Board 8 > Ugh, my mom bought me a Christmas present that opened up fresh and old wounds...

(+) Yeah! (+)

Sorry for storytime I'm feeling a little crappy.

So my mom bought me an Authentic Dodgers All-Star Jersey. Expensive($450). This should be great for me, right? Well, it isn't.

So these jerseys went on sale mid-July, fairly limited stock. I'd wanted one since the game was announced here in 2018. Well, they went on sale, my mom picks up on it first(I'm not a morning person), wakes me up in a panic to help buy jerseys for my cousins because no one in my family is computer literate enough to do internet transactions(Make sure its the right player on the back, create accounts to order, etc). She was buying ours too. In all this eventually I realize they are the replica jerseys(About a third cheaper). I really, really, really wanted the authentic, this was supposed to be something special and not a cheap knockoff. But I'm more than conditioned to not ask for anything and wasn't sure how to ask(I was fully prepared to buy my own prior). I didn't want to say I didn't want the jersey, and my mom was already paying for my cousins to go to the game for some reason($1000 apiece, x2).

I'll maybe get into this more here, but I'm always very privately annoyed at my parents when they make sure my cousins get things they want(And spend money for them). I lived my childhood basically conditioned to ask for nothing, expected to live dirt cheap. So I make what is one of the worst decisions in my life and stay quiet for a bit. The orders for the replicas were already in by the time I got any word in, long after the struggle to get orders for the rest of my family.

I wasn't even sure the orders were able to be cancelled. I sat on it, looked at the replicas, decided they'd be nice but I'd literally had my heart set on an authentic all-star jersey for almost 4 and a half years. I'd talked to so many people about how I'd had money just sitting there ready to purchase it when it became available. I researched to make sure the replicas could be cancelled and the authentics still orderable. They were, great. It takes some time to whip up the courage to ask, but I tell my mom that I really wanted the authentic even though it was a lot more expensive. Cancelled, ordered, done great.

Except it wasn't. MLB and their partner in Fanatics suck. My cousins and everyone else got their replicas, but weeks later my jersey never came. And eventually got an email saying my order could not be fulfilled and was cancelled. I was devastated, like, crying in bed devastated. I had been looking forward to having an all-star jersey for over 4 years more than anything and now I had nothing, couldn't even order a replica at this point either. Just completely hung out to dry. Anyone that delayed more than a few hours in ordering, cancelled. Yes, my fault for not speaking up, but this is where things get complicated.

Anyway, why does getting a jersey now suck? Well, the only authentic jerseys left are...blank. They have the team name on the front and nothing on the back. I had ordered a Kershaw jersey, hes a future hall of famer, those jerseys never go out of style. You can't wear a blank jersey, especially not the all-star variants. They all look exactly the same from the back, you can't tell at all what you are repping. They are only $20 less but significantly bland(And missing a patch that would signify all-star appearance number for the player). This becomes a big purchase that you basically can never take out of the closet.

As for old wounds, I mentioned this earlier, my parents basically raised me to have trouble spending money. When I was a young kid they had no money, but my grandparents did. But I was never allowed to ask for anything. I watched my cousins ask and get everything they wanted. Game consoles, cars, all sorts of whatever they wanted. Hell even going out for food I was pretty much trained to pick things on specials and just order a meal while my cousins would load up on appetizers and whatever. I was allowed to ask for reasonably priced things for Christmas and birthdays. My parents would spend bare minimum on me. This shit latches onto you. I still have a hard time spending anything. I irrationally worry about spending money and penny pinch. Anything not a necessity causes me a bit of agony to spend money on. Things that are a want, like say, a jersey, take a lot for me to feel comfortable buying. Even when they are the thing I wanted more than I've basically wanted anything in awhile.

Other part of this, my whole life, my parents liked to fake like they werent poor to others. They'd pay for meals when out to eat with others, they'd buy all my cousins all the shit they asked for when they were taking care of them(Fast food, etc, while I was trained to mostly eat at home). Nevermind that they were nicer to other peoples kids(I was expected to be perfect or else). As I got older my parents stopped being poor, but I was older(Say, 15+). But I always had little cousins, and I'd watch my parents buy them all sorts of shit(A couple of cousins would get things like handheld game consoles and shit on a whim). Yeah it made me fucking bitter. I still couldn't bring myself to ask for anything, what at that point felt like a lifetime of conditioning to not ask for shit doesn't go away. At this point I was trained to budget money I received for BDays and Christmas to fund my video games. But I still got and still get that feeling that is part jealousy part bitterness. Hell my parents spending money to send my cousins to the all-star game, even adjusting for inflation, is more than they ever spent on a single non-necessity for me(Okay, they did this once, but also for something I didn't ask for and something that brought them nostalgia for my childhood. It probably made them feel better than it made me feel. It mostly just made me feel uncomfortable that they spent that much money).

