Lurker > Jeff_AKA_Snoopy

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I have myself a third niece now! No name yet, but my baby sister gave birth a couple hours ago.

I have 4 nephews and now 3 nieces.

https://youtu.be/0CGVgAYJyjk?si=eEz1rviCA330RLM4

I think the big difference is when I hear someone "cutting", it's more about looking shredded and it's something that more seasoned weight lifters do, which is a VERY different situation from someone like me who is looking to just generally lose weight?

Like, the topic just says Weight Loss Social, but depending on your situation, weight loss can be a lot of very different processes and we all likely get confused.

I'm very proud of everyone in this topic.

It's nice to have a group who is really supportive of one another to just be healthier in as many aspects as possible.

I did a somewhat rest day yesterday to watch all the Game Awards stuff. I did do a 20 minute upper arm workout with my dumbbells in my place while I watched so it wasn't ENTIRELY rest. No cardio and my weights are only 7 pounds, I normally use 12 pounders at the gym.

Spidey5 posted...

I can't handle all these twists in Dr Stone

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I was 304 on the dot this morning. Given what I ate that is fine by me. Lol

I've been working with a therapist both before and after my wife passed. It is definitely something that has been really helpful and I encourage anyone who can afford it to go to therapy just in general. It is a wonderful opportunity to just talk shit out with someone who isn't really "on a side" and is there to help you figure shit out.

My wife and I had a holiday tradition of watching all the Harry Potter films during December. I'm gonna keep it going and watch it all myself through the month.

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^_^

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This is me just relaxed after my workout. Jesus my shoulders and traps and all that.

I've been overweight since like Grade 9. I've always been cognizant of how I look. I wouldn't say I was overly self conscious but I knew my body type was not conventionally attractive.

The last few months are the first time in my adult life where I feel like, conventionally attractive. I will never be a small man, I have too much muscle and whatnot for that. But I am starting to feel attractive in my body.

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A healthy diet can handle some shit here and there. Especially if you can fast and reset the system.

Had myself a lunch of Dry Ribs and a Poutine. No under 300 tomorrow morning. But I will fast until tomorrow morning, lol.

302 this morning. Likely under 300 by the end of the week if I keep it up.

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Lorenzo_2003 posted...

I remember you and your wife from your original thread. So many emotions in that one.

At the risk of me saying the wrong thing, please take comfort in the time you spent together and thank you for sharing your wifes story with us. RIP.

I always do take comfort in that. I sometimes have to remind myself that she was "dying" for awhile. Just instead of Cancer or something else sorta easily identifiable, it was from something less common.

I had a bad Sunday and was around 308 Monday morning. Had a good workout and a decent day diet wise yesterday and went back to 305.

Shows you how much weight fluctuates.

Definitely continuing with Frieren, but beyond that? I really dunno.

Oooo, I'm up next eh?

I am sure I will be available to make the next topic, no sweat.

I made a free eHarmony account and I didn't realize you can only send one message to someone on a free account. Someone pretty cool sent me a message now I have to decide if I sink money into eHarmony to actually you know... talk to them. XD

Did 1.6 miles with an incline around like... 7-12 or so.

I don't mind the treadmill because I play Marvel Snap as I go. Lol

cjsdowg posted...

Watch out for your joints doing that.

Yeah I did it gradually. I do 3.3 mph and start around 7 incline, moving up every few minutes to around 12?

I started spending more and more time on the treadmill and got bored so now I do it for less time but at a high level of incline so I burn the same calories.

Jeremy517 posted...

Jirard is a director for OHF

Is he? I thought on the filings and whatnot his name doesn't appear. I just saw his dad and brother.

LordFarquad1312 posted...

There's still the issue of the under reported earnings, but at least they've donated what they claimed to have.

And to be fair on that, Jirard doesn't seem to be involved with Open Door on a staff level anyways? His family is, maybe it's just a problem that he trusted his family to run shit and when they didn't it came back on him as the most public member of the family... despite the fact he doesn't seem to be staff for the foundation?

It's mentioned that 200k of it is going to a pilot project they are starting. I wonder if that was a weird hold out for so many years... they wanted a concrete idea of what the money goes to, what programs, etc. Etc.

