Current Events > My wife continues her journey towards MAID (Medical assistance in death)

(+) Yeah! (+)

Caddyshack is good stuff.

Also the Dynastic Hero is amazing (next wonderboy game)

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/6/9/9/AAABltAAEqwT.jpg

My little word game definitely has the word of the day pegged. XD

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/6/9/9/AAABltAAEqwT.jpg

My little word game definitely has the word of the day pegged. XD

What the fuck word scapes? Let the man have some peace! Hope you make it safe. I'll be up a bit late tonight if you need someone to talk to. That first night alone...well...it's hard mode man. I'm sitting here tearing up thinking about my first night alone. You keep expecting to hear their voice from across the house, hear them breathing in their sleep. Some sign of life that you got so used to.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

My little word game definitely has the word of the day pegged. XD

It's funnier when you see the ad is not even in 100% good taste. I mean, I laughed, but... I feel bad for it.

DarthDemented posted...

What the fuck word scapes? Let the man have some peace! Hope you make it safe. I'll be up a bit late tonight if you need someone to talk to. That first night alone...well...it's hard mode man. I'm sitting here tearing up thinking about my first night alone. You keep expecting to hear their voice from across the house, hear them breathing in their sleep. Some sign of life that you got so used to.

We always slept with the TV on so hopefully that will keep it from being too horrible. Having the full bed to myself will be strange. Like I said I'm gonna get a new mattress. We needed one for awhile but given my wife's allergies you can imagine that is not an easy task.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

We always slept with the TV on so hopefully that will keep it from being too horrible. Having the full bed to myself will be strange. Like I said I'm gonna get a new mattress. We needed one for awhile but given my wife's allergies you can imagine that is not an easy task.

Yeah I can see that. I had a bed to myself for awhile after she became bed bound. She had her room with a hospital bed. So not hearing the air compressor for her mattress was a little unsettling at first

My thoughts are with both of you tonight. I can't even imagine. Take care.

Good vibes your way man, I can't really fathom this, but like many here, I'm here for you if you need it.

We may get a Mario Kart online game going in the next few days, lot of people from CE play, you are welcome to join if you wanna. Let me know and I'll tag you next time we play.

Hey man. Been following this for a while. I had to take care of my mother for nearly 4 years while she had heart disease, and while I know that simply isn't the same as this, a lot of people out there truly understand the feeling of watching a loved one deteriorate and the frustration, anger, sadness, etc. that emerge.

You seem like an incredibly resilient person and I hope you take care because the months after can be a real rollercoaster. I'd definitely recommend some kind of project or game that's low stress to get into for however long you need, because having a fallback option in times like these is important.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Just waiting at the gate now. I am playing a game on my Switch that brings me back to being 6 years old.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/6/7/7/AAABltAAEqv9.jpg

Wonderboy 3 The Dragons Trap

This just unlocked some memories for me. Thank you for that. I hope you're finding peace.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/7/4/5/AAABltAAEqxB.jpg

The entire plane was full except for this seat next to me. I'm not a religious person. I'm still not. But if I'm wrong, thanks Lindsay for letting me have some time to myself.

Hey I'm pretty sure on the other side her and my wife will become fast friends. People always seemed to gravitate to my wife because she always showed everyone the same kindness and respect you'd give to someone you've known all your life. Even if she didn't know the person. I wish the whole world could be like her but...sadly that just isn't going to happen in our lifetime.

Been following this and I just want to say... honestly don't know what I want to say. Just know that there's a lot of people right now here that are with you and hoping for nothing but the best for you.

DarthDemented posted...

Hey I'm pretty sure on the other side her and my wife will become fast friends. People always seemed to gravitate to my wife because she always showed everyone the same kindness and respect you'd give to someone you've known all your life. Even if she didn't know the person. I wish the whole world could be like her but...sadly that just isn't going to happen in our lifetime.

I certainly hope that is the case and they become fast friends.

