Lurker > Paratroopa1

57. Royal Raceway

Just a solid glow-up of a solid MK64 track, there isn't too much to say about it - I love how they really went with the spring, cherry blossom atmosphere here, and I also love that it has the classic MK64 circuit theme, which is, TO ME, the most iconic song in the Mario Kart franchise. This is one of the few tracks where the long glider section feels iconic and not like a pointless burden. But I have to dock some points for closing off Peach's castle and not letting us drive around it. Sorry, those are the rules!

58. Mario Circuit (DS)

It's kind of a perfect, like, "basic Mario circuit" course, because it's really amazing how much just having a couple of fun little Mario elements elevates it. Standard race course? Whatever. Standard race course where you have to drive around Goombas and Piranha Plants and a Wiggler on the third lap? Now we're talking! These little things take what would be a pretty simple course and make it something that feels Mario-themed and consistently fun. I don't even remember this one from MKDS for some reason, so I don't have a ton of nostalgia for it, so it doesn't really get as much of a nostalgia boost as it probably should.

59. Riverside Park

This was where I had the most trouble finding the next track to eliminate so I guess this is where my B tier really starts; every track from here on out is one I just really like, though I may still have a few complaints here and there. Riverside Park is probably the least of these just because it's a fairly short and simple track, but I think they did a great job with the visual look, I really love the horns section in the music, and I fuckin' love Ptooies, man. I love watching them waddle around on their tiny little plant legs. They're hilarious. I love them. They're like the cows of this level but better somehow.

60. Koopa Cape

Have I mentioned that I just really don't like Mario Kart Wii's soundtrack? I mean, aside from Coconut Mall and Toad's Factory. Everything else is just kind of obnoxious and Koopa Cape is maybe the worst offender imo - this music track is annoying as hell. Track's good otherwise. I like the water slide section. I like that it's Koopa themed! It's a solid mid tier course, I don't really have a lot else to say about it, it's there.

61. Mount Wario

Mount Wario's another tough one for me. On the one hand, the theming of this course is hilarious, and runs circles around something like Wario's Gold Mine; it's hilarious that we have this overexploited mountain environment where Wario has built a dam and cut down all the trees and then built a fancy ski resort on, and I love how each segment of the race takes you through these different areas. Top 10 course on that front. But I just never actually have fun racing it, is the problem. First of all, hitting the trees on lap 2 is just extremely punishing; you can lose all of your speed and just be totally fucked from just the smallest wrong move. Second, I'm never able to pass anyone in lap 3. The slalom segment down the mountain is really kind of boring and just doesn't offer a lot of opportunity to really outdrive people, just hope you get some good items so you can race down it a little faster. I like the first half of this course, but the second half just always makes me annoyed.

I like when the cows

62. Hyrule Circuit

I wish it was more. Link being in the game, and getting a Zelda-themed track, is insanely cool. It's got the music, which is perfect, and yeah, that little switch puzzle that leads to a shortcut is a really clever way to incorporate Zelda ideas into a Mario Kart track. It's also the track's ONLY clever idea. The problem with a Zelda-themed track is that there is no standard "Zelda" look, and they don't pick one here, so the result is kind of a bland sameyness that doesn't really look like Zelda to me at all. It'd help if there were even a single Octorok or Moblin or ANYTHING here, but all we get are Deku Babas and Keese because those were easy enough to copy and paste from Piranha Plants and Swoopers. Massively disappointing. There are other crossover tracks in this game that do a far, far better job of paying homage to the games they're from - hell, Excitebike Arena is one of them. I only gave this track as much leeway as I did because the switch puzzle IS super awesome, and hearing the Zelda theme IS great. But it should have been more. This had potential to be a top 10 but instead it's just kind of an okay track that I'm not really that excited to see.

