Current Events > Old simpsons jokes you remember randomly

(+) Yeah! (+)

https://youtu.be/tMQcbksCOwY

Marge: "I'm interested in becoming a police officer."

*Entire police station erupts in laughter for half a minute*

Wiggum: "Ha-ha, haaaa...welcome aboard."

Hey, they're playing the elephant song.
I love that. Reminds me of elephants.

Ba~by on board, something, something...Burt Ward. This song writes itself!

Linoel Hutz: Alright gentlemen, Ill take your case, but Im going to have to ask for a thousand dollar retainer.
Bart: A thousand dollars? But your ad says no money down.
Linoel Hutz: Oh! They got this all screwed up.*corrects ad with marker*
Bart: So you dont work on a contingency basis?
Linoel Hutz: No. Money down. Oops. I shouldnt have this Bar Association logo here either.*tears logo from ad, and eats it*

"So what are you up to this evening, Smithers? Something gay no doubt!"

"Wh- what!?"

"You know, footloose, fancy-free. Mothers, lock up your daughters, Smithers is on the town!"

"Lunchlady Doris, do ya have any grease?"
"Yes, yes we do."
"THEN GREASE ME UP, WOMAN!"
"Okeydokey."

*Smithers, on fire, runs to Mr. Burns, who is washing his car with a hose.*

"Mr. Burns, help me!"

"Why? You're not helping me."

"But sir, I'm flaming!"

*Mr. Burns breaks the fourth wall and gives the audience a mildly irritated look while Smithers rolls around screaming on the ground behind him.*

"Arrr, this chair be high, says I!"

"Seymour, swallow that applesauce and kiss me!"

"I'm afraid I already swallowed it while you were talking."

masterpug53 posted...

"Seymour, swallow that applesauce and kiss me!"

"I'm afraid I already swallowed it while you were talking."

"Kiss me, Patty. I don't have cooties!"

There's a 4:30 in the morning now?

"Gym (pronounced gime)? What's a gym?"

(Frink teaching a class the physics of a toy)

Frink - All right, so the compression and expansion of the longitudinal waves; you can see it there. Cause the erratic oscillation of neighboring particles.
(kid raises hand)
Yes what is it!?

Kid - Can I play with it?

Frink - No! You wont enjoy it on as many levels as I do. The colors children huh hai!

So you want a realistic down to earth show...that's completely off the wall...and swarming with magic robots?

"So this is what it feels like... when doves cry!"

"...Wait, I've got a good one now! Marge, say 'stay away from my son' again!"

"No!"

"Eyyuugghhhuuaagghhgguuaagghh."

One of my favorite bits.

https://youtu.be/9PRUIOggr2U

"Wow, you look really hungover, Dad. What did you do last night?"

"Last night? uuuuumm...."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vD402UhKM9M

"My name is Agnes and you know it's Agnes! It means LAMB! Lamb of GOD!!!"

"Bury me... at Make-Out Creek..."

"Oh, the taxes! The finger thing means taxes!!"

I didnt think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows

"Oh no, dad's been drugged!"

(disappointedly) "No, he hasn't."

Ah, no! The corn! Paul Newmans gonna have my legs broke.

Oh...fudge...that's...broken.

*steps on nail*

Fiddle tee dee! That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I AM going to KICK THIS DOGHOUSE DOWN

https://youtu.be/eWDLCTBwyn8?t=38

"Careful! They're ruffled!"

(also from that same ep)

"Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the grou..."

*pauses, aghast*

"...Sweet dreams and flying machines flying safely through the air..."

"My Pacemaker! It's stuck on 'hummingbird'! Nectar... nectar... I NEED TO DRINK MY WEIGHT IN NECTAR!!!"

*collapses*

I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge.

So long!

masterpug53 posted...

"Careful! They're ruffled!"

(also from that same ep)

"Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the grou..."

*pauses, aghast*

"...Sweet dreams and flying machines flying safely through the air..."

James Taylor, the unkempt youngster.

"That was non-alcoholic champagne!"

It's no use, I'm never gonna find that tree. This whole raid was as useless as that yellow, lemon-shaped rock over there. Wait a minute... there's a lemon behind that rock!

Oh, sure, now hes just a little boy, stealing little toys. But someday, hell be a grown man, stealing stadiums, and, . . . quarries.

I finally have time to do what I've always wanted, write the great American novel. Mine is about a futuristic theme park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techiches. I call it Billy and The Cloneasaurus.

"Which one's Itchy? The car?"
"The mouse!"
"Oh. I guess that's not him, then."

matteus70 posted...

James Taylor, the unkempt youngster.

Lmao, yeah it always tickled me that the balding, 40-something soft rocker was still considered an 'unkempt youngster' by the uber-squares at NASA.

"Thank you for not making fun of my genitalia."

"I thought I did..."

"We got Skinner's under~wear! And there's nothing you can do about it, Mr. Ex-Principal!"

"That's not true! I can buy another pair!"

*checks wallet*

"No, I can't. I needed those, I really did."

Yello!

You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel

"Hey Homie, I can see your doodle!"

"Shut up, Flanders..."

*Homer and Peter are trapped in a crashing spaceship as it slides down a natural rock ramp and launches over Springfield Gorge.*

Peter: "We're gonna make it!"

Homer: "Trust me, we're not."

*The ship loses momentum and drops into the gorge.*

"Hello Homer, I believe you've met my parents?"

"Not naked I haven't!"

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/9/1/7/AAQwHjAAD8ql.png

Don't worry, its IN-flammable!

**massive fire erupts**

"Everywhere I look, people are enjoying knives!"

matteus70 posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/9/1/7/AAQwHjAAD8ql.png

Lisa: Its awful being a kid, no one listens to you.
Grandpa: its rotten being old, no one listens to you!
Homer: Im a white male, aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are!

"Wee! I'm Dick Tracy! Bam! Take that, Prune Face! Now I'm Prune Face! Take that, Dick Tracy! Now I'm Prune Tracy! Take that, Dick F-"

"Ned, stop it at once! Stop it!"

"Hey, can I throw up in your bathroom? I'll buy somethin'!"

"Excuse me, did something crawl down your throat and die?!"

"It didn't die!"

"Here's five dollars. Buy yourself a suit and get busy!"

"Oh I'll buy a suit... of drugs! Ahahaha ha ha!"

Not really a quote / joke, but I find it amusing that Barney landing Linda Ronstadt for his 'Plow King' jingle - an absurd one-off gag at first glance, particularly when he says "we've been looking for a project to do together" - is later made plausible by virtue of the Be Sharps' backstory (the two of them very well could have met up during his brief stint as a famous singer).