I'm posting from my home computer everyone. I made it.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I'm posting from my home computer everyone. I made it.

Good. You should go get some rest, then. It's been a long journey for you.

Take care of yourself and try to get some rest

The bed is so much bigger when you don't share it.

I'm gonna say sad fucking bummer shit for awhile and have very obvious epiphanies that will be mind-blowing to me. XD

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

The bed is so much bigger when you don't share it.

I'm gonna say sad fucking bummer shit for awhile and have very obvious epiphanies that will be mind-blowing to me. XD

It's okay. That's part of the process. We're listening.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

The bed is so much bigger when you don't share it.

I'm gonna say sad fucking bummer shit for awhile and have very obvious epiphanies that will be mind-blowing to me. XD

It's ok. You gotta get them out somehow right?

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

The bed is so much bigger when you don't share it.

I'm gonna say sad fucking bummer shit for awhile and have very obvious epiphanies that will be mind-blowing to me. XD

I remember sleeping at the end of our bed for more than a year.

Sorry for your great loss today.

Hoping for kinder days ahead for you.

Well I slept some, gonna try to sleep more.

also been lurking for a while, thank you for sharing all of this, quite an emotional journey. Glad you've finally found the ending you both were looking for at least, despite the loss it meant.

Have been lurking through the topics but never really knew what to say, but just wanted to post that my thoughts are with ya, and I cannot even imagine the whirlwind of emotions...

Not gonna lie, got a little bit emotional reading the thread too. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I am glad you guys were able to do it on your own terms like this...

Thanks for posting her picture. She looks like a really sweet person and I hope you can maintain the good spirits like she had during this.

She has a beautiful smile. I hope you can connect with friends and family to help you go forward. Sending you hugs.

It's 10am here so I guess time to get up.

I have at least the rest of the week off, if not more. I told my work that I am taking off as much time as I need.

I think today will be just cleaning out some of the stuff that my wife left behind. A lot of prescription meds, meal replacement options, etc.

One of our best friends is gonna come over and grab what clothing would be useful to either her sisters or just for donation.

There is a part of me that just wants to live in bed today but that won't help anything. If I feel tired later I will go for a nap.

Sounds like a plan but something that eventually needs to be done. Glad you will have some help.

Don't forget to eat and stay hydrated. Take care of yourself now.

Listen to your body. If you need to just stop and rest or sleep please do

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/9/9/2/AAABltAAEq04.jpg

Since my wife couldn't work she got into playing Japanese crane games. Won like 350 times. We sold some things we didn't care about but this monument to all the sorts of things my wife loved is right here. I love it all so much.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

It's 10am here so I guess time to get up.

I have at least the rest of the week off, if not more. I told my work that I am taking off as much time as I need.

I think today will be just cleaning out some of the stuff that my wife left behind. A lot of prescription meds, meal replacement options, etc.

One of our best friends is gonna come over and grab what clothing would be useful to either her sisters or just for donation.

There is a part of me that just wants to live in bed today but that won't help anything. If I feel tired later I will go for a nap.

My mom and MIL ended up doing all that. I was so depressed that all I could do was sit in my oversized chair and watch TV while tears streamed down my face and being barely verbal.

DarthDemented posted...

My mom and MIL ended up doing all that. I was so depressed that all I could do was sit in my oversized chair and watch TV while tears streamed down my face and being barely verbal.

I expect it is never quite the same, but how long did it take to start feeling like your life had some normalcy again? Are you able to feel content at times? Did you ever start dating again?

Sorry for the questions, but I wonder how I would react with something happening to me like this.

On my end truth be told there is someone in my life that I am very fond of and moving forward when I'm in the place to start a new relationship I would love to ask her out.

That's the thing with this having taken so long is the fact that my wife told me to find someone new and to enjoy the rest of my life. With the process taking 10 months and living in two separate futures at the same time, thoughts of who in my life I care about come in and whatnot.

