Lurker > alt4445

Roxborough4Ever posted...

holy....werent you sore?

Nop
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post
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ThyCorndog posted...

that's reduced? how much were you doing it before? jeez

Whenever I felt like it (not in public obviously)
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Just twice a day. It's the perfect amount. Usually once in the day and once at night. Enough so I'm not going absolutely bonkers, but not enough to make it out of hand (no pun intended).
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WTF

So I tried just being normal and forgetting about her and stuff, and then when she was driving, she was behind me, and she's like "your brake light is out"

I'm like "Fuck! everythings shitting on me at once"

shes like " I'm sorry :(. we can chat about it if you'd like"

me: "nah it's all good, I'll figure it out"

her: "well if you want/need stuff, you know where to find me"

wtf is this crazy bitch trying to do lol?
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final bump
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--Zero- posted...

Wtf TC Lmao. Come on man get real and drop that hoe.

The only weird thing about dropping her is that I'm still going to be seeing her somewhat frequently cause she's fucking my friend. And she's still trying to be my friend. And I tried to be distant at first but I decided to talk it out, which is when she said the line quoted in OP. She rejected my move but then held hands with me for a little before we parted ways and said "you're walking a fine line here, you know that right?"
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Aeriis posted...

yeah I'd gtfo

She's only FWB with them. She broke up with her boyfriend that lasted 10 years because apparently they haven't had any sex for the last 3 years. She's obsessed over one of the guys though, even though she knows he cheats. I'm friends with that guy.
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SSJCAT posted...

alt4445 posted...

Citrik posted...

Walk. Away.

I plan on giving her a window of time, even if it's futile and wont make a difference, it'll at least make it easier for me to get over. That way I wont regret being like, oh shit, maybe she was just about to

If you need to do jump through these mental hoops and make ultimatums and all that then Its already safe to say its not happening. And even if it did happen, it wont end well.

You're right, but also, in the past I've tend to give up too soon /easily, but maybe this is a time I should actually give up.
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Citrik posted...

Walk. Away.

I plan on giving her a window of time, even if it's futile and wont make a difference, it'll at least make it easier for me to get over. That way I wont regret being like, oh shit, maybe she was just about to
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I'm starting to get the feeling/idea that, if she wants to pass up a golden opportunity to be with me and get her life together, chances are she's not worth it. If she's making bad decisions already, chances are she might do that to me in a relationship too and just leave for another guy.

CM_Ponch posted...

Tag

For some reason, I lol'd
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--Zero- posted...

Getting played most likely. She sees you as a good candidate, but she's also not ready to get serious since she's getting attention from other dudes. The moment a really attractive guy comes along she'll change her tune.

She already has two guys in her life, one from before and one semi new one. It's like, why would she get that new guy if shes already in a bad spot. It's just weird. I want to force her to make a decision. I also feel like there may be a point in time when she's gonna come to me once all of her bad decisions blow up in her face, and even though I SHOULD say no, idk if I'll have the power to when the time comes.
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Whotars posted...

Its called being nice.

I'd call it being nice if both sides didn't know what was going on. If I clearly feel something and she's so-so about it, idk, it doesn't feel very nice to me. My boss asking me how I'm feeling is them being nice.
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cavalierking posted...

if she actually, really liked you, it wouldn't matter what kind of spot she's in

Yeah that's what part of my brain tells me.

It's just annoying. Like, I got sick yesterday and she's been texting me asking me how I feel and being like, hope you get better and all that. Why care about me like that if you don't wanna commit all the way
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Even she acknowledged that we have good chemistry, and said she wished she met me before this stuff happened. Am I just getting played? Should I just be patient?
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Last
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M_Live posted...

Why would she date you when she's already in bad spot

I could get her out, and if not, I'll know for sure it wasn't meant to be
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bumop
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deupd_u posted...

If you can't see that this is a sign to walk away and never return, there's nothing else we can do for you.

I hung out with her and got a sore throat and fever the next day. That also might be a sign. But it'd be so good.
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Ugh. lol
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DeroIin posted...

alt4445 posted...

DeroIin posted...

alt4445 posted...

You got a number of matches in 2.5 weeks? Lucky

Yeah i got like 15. About one a day, or a little less than. Only like 3 responded to my first message though

I got like 1 a week, if I was lucky

Keep at it man. If you want, i can also offer tips

You can't give tips to ugliness
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DeroIin posted...

alt4445 posted...

