Current Events > Do you feel you've missed the window for doing certain things in life?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Getting married, getting an education, getting a career, getting a good social life, or getting something else?

What do you think? Is there a window?

Being happy

Yes to all those. Had a stunted life due to my autism. I've skipped a bunch of things everyone else does at certain ages. Because of that, emotionally in many ways I am still kind of a teenager

Yes. I think I was dealt a bad hand. I think I relate more only to people who have my condition or aspects that look like my condition. I think I've missed out on a social life because I either don't reach out to people or push them away.

With everything else I feel like I have to work twice as hard to achieve a baseline of normal. But everyone thinks I'm stupid or I'm lazy or I have no personality or that I'm scary or that I'm a terrible person.

I just want to be happy.

I also have not had any kind of normal life due to autism.

There are some perks that help compensate for that though. The government gives me money, so I don't have to work, for example.

I'm also extremely detached, and don't really care much about anything, which makes life very chill.

I'd honestly be fine if I could live the way I do now for the rest of my life.

there were windows, maybe i should try jumping out of one

It sure feels that way. In two major aspects, at least.

First is career. My dumbass has never had any kind of legit career goals. Ive never been one to base my life around work, so Ive never had any direction. After high school, I didnt even bother with college because we couldnt afford it and if I didnt really want to go, it seemed like a waste of money (wouldve been neat if it was properly explained to me that I could have done college in a way that wasnt mentally and financially overwhelming though). So I spent nearly fifteen years working at a grocery store. Through that, I was able to get an associates degree for free at least and I have moved onto to something better, but its still not enough. Im living comfortably, but I could definitely use more.

At 34 years old, I feel like Im too old to be starting at the bottom but I dont have enough real experience for any kind of well-paying job. Its like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

The other thing Ive completely bungled is dating. Never had much luck with it, and every experience Ive had has been legit miserable. Completely off balance, to the point where Im conditioned to think dating = misery.

Im too old to have essentially the dating experience of a middle schooler lmao. I cant imagine that any woman is going to have the patience for me.

Surprisingly, Im not unhappy with my life. Sure, I wish some things couldve been different, but Ive learned to accept things as they are and make peace with it.

Not so much that I've missed the window, more like I'm worried that if I try now it'll be obvious how late to party I am.

Always try and tell myself I'm never too old though

There was never a window for me to have kids and even if I had any before transition it would only have gotten in the way of my financial situation and advancing that way as a result of time commitments. Plus I really had to come into things on my own, to be in a state where I changed over time and can depend on others and have others depend on me. But I do wish I could have them. And don't say "adoption" when the process is slow and more expensive than most hospital bills for giving birth without insurance.

Nothing that bothers me immensely.

There doesn't have to be a window, other than women biologically having children. I completely started over at 40 after my divorce with no friends and despite having been married, no real dating experience. This also meant learning proper communication and social skills due to autism. Now I did already have some things going for me (not a virgin, a career that paid decently), but I still made drastic changes.

Exploration

No

I have a feeling my window for being a 10-time Superbowl MVP is closing

Auto racing. Wish the bug bit me years ago. I still haven't tried it as of yet but I'd like to at some point.

Also I'm still unmarried. Somewhat sadface (I'm also not sure how easily I could adjust to having to share my life with someone else).

I live by routine.

Everything else is stolen moments.

Not a chance, and it's never too late to start on that stuff.

I was fortunate to get started when I was in high school.
My parents wanted to be sure of my first diagnosis of clinical depression and autism, so they took me to like six doctors and three psychiatrists/psychologists/whatever they were. Each one affirmed the original diagnosis: "Your kid's got clinical depression and has autism. Here's a prescription for some happy pills."
Realized all those prescriptions do is push aside the issue but don't treat the issue, which came to my last revelation: depression's all on me. And if depression's all on me, then the autism may just be me not having the necessary skills learned.

Two years later in my final year of high school, boom: I was right. Improved myself, no more depression, no more autism, became a do'er and not a talker. Fast forward a decade later, my life's fantastic and I can only see it getting better.

Why do I bring that up? Because most people use it as an excuse and an inevitability because it comes from a doctor, and have a real defeatist mentality with it rather than working around it or outright eliminating it. This carries over to impacting life because they have those convenient excuses to fall back on and constantly cite as the thing(s) to blame for why things are the way they are.

So no. I don't feel like I've missed the window. Because I took ownership of my life while most of my other friends were wasting theirs smoking pot and eating pizza, calling that a good time, while their aspirations were (and still are) put on the backburner 10+ years later.

I have 0 sympathy for lazy mfs, especially ones who have an excuse for everything.
"I'm gonna learn programming and design a hit game." *Smokes pot and blankly watches tv for one-three hours every night, making 0 progress on learning those skills* "I was too busy last night."
"I would write and draw more, but I just don't have the time." *Spends all their free time laying in bed, scrolling through an online forum for crap to reply to*

The USA's called the Land of Opportunity for a reason. But none of its citizens use any of it, and just blame others when they can as inevitabilities while the ones who actually want to make use of said opportunities swipe them all up. Like scholarships:
"School's too expensive, it's predatory."
... Mother f***er do you have ANY idea how much scholarship money the states sit on every year because almost no one applies for them? I got a full ride through all my years of university not because of a package offer from the university, but because I spent hours looking for an applying for scholarships. Putting in work.
Goddamn I hate lazy people... Excuse after excuse, NO accountability,

And anyone who says "It's too late to do ____"--bullshit. It's only too late when you're dead. The only downside to starting late is you potentially skip years where you can most enjoy it.
The only upside to seeing stuff like that is that I'm glad I won't be like that by the time I'm 30, especially with all the things I've gotten done.