I didn't express those thoughts to my wife for obvious reasons but I think it's healthy to know that happiness and new experiences are going to happen and to be excited about those things. I struggled with guilt about beyond fond of another woman. Never any thoughts of leaving my wife or cheating or ANYTHING like that, just someone I know who at the end of the day I wanna spend more time with and get to know them better.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I didn't express those thoughts to my wife for obvious reasons but I think it's healthy to know that happiness and new experiences are going to happen and to be excited about those things. I struggled with guilt about beyond fond of another woman. Never any thoughts of leaving my wife or cheating or ANYTHING like that, just someone I know who at the end of the day I wanna spend more time with and get to know them better.

I don't think anyone who's been following you through this could think that, not that our opinions should matter to you at all, but just know that's not how it comes off. Not to me, anyway.

You wife explicitly told you that you were going to move on. That's just another one of the kindnesses she seemed to represent.

Don't let anyone give you hell about putting yourself back out there. You deserve love, and a chance to be happy. Just be careful, okay? I wouldn't want you to rush your healing process. It's not going to happen overnight, just, take your time.

bsp77 posted...

I expect it is never quite the same, but how long did it take to start feeling like your life had some normalcy again? Are you able to feel content at times? Did you ever start dating again?

Sorry for the questions, but I wonder how I would react with something happening to me like this.

You're all good buddy. This was two years ago. The normalcy didn't really start til I got some grief counseling. Even then the depression and anxiety would come to say hi but I slowly learned to manage it on my own. The first Christmas without her I got me and the kid a PS4 pro with the VR and a stack of games to try to reduce the sting. There's still certain days of the year that I'm not really ok. Christmas, her birthday, the day she passed, and our wedding anniversary. I have actually started dating again and she was actually one of my wife's home care aides lol. She kinda stayed around after my wife passed to make sure me and my kid were ok and we just kinda clicked and figured let's give it a go. See what happens.

It sounds like both of you guys have a great mixture of love, respect and grief for your wives but also are realistic about what the future could hold. Both of you are clearly very giving yet strong people and deserve happiness.

But yeah, I can (or maybe can't quite) understand how hard certain holidays and anniversaries must be.

It's my birthday on Saturday so that will be strange moving forward. However it is a built in reason for the family to join together.

bsp77 posted...

It sounds like both of you guys have a great mixture of love, respect and grief for your wives but also are realistic about what the future could hold. Both of you are clearly very giving yet strong people and deserve happiness.

But yeah, I can (or maybe can't quite) understand how hard certain holidays and anniversaries must be.

Like his wife, my wife always wanted me to move on with someone else if she passed while we were still young. We had no idea she actually would. TC at least knew it was coming and got to say goodbye. My wife was just sudden and actually kinda traumatizing for me. Even though I got counseling that night still affects me. Yeah I can go into her room and play some video games on my kids TV but I don't think I would want to ever make it my bedroom since that's where it all went down

DarthDemented posted...

Like his wife, my wife always wanted me to move on with someone else if she passed while we were still young. We had no idea she actually would. TC at least knew it was coming and got to say goodbye. My wife was just sudden and actually kinda traumatizing for me. Even though I got counseling that night still affects me. Yeah I can go into her room and play some video games on my kids TV but I don't think I would want to ever make it my bedroom since that's where it all went down

Yeah I can't really imagine that DD. It sucked for my wife that we had to travel out of province to have it done, but having it happen elsewhere allows my home to not be intrinsically linked to that moment. My home is filled with wonderful memories of her, not that last moment.

I'm happy I snapped that picture of her smiling and laughing right before too.

We have a lot of similar experiences for sure, but how we got there was very different.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Yeah I can't really imagine that DD. It sucked for my wife that we had to travel out of province to have it done, but having it happen elsewhere allows my home to not be intrinsically linked to that moment. My home is filled with wonderful memories of her, not that last moment.

