game/activity get confusing or unfair, she never complains about anything, she always pays attention when any of the staff tries to address the group, she's super silly, and just overall a really fun and lowkey kid. She likes to sit next to me, make sassy faces at me and stuff and then laugh about it, etc.

Today, we did this little LARP thing with foam swords where this guy was dressed as a monster and the kids hit him. After she hit him (in a semi hesitant way as opposed to the other kids going apeshit), she came up to me and was like "I found out that if you attack him while he's looking at you, he'll hit you, so I attacked him when hes facing the other way". I was like awww

My day is definitely better and easier from her being there. There are a few other kids that I like a lot and definitely make my time less stressful and more enjoyable, but this is the only kid where I actually think about them after work and cant wait to see them again.
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

TC's story depresses me. He's literally destroying all hopeful and positive thinking I had.

Ouch man.

I'm sorry you feel this way. I hope you get whatever it is you're striving for.

Also, just know that statistically you have a better shot at this kind of stuff than I do. So that's something. If this was a wake up call, at least you're prepared now than later.
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The Deadpool posted...

How old are you?

25
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snakes_righteye posted...

Just be you to everyone you meet.

I'm not saying you have to be some totally different person. I'm saying that you are different on some level, however subconscious, depending on the dynamic. You're a very slightly different version of "you".

Like, you're not going to share the same personal stuff to your friends as you would your 5 year old niece/nephew. You're not going to behave the same of someone crying in front of you vs someone reading the newspaper. You're not going to hug your brother who came back from the war for the first time the same way you'd hug a drunk friend at the end of the night. Contexts we're in shape little dynamics all the time.

Even you have different understood dynamics within yourself. You aren't going to behave the same at a restaurant as you would a concert. You are going to dress differently for a wedding than you would at your job. etc

I think girls that are single and you are interested in them has a broad dynamic. Like, you're going to be flirty back, perhaps one of you will make physical moves, etc. Somebody has to let somebody know their interested, and the moment that happens, it's no longer like "everyone else", because you aren't interested in everyone in that way.
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Soviet_Poland posted...

If you act differently around women you're interested in--it actually makes a lot of sense you're having difficulty.

People have different dynamics for everything. You talk to your boss differently than your close friends, you talk to a child different from a 40 year old, you talk to your mom different than your aunt, etc.

You even talk to guys you want to be friends with differently than guys you don't want to be friends with. Like, being more excited to speak, thinking of more ways to move the conversation forward, etc.

So why wouldn't [girl you are interested in] have its own dynamic? Clearly there is going to be a different tone from me talking to a girl I like vs me talking to my female cousin. There is simply a range of tone/mood/dialogue/emotion that the former has that the latter doesn't.

Otherwise you're saying that you talking to a girl that's single and you're interested, vs you talking to your friend's GF, would look exactly the same. In my opinion, they definitely don't look the same. And for the sake of discussion, lets say that they actually did look the same. Like, the single girl is flirting back with you and the friend's gf is flirting back with you. You definitely don't behave exactly the same way in both scenarios. You might try to set up boundaries with the 2nd girl that you wouldn't have with the first girl. The fact that the dynamic is different becomes apparent.
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Soviet_Poland posted...

5) I recognize it's tough for someone who already feels down and hopeless on this to make these changes. Start gradually. Try cooking new meals at home you normally don't. Add a gym routine if you haven't. Read books on topics you've been interested in but haven't gotten around to it. Maybe in several months, the gym changes start to be a bit more apparent.

I've gone from 270lb to 150lb, I cook and prepare all my own meals (to the gram when I'm cutting), I've started making music after being hesitant for so long, and I pretty much always have something planned for the weekends (and sometimes weekdays). I have a new job in something I like, though I'm still not financially very stable (I have enough to live and barely any extra). I love going to concerts and raves, I attend tournaments, I sometimes attend random events in the city, sometimes I go to board game meetups, and I have a good variety in people I hang with. I had literally the best vacation I could've realistically gotten this past month. I've literally done a lot of things to purposely break out of my comfort zone (albeit not as much now as when I was younger and more hopeful) especially since I have social anxiety. I can't see my social or personal life get much better than this until I start making good money one day.

None of that shit ever makes a difference. I'm still at square one, in regards to having a relationship, no matter what I've done and how far I've come. I understand that having a girl wont make me happy, but like, when any and all of my interest/curiosity has been met with rejection over and over, it starts to hurt sometimes.

The reason that this stuff doesn't effect me too much in my day to day life is specifically that I've done what you said. Just ignore the fact that I don't have a girl and try to do stuff that I want to do and not base success or fun in having a girl. In other words, just having fun on my own and realizing that having a woman wont save me. And honestly, just accepting that I'll be alone is a relief in some ways because it's like a world where I never get rejected because I never bother to try. That alone helps me deal with it day to day because this used to effect me a lot more. Just that, when it's something I'm forced to deal with (like a friend having success with women), it opens up that wound again.
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snakes_righteye posted...

Girls are misunderstood by a lot of guys. They think they are a completely different type of human.

