Board 8 > 2022 was Rough for Videogames (a stealth list topic)

(+) Yeah! (+)

This year I only played 12 new games released in 2022 - and I'd really only say 6 of them were actually what I'd deem "good."

Last year, I tried to pair my 25 favorite video games from 2021 with my 25 favorite albums. It was admittedly an ambitious topic and I never finished it. I'll spare you the music write-ups this year, therefore saving you from my musical "taste." (Real quick though: listen to new albums by Bjork, Weyes Blood, Lil Silva, Joyce Manor, Alex G, CRJ, elite gymnastics/jaime brooks, Bloc Party, Fred again, Soul Glo, and Beach House kthnx).

So anyway, I'm going to write about all the games I played this year in loose chronological order, including the 2022 games and the replays/backlogs I tackled (on the docket: Smash Ultimate, Paper Mario, FFX, FFX-2, FFXIV: ARR, Persona 5 Royal, Yakuza LAD, THPS1&2, Return of the Obra Dinn, Disco Elysium, Castlevania Advance Collection).

So again... roughly 25 games. Please enjoy.

But first, let's talk about what's not on here. I guess if I'm talking about them they're technically "on here."

Sorry XBros. Anything on Gamepass / XBox only I couldn't play due to me being a card carrying nintendo fanboy / sony crony. So Pentiment in other words.

God of War Ragnarok. I feel like I've made my position on the first game relatively clear. However, since this is my list and my rules, I'll repeat myself. I'm sure GoW 2018 is a wonderful game for most people but I have tried three times to finish it and I don't think I've ever made it even halfway. I just find it dull.

Pokemon. Why do y'all keep letting them get away with this?

Sonic Frontiers. Sorry, please don't leave!

Gooden tag

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Super Smash Bros. Ultimate's Era of Hype Ends
January of 2022 is pretty much the last time I played Smash Bros. In fact, I remember playing this with some friends on New Years Day. Nothing really beats playing Smash Bros with the bros.

Sora in smash was such a wild announcement. He low key kind of sucks though. Huge in the air for sure, but kind of boring to play as. Also we didn't even get "Simple and Clean" or "Sanctuary."

The last major Smash announcement was in October 2021. Since then Sakurai's formed his own (wonderful) Youtube channel, where he's discussed all sorts of introductory-level game design topics, as well as dropped hints about a Kid Icarus Uprising remake or Switch port. So Sakurai's doing fine, but I must admit to missing the hype of the character reveals. Wherever Smash goes next, and whether or not Sakurai's along for the ride, nothing really beats the hype for a new reveal trailer.

It is truly hard for me to imagine a Smash 6 that is "better" than Smash Ultimate in terms of hype, roster, and gameplay. Therefore, my only prediction is that Smash 6 somehow goes into a wildly different direction.

colliding posted...

But first, let's talk about what's not on here. I guess if I'm talking about them they're technically "on here."

Sorry XBros. Anything on Gamepass / XBox only I couldn't play due to me being a card carrying nintendo fanboy / sony crony. So Pentiment in other words.

God of War Ragnarok. I feel like I've made my position on the first game relatively clear. However, since this is my list and my rules, I'll repeat myself. I'm sure GoW 2018 is a wonderful game for most people but I have tried three times to finish it and I don't think I've ever made it even halfway. I just find it dull.

oof

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pictured: the main character in horse form meets his mare

Nobody Saves the World is my 10th favorite game of 2022
From the studio that brought you Guacamelee, Nobody Saves the World is highly reminiscent of turn of the century flash games. From the sound effects, to the humor, to the overall art design, this game reminded me more of Newgrounds than anything else. That isn't altogether pleasant for me, to be honest.

I probably would never have even played this, but the go-to gaming podcasts were all talking this one up: GB, Besties, Triple Click. They all liked it! And with some good reason, I suppose. Mechanically, it is fun to play. You're able to switch classes/forms on the fly, and the game is always throwing new levels/achievements for you to reach.

Still, aesthetically this is a challenging play for me. Even the sound of the cursor in the menu feels deliberately chunky. All the characters feel like perverts, like a sticker of Calvin peeing on the Fairly Odd Parents.

If you do the math "10th favorite" is the same as "third worst."

Somnium Files or bust.