You got a number of matches in 2.5 weeks? Lucky

Yeah i got like 15. About one a day, or a little less than. Only like 3 responded to my first message though

I got like 1 a week, if I was lucky
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You got a number of matches in 2.5 weeks? Lucky
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CelestialVoices posted...

bancakes

Fuck
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Bancakes
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Games suck now and now that I'm older, there's other shit on my mind, and with the advent of the internet, I can just look up highlights later. The only thing I'm interested in is the new Smash and Spiderman.
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OpenlyGator posted...

Seeing a theme here lmao.

Yup. That theme is having sex.
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chill02 posted...

have you tried not being a doormat

It's time I start actually trying

NonDairyMiltank posted...

then you say hypocritical shit like this...

Wanting sex doesn't inherently make you disingenuous imo. I'm honest about it and follow through with what I say/who I am. I don't tell someone weird things like "you're the best company I've ever had" unless I really mean that shit.

Jerry_Hellyeah posted...

Ain't gon' be no homies if "trying to be a good friend" means indebting other people.

What does this even mean?
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Again
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Bump
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Asherlee10 posted...

What age group are we talking about here? Early 20s?

I've had this happen with girls ages 18 (when I was 18) to 27.
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Darklit_Minuet posted...

If they prefer hanging with people they've had sex with, why not have sex with them once so they wanna hang with you?

How am I supposed to have sex with them if they don't want to ever hang out
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catboy0_0 posted...

maybe stop being friends with chicks

I think this is the most practical answer. I shouldn't even bother trying to figure out the nuances in the first place, just avoid the situation altogether.

teepan95 posted...

Some people just want attention

Awesome posted...

stop talking to them, they dont respect you and arent nice people. its sad but reality.

I conceptually get that this is true, but it's hard for me to accept. It just seems so selfish to just use someone for your own entertainment. Even though it's not malicious. Idk, I value my connections to people a lot and I like to keep the people close to me, actually close to me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, for the better or worse, and I like to let people I like know that I value them, whether it's being close, joking around, helping them when they need it, etc.

To fake it just to get that feeling out of me for their own entertainment seems so fucking manipulative to me that it gets me angry and confused. Why would someone do that to me if they know what kind of person I am? It's not like this is ALL girls either. There are some female friends/acquaintances I have where they act like they're just as close as they actually are. I'd much rather have a friend that is semi-close, and behaves as such, instead of a "friend" that acts incredibly close but none of their actions state otherwise.
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I feel like I'm just being used for entertainment.

And this isn't even just about sex. Even when I'm genuinely trying to be a good friend, they'd much rather have male company they've had sex with.

So it's like, if I'm not fucking you, and if I'm not even close enough to be just your friend, why even act close to me? Why say things about how you miss me, get mad when I don't invite, tease, flirt, be physical etc.

Shit just annoys me so much, and it probably has something to do with me if I keep running into this problem.
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G last bump
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darkjedilink posted...

He's unrelatable because he has all that power, and is still all-good.

I like this point. If there was a Superman that got angry and stuff and fed up with humanity, that'd actually be interesting. He's too vanilla.
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2nd 2 last bump
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Sad_Face posted...

Have you ever considered telling her this as to why it's hard for you to just stay friends with her?

Yeah. I probably have at max two casual hangouts left in me before it actually gets to be too much. I'll just distance for now, and if that doesn't do it, I'll tell her
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bump
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thecoolgu posted...

You can't just be friends?

I don't think I'm capable of that. I'm starting to feel myself think about her more and more and how great we'd be together.
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bob742omb posted...

on top of what others have posted, the fact that she won't make time for you but will make time for this other dude should be a sign to put on the brakes.

This is the precise moment I was like, oh shit, I gotta do something about this now. Especially when I was just trying to be a supportive human to her situation as opposed to trying to hit her up to hang or something. And that she would deny me only to ask him. I like that he denied her though. He's like "I'm trying to hang out at the bar, I'm not doing all that". Lol.

She's hung out with me like twice with just us and probably 3-4 times when he was there too. She talks about him a lot and was comparing me and stuff which turned me off but she stopped when I called her out on it. She's lowkey obsessed but my thoughts were, just cause she's obsessed with one guy doesn't necessarily mean she has one-itis. Apparently that's not true.

It just sucks because I feel like this happens fairly often to me. Girls that like my attention but don't like me in the same way.
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Dorfl_2 posted...

