Current Events > Any tips on how to stop feeling like I dont belong or fit in anywhere?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I know its all in my head. But I never feel like Im actually part of anything, that Im left out or weird. This is propably part of my social phobia and PTSD from high-school where I was alone all the time.

Im still alone except for my partner and family.

I know people like me, but I have hard time connecting. Im almost 40 and ashamed of being alone, not part of the expected person my age having a family etc.

Only other people Im around is my colleages who are just the best, I am social but leave out things that are too private for me I guess, like my sexuality.

I dunno. I just want to feel like I belong. I feel like an alien and I dunno what to do.

Keep looking for your people

if you keep looking youll find them or look back one day and realize they were at your side all along

VampireCoyote posted...

Keep looking for your people

if you keep looking youll find them or look back one day and realize they were at your side all along

I dont know what my people would be or where to even look. Im also terrified of new things and changes, but I am trying to take steps.

KanWan posted...

Maybe theres no one you really need to be with other than yourself

i think too if you like expressing your sexuality you should totally do that and in whatever way you like

nothing wrong with slowly shedding and feeling your best by being the you that feels the most comfortable

I want to be more social and I want to be part of a friend group. These feelings and thoughts hinder me to achieve this. I do however take steps even if they are very small and try. Just wish I dodnt have to feel this way.

FF_Redux posted...

Im still alone except for my partner and family.

"I'm alone except for all these people I have around me"
???

FF_Redux posted...

I dont know what my people would be or where to even look. Im also terrified of new things and changes, but I am trying to take steps.

fuck your steps jump out of a window and grab onto a tree beach karate kick any hawks that try to attack your face

clock is ticking sometimes you find people by finding people who are wrong first and sometimes all you really find is yourself but thats ok too

are there any causes that you believe in? volunteer work is a great way to meet new people who share the same values as yourself.

could you possibly attend a local club focused on a hobby? something like board game night, or a bowling league.

zammox posted...

"I'm alone except for all these people I have around me"
???

Maybe its that I compare to everyone else I know that have friends they hang with and social life. I feel like an outcast.

Family isnt the same thing for me.

With my partner its usually only us 2, sometimes his childhood friend hangs with us. My partner doesnt have much of a social life either really.

Last time I had friends was like 25 years ago. I met my partner 9 years ago so that has been really good but I guess my feeling of lonliness and thr shame hasnt really changed that much.

Giant_Aspirin posted...

are there any causes that you believe in? volunteer work is a great way to meet new people who share the same values as yourself.

This.

FF_Redux posted...

I know its all in my head.

it could also be completely true that you don't fit in anywhere, which would be perfectly okay, too. you just gotta learn to like yourself more

four of the five links in your sig dont work

also a huge step would be too stop comparing yourself to others or what others have

you arent alone in your thoughts and im sure their are social people thinking to themselves that they should wish they could get some alone time

Giant_Aspirin posted...

are there any causes that you believe in? volunteer work is a great way to meet new people who share the same values as yourself.

could you possibly attend a local club focused on a hobby? something like board game night, or a bowling league.

Its probably connected to PTSD from high school. I was completly alone, I developed flight behaviour like locking myself in the bathroom, leaving school grounds during lunch/breaks. It was a horrible experience and Im ashamed and blamed myself.

Altho there could be something from even earlier I dunno, I was shy and afraid of new things as a child. My parents spoiled me way too much, never built any confidence.

I am in therapy again, atm doing CBT via the internet with my therapist. Some new things there since last time I did it. For example bot to foggt my anxiety, try to accept and feel it without trying to avoid it. Current assingment is starting to exposure myself to triggers.

Something that opened my mind was to think: Ill do that AND I get anxiety instead ot Ill do that BUT I get anxiety. It helps.

You know, there's nothing wrong with not being as social as society wants you to be.

People seem to like making a big deal about 'humans are social animals' and look at you funny when you don't go to the bar or clubbing or sports events or even parties, but they seem like the 'normal' thing to do because that's what they do. Introverts aren't like that and the reason it seems so difficult to be one is because, by their very nature, they don't share their feelings to the world. Every single one usually has to figure it out by themselves. There's no one to compare notes with. There's no TV show that shows you what being one is really like.

I mean, sure, it makes some things harder, but you have to find a way to flip that thinking and appreciate the advantages it brings, too. Being asocial/antisocial/loner/whatever, etc. has real perks to it depending on what your life situation is.

ED: I know it sounds stupid and preachy and everyone thinks being asocial is some kind of illness that needs to be cured, but it isn't and you can't let anyone coerce you into thinking that way because that only fuels the feeling that there's something wrong with you. It's not an illness and it's not something that needs to be or should be cured, it's just a lifestyle choice.

Stop trying to fit in and accept yourself. It's okay to be alone if you don't want to impress others.

If you still want to fit in somewhere, then find a different group than you are now.

Join an outdoors club, or an anime/chess club. You'll make friends in no time.

You have a partner, family, and colleagues who are nice to be around.

Maybe that's good enough? Maybe it's your anxiety telling you that you should be doing more, and it will never be satisfied. Even if you are in a pretty good place.

CBT can help you deal with that kind of feeling. Hope it goes well for you.

ai123 posted...

You have a partner, family, and colleagues who are nice to be around.

Maybe that's good enough? Maybe it's your anxiety telling you that you should be doing more, and it will never be satisfied. Even if you are in a pretty good place.

CBT can help you deal with that kind of feeling. Hope it goes well for you.

Thanks. I know it might seem silly to complain about being alone despite having those things.

Could just be that I never lost the feeling of being weird and outcast, even if that isnt reality.

I do still wish I had a small core group of close friends I hang with, which feels impossible to get at my age now since everyone seem to have their core right now.

I am thinking of trying to find some activities in things Im interested in, but my town doesnt really have much. I looked into cooking classes but found just one where they pickle stuff, while in Stockholm there are like 60+ different things. I wish I lived in a bigger city, more possibilites.

Other things that hinder me is being terrified of making mistakes and failiure, while having pressure on myself of doing everything 120% perfect. This blocks me on making changes.

Either way, I feel Im getting on the right track atm.