Look, I made peace with the fact I didn't get the jersey I had my damn heart set on. I didn't want a lesser one. I know it was my fault. I'm going to look at it and just remember it as the time I didn't get something that I really wanted. I don't think it can even be taken back. But it makes me real fucking bitter. I know why I am the way I am with money, I cant fucking change it. But also sometimes my parents try to make up for a shit childhood throwing things at me without bothering to know me. The money spent on the jersey could have been spent on something I really want that would have made me feel good. And I know it sounds a little selfish and stupid, but staring at the jersey in the bag just makes me feel shitty for being the way I am and regretful that I didn't get the thing I really wanted.

Also not the first time I've ended Christmas depressed. Usually a similar issue. When you are raised to be dirt cheap you get uncomfortable asking for anything. And when you get uncomfortable you end up with a hard time letting any of your wants and interests out. It was great getting money and gift cards when I was a teen but as an adult a pile of money you don't need feels impersonal and soulless. Being much older and self-sufficient now its usually less of a problem, but it still crops up every now and then like tonight.

I enjoy Christmas to meet up with some of my cousins(Not all the same ones my parents showered with money, though I don't mind them either, they are typically a younger age group) and we talk about nerd things and play Smash and whatever little tabletop games one of my cousins brings over. But if I start thinking about all the material things involved over the years it ends up mostly unpleasant.

NTA. Er, this isn't AITA. I don't fault you at all, and I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with that. Really sorry you never got the jersey you wanted. If that were me, I'd have spent hours on the phone aggressively working my way up the support chain to see if they could custom make one.

If your parents do nothing but make the holidays depressing for you, you need to talk it out with them and explain why you feel that way. If their attempts to compensate only feel half-hearted despite their awareness, it may be time to decrease contact.

I can kinda relate on the cousin things, like I was jealous of how they got better presents than me, but I would feel the same way if my own parents treated my cousins better than me. Im sorry.

Sorry you couldnt get the jersey you wanted. But check out some autographed memorabilia, something you can add to your collection that is tangible, not just wearable. Maybe you can find that jersey you wanted on those sites. I think its time to treat yourself to something. Something big. It might not make you feel better forever, maybe it will - but it will make you realize that you are in control of how you feel. Saving money is also great!

BlueCrystalTear posted...

I'd have spent hours on the phone aggressively working my way up the support chain to see if they could custom make one.

They dead end you real fast, i tried.

The replica jersey you got was still a present, though, right? Or did you buy it yourself?

From your experience these past couple of years, won't the authentic one you jave your heart set on be back in stock again sometime?

I can relate to this a lot.

I was raised virtually the same way, broke parents but with grandparents, mostly just Grandma, who had disposable income, and it definitely screwed with me. Grandma would always buy me things. When I was four years old I got an NES, and she also bought me a tv for my own room so I could play it in there without bothering my parents. Of course, she made sure to buy me a bigger tv than the one my parents had in the front room which I'm sure made them feel amazing. Whenever something like this happened, arguments would ensue, my Grandma would usually win under the 'Grandparents Get To Spoil Grandchildren' clause and usually being privy to the arguments my childhood was mostly me knowing I was getting a bunch of things I probably shouldn't have. My parents apparently won this argument once back when I was two and she got me a drum kit. They put a stop to that right away. Probably a very smart decision.

My parents, I don't know if it was to try and compete with Grandma or not, would buy me things I knew even at a young age they probably shouldn't be buying. I had way too many video games for how much money my parents made. When I was older and Magic became a thing, they would just randomly buy me packs here or there. I don't really like to think of how much they spent on that stuff overall.

I'm 38 now but I still have some fucked up issues with money.

If something has recently been on sale, I won't buy it until it goes back on sale. It's not that I think what I want costs too much, it's just knowing that I could've feasibly had it cheaper. There's a game I want that's on sale right now for $4.50, but back in January it was on sale for $3.75. It's less than a dollar. A dollar! But I likely won't buy it, telling myself it will go on sale for the cheaper price again eventually (and my backlog is ridiculous so it's not like I don't have shit to play.)

I can't choose where to eat out if I'm with other people. I've gotten into arguments with friends before when they tried to get me to choose because they always have to choose, and I'll end up just choosing not to eat at all. The idea that they might pay more to eat at the place I picked, which makes no sense to begin with because I would inevitably choose somewhere cheap, causes me a ton of stress.

My parents, who like yours don't buy things online and ask me to do it for them if they ever have to, wanted to get my Sister some car seat covers for Christmas. My Mom tells me what she wants and gives me their credit card number to order it for them. Strangely enough, because it doesn't involve me getting anything I have no problem whatsoever paying for this myself, but if Mom found out one of her kids paid for something for her shit would hit the fan. However, because I'm not paying, once I see that they cost ~$200 I decide I need to look around. Maybe somewhere else sells it cheaper. Maybe there's some coupon available to get a discount. Maybe it will go on sale after Thanksgiving. It's literally not my money but it takes me eight days to buy it.