I'm happy I snapped that picture of her smiling and laughing right before too.

We have a lot of similar experiences for sure, but how we got there was very different.

Too right you are buddy. I remember in the first thread you mentioned she was designing a tattoo for you to get after she was gone. How did that turn out? Still gonna do it?

DarthDemented posted...

Too right you are buddy. I remember in the first thread you mentioned she was designing a tattoo for you to get after she was gone. How did that turn out? Still gonna do it?

We talked about it and I think for now I'm gonna go with something more simple.

When we watched Harry Potter together (we did every Christmas season), the whole *Harry Potter series spoilers* , "Always" part with Snape talking about Lily? It always made us both cry. I think I'm going to get "Always" and the TOD tattoo'd on my inner wrist. Kinda minimalistic, but means a whole lot.

Doesn't have to be a whole sleeve to be sentimental. I know I showed mine last thread so I'll spare the repost lol.

DarthDemented posted...

Doesn't have to be a whole sleeve to be sentimental. I know I showed mine last thread so I'll spare the repost lol.

You mentioned you had a child. How is he/she doing with all of this? And is this bringing it all out again for you? Can you deal with it again?

SweetNut_Farm posted...

You mentioned you had a child. How is he/she doing with all of this? And is this bringing it all out again for you? Can you deal with it again?

He's doing great. For now. He rejected grief counseling so I figured that instead of just throwing him into it against his will, let him persue it when he's older and bit more mature about it. As far as dealing with the memories, I've been doing ok really. No major breakdowns or anything like that lol.

I did about 30 minutes of work and then I sat down to just watch some YouTube stuff. Gotta get myself some groceries at some point today too.

It's gonna be strange to have the full range of options for my kitchen back. Due to all my wife's allergies we had very limited options for eating. I didn't want to cause her any problems so I tried to avoid things that could cause her allergies. I guess I can kinda just cook and eat whatever I want. Maybe I will grab some seafood tonight.

... nah I'm just gonna go for the usual. At least right now.

Nothing wrong with sticking to the familiar.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

On my end truth be told there is someone in my life that I am very fond of and moving forward when I'm in the place to start a new relationship I would love to ask her out.

That's the thing with this having taken so long is the fact that my wife told me to find someone new and to enjoy the rest of my life. With the process taking 10 months and living in two separate futures at the same time, thoughts of who in my life I care about come in and whatnot.

I didn't express those thoughts to my wife for obvious reasons but I think it's healthy to know that happiness and new experiences are going to happen and to be excited about those things. I struggled with guilt about beyond fond of another woman. Never any thoughts of leaving my wife or cheating or ANYTHING like that, just someone I know who at the end of the day I wanna spend more time with and get to know them better.

I didnt expect this post the next day, but yeah youve got a realistic thinking ahead of you and thats a good thing.

--Zero- posted...

I didnt expect this post the next day, but yeah youve got a realistic thinking ahead of you and thats a good thing.

I think that's one of the silver linings... having so much time to prepare, and talk, and grieve in advance must make moving on at least a little bit easier. No second guessing what she would want, potentially less guilt over moving on, thus making a sad and severe loss into something ceremonial and planned instead of purely tragic.

--Zero- posted...

I didnt expect this post the next day, but yeah youve got a realistic thinking ahead of you and thats a good thing.

I am guessing it is quite different when you have 10 months to think about it and come to terms with it.

I hope when the time comes for either me or my fiance (many, many years away I hope!), that we have some time to say goodbye first. Most likely it will be me going first considering our ages.

bsp77 posted...

I am guessing it is quite different when you have 10 months to think about it and come to terms with it.

I hope when the time comes for either me or my fiance (many, many years away I hope!), that we have some time to say goodbye first. Most likely it will be me going first considering our ages.

I hope its many, many years away for you as well. Being widowed is one of those things that should happen when you're too old and senile to even realize what's going on.