63. Bangkok Rush

Here's another Tour track that suffers from having a couple of really cool segments but then being kind of uninspired the rest of it. That boat section at the start? Super cool! The part where you bounce off the multicolored roofs near the end? I like it! Cool vibe to the city overall, it's like Sydney Sprint in that it feels like there's a lot of background detail and obscured stuff that makes the city seem "full." But there's almost nothing to say at all about lap 2 - it's just driving on a road and there are almost no features except for a short part with some boosts and crabs. It's just forgettable. Maybe I'm being too harsh on Tour tracks - a lot of courses are "just driving", and you wouldn't really want a track to be nonstop gimmicks anyway, but I just can't even remember half of Bangkok Rush and that hurts.

64. Excitebike Arena

This is another one of those where if you ranked it 96th, I mean, I get it - it's basically a big oval where you just drive in a straight line most of the time. But it's Excitebike! I love Excitebike! And I fucking love tricking off ramps! I don't even care if it barely constitutes normal racing. Driving up the ramps (which are semi-randomized, which is cool) and then tricking off of them, regardless of whether or not it's even faster, rules, and I like doing it and it makes me happy.

65. Moo Moo Meadows

I like Moo Moo Meadows. I like when the cows.

66. Sky Garden

Sky Garden is a track I really really like in Super Circuit, I love the theming and the music and obviously all the Paratroopas, and here it's uh... it's fine? It's still a good track, but something about the grandness of it got lost in translation for me. It just feels shorter than I remember, I don't know. I mean, I know none of the GBA tracks are particularly long to begin with, but still. It just feels over too quickly. I do still really like the scenery and all the Paratroopas of course and it's a fun track to race, but there is another track that has a really similar theme and does it better so this one is kind of stuck in mediocrity.

67. Berlin Byways

All I ask of any Tour track is that it gives me a couple of familiar landmarks and uses them in a funny way. Well, also that the track is generally good and driveable. Berlin Byways gives me all of that! The section of the Berlin Wall where Whomps can fall out of it and crush you is hilarious and I wish you got to drive by it more than once, as well as the Thwomps waiting to crush you when you drive through the Brandenburg Gate. See, this is the kind of cheese I'm looking for in Tour courses. This is a driving-through-traffic course, which is nice too. It's still got a little bit of that Tour course sameyness to it that makes it harder to rank higher. Points for the music being hilarious - I don't know what I expected from it, but Beethoven meets Eurovision wasn't it.

68. Mario Circuit (GBA)

Short but sweet. Part of the reason I like it is just the GBA nostalgia, this is the only track that gets that game's basic circuit theme and it's kinda burned into my brain. I like the GBA aesthetics too. One thing I like about this track is that it prominently raises the antigrav section up so that you can actually see it going up into the air before you drive on it - I feel like a lot of antigrav sections in the game aren't really that obvious, they just kinda happen and you don't realize you're driving upside down or on the walls, but it's obvious here, and even though it's for a simple part of the track I still like it. I like the little pit stop lane at the finish line that has an item box, too.

Okay one more hot take before bed

69. Baby Park

Baby Park is less of a course and more of a fundamental element of Mario Kart. It's a deconstruction of the idea of a normal Mario Kart racetrack and it's kind of inherently perfect, in that regard; this is the only track like this in the game, and for that reason, it's good. The positives to this particular version: making it anti-grav is funny because it means bumping into people just makes you go even faster, and being able to have 12 people in a single race is great. The downsides; first of all, they fucked up the music. They make it go too fast and transition abruptly on laps; you could argue that this is hilarious and makes Baby Park feel even more manic but I think is just sounds awkward. The other problem I have is that, without the pure item chaos of Double Dash, Baby Park just doesn't function as well. Baby Park is perfect in DD because you've got giant bananas and Bowser shells and Yoshi eggs flying all over the place just absolutely dicking everyone over with no survivors; it's just not quite the same without all of those chaos items. Sure you have Bob-ombs and Bullet Bills here and that helps a bit, but it's just not quite the same. It's never quite the same as it was in DD. So like, I think this track is important, I think it serves an important role in the game, but I find that most races on it are actually surprisingly placid. There are more chaotic tracks in the game, frankly. Baby Park is just a bit overrated.