Idk, there are managers and bosses all around the world that are totally different people, but if you suck at interviewing, you wont get by any of them. It's not the fact that they're girls, it's the fact that you're trying to be special to whatever girl you're into.

Also, the tricky thing is that you can't exactly just treat girls like they're anyone else. As in, girls you're into. If you truly did treat them like anyone else, then none of them would be interested in you. If you were to really treat a girl like they were anyone else, they'd think you're not interested, already have a woman, or not into women in general. The main thing I'm saying is that even though they are just like everyone else, if you're looking for something more than you look for with anyone else, it doesn't make sense that you'd interact just like you would with anyone else.

snakes_righteye posted...

The negativity is a problem. I'm sure you'll find a girl Somewhere Out There that enjoys the negativity but most will be turned off by it.

Going out to meet girls by sharing how hard it is to meet girls with them sounds like a bad move. I don't think many people enjoy the negativity but the negativity is stopping me from finding girls that would enjoy it in the first place.

snakes_righteye posted...

She'll touch you or she'll look at you right in the eyes for what might feel like an uncomfortable amount of time. She laughs at your jokes even though they're not funny.

Those signs are obvious to me. If she touches me in a flirty way or makes eye contact for weird amounts of time, she's obviously into me. The problem is that hardly anyone even does those obvious green flags to me, so I'm forced to interpret these yellow flags all the time and try to convince myself if it's red or green. And people in general throw mixed signals all the time, which includes girls. So I'm going to say girls throw mixed signals because I have no idea if guys do since I haven't been interested in any guys.

snakes_righteye posted...

I guarantee you you are not too ugly to find a girl.

Maybe my looks are good enough to get a girl I think is cute, but there's other stuff that goes into it, like, the worse I look the more I have to be used to, or okay with, getting rejected. And like I said, I'm not exactly the most comfortable person with getting rejected. I have to be way more bold and outgoing with worse looks, and being sexually bold is still hard for me to do.
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snakes_righteye posted...

Why do you feel like you'll be alone forever, if you obviously don't want to be? Theres plenty of lonely women out there, that would devote themselves to you in return for just a little respect.

Lots of reasons

-I have virtually no success online, which lets me know I'm ugly.

-I'm scared of physically making moves.

-I've had near miraculous bad luck. It's honestly unreal sometimes, so much so that even my friends notice.

-I have very little self esteem in this area of life. I think there's something wrong with me, that I'm unlovable, and that she couldn't just do way better with some different guy.

-I'm sick of getting so close to a relationship but never getting it.

-I'm probably more picky than I should be. I don't need a girl to look smoking or anything, but I do want someone that's not obese and a face I find cute.

-There's some interplay of flirtation/dating that I just don't understand. I don't know what the real issue is. I don't know if I'm overthinking it, if I truly don't get it, or if I'm totally normal but ugly/unfortunate so I never get the opportunity. Just that I feel like there's this weird interplay of push/pull/breaking rapport/creating rapport and, while I get it on a conceptual level, and think I could do it, perhaps I just don't get it. I think it's absolutely crazy that guys can still pursue a girl that doesn't seem too into them, but guys (and even women!) almost expect this behavior. Like, when a girl likes a guy and flirts with him, she makes it incredibly easy to flirt back. It's like she's putting the hoop at 2ft high, it's so easy to get a slam dunk if the net's lowered right? But some guys will just keep jumping even if the hoop is at 7 ft with no regard, and I don't have that kind of tenacity.

-On some level, I feel as if I'm not ready for dating or a relationship. I've had the opportunity to go on a few dates, and even though I could've totally gone through with it, idk. The two I'm thinking of off the top of my head, the first girl, we had some schedule conflicts, and I feel like I totally could've worked through it, but I just didn't feel like it. The second girl seemed down too, but idk. I just talk myself out of it, and I'm not like SO interested in the girl where I feel like I can override that voice.

-I feel like I don't care enough to pursue girls that I don't know. I'm tired of being the one leading the interaction and, before, when I would daydream about what kinda girl is this, who is she, where's she from, etc, I just don't care anymore. Why would I ever waste my time trying to entertain and get to know someone that has almost no interest in reciprocating even a fraction of that.

tldr: I'm ugly, I'm both scared and tired of getting rejected, I have the worst luck in the world, and I'm a hot mess.
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Offworlder1 posted...

Then do it again boy, you obviously know it works so get back to getting a sexy woman.
@alt4445

That was in European countries though, where it's legal. Aint legal in the US.
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Offworlder1 posted...

@alt4445

Get a few sexy escorts, and then I think you will be ok.

I've done that and it helped in a number of ways
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Obviously I'm happy for them, but it just sucks because I'll be single forever and knowing that I'm more and more alone with my situation is hard sometimes.

I think I'm at a point of acceptance where it doesn't bother me too much with my day to day life, but specifically when it involves friends or a friend getting into a relationship or whatever is where it's harder to avoid. Sometimes these guys ask me for advice which makes no sense to me.
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