Thats nice, but what do you do when you genuinely cant think of how to actually better yourself?

I am pretty sure they won't let me have that bar mitzvah twenty years late.

So a few milestones.

I definitely missed on getting an education because I have a family to raise now and theres no way I have the time for school at this point with how busy I am and how much I have to work

I don't feel like I missed a window, I just don't think I will ever end up doing those things. Idk. I'm just going through the motions.

To some extent, but mostly no. I kind of did things backwards so I'm still on track.

I bought two houses by the age of 20. I got my degree in EE on Friday at 29. I don't have a job yet, but for the most part my 30s should be solid. Only thing I kinda wished I did was join the military and enjoy the benefits. If I did that tho I don't think I would have gotten my degree so I guess it evens out.

Yes, all I have left to look forward to is death.

Mistere_Man posted...

Yes, all I have left to look forward to is death.

Inb4 you pass the window of opportunity and become immortal.

I missed the opportunity to make friends and build up my social skills during school, and I'm now at an age where others are mostly busy with work and married life. Those who do have some free time would rather be with people who aren't complete outcasts.

I feel like I fell too far behind everyone else, and even trying to catch up looks like an exercise in futility. So I'm pretty much trying to pass the time with the Internet and video games until I eventually kick the bucket.

I was never set on it, but the window will be closing very quickly for federal law enforcement jobs.

Only a couple years left to test for the FBI but I really dont feel like doing a third 6 month academy in my life

I'm 34 I've completely messed the boat and only wait til I eventually get fired from my most recent job and lose what little money I have left. I honestly do not see a future ahead of me nor do I have anything to be proud of

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

TBH, I guess I really can't know for sure. I guess it would be more accurate to say that my social anxiety and lack of communication skills keep me from actually interacting with the people I come across. I'm well liked on a surface level, but I have issues forming deep, meaningful friendships.

If I somehow managed to become decent at communication, people might be willing to give me a shot. I'm just not sure where to start in my situation.

LordOfTheCats posted...

TBH, I guess I really can't know for sure. I guess it would be more accurate to say that my social anxiety and lack of communication skills keep me from actually interacting with the people I come across. I'm well liked on a surface level, but I have issues forming deep, meaningful friendships.

If I somehow managed to become decent at communication, people might be willing to give me a shot. I'm just not sure where to start in my situation.

What about your communication is bad? I think people overestimate communication as an experience

MedeaLysistrata posted...

What about your communication is bad? I think people overestimate communication as an experience

Small talk is my main issue. I don't know how to keep a conversation going. People will talk about random topics and I don't know how to respond outside of one or two-word responses. I also don't have much to say about myself, mainly because my own life is pretty boring. I know that doesn't stop others from talking about boring topics, but I always find myself hitting a brick wall.

The funny thing is that I actually consider myself a decent writer. Might be the fact that I have more time to compose my thoughts, or that I'm not talking face-to-face with another person when writing/typing. I can write entire paragraphs without breaking a sweat, but struggle like crazy when it comes to verbal communication.

Everything, due to nothing going right for me (personal limitations, poverty, violent upbringing, bad neighborhood, poor education, etc.)

For folks saying having a social circle passed them,

have yall tried the friend version of Bumble? I hear great things from folks who have used it.

LordOfTheCats posted...

Small talk is my main issue. I don't know how to keep a conversation going. People will talk about random topics and I don't know how to respond outside of one or two-word responses. I also don't have much to say about myself, mainly because my own life is pretty boring. I know that doesn't stop others from talking about boring topics, but I always find myself hitting a brick wall.

The funny thing is that I actually consider myself a decent writer. Might be the fact that I have more time to compose my thoughts, or that I'm not talking face-to-face with another person when writing/typing. I can write entire paragraphs without breaking a sweat, but struggle like crazy when it comes to verbal communication.

I can relate, but I also suck at writing.

I try to practice having voice conversations sometimes, it really does help a little bit. Maybe if you're in a discord or anything trying doing that more.

Cagey posted...

I was never set on it, but the window will be closing very quickly for federal law enforcement jobs.

similarly, recently find out i will soon be too old to become a wildland firefighter apprentice, which has an applicant age window of 18 to 37

No. There's still plenty of time, if not in this life then the next.

No. I didnt start dating until my 30s. But I have an education and have had good jobs and own a house. I figure I can still get married and have kids.

I feel like I'm too old to learn how to draw properly but when I did draw as a kid in art class I did really bad and also i have below average hand writing so I have doubts

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


You could always move to Russia, they'll accept just about anybody in the military regardless of age.

BloodMoon7 posted...

Inb4 you pass the window of opportunity and become immortal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhsdAEikjYQ

Yeah, I wish I fucked more Asian chicks in college. They were EVERYWHERE in college. But in the real world, I'm lucky if I see 1 a week. I really miss being surrounded by them >_> Definitely should've seized the moment more in college instead of doing other stuff

Yes i regret not joining the millitary. I waited too long to decide and now i feel like i should have done it years ago.

The_Wheelman1 posted...

Yes i regret not joining the millitary. I waited too long to decide and now i feel like i should have done it years ago.

You would have regretted joining.