Current Events > A mother pleads with the school board to do something about her son's bullying

(+) Yeah! (+)

She says she has went to school officials, the police and all had suggested nothing can be done because there's no "official" crime happening. Sorry it's a FB link but that's the only place I found that has the video. It's over 6 minute long.

https://www.facebook.com/thesangerscene/videos/942970844257020

My mom did the same. She got told he wished he could just take us out back and toss us some boxing gloves. Thing is that wouldn't have worked cause I've never been much of a fighter.

I just ended up handling things my own way. Which was to embarrass and humiliate him every chance I got. He couldn't take it (big surprise) so he eventually left me alone

Seems pretty clear that crimes have been committed and the school and the police lack the will to do anything about it.

I remember reading a story where a parent did all of the same things and nothing was done. They even talked to the kid's parent and the kid still didn't stop.

So the kid's parent beat up the bully's parent.

Can't watch the video but wonder if she could sue for her kid's emotional damage.

Shit like that literally sticks with you for life. I still cringe when I think of things that happened in middle school.

I don't know the details in this case obviously. Haven't watched the full video yet. I did get up to the part where one kid used a racial slur, because of course they did.

But I'm going to GUESS that:

-The kids bullying him are rich white kids
-The kids bullying him have rich parents who are well-connected with the school board (and may even be on the school board itself)
-The school district is scared of the rich bullies' parents so they're intentionally trying to plead ignorance

Yeah I remembered being bullied just for being Asian, with every stereotyped thrown at my face like having a small penis and eating dogs. I remember the day my mom confronted the Principal about it and I remembered he said something very inappropriate like "stereotypes are based off truths you know, so technically what the kids are saying to him (me) isn't necessarily wrong, but I'll agree maybe what they said it wasn't very nice." (my mom english vocabulary wasn't very good so he was using that to his advantage to play semantics). My mom brought the bullying to my teacher and she took it into her hands by literally humiliating the main bully (the one starting it all) in front of the class and demanded he do a public apology to me and another asian student. So the bully than brought his parents in and said what the teacher was doing was "bullying" and actually got her fired and was replaced. My mom ended up pulling me out of the school and decided to put me into a school with more asian students to prevent this from happening again.

I think 2 decades later, I found my teacher attending my cousins wedding. She's currently working as a regional manager at Costco and she even said to me that she had no regret for her action and would do it all over again. I still keep in touch with her every once in awhile.

Watching the other videos of this board meeting it seems the Principle is under investigation as well.

Don't worry, TC, when the bullied child finally pushes back against his/her bullies the school will be sure to suspend or expel them for violence!

Prestoff posted...

Yeah I remembered being bullied just for being Asian, with every stereotyped thrown at my face like having a small penis and eating dogs. I remember the day my mom confronted the Principal about it and I remembered he said something very inappropriate like "stereotypes are based off truths you know, so technically what the kids are saying to him (me) isn't necessarily wrong, but I'll agree maybe how they said it wasn't very nice." (my mom english vocabulary wasn't very good so he was using that to his advantage to play semantics). My mom brought the bullying to my teacher and she took it into her hands by literally humiliating the main bully (the one starting it all) in front of the class and demanded he do a public apology to me and another asian student. So the bully than brought his parents in and said what the teacher was doing was "bullying" and actually got her fired and was replaced. My mom ended up pulling me out of the school and decided to put me into a school with more asian students to prevent this from happening again.

I think 2 decades later, I found my teacher attending my cousins wedding. She's currently working as a regional manager at Costco and she even said to me that she had no regret for her action and would do it all over again. I still keep in touch with her every once in awhile.

Your former teacher sounds like a good, brave person. Fucking blows she got railroaded for doing the right thing :-(

i was always told "if you just ignore the bullies, they'll get bored and stop"
that's a lie

SSj4Wingzero posted...

I don't know the details in this case obviously. Haven't watched the full video yet. I did get up to the part where one kid used a racial slur, because of course they did.

But I'm going to GUESS that:

-The kids bullying him are rich white kids
-The kids bullying him have rich parents who are well-connected with the school board (and may even be on the school board itself)
-The school district is scared of the rich bullies' parents so they're intentionally trying to plead ignorance

Sue the rich parents.

DuneMan posted...