I did not finish this before Mario Kart World came out, RIP

70. Wario's Gold Mine

It's a minecart level! That's cool. It's a pretty solid track but I do think it's overrated? Again, maybe it's just because I don't have attachment to Wii tracks, I don't know. Wario's Gold Mine is pretty fun to drive on but I just found myself wishing it did a little bit more - I dunno if you use to collide with the minecarts in the original but making that section antigrav so you just slip by them kind of removes any interesting element of there actually being, like, minecarts. I dunno, I wanna dodge minecarts and stuff, I think it'd be more fun. Also I really do just find the music in this level annoying; MKWii never had my favorite songs in general but this one just doesn't scream Wario to me at all. I do really like the big sign where he's pointing down though, that's funny.

It's completely baffling to me that NYC is incapable of electing a mayor that isn't turbo-dogshit

This isn't NYC specific, a lot of other cities have this problem, but, you know, NYC is kinda the only other city where I have to care about the mayoral race for some reason

I'm gonna be so pissed if Cuomo beats Mamdani, absolutely fucking ridiculous

71. Donut Plains 3

I'm kind of a big fan of the really retro looks, and I'll probably say that a few times more in these writeups - I like the colored blocks and the classic Mario things like the SMW fort here. There's some stuff to like here - I like the broken bridges that lead to optional underwater segments and I like the Monty Moles because tricking off of stuff is always fun. Surprisingly, I haven't talked a lot about that - I LOVE tricking off of stuff, it has such a good game feel to it, and one of the things a lot of the tracks I've talked about so far share in common is that they're not dense with interesting trick opportunities. The thing I don't like about this track so much is the washed out colors; I prefer the less 'realistic' and more colorful look that they used for retro tracks in the Booster Course tracks. The visual look of this one is stuck in a kind of weird in-between where it's colorful but also washed out.

72. Ninja Hideaway

This is a WEIRD one. It's full of detail and chock full of so many interesting track design choices and gimmicks - all of which kind of feel like they punish me for trying to use them. Every time I like, try to fly up to a rooftop it just feels like I end up wasting time. Or going up to the ceiling area instead of down on the floor and taking that cool little escape hatch exit from the crushing ceiling. Just never feels worth it! Besides that, this is another one of those courses where I have a tough time reading where I'm supposed to go in general, and something about the track feel of this one is just odd - for some reason, driving on the roofs outside just has a weird 'feel' to it that I don't like. Everything about this track is just kind of crunchy in a bad way. I don't know why it doesn't work - it's such a creative track with so many cool little choices in it.

73. New York Minute

A+ name, C+ theming. Yeah, I like the look of Times Square and all the lit up billboards, and there's some fun details to spot here and there. A Donkey Kong musical? Hell yeah. And Central Park is nice. And then... more Times Square... more Central Park... more Times Square... more Central Park. Where's the juice? Where is the big Statue of Liberty with a Yoshi face? Where's the Mouser trying to carry a big slice of pizza on the subway? Where's the Twin Towers? Oh, god, is 9/11 canon in the Mario universe? Or did they just never build them in this version of New York? Where can I find a parking garage that's this roomy in downtown Manhattan? I have questions!

Duck

74. Shroom Ridge

I feel like I'm saying this a LOT, but Shroom Ridge is just another victim of the fact that I like every other track in the game more than this one for some reason or another. This track's solid, don't get me wrong. I like all the 'driving through traffic' courses and this one is smooth and doesn't have anything about it I don't like. It's straightforward and good. I just find the visual look of the course a little bit bland. I like the idea of a cliffside highway, it reminds me of a lot of places I've taken roadtrips to in the PNW; I wish this one gave me more of a sense of wonder but it kinda makes me feel nothing. There's nothing to really see.

75. Sherbet Land

Honest to god, I'm really MK64-brained, so I basically never remember that there's a Sherbet Land in DD even though I played a ton of DD, and I never remember that that track that I don't remember is also in MK8. But then when I play it I'm like, this track's good, actually? Again, maybe it's just the oversaturation of winter-themed tracks that makes me forget this one exists. But I do like driving over the broken ice sheets where you can optionally go underwater and take some boosts. And I like the fireworks that are going off in the background a lot; the scenery in this track is a lot prettier and more festive than it seems like it's going to be. It's a solid track that is only hindered by its inability to stand out from the crowd. Also I just realized I had a bunch of snow-themed tracks in a big group there. I guess that's intentional.

