Current Events > Post your favorite jokes here :3

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A photon was checking into a hotel when the bellhop asked if he needed help with his luggage. The photon responded No thanks, Im traveling light

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/6/8/6/AAPV5JAAEKxO.jpg

She looks like Genshin character. Or Genshin characters look like her.

Anyway, what did the UN say about the ocean sovereignty treaty? it's a fluid situation

Thats Yang Xiao Long from the web series RWBY :<

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
A: He had no body to go with!

Ahh, the days when I'd watch Scrubs. Seems like forever ago.

Old man and is wife were at the doctors.

The Doctor turns to the old man and says that he requires a urine sample, stool sample and a blood sample.

Now the old man who is a bit deaf turns to his wife and says "What did the Doctor just say"?

And the old lady replies "oh he has just asked for your underpants".

Whats the difference between Donald Trump and Donald Duck?
One is an angry cartoon character that spouts gibbberish and the other is a duck!

They are far too spicy for gamefaqs. So heres this instead.

Why couldnt the skeleton put on his pants?

He had a boner.

I'm probably going to butcher the fuck out of this one but I love the punchline.

A cowboy walks into a bar. He notices that it's full of women, maybe a lesbian bar? But he's been on the road (he also rides a motorcycle) and he was ready for a drink, so he stayed. He sits down at the bar and the blonde bartender serves him a drink. After chatting for a bit, he says "Hey, want to hear a blonde joke?"

The bartender gives him a stern look and says, "Listen buddy, before you tell that joke, I want you to know that I'm a former MMA champion. The blonde sitting on your left is an Olympic level wrestler. The blonde to your right is a professional kickboxer. And the tall, muscular blonde at the door used to be a professional weightlifter. Now think about it, do you really want to tell that joke?"

The cowboy's grin turned into a frown. He thought for a few seconds and replied, "Well, no. Not if I'm going to have to explain it four times."

No need to open the email about how to spell maps backwards.

It's spam.

Two peanuts were walking down the street.

One was a salted.

Need more jokes

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/6/1/9/AAPV5JAAEPZD.jpg

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar

The rabbit says, "I think that I'm a typo"

A woman is sitting at her husband's funeral.

A man leans in to her and asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?"

"No, go right ahead", the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says "Plethora", and sits back down.

"Thanks", the woman says, "that means a lot".

Oh boy, jokes?! Here's mine!

My life.

A Roman guy walks into a bar, holds up his index and middle fingers, and says Id like five beers please

Why do all the ships in the Norwegian navy have barcodes printed on the sides?

So that when they return to port, they can easily Scandinavian.

A Dog walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, hang on! Youre a Dog.
I see your eyes are working, replies the Dog.
And you can talk! exclaims the barman.
I see your ears are working, too, says the Dog. Now if you dont mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?
Certainly, sorry about that says the barman as he pulls the Dogs pint. It s just we dont get many Dogs in this pub... What are you doing round this way?
Im working on the building site across the road, explains the Dog. Im a plasterer.
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the Dog and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the Dog pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the Dog reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him youre with the circus, arent you? Well, I know this Dog that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!
Sounds marvelous, says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. Get him to give me a call.

So the next day when the Dog comes into the pub the barman says, hey Mr. Dog, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.
Im always looking for the next job, says the Dog. Where is it?
At the circus, says the barman.
The circus? repeats the Dog.
Thats right, replies the barman.
The circus? the Dog asks again. With the big TENT?
Yeah, the barman replies.
With all the animals who live in CAGES, and performers who live in CARAVANS? says the Dog.
Of course, the barman replies.
And the tent has CANVAS sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle? persists the Dog.
Thats right! says the barman.
The Dog shakes his head in amazement, and says... What the fuck would they want with a plasterer?