Current Events > 3 dates with a girl, shes super feminist but hasn't even offered to pay a date

(+) Yeah! (+)

She hates andrew tate

She owns a property in toronto

Engineer

Doesnt like the idea of zendaya and sydney sweeny getting naked in euphoria or emilia in thrones

Yet all 3 times the bill came she looked away or made no effort. My rule was if by 3 dates a girl doesnt offer to pay (doesnt even have to pay), im done with her or will only entertain a fourth date if its at one of our places

What would you do if theres no effort to pay by date 4

I wouldn't date someone at all and she sounds horrible

What you have said doesnt in any way indicate that shes super feminist. Hating Andrew state just suggests that her brain functions properly.

Glob posted...

What you have said doesnt in any way indicate that shes super feminist. Hating Andrew state just suggests that her brain functions properly.

Fair point

Sounds like a femcel

It really just depends how hot she is. Also how likely she is to put out

solosnake posted...

It really just depends how hot she is. Also how likely she is to put out

Shes solid 8/10 imo (pics were 9/10) but its all good.

I can tell shes more into me than ever. More texts, more emojis, convo flows better. We have inside jokes and all that now. It sucks because im down to financially care 70ish percent but 100, for a girl thats well off at that. No.

My previous relationship i paid i want to say 90% but thats because i was better off and she tried to pay even on the first date

at least she is an engineer

I mean, if that's a deal breaker for you then it's a deal breaker. I don't think it's that serious if you genuinely like her. You could actually ask her how she feels about women paying, though.

Blue_Popo posted...

She hates andrew tate

Is this your idea of what a super feminist is?

What's your plan here? You're apparently still talking. Are you going to break it off, or lead her on but slowly ghost her. You're an asshole if you do the latter.

Skill issue.

Have you brought up splitting the bill? If this is an issue for you (it would be for me), just bring it up. It might be that she's perfectly happy to do so. And if she's not, you'll both know where you are. It's not that complicated.

She sounds insufferable. Is the sex good at least?

Nah fuck that, if she ain't offering to pay for anything after the second date let her go

Eh, I know people who dont like characters who are minors or barely legal getting nude, even though the actors are of age.

Andrew Tate sucks. If someone knows who he is, Id expect them to hate him.

Engineer is a solid job.

Just ask about splitting the bill. She could be taking you paying for granted. If she insists only you pay, thats a bad sign for the future imo. A couple should be equal and each do their fair share. A woman (or person of any gender) who is financially able to but not willing to pay her fair share is never someone worth a long-term relationship imo.

On the 4th date eat a big milk steak, order some cheese, and at the end slam your fists on the table and loudly "I am not paying the bill madame!" Pop an olive in your mouth from the salad bar then proceed to the Street Fighter arcade machine.

Blue_Popo posted...

She owns a property in toronto

nice

Sounds like a good way to turn a 919 into a 909 amirite?

I just wanted to make an area code ranking joke.

I'd broach the topic somewhere. She sounds like she's worth some effort. It shouldn't be unreasonable that she contribute after the first date or two, particularly being reasonably well off.

I don't see anything in your post that says she's a feminist

For all you know she has had bad experiences in the past with men feeling emasculated by her trying to pay or making more money than them. If you like her enough to go out multiple times then have a conversation about it like an adult.

Blue_Popo posted...

Yet all 3 times the bill came she looked away or made no effort. My rule was if by 3 dates a girl doesnt offer to pay (doesnt even have to pay), im done with her or will only entertain a fourth date if its at one of our places

What would you do if theres no effort to pay by date 4

Depends on several factors. Like what else does she do in this relationship? Did she pay for something else for us that wasn't part of the date? Did she help with something else?

If she literally does nothing but show up, then we wouldn't even make it to the 3rd date.

If I was having a good time with a 'solid 8/10', don't think I would give a shit.

If it were a long term relationship/co habitation where she wouldn't contribute, that would be an issue to discuss.

But early phase dating? Nah.

are you ted mosby tc?

Is there any physical connection or chemistry going on here? Snuggling maybe?

Your mistake was paying to begin with

always go dutch

DarkChozoGhost posted...

What's your plan here? You're apparently still talking. Are you going to break it off, or lead her on but slowly ghost her. You're an asshole if you do the latter.

Im not going to ghost her, I'll tell her Im not interested. If I did ghost her now, I dont see whats wrong. What has she done for me that I owe her anything. I picked the spots, did the coordinating, paid the dates and dropped her home all 3 times.