Don't worry, TC, when the bullied child finally pushes back against his/her bullies the school will be sure to suspend or expel them for violence!

Yep, happened to me when a kid who continually fucked with me got violent in the locker room and I punched him in the eye. We both got 5 days home. His mom showed up and said she was disappointed in both of us. I was thinking how about teaching your bratty son how to act.

Bullying is harassment and usually assault.

Sue the parents.

Nothing is ever done about bullies

LeoRavus posted...

Sue the rich parents.

And make sure it's on the record too. Publicize their names and their locations. Sure, kids' identities are generally protected in these situations...but parents' aren't.

Money talks, so she should just sue all their asses in court instead of complaining to the school board who can just ignore her without penalty.

decades of media pushing "just ignore a bully and they will go away" has warped so many peoples minds

bullying even if its not physical leaves life long scars on a person

fuck the entire school system that does nothing about this problem

to the people telling the mother to sue she likely cant afford a lawyer

Why is it assumed the bullies have rich parents?

Poor kids bully too, y'know.

ROBANN_88 posted...

i was always told "if you just ignore the bullies, they'll get bored and stop"
that's a lie

I think there was even a time when bully victims were told to kill them with kindness.
ROBANN_88 posted...

Bully's suck ass

Schools tend to turn a blind eye to bullying and then wonder what caused the bullied student to snap and go on a shooting spree.....

Sufferedphoenix posted...

My mom did the same. She got told he wished he could just take us out back and toss us some boxing gloves. Thing is that wouldn't have worked cause I've never been much of a fighter.

I just ended up handling things my own way. Which was to embarrass and humiliate him every chance I got. He couldn't take it (big surprise) so he eventually left me alone

Yeah, I learned young that beating the shit out of my bullies just meant Id be the one getting in trouble. Merciless ridicule works better. The more public and humiliating the better.

AceMos posted...

to the people telling the mother to sue she likely cant afford a lawyer

There are lawyers who will work pro bono for low income families unless and until the case is won and collect their fee then. One just needs to ask around.

I've wondered if school administration positions, like cops, attract bullies and former bullies and that's one major reason why schools have always been lenient towards bullying. These types get off on poor/different/etc. kids getting bullied and hurt. If it's not bullies, it's people who have never had to face any sort of bullying and/or never have been in a fight ever. Either way, more needs to be done to make sure these idiots and assholes never get in the position in the first place. Bullies getting away with it while the victims get in trouble is a tale as old as time and whether it's laziness, psychopathy, cowardice, or whatever from the school, it needs to stop.

I remember school officials telling kids if they were getting beat up to just block any shots and just wait for an adult to break up the fight. They pretty much told us defending yourself would get you in trouble, which is obviously insane and dangerous. I thankfully never had to deal with bullying, but I am glad that my dad told me that if I ever got in trouble for fighting that I wouldn't get in trouble at home. Gave me some sort of piece of mind just in case I ever did have to.

SSj4Wingzero posted...

I don't know the details in this case obviously. Haven't watched the full video yet. I did get up to the part where one kid used a racial slur, because of course they did.

But I'm going to GUESS that:

-The kids bullying him are rich white kids
-The kids bullying him have rich parents who are well-connected with the school board (and may even be on the school board itself)
-The school district is scared of the rich bullies' parents so they're intentionally trying to plead ignorance

How would they even know if the parents are rich?

Fuck if my kid really wanted it we could get her all the fancy expensive shit that the popular rich kids have, but we pretty much treat our kids like we are firmly middle class. They really have no idea how much we have. If someone looked up my husband on LinkedIn then yeah theyd figure out we must be well off.

ai123 posted...

Why is it assumed the bullies have rich parents?

Poor kids bully too, y'know.

True. But when the school stands aside and does nothing about it, it's usually because they're scared of the parents.

Cuticrusader09 posted...

How would they even know if the parents are rich?

It is hard to hide these things nowadays. Kids who are bullies learn that behavior from somewhere, and oftentimes it's the parents who act that exact same way and like to throw their money around and intimidate people.

Most old research about bullies is wrong. Bullies aren't kids with family problems and low self-esteem who take it out on others. Usually, they're entitled kids who are well-off and feel pretty good about themselves, and in many cases, continue to act that way into adulthood.

SSj4Wingzero posted...