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pictured: horizon's map screen, which you will need to look at regularly

Horizon Forbidden West is a Terrible Open World Videogame
Poor Horizon. Much has been said about the developers' seemingly bad luck in release dates. This game's predecessor, Horizon Zero Dawn, a much better videogame than this one, was released five days before Breath of the Wild. Meanwhile, Forbidden West followed suit by daring to come out a week before Elden Ring. This is not exactly the devs fault, as both of these games were delayed to the end of their fiscal years, most likely due to Covid-related reasons.

Anyway, enough feeling sorry for Horizon. This game is guilty of some of the worst sins in open-world gaming. A world map without landmarks? Check. Exhaustive amounts of items/trinkets? Check. Open the map and follow the GPS gameplay? Check. World maps can be huge and empty, but they need to be designed in such a way to lead the players places with topography: an interesting cliffside, a waterfall, a weird cloud formation, a giant mountain, etc. The world of Horizon is such that it is not fun to explore or traverse. This coupled with its gameplay loop, which involves checking boxes in a quest log, essentially means that you basically just do what the game tells you, follow the highlighted path, kill some robo dinos, and receive your meaningless reward.

Combat wise, there is no sense of progression. All fights will feel like damage sponges. The skill tree is full of meaningless new skills. The best strategy at the end of the game is the same as it was at the beginning - shoot it in the glowy part with an arrow. It's all your tried and true cliches at this point: stealth sections in tall grass, hold L2 to sense enemies, stealth kills, etc.

There's a decent story buried in here somewhere. And of course it looks gorgeous in cutscenes, the performances are great, etc. It was engaging enough for me to speed through to finish, and it's a fairly easy platinum, so there's that I guess.

I don't think Horizon 2 is that amazing, though I did enjoy it, but I would say rising up from the Cauldron on the Tallneck was perhaps my favorite moment in game this way. Felt absolutely magnificent.

MacArrowny posted...

I don't think Horizon 2 is that amazing, though I did enjoy it, but I would say rising up from the Cauldron on the Tallneck was perhaps my favorite moment in game this way. Felt absolutely magnificent.

Sure. From a story standpoint there are some pretty good moments and set pieces. I think the entire plot with Beta is well done, and the Mass Effect 2-esque feeling of building a hideout/gathering a crew is not bad.

Also it bears mentioning that a large portion of the discourse surrounding this game's release was tainted by gamers overreacting to unflattering screenshots and criticizing the game's politics. In actuality the game is still beholden to its white savior protagonist, so it's still a pretty colonialist narrative, even as it tries to skirt around this by making all the tribes multi-racial. This in itself makes the game problematic from all angles really. MRA's get turned off by Aloy while progressives take issue with the surface-level treatment of Indigineity.

It's nothing more or less offensive than Avatar (Na'vi, not Nickelodeon). Aloy is the main problem here, as she is a white person who is literally smarter than everyone else (due to plot reasons) and that she spends most of this game gifting them technology / "true knowledge." Some of the side quests make efforts to complicate this, but at its heart, that's what Aloy is about. So again - chuds and progressives hate her equally, though for different reasons!

Whenever Horizon gets mentioned I feel the need to bring up how much I hated the vocal performance for Aloy.

No exaggeration I think she starts every line of dialogue with a sigh like she's so exhausted or world weary to even speak to anyone. If it's a choice then she rarely ever makes a different choice to act any other way. When you notice her doing this on every line it starts to get really annoying.

This topic is giving me open world games are usually bad vibes

Which is a completely correct opinion

The only open world game I've actually had a ton of fun with lately was Immortals Fenyx Rising last year.

Aside from that I can't remember the last time.

There are exactly three open world games I would consider great, and that is Breath of the Wild, Elden Ring and witcher 3.

All 3 nailed the idea that open world doesn't mean generic content copy and pasted over and over again, but that you can actually go wherever the heck you want and find unique content that rewards you for exploring

Most open world games don't bother

masterplum posted...

There are exactly three open world games I would consider great, and that is Breath of the Wild, Elden Ring and witcher 3.

All 3 nailed the idea that open world doesn't mean generic content copy and pasted over and over again, but that you can actually go wherever the heck you want and find unique content that rewards you for exploring

Most open world games don't bother

upvote

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pictured: meeting your wolf bff beneath an underground sea of starlight

Elden Ring is a Very Good Open World Videogame
Plum got it perfectly. The main difference between ER and Horizon is that the former respects the player's intelligence. This is not the only difference of course, but I think being aware of player agency is a huge component to ER's success. Give them a hint of where to go, whether it's a golden arrow on a map or a particularly interesting looking landmark, and the player will get there. Part of the way ER accomplishes this is just by creating a vibe. Maybe GRR Martin deserves some credit here - I was really really into the lore of this game. Similar to Hollow Knight, this game's story thrives in how it's not told, but pieced together, like uncovering a forgotten history.