76. Sydney Sprint

The Sydney tourism board should write a big thank-you to the makers of Mario Kart, because this track makes Sydney seem like so much fun - it's just bursting with energy all over the place, like a big theme park. Previous city courses on this list have just sort of had a problem where they feel kind of plastic, especially Los Angeles, but this is the first one that I think actually feels like driving through a real city - you can see stuff off in the distance, you can see stuff that's obscured by other stuff, it feels like it has actual depth to it, it's not just a potemkin village of cardboard cutouts made to look like a city. Why do I not have it ranked higher? Put simply, the track itself is just really nondescript. I can't remember much about it aside from the bridge where you can do tricks off the ramps. Again, the competition here is fierce, this is a good track but it's gotta have something a little more for me. (Also the music's kinda overrated, sorry - it's good but it's MK8, so there's better.)

77. Snow Land

It's Snow Land, a remake of the worst track in Mario Kart history! Oh my god, why the fuck did it shake like that, why does it make me feel like I'm going to have a seizure whenever I raced on it? Well good news, it's not like that anymore, and also it generally doesn't resemble the track it's based on at all, which is totally fine! It looks beautiful and it has penguins and that's great. The game already feels oversaturated with snow/winter themed levels and this one kinda fails to stand out, just being called Snow Land. I mean, it does look pretty and it has the penguins, yes. And I do like the 'old' Mario Kart look in general with all the colorful blocks and stuff. It's just... you know. There's competition at this point. I generally pretty much like the tracks from here on out and this is more forgettable than everything higher on the list. But it's not a bad time.

78. DK Summit

Sorry, sorry. I know a lot of these beloved Wii tracks are dropping early and I know this one's going to be controversial. I know it's going to come off like a huge skill issue, but I just suck ass at this one. I keep plowing into snow piles and I don't find slaloming around on the half-pipe fun or intuitive at all. Something about this whole track just doesn't work for me, despite the fact that it ought to, because the concept is great. As far as Donkey Kong tracks where you get shot to the top of a mountain and drive down it go, this one is not my favorite.

Naye745 posted...

knowing that mk world was being developed at the same time as tour and the booster course pass makes sky high sundae make a lot more sense to me. this was kind of like a placeholder version of a track better suited and more fitting for mk world physics!

Oh yeah, this is a really good point. It does seem like it's meant for MKW.

79. Sky-High Sundae

Does this track suck? Yes! Is it basically just an oval with a couple of really simple low gravity jumps over some obstacles? Yup! Does it have really anything going for it at all from a racing perspective? Not a thing! Do I like jumping on the big ice creams? I LIKE JUMPING ON THE BIG ICE CREAMS. This course is just so vibrant and colorful to look at and unlike Sweet Sweet Canyon I do actually want to eat the race course. I very much want to eat it. I pick it for the aesthetics alone. I wish it was a real track that they actually remembered to design. I'll still occasionally pick it over the more generic looking tracks because it just kinda makes my brain do that.

80. Cheep Cheep Beach

Cheep Cheep Beach is a perfectly competent and fun track that has no real problems but loses a little bit of its luster when you realize you can just kind of drive through the water instead of having to stay on the narrow sand bars through the beach portion of it. But much like Los Angeles Laps, I like driving on the pier and I like the beach atmosphere. Perfectly decent track, there's just 79 others that are better for one reason or another. It would be hard for me to find many more things to say about it. I'd much rather have GCN Peach Beach here and its Cataquacks, but alas.