True. But when the school stands aside and does nothing about it, it's usually because they're scared of the parents.

It is hard to hide these things nowadays. Kids who are bullies learn that behavior from somewhere, and oftentimes it's the parents who act that exact same way and like to throw their money around and intimidate people.

Most old research about bullies is wrong. Bullies aren't kids with family problems and low self-esteem who take it out on others. Usually, they're entitled kids who are well-off and feel pretty good about themselves, and in many cases, continue to act that way into adulthood.

Is there some more recent research?

I find it hard to believe that kids are bullies because after watching their parents 'intimidating people with money' (is this what rich people do?), they learn to go beat up their classmates. Apart from anything else, if you're that wealthy, your kids will be in private schooling.

Bullies appear in all socio economic groups. Saying 'it's rich kids' isn't going to help address the problem.

Prestoff posted...

Yeah I remembered being bullied just for being Asian, with every stereotyped thrown at my face like having a small penis and eating dogs. I remember the day my mom confronted the Principal about it and I remembered he said something very inappropriate like "stereotypes are based off truths you know, so technically what the kids are saying to him (me) isn't necessarily wrong, but I'll agree maybe what they said it wasn't very nice." (my mom english vocabulary wasn't very good so he was using that to his advantage to play semantics). My mom brought the bullying to my teacher and she took it into her hands by literally humiliating the main bully (the one starting it all) in front of the class and demanded he do a public apology to me and another asian student. So the bully than brought his parents in and said what the teacher was doing was "bullying" and actually got her fired and was replaced. My mom ended up pulling me out of the school and decided to put me into a school with more asian students to prevent this from happening again.

I think 2 decades later, I found my teacher attending my cousins wedding. She's currently working as a regional manager at Costco and she even said to me that she had no regret for her action and would do it all over again. I still keep in touch with her every once in awhile.

hm... i had the opposite happen to me. I was in a school where there were very few Asians. But instead of being bullied for being Asian, people thought it was ... i dunno. Exotic? Like that one thing people felt stood out, but no really cared. Sometimes I'd get "hey where you from?" and i would tell them. They would then just shrug and move about their day.

I'm not trying to minimize your experience. I just find it interesting how some people have very different experiences when placed in very similar circumstances.

ai123 posted...

I find it hard to believe that kids are bullies because after watching their parents 'intimidating people with money' (is this what rich people do?), they learn to go beat up their classmates. Apart from anything else, if you're that wealthy, your kids will be in private schooling.

I read up on the research, and it turns out I'm half-wrong:

-Bullies appear to be equally likely to come from all socioeconomic classes

HOWEVER

-VICTIMS are more likely to be from lower socioeconomic classes

ai123 posted...

Bullies appear in all socio economic groups. Saying 'it's rich kids' isn't going to help address the problem.

Bullies are everywhere. But when there are cases of documented harassment where the school continues to do nothing...yeah, I'd bet that the school is scared of the bullies' parents.

I find it hard to believe that a bully's parents are smart enough to use the system to their benefit when they don't give a shit how much of a fuck up their children are.

party_animal07 posted...

I remember reading a story where a parent did all of the same things and nothing was done. They even talked to the kid's parent and the kid still didn't stop.

So the kid's parent beat up the bully's parent.

What your kid does to mine, Im going to do to you seems like a perfectly serviceable way to deal with this problem.

VeggetaX posted...

I find it hard to believe that a bully's parents are smart enough to use the system to their benefit when they don't give a shit how much of a fuck up their children are.

You overestimate a lot of parents.

Many parents are in denial that their kid is a bully and will stop at nothing to defend them

Other parents are fully aware that their kid is a bully and will stop at nothing to defend them

divot1338 posted...

What your kid does to mine, Im going to do to you seems like a perfectly serviceable way to deal with this problem.

But what if the parent isn't a tough guy? The bully's dad beating the shit out of them is going to traumatise the kid worse. The idea that the bad guy always gets straightened out by the good guy belongs in fiction.

We need solutions that don't require victims to have hard nut fathers who they end up visiting in prison.

divot1338 posted...

What your kid does to mine, Im going to do to you seems like a perfectly serviceable way to deal with this problem.

https://youtu.be/8xIZVMJjvHQ?si=rdOzNaWTdxFfWB8L

SSj4Wingzero posted...

