Lurker > alt4445

emblem boy posted...

The thing is, from what TC says, she started doing the whole flirting thing after he told her he liked her

She's done flirty stuff beforehand, and while it was confusing for me, I assumed that was just her personality or whatever. After that though, she definitely ramped it up to where I'm like, okay this is definitely something that normal friends don't do together.
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Sativa_Rose posted...

Are you sure she didn't change her mind and decided to want to fuck you?

The thing is, even if she wanted to and made signs and stuff, I'd feel like a super creep trying to initiate something when she gave me a clear no. And if she's the kind of girl that needs a man to push past all her BS resistance, then I'm not that kind of guy.

Also, in her moments of flirtiness, like grabbing my hand, or snuggling up against me, and sometimes I initiate like locking arms or whatever, she's always the one to pull away first. I mean, maybe it actually means nothing, but to me, if she really wanted to, she wouldn't pull away, but she just does. Maybe she's trying to convince herself that she doesn't like me, but like I said, even if I'm getting good signals, I'm not the kind of guy to force a move on someone that gave me a clear no. It just feels too dishonorable, idk.
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last bump
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RedWhiteBlue posted...

Seems obvious. He likes her, she shows signs of liking him but doesn't want to date him, he doesn't want to struggle mentally, he wants to cut her off unless she stops acting like she's 12.

I honestly appreciate your common sense in context of the post you quoted.
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I liked her, couldn't do anything about it cause she wasn't available, she became available, I asked her out and/or hook up, she said no to the first and a hesitant no to the second (despite her admitting she liked me), she became extremely flirty with me since then on (aka playing me), I've tried to get over her but I can't, I try to create distance but she always reaches out, thought she was moving so I kept up a facade friendship just until she moved away, turns out she's not moving away anymore.

She hit me up, and I think I'm just gonna have to confront her and tell her I can't hang with her anymore. We've been friends for like 2 years, and it fucks with my brain and self esteem a lot whenever we hang out. I'm way happier when I don't see her for a while, so I see no point in maintaining a friendship with someone where they indirectly fuck with my esteem. It's a shame cause I like the company but yeah, I can't get over her.

Also it's not even just the fact that she's a girl, because I have other friends that are girls, and while I'd fuck each one of them, I don't like them like I do this one.
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MACisBack posted...

what about asking a woman out in real life instead of using an app?

I turned to online dating because nothing IRL was happening for me either. I got a number of rejections, a number of missed opportunities, and a lot of flakes.

NathanX95 posted...

Are you good looking tc?

Evidently not, but I guess I'm average? I've posted my pic online before, and depending on the angle/lighting/etc, people have very mixed opinions. If I look serious and a bad pic, people say I look like I'm gonna murder them. If I smile and/or the pic is shot not-garbagely, then people say looks is definitely not my problem (and "omg u made me gay"). My guy friends and some irl girls have said that they dont think there's anything wrong with my looks or whatever.
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KillerSlaw posted...

match.com
zoosk
eharmony

Are these actually good for young people (aka mid 20s)? They're always advertised for older people.

Also, I feel like girls on there might be even more likely to be weird or whatever than a free dating service. Reason being is that pretty much any girl who is moderately attractive and even a little cool can get a guy easily, either IRL or online, and have hundreds of options for free, so why would they feel the need to pay for a service? I'm sure they get a lot of dumbass messages from guys because guys are also making use of a free service, so maybe it's worth it for girls to use a paid service where the guys are more serious, but they are absolutely bound to get several serious (and cool) guys on these free sites too.
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KillerSlaw posted...

Go to a fully paid service where you know people are serious and not just using the service for an ego boost.

Like?
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I've used Tinder and OKCupid. I've done god knows how many swipes (even subscribed to a 50% off Tinder Plus for 2 months for the unlimited swipes and boosts and shit), sent hundreds upon hundreds of messages on OKC of every kind of message there is.

I've gotten matches on Tinder, even fewer replies. The longest convo I had was some girl that wasn't interested in going out (then why the hell you swipe me??). Other convos include matching with girls a month later when I swiped them halfway across the country. And girls that are too far away AND flaked on meeting up.

I've gotten some replies on OKC. I had some very short conversations with girls I really wanted to meet. One girl wanted to, and then never replied. The others just didn't ever say anything after some random point. All the other girls just visit my page but never reply. I've gotten some matches on OKC too, but idk. Either they were really fat or there didn't seem like anything substantial to go off of, let alone going through all the effort to meet up and stuff.

Idk, I can't stand all the bad luck, matches that never reply, matches that match but don't want to actually meet, all the effort, and then just the pain of girls I think are cool visiting my page after I send a message but never saying anything back (or they just ghost).