Elden Ring is definitely the game of the year. There's really no serious competition (except again, if you liked GoW 2018). I purchased this game fully expecting to bounce off it, like I have done with all the other Fromsoft games I've tried to get into. Punishingly difficult games just aren't my thing - they never have been. The game's structure allowed for me to explore and level at my own pace, without the omnipresent pressure of progression.

That being said, I have to flat out admit that I played lame to win this game. I put on a podcast and for two straight hours I lured a boulder off a cliff to get to start at Level 25 or something. As soon as I got that pre-nerf mimic tear I abused the hell out of that sucker. This does not make me feel bad. On the contrary, I felt so happy that I could finally participate in a FromSoft game. Would I have found it more satisfying to beat Mohg after hours and hours of attempts, slowly getting better each time, as opposed to beating him my first try with Moonveil and Mimic Tear? It's doubtful. Mimic Tear was nerfed the day before I actually got to Malenia though, so I had to beat her and the final bosses using a less OP build (though still pretty OP by most standards).

This was the first game in a while that I was addicted to. Like four hour plus play session, break for lunch, back to playing another four hours. The vibes are immaculate and the boss fights are the clear standouts. All this being said, I don't know if this game is actually a masterpiece. There's just something missing that keeps it from graduating from "extremely good video game" to "all-time." Perhaps the Souls-brand of narratology actually limits it a little - like what if this game had a good ending? It would lose a lot of its identity, sure, but it could maybe gain some heart.

I actually think the only serious problem I have with Elden ring (And the lack of side quest direction is a legitimate but ignorable problem) is that it is too big.

I think the first 50 hours or so of Elden ring is some of the most addictive and captivating gaming Ive ever played, and even up to 80 hours or so it was still great. But a combination of the last few areas being a bit weaker and the experience being more of the same (Finding your 15th ash summon is much less interesting than finding your 5th) caused me to get to the Ok I get it. Can I beat the game now stage before the game ended.

I still think its a 9.5/10 game but weaker ending keeps it from my best game ever list.

Nobody Saves The World is great but like the last 10% is such a grind fest I couldn't push through

I would agree that the very last area in Elden Ring (the giant's whatever) is fairly lackluster. I definitely found myself speeding through there. The Haligtree on the other hand I absolutely loved.

Re: the side quest direction - I appreciate how opaque the game is. I actually think the post-release patch that put NPC's on the map was a bad call. Let's bring back games that require guides, if only to try and save this website perhaps. It also encourages usage of the messaging feature.

I dont care about the game helping you forward, in fact I think not doing that improves Elden ring,

What I dont like is the game not helping you remember backwards. You would talk to someone triggering a side quest and 10 hours later completely forget about it and that person wouldnt still be there even if you went back to that spot because they moved on.

I would have liked a record of important conversations

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pictured: the thirst for the gender-coded bob-omb is real

Paper Mario is a Challenging Experience in 2022

The Paper Mario series had been the biggest notable omission in my role playing game experience. Despite loving Super Mario RPG and the Mario & Luigi series, I made it all the way to 2022 having never played a Paper Mario game. Nintendo's expansion pass for Switch Online, while controversial to many, emerged as a quick and easy way for me to finally address this lack.

At the same time, real-world events conspired to prevent me (and everyone else in the world) from playing the Advance Wars remake. So what better time to rip off the Paper Mario band aid? A brief aside: I am still a bit surprised that a new release date hasn't been announced for AW. At a time where the video game industry churns out yearly installments of military propaganda couched as violent first person shooters, the tactical strategy/cartoony nature of AW feels important as a kind of counter-balance.

Anyway - back to Paper Mario. I found it's story/writing to be quite charming but its gameplay to be utterly boring. Movement and battles c r a w l b y. Compared to Super Mario RPG - its predecessor - it felt like a step backward, sacrificing a third playable character and attack variety in favor of simplicity. Ultimately, the battles are my biggest issue with the game. Battles were always going to take two turns minimum, and you had to sit through the animations every single time due to the "timed hits" system. I'm optimistic that later games in the series adjust battles to make them more interesting.