Most old research about bullies is wrong. Bullies aren't kids with family problems and low self-esteem who take it out on others. Usually, they're entitled kids who are well-off and feel pretty good about themselves, and in many cases, continue to act that way into adulthood.

Yep, I've found this to be true most of the time. The poor kids were usually ok, but still had the occasional asshole.

The worst bully I remember was the PE teacher's son. His dad was like a bigshot around the school and active in town government, may have been the mayor I don't remember, and he was also one of the biggest assholes I've ever met. His wife did something in the school office. Their son got away with being a chip off the old asshole.

ai123 posted...

But what if the parent isn't a tough guy? The bully's dad beating the shit out of them is going to traumatise the kid worse. The idea that the bad guy always gets straightened out by the good guy belongs in fiction.

We need solutions that don't require victims to have hard nut fathers who they end up visiting in prison.

True. Fighting isn't the way to go.

Humiliation and pranks, on the other hand...

Sadly bullying will still probably be an issue for many many more years, Teachers are strongly... Discouraged by school administrators from interfering even when they see blatant bullying and the school administrators and school boards just would rather avoid getting caught up in any situation, especially if the bullying itself is sourced from racism, homophobia or any other bigoted source

My 8th grade teacher was pretty cool about it and turned a blind eye when I had had enough.

Raiden2909 posted...

Sadly bullying will still probably be an issue for many many more years, Teachers are strongly... Discouraged by school administrators from interfering even when they see blatant bullying and the school administrators and school boards just would rather avoid getting caught up in any situation, especially if the bullying itself is sourced from racism, homophobia or any other bigoted source

Truer words have never been spoken. It's a shitty situation all around. It's also tough because even as a school, what can you really do about it? About the only thing a school can do in order to discipline a kid would be to give them a detention or a suspension. A suspension is oftentimes more work because now the school has to arrange for private home instruction for the kid so that the kid doesn't fall behind. That's *more money* that the school has to spend. Schools are run similar to corporations - they have leaders that are worried about the bottom line - so a lot of times, they just don't do anything about it.

SSj4Wingzero posted...

A suspension is oftentimes more work because now the school has to arrange for private home instruction for the kid so that the kid doesn't fall behind.

Is that a thing now? Never heard of it

I was suspended constantly for dealing with bullies through out middle school. To the point that a full week of school was uncommon for me.

But looking back Id rather suspended for 2-3 days then deal the those PoS for half the day. I dont get why therapist try and tell kids otherwise though and make up coping mechanisms like saying the bullies are jealous of them or some rubbish.

That lv of abuse for so long is more then most adults can handle.

iwasapoetonce posted...

hm... i had the opposite happen to me. I was in a school where there were very few Asians. But instead of being bullied for being Asian, people thought it was ... i dunno. Exotic? Like that one thing people felt stood out, but no really cared. Sometimes I'd get "hey where you from?" and i would tell them. They would then just shrug and move about their day.

I'm not trying to minimize your experience. I just find it interesting how some people have very different experiences when placed in very similar circumstances.

Let's just say the city/neighborhood I grew up in wasn't exactly the "best" Texas had to offer, so the public school I went to kind of reflected that. While I didn't exactly move to a predominately asian school/neighborhood we moved to a smaller town (mostly Southern Baptist, so white) and the environment was a lot better...for me personally. Never faced any bullying after that, but there was a whole other set of issues (mostly religion related) that my family did get dragged in into that basically made me want to move out to California in my college years.

Evening_Dragon posted...

Is that a thing now? Never heard of it

Yes. Schools worry that if a bully doesn't graduate because the bully gets suspended, then the bully's future will suffer. Which is true. But then...allowing the kid to keep bullying also doesn't solve the problem either.

The truth is, there are bullies everywhere at all ages of life - there are bullies at school, there are bullies at workplaces, and there are bullies in families. At workplaces, they're usually in the form of toxic and demanding bosses. In families, they're domestic abusers. Bullying in school is indeed a huge problem, but I don't know if enough attention is paid to the fact that people who are bullies in school oftentimes grow up to be assholes in real life that make life worse for everyone.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Indeed. Adult bullying is a real thing, and it's just as bad in women as it is in men - every woman I'm acquainted with knows exactly who the "queen bee" of her workplace is.