Doesn't make it right, but I could see some people who don't know exactly WTF they are doing just holding that money around waiting for what they thought was the right plan without realizing that shit is against the law.

Also it is a really good idea to buy even just some small dumbbells for in your own place.

Even when you are feeling unmotivated and don't want to go to the gym and things of that nature, being able to put in 10 minutes of lifting makes a big difference, especially if you then maybe take a 10 minute walk.

In days where you don't feel like you can put in your BEST, give yourself easy quick things to do to maintain.

I do the gym proper 5 days a week, but even in my off days I go for a quick little 15 minute walk and lift my little 6 pound dumbbells for 10 minutes. Lol

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If you put back on 20, perhaps your initial 1200 calorie diet was not something that was maintainable long term? Why not go to like a 1600 calorie diet with your regular lifestyle and see how your body responds?

IMO it is better to have a maintainable consistent diet in compared to going hardcore for awhile and then returning to something else.

December 3rd, 2023

It would have been twelve years today since we decided to date. I find the story kind of sweet and wonderful. We met in university and started chatting and found out we had some things in common. We started to hang out and be friends and Lindsay told me she needed help with her Political Studies class. Good thing my first degree is in poli-sci! I remember telling her with a smile. That is true by the way, my first degree is in something that would never get me a job, but in small part it got me a wife. We agreed to meet up at the library so I could help her with her paper. She said the main floor, which I thought was the first floor but it was actually the second. She was SO mad at me and thought I ditched her when really we were on different floors. We eventually figured out our confusion and I helped her write her paper. After that we went to get some Mexican, our first time really hanging out outside of school.

We made excuses to see each other as often as possible after that. Lindsay told me about some of her allergies, so I made sure to remove all those items from my home so we had someplace to hang out that was safe for her. Working on our class together, watching some TV, grabbing something to eat. I felt the connection instantly. I remember dropping her off back at the dorms one day and telling Lindsay that I think we should date. She told me that she wasnt looking to date anyone; she had been in a serious relationship a few months before and it ended poorly and she was focusing on herself. In my most confident moment in my life, I looked at this beautiful woman who had quickly become one of my best friends and I told her that I understood she wasnt looking for anything serious right now, but I knew we should give it a shot sometime and that I was ready when she was. I thought I was being confident and sexy, I didnt know until much later that it came across as a little... overbearing and creepy? I didnt know at the time that Lindsay had a history of stalkers and whatnot, would have changed my approach had I known that.

A couple months later, December 2nd 2011, Lindsay asked me to take her on a date. We arent dating, but I want to go on a real honest to goodness date, she had told me. I was absolutely giddy with anticipation and excitement. We went to The Keg and it was honestly a disaster. I was nervous and I spilled my glass of water all over the table. Lindsay would hardly look at me all night and it was just very awkward. The food was just OK and we returned to my place and I felt defeated. I thought that this was my chance to really impress and I messed it up SO badly. We watched some TV until late in the night. Lindsay hated the dorms and I offered to let her sleep over. It wasnt the first time Lindsay would have that opportunity as we would often lose track of time and it just made more sense for her to sleep over and we go to class in the morning. I had a spare bedroom that became hers throughout our friendship.

In the morning we got up together and made some breakfast. I let her lie down on the couch and I sat down on the floor, leaning up against the couch. She gently cupped her hand under my chin and lifted my head so we were looking into one-anothers eyes. With a wonderful smile I will never forget for as long as I live she asked me, So... you still want to date me? My heart skipped a beat and that moment felt like it lasted forever. Oh hell yeah, I told her, and we had our first kiss right then. She told me that she felt so awful about how nervous I was and could tell how important that date was to me. She appreciated how hard I tried and explained that the fucking waiter was making googly-eyes to her from behind my back. It made her feel uncomfortable and that was why she was not as engaged at dinner. She said when we got home and just got to spend time together she realized she wanted everyday to be like that... sharing in each others lives.