Sorry I should clarify the biggest reason shes a feminist, she said so herself. I would prefer to date a feminist but I thought that also meant she can carry her own, not pick and choose when shes a feminist

And I hate tate too but it was a topic she brought up without me instigating and wanted to make sure i wasnt a fan which I respect

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Not really. I shouldnt have to ask her to pay, she should at least offer or say thanks

Ive decided to move on from this. Ive had girls with far less resources offer to pay

Before you do that. Maybe you should try to communicate this to her. Speaking as an engineer, she may lack social skills. She gets attention all the time but she may be practical in how she spends her money. If you can't do that much. Let someone else discover her worth.

I paid for my girlfriend's food all the time we were initially dating cause I thought that was required? And now we're married.

Seems like a silly rule to have imo, unless you explicitly ask if she could pay. Communication seems to be lacking here, really.

Scardude posted...

Before you do that. Maybe you should try to communicate this to her. Speaking as an engineer, she may lack social skills. She gets attention all the time but she may be practical in how she spends her money. If you can't do that much. Let someone else discover her worth.

Shes 30 years old. Ive been out with girls younger by 5 or more years. Im in the boat of let someone else discover her worth. If I have to tell you that you should at least offer to pay and say thank you, thats an upbringing or personality issue. She has multiple times talked about her career accimplishments and how much of a boss she is. I just thought that would translate to "hey I can do some", instead of "you do everything"

Kaldrenthebold posted...

I paid for my girlfriend's food all the time we were initially dating cause I thought that was required? And now we're married.

Seems like a silly rule to have imo, unless you explicitly ask if she could pay. Communication seems to be lacking here, really.

Thats your relationship and Im happy for you. Self identifying as a feminist sort of implies to me you dont need a man and can carry your weight. Also we make similar amounts and are similar age. Why is it 100% me, this is coming from a guy who has had relationships in the past which were 80% me in terms of money. All I valued was "would this person pay" and a "thank you"

It's kind of funny.

Cocytus posted...

It's kind of funny.

Not when its your wallet and youre spoiling a wealthy 30 year old engineer

I think you have some serious misconceptions about what feminism means

Are you really basing everything on this one hang up? What else is going on here? Being able to communicate your emotions in a healthy manner is super important to build a foundation for a good relationship.

Please move on then. There are bigger reasons to break up with someone.

Maybe she's secretly outdoorsy

By the river or under a bridge are choice spots too, my man

Blue_Popo posted...

Thats your relationship and Im happy for you. Self identifying as a feminist sort of implies to me you dont need a man and can carry your weight. Also we make similar amounts and are similar age. Why is it 100% me, this is coming from a guy who has had relationships in the past which were 80% me in terms of money. All I valued was "would this person pay" and a "thank you"

I think you're confused on what being a feminist means tbh man. But to address the topic... If it bothers you then be an adult and talk about it, there's all kinds of reasons why she might assume you'll pay for stuff

This girl went on second date with me and grabbed the bill on the way out and insisted she'd pay because I payed for our meals on the first one.

I don't know if that's good or not. Maybe she just wanted a platonic friendship and didn't want to owe me anything.

The first mistake you made was going to dinner for your dates

Go on the least expensive dates possible, like a walk in the park where you talk or something like that. If she has a problem with that then you know youre right in dumping her

Damn_Underscore posted...

The first mistake you made was going to dinner for your dates

Go on the least expensive dates possible, like a walk in the park where you talk or something like that. If she has a problem with that then you know youre right in dumping her

The first one was for cheap burritos. Which was 30$ total

2nd date was pricier but I dont mind paying because that in ways could be seen as the first date

Third date was games arcade with drinks and some food

Scardude posted...

Please move on then. There are bigger reasons to break up with someone.

If you want to spoil a girl that makes 250k, by all means go for it.

Blue_Popo posted...

Thats your relationship and Im happy for you. Self identifying as a feminist sort of implies to me you dont need a man and can carry your weight. Also we make similar amounts and are similar age. Why is it 100% me, this is coming from a guy who has had relationships in the past which were 80% me in terms of money. All I valued was "would this person pay" and a "thank you"

I mean you can still do this while communicating it. Maybe "forget" your wallet once or just straight ask if she would feel comfortable paying for one. That will give you the exact answer you want instead of just making assumptions and wondering. Don't just lose what could be a good thing based on assumptions! Communicate, communicate, communicate!