Current Events > Do you like Olive Garden?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Italian food

Never been.

I do like Italian food though.

I have had a good deal of success in my dating/sex life and figured I could pass on some tips to lonely CEmen that have had some problems in the past. You've heard the D.E.N.N.I.S. Method from It's Always Sunny and I figured I'd fit my own seduction method into a paradigm like this.

Behold:

The S.H.I.N.O.B.I. Method

My method makes the assumption that you have already met a woman and have her number, which I feel is the easy part because it can just be a girl you matched with through online dating or met in a group project or something. Anyway:

1. S - Send Vague Text Responses
Girls eat this shit up. Don't give her any definite responses or make her feel like she's worth any more time than a text message. If you are too much of a "nice guy" then normally the girl gets turned off, but you can't be a dick either. You need to be aloof; this girl KNOWS she can pull a thousand guys on Tinder in fifteen minutes, but if you aren't acting thirsty it will instantly elevate you above them.

2. H - Have Her Meet You For Dinner at Olive Garden
Olive Garden is the perfect casual dining experience. It is nice enough that it will feel like an actual date, but not too nice that your date is intimidated. It also offers ample parking. Make sure that you drive separately; this is important later on.

3. I - Indicate That You Would Like a Round of Breadsticks for the Table
As soon as the waitress attends to your table, order a round of Breadsticks. The Breadsticks are not only free, but they are unlimited, and that will be key here. As many of you know, I am a huge Amiibo collector, so I find it important to let the waitress know right away that you want the Breadsticks, as there will not be any wasted time.

4. N - Never Let the Waitress See You Taking Breadsticks Out of the Restaurant
Once your have received your basket of Breadsticks, you may empty them all out into your jacket pockets, but as this is uncomfortable, you will want to make sure you take trips to your car periodically to unload. This is where it becomes key that you drove to the restaurant separately. Make sure the wait staff does not see you leaving to unload either, or they will kick you out (has happened to me on rare occasions).

5. O - Order More Breadsticks
As soon as the waitress comes back, say "nummy nummy, breadsticks in me tummy, yummy yummy, more more!" or something to that nature. The waitress will think you are a big fat fuck and likely go back to provide more, as Olive Garden provides these Breadsticks for free and the restaurants are insured for thousands anyway (so they aren't taking a financial hit from the Breastick losses).

6. B - Bring a Trash Bag to Store Breadsticks
This part is key. You can only go out to your car so many times before you begin to rouse suspicion. I like to use the "Oh, I left my dog chained outside of the restaurant, better bring him water this time!" or "Methinks I have left my child in the hot car! Daddy's coming!" However, too many trips will start to get you looks, so bring a trash bag to fill up with Breadsticks (under your table).

7. I - Immediately Leave the Restaurant After Your Bag is Full
Once the bag is full, you can no longer unload in your car, so it is time to leave. If you have done this correctly, your bill will be $0.00 and you will have a car loaded with warm, garlic and parmesan covered baked goods.

From there, you can use these Breadsticks to make sandwiches for the month. I hope this advice helps some of you CEmen, because I know dating is hard and it's sometimes nerve wracking knowing how to behave on a first date.

Neon damn lol

I love their gnocchi soup...I remember their pasta being okay but...I went for the soup, so I kinda just found a copycat recipe and haven't went back :P

I dont care what anyone says, i like their food. It isnt real italian. It tastes good though.

10 years ago I would have said yes. 20 years ago I would have said hell yes. But it doesn't taste as good as it used to, regardless of memes regarding the microwaved food quality.

Yeah I really like the ravioli carbonara :3

Outside of their breafsticks and appetizers menu no. Hell those are literally all I order when I visit because the rest of their menu is dogshit.

Gimmie that Pasta e Faagioli and I promise to always pronounce it correctly...and spell it right too.

I had mezza luna pasta like a decade ago that was really good.

Oliver Garden can rot in hell.

Years back while watching porn on my laptop, a commercial for Olive Garden popped up on the TV. As Sarah Hyland popped up and told me that I'm family at Olive Garden, I was struck with a brilliant idea.

I immediately wrote her a letter asking her to meet me at Olive Garden. I gave her the time, date snd location of the Olive Garden that I'd meet her at. There were two weeks in between sending out the letter and the event. So she had plenty of time to change plans if necessary. To insure that she'd show, I signed it "step brother". I also, playfully mentioned that we could go dryer shopping afterwards too. I figured she'd understand.

The night of the big event, I put on my best polo and khakis from when I worked at Best Buy. I didn't want to presume anything, but I also put on my best condom in case she couldn't wait until we went to Home Depot afterwards and we had to sneak into the bathroom to take it to the next level. I was fully prepared.

I showed up a little early, so I thought nothing of waiting 45 minutes or so. Our date wasn't until four, and I wanted to seem excited for it, but I'd pretend like I just got there minutes before. The waitress brought me breadsticks and was very patient. 4 o clock rolled around and she wasn't there. I figured she was being just running late. 4:05, nothing. 4:06, nothing. 4:07, nothing. 4:08...still nothing.

It dawned on me that I had been stood up. I did the only thing I could. I cried. I cried like a big dumb girl. Eventually, my waitress noticed when he brought the next round of breadsticks. She asked me if there was anything she could do and asked if I wanted to come back to her apartment to see what she could do to console me. Her shift ended at 4:30 and she had nothing to do all night long. I declined as I didn't want to wait that long and also she said her apartment only had a bed and nothing else to do. Seemed pretty boring to me.

The rest of the staff noticed my loud sobbing and took it upon themselves to try and remedy the situation. They made some calls and just as I was about to leave, their plans came together. In walked Sofia Vergara. She came in and sat with me and we had dinner together. At the end she gave me a full mouth kiss and put her number in my phone. Instead of putting her name in she put it under "I want to give you dick blowjobs".

Worst night of my life. Sarah Hyland stood me up and I made a fool of myself in front of the OG staff. Then they gave me some second rate actress that put a fake name in my phone.

Olive Garden is dead to me.

^lmao

I got take out there last night.

All the entrees that have actual meat on them were over $20. However, the kids meals were priced at like $7 or $8 and had HUGE portions. Maybe not as much as an adult entree but I'd say 70% or so....and they came with drinks!

So I could see smart people ordering 5 or 6 kids meals online and feeding a small group.

Yes gimme that Zuppa

Might as well buy Italian food from the frozen section at Walmart, same thing.

I've never been but I'm a basic bitch so I'd probably enjoy it..

When youre here, youre family.

Not only do I like it, I like it.

Used to many years ago, but recently, I think their food tastes terrible. It's like they just heat up frozen dinners in a microwave.

I love Olive Garden, its better than so many real Italian places ive been to.