Hbthebattle posted...

every track that drops before mario circuit 3 hurts my soul

Uh, well, settle in for some soul hurting I guess

81. Athens Dash

This is another one of those Tour tracks that I think would be pretty good, except I always, ALWAYS find myself having problems figuring out where to turn when I play it. I just cannot predict where I'm supposed to drive next and the resulting friction just makes me kind of not want to play it. Which is too bad, because in theory I think this track is actually perfectly fine, and the theming with all its ancient Greek ruins is fantastic, so there's plenty of stuff going for it here, and it's just totally a personal hang-up with my ability to actually read the track itself. It doesn't throw me quite as badly as Paris Promenade so I will still pick this one sometimes, but it's not a smooth ride.

The length of RR64 is really my only problem with it at all to be honest, and if it were longer it'd rank a lot higher - but racing it is just consistently a jarring experience and I don't have any fun because it's over so quickly.

82. Rock Rock Mountain

This is a track that really surprised me with how low I ended up having it, but I just didn't see a reason to place it higher. It's another track where the conception in my head of how fun it will be doesn't really match the reality of actually playing it. Yeah, it's got that one uphill section where you're boosting past falling boulders and that's awesome, but the rest of it? There's not actually that much going on. The flying section is what really kills this track for me - it's one of the longest flying sections in the game and I don't know why it's there. You're flying over a huge part of the track that looks like it would be more fun to just drive through, but there's no reason to not just fly over and skip all of it unless you got really unfortunately Lightninged or something. I'm generally not a big fan of long flying sections in this game unless they have some gimmick or a clear thematic purpose, since flying in this game is just usually not very fun, and this is a track that does not need it at all. By no means a bad track, but this part of the list is filled with tracks that make me go "oh, do I really rank this one that low? Yeah, I guess I do".

83. Yoshi Valley

Yoshi Valley has kind of always been a track that doesn't really work, and it still doesn't. There are so many ways to go! But realistically, there's only one or two routes that are actually worth taking, and one way or another most people just kind of settle into a route they're most used to. Even with 12 people, the track doesn't really feel particularly hectic or chaotic enough - the seperate routes spread people out enough that they have less fighting over space and the track isn't (or doesn't feel) as narrow as it was in N64 anyway. So the whole maze-like features of the course feel like they're kinda without purpose. But it's a nostalgic track with a still-entirely unique concept, and I like the big egg. The big egg counts for a lot, for me. I like the big egg.

Liminality
Air Ride - Sky Sands
Parallel Damacy

Liminality is good and goes too long, like any good long version of a rhythm game track 7.5/10

Another Winter is a track that somehow comes across as incredibly dated; a relic of the faux retro style of the late 00's/early 10's. It feels older than the stuff that it's trying to be a throwback to. It's not really that terrible but I sour on it more with time 5/10

I'd like to be nice to Now You're a Hero because it's just a silly song and it's just trying to be a funny little joke, but MAN the first half of this song sounds like shit. Sorry 2/10

Sky Sands is a surprisingly disappointing track; Kirby's my second-favorite gaming franchise for music so it's rare that I run into something I'd give less than an 8 but this isn't even close. There's just no real hook here, it's aimless and boring. 4/10

I don't why I dislike Another World, but I do. It shouldn't be dislikeable at all but there's something that just kind of gets on my nerves about it. I wish I could explain it 4/10

Parallel Damacy is great, and as usual Katamari soundtracks are a nice balm against the more generic forms of Japanese pop that kinda clog up the bracket. This track's fucking weird and has a really unique character and I like it quite a bit 8/10

84. Los Angeles Laps

Weird. There's something that's just kind of uncanny about this one and I can't put my finger on it. I like the start with the Santa Monica pier and the beach and tricking off these kind of skate park-ish elements, but then after that I can't really remember any part of the track - it just blurs together. Somehow the city feels more fake and sterile than Los Angeles even is in real life. The energy of this track is wrong. The music sucks - it should have like, a Beach Boys surf rock kind of vibe, or maybe something ska inspired, instead of whatever this is. And the third lap takes you through... the um, the Inglewood Oil Field? Really? I do actually think this part's fun to race through, so points for that, but it's a weird and ugly take on LA. I do really like flying through the baseball park and I like all the palm trees and shopping mall vibes but I feel like they could have done more with LA. Where's all the traffic! There should be part of this course that takes you through I-5 where it's just jammed with traffic and you have to swerve through - or drive over - a bunch of parked cars.

