Current Events > How do I tell my wife I hate the surprise week she's bought away for us?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Its a small cabin in the middle of nowhere but its so cramped here and the TV is Tiny. After a stressful couple of months at work I just wanted to do nothing all week but lounge around at home and watch TV and play games. The bed is tiny so we spent all night trying to get comfy. Theres nowhere to cook in the cabin and only places to eat are miles away and super expensive and we have no money. The cabin is so cramped you cant do anything here but sit on the bed but when you do theres nothing to do anyway. I know I shouldnt be ungrateful but it just sucks ass and the idea of going home and back to work without having a single day to relax properly just pisses me off.

"I hate the surprise week you've bought away for us"

"Its a small cabin in the middle of nowhere but its so cramped here and the TV is Tiny. After a stressful couple of months at work I just wanted to do nothing all week but lounge around at home and watch TV and play games. The bed is tiny so we spent all night trying to get comfy. Theres nowhere to cook in the cabin and only places to eat are miles away and super expensive and we have no money. The cabin is so cramped you cant do anything here but sit on the bed but when you do theres nothing to do anyway."

Seems like that will achieve nothing except to make your wife feel bad for trying to do something nice.

She knows it hasn't worked out like she wanted. No need to add to it.

"No more surprises"

Maybe you can find things about the vacation that you do enjoy?

Sex? Long walks? Read a good book? Do that thing you've been meaning to do for years but never got around too.

Be more appreciate ypu ungrateful bastardo

ai123 posted...

Seems like that will achieve nothing except to make your wife feel bad for trying to do something nice.

She knows it hasn't worked out like she wanted. No need to add to it.

This

Honestly, I wouldnt say it because she probably already knows.

If you must say something, ask her how she feels about the bed, etc. If she expresses a negative answer, you can try to add to it in a jokey or assuring way.

That way youre not just shitting on a very nice gesture.

You are already there its been paid for, just try to make the best of it. A trip like this is suited better to warmer weather though because then you can comfortably go hiking swimming in a nearby river or lake. Make a bonfire and roast hotdogs and marshmallows and then end the night with a movie on a laptop. See if you can go see a nearby landmark like a waterfall or an overlook.

As a gamer, you should have brought a Switch, gaming laptop or Steam deck to fill the gaps.

Make the best of it. Don't fall into the four horsement of relationship apocoplyse... criticism.

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Your points are valid, but if you are having a bad time, so is she. She likely knows she made a mistake.

One time my girlfriend made me supper and it was burnt and horrible. I ate it and didn't say a word. She knew it was crappy and didn't need anyone to pile on. She asked why I didn't complain afterwords and I told her words do damage and she did something nice for me by cooking me dinner. Sometimes you don't know how a persons day went and negative words can have horrible consequences in a relationship. She will love you all the more if you work through it without complaining.

Just bang non stop and bring up how that is the best part of the trip.

Someone has tried to do something nice for you and it didn't work out. It's only a week of your life. Just buckle down and make the best of it. Maybe do some fucking.

How about you find some magic mushrooms and trip with your wife?

sounds like youre a bit stressed and angry. Those will help.

This is why effective relationships shouldnt involve surprises. You should talk things out and make a mutual decision. Surprise presents (like Christmas) lose their novelty once your age reaches double digits and should be long gone once financial responsibility takes over.

Is it possible to get the stay refunded or cancelled at this point?

Just word it in a way that says you're grateful for her booking it, and it was a great idea, but it turns out the cabin isn't as good as it seemed. Don't blame her for making a bad choice, blame the cabin. Blame the company for even building such a small-ass coffin of a cabin. Ask if she would like to try again some time if you can find a cabin that's large enough.

Dark_Arbron posted...

This is why effective relationships shouldnt involve surprises. You should talk things out and make a mutual decision. Surprise presents (like Christmas) lose their novelty once your age reaches double digits and should be long gone once financial responsibility takes over.

1000000000000000000000000% correct

Dark_Arbron posted...

This is why effective relationships shouldnt involve surprises. You should talk things out and make a mutual decision. Surprise presents (like Christmas) lose their novelty once your age reaches double digits and should be long gone once financial responsibility takes over.

Hard disagree.

I still love surprises. Talking and planning can turn nice things into a chore. Hope I'm never too old for a surprise.

ai123 posted...

Hard disagree.

I still love surprises. Talking and planning can turn nice things into a chore. Hope I'm never too old for a surprise.

Depends on the context. A healthy relationship will learn where the boundaries are. A surprise dinner after work can play out nicely.

The textbook example of a surprise being a terrible idea though is we got you a dog! The dog ends up being unwanted and is sent off to the gas chamber.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Yeah, depends on the context and how well you know each other.

I think surprises work if a little research is put in. TC would not be complaining if the comfortability is better. It wasnt the surprise that soured things, but the quality of the surprise.

A surprise breakfast when you wake up can only go bad if its not cooked well.

stahlbaum posted...

Make the best of it. Don't fall into the four horsement of relationship apocoplyse... criticism.

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Your points are valid, but if you are having a bad time, so is she. She likely knows she made a mistake.

One time my girlfriend made me supper and it was burnt and horrible. I ate it and didn't say a word. She knew it was crappy and didn't need anyone to pile on. She asked why I didn't complain afterwords and I told her words do damage and she did something nice for me by cooking me dinner. Sometimes you don't know how a persons day went and negative words can have horrible consequences in a relationship. She will love you all the more if you work through it without complaining.

This

>thinking youd be able to just relax on a vacation when youre married

I realize sometimes it's hard to share your feelings even with the person you love most. You just can't stand to see them upset. I recommend writing a note explaining everything and sneaking out. By the time she realizes that you've even left, you'll be halfway home. You won't have to see her upset because you'll be chilling on your couch.