Ugh
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Leanaunfurled posted...

She sounds like one of those annoying girls who wants it, says she doesn't, but all of her actions say otherwise. Basically, headgame bullshit.

Yeah. Even my friends who I've told this to say the same thing, that she just likes games, and ask me "why is it worth it?" and I'm like "I dunno man, I'm just stupid and lonely".

stoltenberg11 posted...

Oh my god tc you missed so many opportunities. I know sometimes they can be harder to spot in real time than in a recap like this, and that you are gonna feel apprehensive about pursuing a girl that someone you know is dating, but sometimes you just gotta say 'fuck it I want her and I'm gonna get her.'

My point is it really doesn't matter what she wants or what those other dudes she's dating/dated want. It only matters what you want, and if she can't give that to you then find someone else who will. You'll be miserable waiting on people to give you things you want for a long time.

But like, I've already proposed the scenario and she said no. I mean, I already inclined to feel like a creep anyway, but pursuing a girl AFTER she's said "no"? That just feels so weird and wrong to me, idk. Maybe that's why I don't get girls.
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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention.

After we discussed us hooking up that one time, she said "it probably wont happen, but you never know"

So like, ugh
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DarkChozoGhost posted...

Oh, nevermind. She's just affectionate towards regular friends. If it's bothering you you're going to have to just minimize hanging out with her. Don't confront her because that's unnecessary drama.

I wonder if she's this affectionate though to this extent that she's been. If I confronted her about it, I don't think I'd add anymore drama than needed or whatever, just like "you cant keep doing this cause it's confusing me".

I do try to minimize my time with her though which is why I only wait for her to contact me and only hang out like once a month.
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DarkChozoGhost posted...

Come on dude, really? She wants to you fuck her, but doesn't want to outright say it. If you make a move it'll happen.

I feel hesitant not only because I'm very anxious of this kinda stuff but also, she sometimes complains that too many guy-friends have tried to take things to the next level with her and she didn't want it, also maybe too much time has passed by, also the random times she's tried to hold my hand or whatever, I've tried to not break it first and continue holding but she wants to break it (but maybe just doing that isn't committal enough of a move).
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Leanaunfurled posted...

Just tell her you're done.

With her acting like that, or with her entirely?

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

How are you getting played exactly?

SSj3BillMurray posted...

Stop thinking with your tiny dong and learn how to have a basic friendship with a person without focusing the relationship on your tiny dong

The answer to both of these is the same. When a girl is clearly acting more than just friends but not quite enough for it to really matter, it's confusing. My guy friends don't fucking snuggle up next to me for a few seconds, or rest their legs on my lap, or rest their knee on my lap when they're sitting cross legged next to me, or run their hands through my hair, or grab my hands when their own hands are cold, or other shit, you kind of lose context of the whole "friend" part of it. ESPECIALLY when she already knows that I'm attracted to her.

It's not like she's just totally acting like 100% friend and I'm going crazy on my own. Even if I would be going crazy on my own, which is likely, at least I'd only have myself to blame for thinking the relationship was more than it was. But when she's doing stuff like that, idk, it seems more than friend. Again, my guy friends, or even my other girl friends, don't do that shit.
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Basically:
-meet girl
-found out she's dating someone I know
-i dont pursue
-she keeps hitting me up to hang out, i agree to
-hang out a BUNCH, do semi-date activities, drink
-i start liking her but i know i cant do anything about it so i dont pursue
-she still asks me to hang and hits me up to talk or whatever, sometimes is flirty, i dont reciprocate
-flies overseas and breaks up with her bf to have a new bf there (despite the fact that he was looking at places for them to move into together)
-flies back, keeps hanging out with me
-bunch of months go by, i ask what could've been between us
-she said she thought about being with me, but cant now because of both of us knowing her ex
-i agree, though i wonder about hooking up
-she says she prob wouldve but prob not anymore cause she didnt want to hurt ex (despite her flying over and screwing him over, but whatever)

After that last point, she's always way more flirty and touchy/feely with me and has even slept over in my bed and shit, despite apparently not wanting to hook up. I should put a stop to it and be like "you can't be like this if we're supposedly just friends". But I can't. I'm so desperate/lonely and liked her so much that I'll really take anything I can get, even if it's just a lie and I get mad at myself later. She's even playing her ex too, like she invited him back into her life despite him having a really hard time getting over her and her STILL having the overseas bf. I think she def likes male attention because she's pretty friendly to most guys in general and has mostly guy friends.

What should I do? Just call it out and put an end to it (or force her to decide something)? Never see her again? I never even hit her up, she's always the one that hits me up. I enjoy her company as a friend, so it's hard to end a friendship.
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