85. Water Park

Uhh it could be easily argued that this track should be ten spots lower and I'm giving it way too long a leash here even putting it up in the high 80's. The track is pretty dull and doesn't offer much and it doesn't do as much with its theme as it could and it has a flying section where all you can do is ram into a big ferris wheel for some reason. But I still like the theming of it and I think it's fun and chill to drive around on despite being one of the most basic and featureless courses in the game. I DO wish it did more with the theming; hell, there's multiple tracks in this game that do the concept of a water slide pretty well and this ISN'T one of them, somehow. Ah well - I still like the look of this track overall and I think it serves well enough as the second track of the game.

86. Toad Circuit

It's Toad Circuit! Uhh... yep, it's Toad Circuit. I know it's more boring than some of the other tracks I ranked lower but one opinion I hold here is that the really basic courses DO have their place, when that's all they're trying to be - this is probably the most basic ass 'just a race course' track but like, I kinda like it, I dunno. It's compact so there's a lot of interactions with other drivers. I like the mushroom shortcut through the pipes. I like the big Toad balloons. I like that you can fly over the bridge if you want to. Hey, it's still longer than freaking Rainbow Road 64 over here.

Dedf1sh posted...

Wait but I thought we were in the Mario Kart 8 topic.

This time I am not the one with the minority opinion here

87. Amsterdam Drift

We're past the bottom tier stuff as far as Tour tracks goes. Amsterdam Drift is a step up from the ones I had at the bottom; I like the look of it and racing on it isn't frustrating. The architecture's cute, I like racing through the pasture with the windmills, and I really like the section with all the tulips and Piranha Plants at the end; I think it's a great segment to end the track on. But I don't really get why literally half of this track is underwater? It's really bland when it's underwater and totally loses the feel of the theming. I feel like it's only underwater because Mario Kart Tour wanted to have at least one track go underwater a bunch, but it doesn't really have any great ideas when it's down there. The rest of the track is fine but mostly forgettable.

Admittedly that one stupid turn that I always try to take wrong in Daisy Circuit does a lot to damage it for me, I'm just kinda stupid

88. Sunset Wilds

When I said Mario Kart Wii is the ONLY MK game I haven't played exhaustively, I meant it; I played a ton of Super Circuit and I DO have nostalgia for the most 'forgotten' entry in the series, so I'm happy that the game has quite a few Super Circuit tracks. Sunset Wilds is the weakest of them. It's just too flat and uninspired and it lacks the sunset that happens as you're racing! That was the whole point of Sunset Wilds! (It is probably good that they took out the kind of racist Shy Guys though.) There's boosts and a few cool dinosaurs tracks and stuff but I really feel like the track needs more elevation or something because it feels like it's missing a few things. I don't hate it though - from here on out pretty much every tracks is basically worth picking to me.

_Keeby posted...

It boggles my mind that you would put a track from Mario Kart Wii (arguably one of the greatest Mario Kart games ever released) that low on the list. I think Daisy Circuit is awesome.

Well...

89. Mushroom Gorge

This is probably a wildly controversial drop but I don't know. I grant that it's a pretty iconic course - it's one of the ones I remember best from Mario Kart Wii, the MK game I've strangely played the least. Didn't really like the Wii, was kind of jaded about console games for a while, so I've exhaustively played every Mario Kart game EXCEPT Wii so they're the only tracks that don't carry some degree of nostalgia for me. Mushroom Gorge has a fun theme and kinda feels fun, at first, but then I thought about it and realized that there wasn't really a lot going on. You're just bouncing on mushrooms and it's... actually not that sastisfying, in my opinion? I don't feel like I have a lot of control in the bouncy section and I don't feel like I'm really able to gain much of an advantage in it. I'm sure someone much better than me can, but it's my ranking, and I'm always left feeling like Mushroom Gorge is just kind of a little boring and dissatisfying and it doesn't live up to the expectation in my head of how fun it'll actually be.