Some of these suggestions have to be joking lol.

punkfanalways posted...

The cabin is so cramped you cant do anything here but sit on the bed but when you do theres nothing to do anyway

Have you tried sex?

Dark_Arbron posted...

This is why effective relationships shouldnt involve surprises. You should talk things out and make a mutual decision. Surprise presents (like Christmas) lose their novelty once your age reaches double digits and should be long gone once financial responsibility takes over.

I definitely agree for the most part. Im good with getting surprise gifts, but for outings or get togethers, I need to know in advance.

Im burnt out like all the time from work. There are periods where I just dont want to do anything. If I had a wife or girlfriend, I would so much rather her be like surprise! I want to take you [wherever]! When would be the best time to go? instead of surprise! I know you have to be up at 5:00 for work and you had a shitty day and are burnt out, but were going out tonight and wont get back until midnight!

And I wonder why women dont like me lmao

Power through. Nothing is gained by bringing it up now.

Later, when you are home, have a polite, but honest conversation about when surprises make sense. Surprise vacations are really hard to pull off. Those are major time and financial commitments that really should involve both people to provide input. Because even a single incorrect assumption can lead to the surprised party not having a particularly good time, despite the surpriser's best intentions.

Compsognathus posted...

Power through. Nothing is gained by bringing it up now.

Later, when you are home, have a polite, but honest conversation about when surprises are make sense. Surprise vacations are really hard to pull off. Those are major time and financial commitments that really should involve both people to provide input. Because even a single incorrect assumption can lead to the surprised party not having a particularly good time, despite the surpriser's best intentions.

This. Your wife was aiming in the correct place, just had the wrong ammo. It was a sweet gesture and the last thing you'd want to do is take a shit on her because it wasn't very fun.

stahlbaum posted...

Make the best of it. Don't fall into the four horsement of relationship apocoplyse... criticism.

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Your points are valid, but if you are having a bad time, so is she. She likely knows she made a mistake.

One time my girlfriend made me supper and it was burnt and horrible. I ate it and didn't say a word. She knew it was crappy and didn't need anyone to pile on. She asked why I didn't complain afterwords and I told her words do damage and she did something nice for me by cooking me dinner. Sometimes you don't know how a persons day went and negative words can have horrible consequences in a relationship. She will love you all the more if you work through it without complaining.

Well said.

Dark_Arbron posted...

This is why effective relationships shouldnt involve surprises. You should talk things out and make a mutual decision. Surprise presents (like Christmas) lose their novelty once your age reaches double digits and should be long gone once financial responsibility takes over.

Ehhh, I get what you're saying but I don't think it works as a rule. It depends on your partner's personality. My gf enjoys surprises. I planned a whole day out for her birthday earlier this month and she loved that she didn't know what we were going to do. It made her feel like her responsibilities were gone for an entire day, and she appreciated my thoughtful approach to constructing the day for her. That said, I didn't surprise her with all that the day of - I presented the idea of making the day a series of surprises well ahead of time, so she had time to build excitement and not be blindsided by having to get ready for a whole day away from home.

Post on CE all day

salty single lifer nonsense basically.

Thats a bummer, are yall newlyweds or close to it?

Wife is surprising me with a trip this weekend and Im really excited, because she knows me and knows what I like.

It's important to communicate honestly with your wife about how you feel... but do so in a considerate way. You might say something like, "I really appreciate the effort you put into planning this getaway, and I know it was meant to be a special surprise. However, I've been feeling quite stressed, and I was hoping for a more relaxing week at home. Perhaps we can plan something together that suits both our preferences in the future."

stahlbaum posted...

One time my girlfriend made me supper and it was burnt and horrible. I ate it and didn't say a word. She knew it was crappy and didn't need anyone to pile on. She asked why I didn't complain afterwords and I told her words do damage and she did something nice for me by cooking me dinner. Sometimes you don't know how a persons day went and negative words can have horrible consequences in a relationship. She will love you all the more if you work through it without complaining.

Is this how a relationship work? If I knew I decided something for me and friends or a girlfriend or whatever and it ended up bad, I would own up to it and admitted I fucked up and would apologize. I would not go on as if I did nothing wrong especially if I know what I did was bad.

rexcrk posted...

>thinking youd be able to just relax on a vacation when youre married

Haha (so thankful I dodged the marriage bullet)

Had this one semi new girlfriend, she found out I had a week off, I wasn't expecting anything, was just mentioning. She changed her entire work schedule to have off the same time and invited me over for the week.

A very nice week of 24 7 sex, pizza delivery, cooking for me, porn, hanging out at a nearby restaurant bar, sleep, and sex.

As for TC, she could be hinting she wants to reconnect, just you and her, no distractions.

I've been in your situation TC, but if you're already on the trip then it's probably too late to say anything without it being a big deal. That is, unless she's as miserable as you are. If that's the case she might be down to leave

Tiny cabin with no TV for a week sounds fucking

Tell her you get to plan the next trip then don't speak to her until then. She'll figure it out.

Compliment sandwich. Something along

'I love that you obviously put in a lot of time and effort into this getaway for us, but how about next time we plan something together? I will say it's really nice to spend the time with just us'

VeggetaX posted...

Is this how a relationship work? If I knew I decided something for me and friends or a girlfriend or whatever and it ended up bad, I would own up to it and admitted I fucked up and would apologize. I would not go on as if I did nothing wrong especially if I know what I did was bad.

A relationship is about healthy communication

FolkenRawr posted...

A relationship is about healthy communication

And keeping in how you really feel is not healthy.

FolkenRawr posted...

A relationship is about healthy communication

You consider not owning your mistakes and bad decisions, acting like you've done nothing wrong even when you did know you did something wrong is healthy communication?