When we went to bed she was POSITIVE that I would make a move on her that night. Knock on her bedroom door, invite myself in, try to seal the date night off the way other men had tried to seal off a date night with her. She told me that she had kinda hoped that I would because she wanted my warmth and comfort. When I didnt make a move, she came over to my bedroom, to find that I was sleeping peacefully. Despite my obvious intentions for us to date, I had always told her that when she shared my home it would always be a safe place. I told her I would never do anything to make her feel uncomfortable and that the spare bedroom was hers whenever she was over. She told me later that seeing my asleep, respecting what I promised her, she realized I was sincere and honest and true. Despite us having gone on a date, her sleeping over, she knew I was never going to be like every other man she had ever dated before. I would respect her autonomy, respect her right to privacy and safety.

She said that she loved me before that night, but that was the first night she knew for sure that I loved her. My love was not about a physical passion, a conquest to overcome. She told me that was the night where she knew that I wanted to be her partner, not a lover or an owner. She moved in shortly after and we began our beautiful life together as lovers, as best friends... as partners. I remember a few days later as we basked in the glow of our new relationship, I coyly reminded her how I told her I knew we would be a couple. She told me that it came across a little creepy at the time, but then she held me close and thanked me for being so damn sure she was worth it.

Lindsay, you were more than worth it all honey. And I told you moments before you passed away, had I known how everything would play out, Id have done it all again. You were my lover, my best friend, my partner. Thank you for letting me be that for you.

I'm glad you are feeling better regardless.

Don't be discouraged, lifestyle changes have to account for the fact life changes.

Thanks guys!

I am really happy with how my upper body has sculpted out so to speak? Especially post work-out they just look really good. My shoulders and my lats too.

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Felt REALLY good after my workout today so I took this gym selfie. That is 10 years of work, 110 pounds down so far with building muscle. I feel good, I think ESPECIALLY with my upper body I look DAMN good. ^_^

Yeah, I always told Lindsay I wasn't spiritual because I'd never had that experience. I told her when she passed she would have to visit and give me that experience for my mind to change... so maybe she was just doing that. Lol

I would love a second season! I would love it if they just became a couple already. >_>

Glad I jumped on my phone at 3am to write that. I don't normally remember my dreams all that much so that was cool to have.

Yeah, all I remember this morning is she would never look at me but I knew it was her. She came into the home (not the home we shared, it was a new place I guess I moved into?) and acted as if nothing had happened. It's almost like I had forgotten that she died too? At some point like a jolt of lightning I was like, "Wait... you died. I was given your ashes". She didn't look at me and asked, "Are you sure you're OK? Is this OK?" and I said that I was fine that she came to see me but like, I had her ashes.

That was when she turned to me and she looked like her younger, healthier self and said, "No you're right, that is strange and this is... wrong" and then I woke up.

Again Lindsay was very spiritual and she said that when lost friends and family (and pets) came to her in her dreams she was convinced they were coming to check in with her and make sure she was doing alright. I'm not a spiritual person but I'm open to the idea that we don't perceive all spectrums of energy and whatnot. It's maybe not coincidental this happens after I had a minor surgery (had a cyst removed from my scalp) so yeah, maybe she came in to check how I was doing.

It was lovely to see you again Lindsay and I promise you I'm doing alright. =D

Just had my first dream where Lindsay was still alive... and she like, came back to life? Like, it was months later and she just kinda showed up. In the Dream she had been dead for months. The dream ended when I mentioned to her that I received her ashes.

She turned to me and said, "Are you sure you're OK?" and when I replied I was and I was just really confused why I would have her ashes, she said, "No you're right, that is strange and something is wrong..." and then I woke up.

When she was alive Lindsay would tell me that when she dreamed of people in her life who passed away they were just popping by to make sure you are OK. I'm not a spiritual person but if that is the case, glad you came by Lindsay. I'm doing alright.

bsp77 posted...

Yeah, I think you have you mention it. Just like I had to admit I was a recently divorced dad when dating in 2017 and 2018. I just didn't fixate on it or hardly talk about my ex.

The challenge you will have is that women will probably be curious and want to hear you talk about it a lot, which could then also push them away. You will probably have a tough line to straddle there.

I have no issues talking about it. Obviously there will always be a great deal of love I have for Lindsay and what she means to me moving forward but like... you never have to compete with someone who is dead. I'm excited to know who she is, explore what life with her in it is like, etc.