Like all Mario RPG's it really relies heavily on humor to tell its narrative, and to a certain degree it succeeds. All of them possess a real self-aware and sarcastic brand of humor. Paper Mario feels intentionally more "wholesome" than both Mario RPG and M&L, both of which lean more into irony, parody, and sarcasm. This tone works with the visual style, which is great the entire way through the game. Really enjoyed the characters here, particularly Goombario and Peach. And of course Bowser, who always steals the show in any and all Mario RPGs.

But yeah, it's just so slow and the battles aren't fun. Fast-forward / god mode would really help this game's playability in 2022. Still, I was glad to finally play it. I suppose I should eventually get around to Thousand Year Door at least, but that probably isn't going to happen unless they put a remake on the e-shop or something.

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pictured: the writers trying to come up with good names

Want to Try Strategy? Try Triangle Strategy's Strategic Angle-based Strategy!

Look, the title isn't that bad, and here's why. Back in the days of Atari, you would have games named Pong, Tank, Rebound, Tank II, Basic Math, Combat, Tank III, Fire Truck, Ultra Tank.... It's minimalist. It's like how Advance Wars is the sequel to Wars... it's fine! Is Triangle Strategy really all that worse than The Saltiron Wars?

Anyway, the actual strategy part of this game is probably the closest we've come to replicating Final Fantasy Tactics in terms of challenging isometric battles. Throw Disgaea right in the toilet. Leave Fire Emblem to the weebs. This game is punishing in the way the first half of the original tactics was, particularly if you're like me and you self-impose "no death" on yourselves. (There is no perma-death in this game).

The main mechanic here - the titular "triangle" - is actually quite sophisticated in execution, more so than just back attacks/ team attacks. The main thing to keep in mind is that the rules apply to you just as much as they do the enemies. So your opponents can and will abuse this tactic to wreck you if you're not careful. The game also prevents overleveling pretty strictly, so you can't just grind. (You can of course just turn the difficulty down to easy).

Story-wise this is a mixed bag. It's both ambitious and derivative. The first time you play the game you'll be locked into an opaque choice/morality system that doesn't really keep track of your score at all. This is reflected in your ability to cast votes/persuade your party members to think one way or the other at given moments of the game. This is sort of a compromise on the "choices matter" aspect of Tactics Ogre, where you have some degree over how the plot plays out. However, if you're like me, and you find yourself surprised that you're "locked in" on a route you can't vote yourself out of due to not knowing how many "valor" points you have, you end up quitting the game for six months out of frustration.

The voice acting for this game is truly terrible. It's not even bad in a "so bad it's good" type way, which might've saved it. No, it's just amateurish. You can't turn it off technically, but you can turn the volume of voices down to zero, which is effectively the same I suppose. The narrative also has "generic fantasy name" disease, which seems to be plaguing Square Enix lately. This gives us gems like "Serenoa Wolfort," "Hughette Buckler" and "Gustadolph Aesfrost."

So yeah, I ended up liking this one quite a bit. The Tactics Ogre remake is probably better than this, but I'm glad they're still attempting to make these.

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pictured: shameless product placement

Final Fantasy Contrarium: Playing all the Final Fantasy Games in Reverse Order

(some extremely light FFXV spoilers follow)

During the dead times of 2022 (i.e. the entire year post Elden Ring) I undertook the task of replaying all of the mainline FF games (sans XI) in reverse order. There were plans for me and some of my friends to turn this into a podcast called "Flannel Fantasy Foosball" that have yet to materialize.

When I first played XV, I had the luxury of low expectations. The fact that the game was actually made and released was at the time a minor miracle, given the fractured VsXIII dev cycle that still haunts Nomura and Kingdom Hearts to this day. So I remember quite enjoying my first playthrough up to a point. That point is pretty much universally seen as when you leave the main continent and go to Altissia. That's where the game completely falls apart.

On my second playthrough, I also did not enjoy the main continent stuff either. In the light of FF7 Remake, it's clear that FFXV is basically that game except without the good battle system, stronger narrative, and competent level design. It's basically sidequest driven with a nice stretch of good story somewhere in the middle that doesn't have a satisfying payoff. What XV does have going for it are the four main bros and the road trip vibes, which remain the game's greatest strength (with an honorable mention to the score, which is overall great and occasionally brilliant).