Sounds like you're just after her body and getting mad because she won't put out.

I'm after both her and her body. It's not even like her 'body' is amazing lol. I just like her as a person lot and I think she's attractive.
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Unsugarized_Foo posted...

If you have to ask, the answer's yes

I know the best bet is yes, but I was hoping for maybe some people to be like "be patient, it worked out for me" or some shit to give me some false hopes. I'm glad it seems like my gut is right and that I really just should.
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CanuckCowboy posted...

If you can't help but overthink it and be (relative to her) overly serious about it then yes you probly should. Not cause of anything she's done or said but because it's only gonna cause you misery tbh.

If I do, when and how should I do it? I feel bad doing it while she's going through so much shit.
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She's a coworker and good friends with another coworker (fwb, she broke up with her bf of 9 years recently). We've gotten along really well and playfully flirt and tease and talk a lot stuff, she's said stuff like "that was the best conversation I've had with someone since I've been up here", and "I wish I met you first" to me. I've tried to get her back to my place for a hook-up but she sorta leaned towards no because of guilt and it would be weird to have 2 coworkers like that, let alone one.

She's under observation and could get fired for a violation on Friday. So she technically doesn't work there anymore. Which sucks because it was such a careless mistake anyone could've made, and she's really good at her job in other ways. She messaged me first that this happened on Friday because we went out for a coworker night. I asked if she wanted to like talk or meet up or something in person, but she said no indirectly. Apparently she asked the other dude to hang out though and he said no, while we were hanging out. Lol. She then texts me the next morning asking how it was last night and just have a little text conversation. Sometimes she texts me about references to stuff when we hung out or whatever.

I do want to cut her out because:
-it's clear that even though she sees our relationship as unique, she's still putting less into it than I am and is taking my care for her for granted a little
-I think I'm starting to really like her and if she doesn't like me like that, it'll probably just suck going forward
-it could easily turn into a situation where I'm just her therapist and she'll use me like that

I don't want to because:
-she's cool to hang with and we're really similar and vibe well
-she's genuinely a good person and is going through a lot of shit (no work, failed relationship, moved to a new place with now her ex-bf) so I feel empathetic that all this stuff is happening
-She moved up here in September and doesn't have many friends, me being one of her few ones, and it sucks to move somewhere new and have no friends, I've dealt with that a lot
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Crayon_Lover posted...

Update?

It went decently I think. I have no metric of good, but I can tell it def wasn't bad. I met her outside and we hugged. We got food beforehand, conversation was good, we talked about ourselves and it flowed well, like 60% cause of me and 40% cause of her. She looked into my eyes a little too much when she was laughing at stuff which I got uncomfortable by so I kinda looked away as if I was thinking about the comment just made lol. I suggested we just split the bill and she agreed.

We went bowling and just did silly shit like dance moves before throwing the ball. She was willing to split the cost of the game, but I said that I'll just pay for the first and she could pay for the 2nd if we wanted to play again, which we did. We just did silly high fives whenever someone got a spare or strike lol. We then checked out the rest of the venue and then parted ways after a hug. She told me to text her when I got home, and I did, and basically told her that my dancing is better suited on a dance floor than a bowling alley, and she was like, now we have an idea for next time. So I think she'll want to see me again, where I can make things more romantic and sexual instead of conversational and personal.
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blast tiss
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Lunar_Savage posted...

Does she know it's your first?

No. Saying "btw, this is my first date ever, so bear with me" sounds like a complete nightmare in terms of sexual attraction, even if it's genuine. I don't need to bring that up unless she asks.
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Doom_Art posted...

women don't like an early finish tho

I feel like if I just make up for it by focusing on her after the fact, or just get myself ready to go again, it wont be a huge deal. IF it even gets that far.
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

alt4445 posted...

Doom_Art posted...

rub out that really easy first round before the date yourself so if you do the nasty you won't be a one pump chump

But wont jerking it lower my desire, therefore confidence, quite a bit?

No. Finishing in 4 seconds will though.

The way I see it, if I'm at 100% ball-fill level, I'll be more confident throughout the entire date, therefore giving good vibes. If we have sex and I bust early, the fact that I got to sex means that it could just happen again easily, and I'd be ready for round 2 pretty soon anyway. If I jerk beforehand, I'll wonder why any of this anxiety is worth it, and more likely to just go through the motions instead of really being into it.

That's just my theory/reasoning on why I feel like jerking beforehand would hurt more than help.
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