Saw my physio this morning and she is super happy with my progress. She said the fact I've went from 335 back in August to 305 this morning with the muscle growth I've had is phenomenal.

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This was me 10 years ago around my heaviest. Like... I'm a completely different person now.

MatzoTov posted...

I am curious -- when it comes to new prospective partners, how would you handle the conversation about Lindsay? Is it something you plan on bringing up on a first date (just to get it out in the open), or hold inside for a little bit to avoid scaring anyone off?

I will be open about it. I know it could be potentially intimidating or whatever, but it is a core element to who I am and any prospective partner deserves to know that right away.

November 28, 2023

Ive hemmed and hawed about whether or not to write about this given that I have also been thinking about potentially publishing this journal. I think it could be something helpful for people to read who are in a similar position or know that they will be. You can rationalize how you should feel, you can know that you will feel certain ways, but its different to read someone going through the process of grief and healing.

I find myself attracted to someone else for the first time since my wife passed. By that I mean more than just a physical attraction. I tend to think anyone who is in a romantic relationship saying theyve never noted the physical beauty of someone else is just kidding themselves. Lots of beautiful people out there and its OK to notice that in a committed relationship. Anyways, its really exciting to feel this way about someone else and really throws you for a loop as someone who is grieving the loss of a partner.

There are still voices in your head that try to tell you that you need to grieve longer. You are insulting the memory of your wife if you find yourself excited at the prospect of a new romantic partner and relationship. Whether that comes from pop culture convention, or this notion of the soulmate, or who knows what, the reality is we are often inundated with this concept of a perfect love that lasts your entire life and that it is appropriate to grieve a lost love for the rest of your life, if not downright shown to us. This flies in the face of the fact that both Lindsay and I loved people before we ever met and the desire she had for me to love someone after she passed away.

The truth is it IS exciting. It is exciting to get to know someone better, to WANT to spend time with them, to explore the prospect of sharing more in one-anothers life. Beyond whether or not a new relationship even happens and all that, then the weirdest questions come into my mind. I currently have pictures of myself and Lindsay still up around my home. Would a new potential romantic partner appreciate why I have those up? Is that a sign that I shouldnt be exploring new relationships yet? Should I keep them up to see their reaction and that be a major element of who this new potential romantic partner is? Is that fair?

Then there is the simple fact that whoever I invite into my world next in this way will know that my previous relationship ended not due to some incompatibility, infidelity, or my wanting something different. It ended because she passed away and realistically were that not the case... she would not be in the position to be in my world in that way. What kind of pressure does that put on someone? Is it fair for me to ask someone so quickly to enter my world and potentially be the next love of my life?

Its one thing to be compared to previous failed relationships. Your partner tells you all the ways in which a previous relationship failed, what it is that they were looking for and how they found that in you and not a previous romantic partner. It gives you some assurance that you werent just the best of what was left, you know? Im concerned that people who know me know how much I loved my wife, how important she was to me and the lengths I took to take care of her for YEARS; that might be too much pressure. To fear being constantly compared, to need the constant reassurance that it isnt a contest, it isnt a question of how they compare to one another or not. I know it, I know I dont look to this mystery woman (youll know who you are if I ever do publish this, mystery person) to BE Lindsay-lite or anything like that. I genuinely connect with who they are and Im excited at the prospect of getting to know them better, anticipate the nervous energy of a first date, a first kiss.

Im ready for it, I just dont know if people will truly believe Im ready for it. That they will accept that as a widow, Lindsay will ALWAYS be a part of me. Its never going to be a competition, a comparison. I am the person I am today BECAUSE of Lindsay, not in spite of her. And I hope the right woman, whether it is this mystery lady or not, understands that and appreciates that.

I'm kicking up my treadmill game a notch. I go for a bit less time but I put that incline up to a 10-12% the entire time.

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GeneralKenobi85 posted...

I just saw a clip of Pablo Sandoval hitting a 3 home run homer, but it was doubled to 6 runs because it was a golden baseball. Some real wacky shit going on in that league.

Yeah, it is definitely strange. I mean, I'm fine with it. It's silly and stupid and means literally nothing, but whatever they are having fun.

Nintendo_Porn posted...