90. Rainbow Road (N64)

THIS IS NOT MY N64 RAINBOW ROAD. The one I remember is huge, empty, and takes way too fucking long to race, and that's how it should be! I admit that the idea of a 6-minute long marathon course like the original sounded like a way better idea as a kid than it does now, but the whole idea of the track feeling so big and epic was kind of the point and it's... totally lost here. The track looks great, the music sounds great, but it's over so comedically fast that it leaves you wondering what the point was. You don't even get a full loop of the music! It has to be the shortest track in the game, right? You can't get into the atmosphere at all because it's so brutally short. I'd like to just enjoy it while it lasts, but it just kind of ends up pissing me off. This could have been 3 laps and while it would be long if it was, I'd like it a lot more.

91. Dry Dry Desert

It's possible to make desert tracks in MK that are fun and cool and have stuff in them! There's at least two in this game, maybe more! This one is uh... yeah it really is just a vast expanse of sand, huh? Alright. I'd probably rank this one even lower if not for the fact that you can do mushroom boosts on the sand and jumping off the holes in the oasis is fun. The irony is not lost on me that the most fun part of Dry Dry Desert is, uh, the water section. I guess it also has a big pit. That's fun! Love to drive around a big pit. Yeah, I don't know, it's one of the most forgettable tracks in the game. If it were gone I probably wouldn't even notice.

92. Sweet Sweet Canyon

The water looks like piss. I'm sorry, someone has to say it. I don't know what it's supposed to be. Honey? Apple cider? Beats the absolute shit out of me. I can't stop thinking that it's piss and I'm driving through piss and this intrusive thought won't leave my brain and it makes the theming of this track the worst in the game. The rest of the track doesn't look that great either - it should be more colorful and appetizing but the more 'realistic' look they went for in the original MK8 tracks kind of betrays the concept. The track itself is fine to drive on, so I don't consider it the worst, but the theming is just such a failure.

93. Paris Promenade

Unlike the previous two Tour tracks I ranked, I don't think this one is a failure of theming. This satisfies my desires for a Paris-themed track. You get to drive under a big Eiffel Tower! Yay! As far as track design goes this one's not terrible - the reason I have it ranked so low is because out of all the tracks in the game, this is the one where I get the most confused by turns. I feel like I need to have the track memorized because I never know which way I'm supposed to turn and I always get confused. That just makes it the most frustrating track to drive on, and the payoff for it is weak. I think it's fun that it sends you backwards for the third lap, but it doesn't really change the course that much and there's another course that does the gimmick better.

Frankly Outer Wilds has enough of these that it might classify as a horror game

94. London Loop

If not for the red phonebooths, I would barely know this is London. This is just another really bland Tour course that feels mostly like it's driving on a road without any notable features; there's a couple of busses and a chain chomp that gets loose at some point, but that's mostly it. At least let us like, drive up Big Ben or something, I don't know! A complaint I have with a lot of Tour courses is that the path through the course is overly complicated but the race is still very simple, and a lot of times I just don't feel like it's clear which way I'm supposed to turn and I get thrown off visually. It's not a huge problem, but it's enough of a problem that racing this track doesn't feel worth it; there's no payoff for the apparent complexity. I like the British rock style music here but this is a pretty disappointing take on London.

95. Daisy Circuit

This seems like the right time to complain about the travesty that this is the closest thing there is to a Luigi track in the game. 96 tracks, and not a single one of them is Luigi themed. Disgusting, really. Nothing against Daisy, but she's got two tracks in this game and the other one's way better. Daisy Circuit has nice lighting but that's about all. I hate the 8-shaped part of the track; I always feel like I'm supposed to turn in a circle and end up accidentally going the wrong way instead of turning where I'm supposed to. The track doesn't really have a lot of interesting features; there's a part where you can drive along a little elevated part of track at the starting line and it's just like, why? It's such a miniscule time save and it's really only for the time trial sickos. Again, this track is bad but every other track in this game, except Tokyo Blur, offers a more compelling reason to choose it. This was a late addition in the booster course and it felt like a waste of space to me.