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Current Events > Alex Jones describes what Heaven is like: it's like Star Trek but violent

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Garabandal
02/15/24 8:41:11 PM
#1:


Let me tell you a little secret here. Its not a secret that what they teach in the mainline Christian churches: you go to Heaven, and you float around on a cloud and play with a harp. No, sir.

What happened? Satan took one-third of the angels, rebelled against God, thats whats going on. And thats just in this sector. Christ said I have many flocks in Israel, in Judea. What did He mean? This aint the only rodeo, folks. Ive seen it, Ive been there. This is not the only rodeo, and basically Hollywood shows us and creates an archetypical liberal government, and all this unity and the Starfleet with the UN symbol and youre going to be in this utopia and youre in Starfleet and all that stuff. Oh, youre going to be in Starfleet alright! Ha, ha! But the point is that you think youre going to go up to Heaven, you can always go for R&R and be with God and just be in total bliss. But God knows youre not going to do that. Youre going to sign up for the next mission. And thats all Im trying to explain to you is that this is a test, ladies and gentlemen before we go in and save a lot of spirits, a lot of entities, a lot of creatures. Were being recruited to go to the next level in a long-term intergalactic war. I haven't read this in a book, I havent seen this anywhere, Ive been there, I've been shown it.

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thronedfire2
02/15/24 8:44:51 PM
#2:


he should at least give credit to the Heaven's Gate cult

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itcheyness
02/15/24 8:48:32 PM
#3:


Sounds like he halfway listened to a Scientology presentation...

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Guide
02/15/24 8:49:53 PM
#4:


Honestly, sounds more fun than eternal peace.

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creativerealms
02/15/24 8:51:09 PM
#5:


Which side of the war has gay frogs?

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Axiom
02/15/24 8:52:09 PM
#6:


Im ready for my lightsaber
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Robot2600
02/15/24 8:55:27 PM
#7:


i guess this is exactly what i was expecting when i entered this topic

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sabin017
02/15/24 10:31:49 PM
#8:


https://youtu.be/TAFg-WbCOs8

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MabusIncarnate
02/15/24 10:33:42 PM
#9:


I'd rather go fight in an intergalactic war than sit on a fucking cloud and listen to harps.

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WingsOfGood
02/15/24 10:33:50 PM
#10:


how are dead humans gonna make good soldiers? especially a fat lard like Alex
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MarcoRubio
02/15/24 10:34:59 PM
#11:


Alex Jones is a fucking idiot. But that does sound fucking rad.

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WingsOfGood
02/15/24 10:35:29 PM
#12:


MarcoRubio posted...
Alex Jones is a fucking idiot. But that does sound fucking rad.

did you join the military in real life?
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Kradek
02/15/24 10:37:04 PM
#13:


Axiom posted...
Im ready for my lightsaber

Phasers*

Wrong franchise

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MarcoRubio
02/15/24 10:38:23 PM
#14:


WingsOfGood posted...
did you join the military in real life?

What? No, I come from generational wealth.

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ForsakenHermit
02/15/24 10:38:38 PM
#15:


Do we have to fight against the clockwork elves in lunatic heaven?

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Torgo
02/15/24 10:39:30 PM
#16:


Alex Jones giving his take on the book of Revelations is about equally filled with ridiculousness and imagery from a fever dream as a regular show segment.

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Smackems
02/15/24 10:42:03 PM
#17:


Guide posted...
Honestly, sounds more fun than eternal peace.
Yeah

I hope Alex Jones is right about heaven

Is probably something that's never been said

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pjnelson
02/15/24 10:43:23 PM
#18:


I just skimmed over it but people have a lot of misconceptions about Christianity. For example, Satan doesn't rule hell. Hell is like God's garbage can and Satan was disposed there. He isn't king of the dumpster; he's the trash.

Secondly, humans never die and become angels. They're separate things like cats and dogs. Cats don't become dogs. People don't become angels.

Third, there are no female angels in the Bible. They aren't mentioned and in the order of creation the angels were created before God accepted that Adam didn't want to shag a goat or horse and created woman as an afterthought. Granted, He could create more angels later, including female angels, but there's nothing saying He did. Besides, there's no need for angels to have genders because they don't bang in heaven.

Which brings us to the cute art of baby angels. Why? Angels ain't boning in heaven making baby angels.

I digress. No, I'm not religious. Just wanted to share some trivia.

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008Zulu
02/15/24 10:45:12 PM
#19:


He needs to stop lacing his marijuana with both cocaine, and meth.

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ooger
02/15/24 11:20:52 PM
#20:


Imagine liking Alex Jones. CRINGE.

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absolutebuffoon
02/15/24 11:22:25 PM
#21:


Garabandal posted...
Ive been there, I've been shown it.
Alex Jones is on some really weird drugs.
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Kradek
02/15/24 11:28:44 PM
#22:


absolutebuffoon posted...
Alex Jones is on some really weird drugs.

He's licking the gay frogs.

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Smashingpmkns
02/15/24 11:33:04 PM
#23:


Damn why would people believe in a god that they think wants them to go to intergalactic war after they die lmao mf just let me be in peace

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