Came close to succumbing to bitterness after Joanne passed last april - my first love at 30. Stuff like that can break a man, and make them shut down, but instead we came out stronger carrying what those two gave us. That's worthy of praise imho. Can't lie it made me...feel strange at first.

Absolutely. If I put myself in someone else's shoes and saw a friend going through what I'm doing, of course I would be proud of them. There would never be a single doubt. So why should it be different when it's myself? I am very proud of myself and how I've handled everything.

I went to a party last night. Had like 7-8 drinks and then pizza at midnight, plus a crap ton of water when I got home. I'm feeling alright after, which at nearly 40 is a nice thing to say. I did dance a shit ton so maybe I didn't absolutely destroy my progress. Let's check!

Has me at 305 this morning. Not terrible, I'm sure I will take that excess off shortly

SweetNut_Farm posted...

What's a "DD" car?

So do you still have a thing for her? Think I missed something.

Just because she said a little while ago she didn't want to date someone she works with doesn't mean I'm just gonna stop caring. We are pretty close and we care a lot about each other.

Realistically I think she would date me if we didn't work together, but I am not gonna quit a job I love because maybe she would date me. I'm not that guy, never will be.

Went to a party tonight with my colleagues and the one I kinda have a thing for went way too hard. I had to babysit her and help her to the DD car when they left.

Got word that she is sleeping over at a friend's house. I'm really glad she is OK.

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Jabodie posted...

These posts have been making me look at my shared space in a different way. I don't really have much to say in response OP. Your posts touch on what I know are some of my deepest fears, but the focus on the good memories and the transition from a shared life is also hopeful.

Like I said, I don't have much to contribute, but these topics are valuable to me.

I'm glad that the topic is valuable to more people than just myself, lol. Right now the biggest thing I'm learning is that grief takes MANY different forms and that it is important to be easy on yourself.

I've been fortunate in the fact I did a lot of work to be in a place where my grief doesn't usually take on a destructive element. I work through a lot of it in my time at the gym for example. Music has been a tremendous outlet, as well as my Journaling.

On occasion I do read back my old entries and am quite proud of where I am now. I speak with my employees and colleagues about what happened. The week before my wife passed I made an e-mail to send right after it happened to let everyone in the organization know. I've worked there for 4 and a half years now and I never took more than a few days off. Being gone seemingly out of nowhere for 2 weeks would have been concerning, and some people already knew. I wanted to control the narrative.

So now people I don't see often will ask me about it and I can laugh about it and joke, and be serious and provide some insight.

It's hard for me to accept praise for "how I'm doing" at times. I know that runs counter to what I just said, but it is strange to me when people tell me how proud they are of how open I have been, how inspirational I am, all that. I'm not sure why that bothers me. It doesn't make me mad or anything it's just kinda... I dunno, just different I guess.

It's so weird when your partner passes away and there are certain things that will just be a thing that is "theirs" or "ours" in your eyes and not a solo thing.

Tears of the Kingdom is the last video game she ever played and beat. She was a huge Zelda fan. I even have her boxed copy of Link to the Past on my collectibles shelf. When we first started to chat and I told her I worked at a videogame store, she told me she loved video games. When I asked her what games she loved, she immediately started talking about Link to the Past. My eyes must have turned to hearts right there. Beautiful charming woman who loved LEGIT great games? HELL YEAH. I honestly don't know if I will ever play TOTK because like... it was hers. I bought it for her specifically so she could beat Zelda before she used MAID. I'm sure I would like it but... that wasn't why I got it.

Overcooked was a series we played together. I've never played it solo and while I would LOVE for them to make a third game, I'm not sure I would ever be able to play it alone because it was our thing. I have so many vivid memories of completing those games together. We would just howl and scream at one another as we played because we had to 3-star all of it and she was amazing at calling out orders and stuff but wasn't the best with the controller, while I was awesome at the controls but not great at how complex everything got. We matched really well. It was OUR game, a game that we played and replayed and really just loved.

She loved Red Dead Redemption and RDR 2. I've yet to play RDR2 it because like... it was her game. I watched her play it. I bought it FOR her.

I dunno, maybe in the future I will crack into those when it feels right to. Maybe I never will. Just strange things that stick in your mind as you go through all this.