I think the World Map/Open World stuff is fine. I expect FF7 Remake 2 will have something similar, though hopefully a bit more refined. The dungeons and battle system are both kind of whatever. The set piece bosses are pretty good, which speaks to the uneven nature of the game overall. You'll have these truly amazing battles against Ramuh and Titan, and then you'll get to a quest battle where you just abuse point warp and magic.

How do you solve a problem like FFXV? It's too late now, but some "World of Ruin" DLC that opens up the world at the end would've been amazing. What about allowing the Dragoon General and Iris to become full-time playable characters? That would've been pretty sweet. Ultimately, it's probably deserving of the title of "worst" FF game due to its incompleteness, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be played.

I thought the voice acting in Triangle Strategy was pretty good for the most part except for the main character's which is dreadful. But I had a lot of fun with it. I got more invested in the different story branches than I thought I would and went right into a second and then third playthrough.

(I think the "Triangle" in the title is about the Scales of Conviction and the morality system though)

Cybat posted...

(I think the "Triangle" in the title is about the Scales of Conviction and the morality system though)

Ohhhhhh. Yeah that makes a lot more sense than the surround mechanic I guess.

With these "throwback" games I always wish there was an option to turn off voice acting and replace it with Ace Attorney style text noise. Hearing the voice actors say the mid-tier generic fantasy terms out loud just emphasizes the average world building. Reading about Hyzante and Wolfort having wars over salt and enslaving the pink-haired people is one thing - listening to living, breathing human beings say it out loud is another.

DragonGargoyle posted...

Super Paper Mario is a platformer with no turn-based battles. Sticker Star and Color Splash bring back turn-based battles, but they're actually simplified compared to the first Paper Mario's, because these two games are more focused on exploration. Origami King is also exploration-focused, but it has very interesting boss fights, because its battle system is more like a puzzle game with RPG elements.

Bowser is my favorite character of all time because of this. idk how they make him so amazing so often

Yeah, I'm not sure if I'm interested in any other Paper Mario besides TYD, since that the one that always gets talked up. I've had multiple chances to start Origami King and just never have.

With Bowser, Super Mario RPG just got it right the first try and ever since then he's been a loveable violent idiot. This is even extending beyond the RPG games into the mainline a bit, as Bowser was made somewhat sympathetic in the ending to Odyssey.

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pictured: Mog King commands thee kneel

Trust-ing Yoshi P: Playing Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn Despite Hating MMO's

Perhaps a Final Fantasy XIV post will spark some comments. After a fairly quick FFXV speedrun, FFXIV came next in reverse chronological order. I dreaded it actually. I had previously tried getting into the game in 2021, and after the help of several of Board 8's most vocal FFXIV fans I eventually got to a point where I felt capable playing the game on my PS5.

I felt capable, but never exactly comfortable. I truly hate playing with online randos, because I always feel as though I am doing a bad job/am far less experienced than they are... which is certainly the case. In hindsight then, it was a bad idea for me to start as a tank.People have almost always been friendly and supportive, but even still I just dislike the feeling of being rushed through dungeons.

The patch adding single-player support to A Realm Reborn was just what the doctor ordered. I could actually take my time going through the creepy house dungeon. I didn't have to worry if I didn't aggro perfectly. I could completely ignore the chat window. For me, the Trust system finally made me able to appreciate the game and what is does well. So I honestly can't wait for the Shadowbringers patch. (When does this come out, anyone?)

That being said, this is a multiplayer game. It is meant to be played as such. If you grade FFXIV:ARR as a single player experience it is below average at best. The story is extremely basic evil empire stuff with enough Final Fantasy references /lore sprinkled in to reward long-time fans. The basic gameplay loop is to conduct a series of fetch quests / NPC discussions that lead to a dungeon, rinse, repeat. A cynical person might say that this is the basis of all FF games and that FFXIV just makes this more transparent - they're not wrong, but ARR overdoes it on the backtracking/fast travel/speaking to random NPC's.

Yes, I know I need to keep playing, because apparently I'm now almost at the point where it "gets good"... more than a hundred hours in. Sheesh. Well, it's not happening until I can do it in a strictly anti-social manner.

You mean the Heavensward patch? Shadowbringers already has trusts.

I never liked playing with trusts since they felt so slow. Maybe they're better now?

I liked ARR. It wasn't amazing, but the story was fun, and the world was nice.

I did mean Heavensward, thank you.

Trusts are definitely slower; I could tell that when playing with "real people" we were blazing through enemies. Trusts are pretty nerfy but it's the trade off I have to pay for my anxiety.

I don't think I've played 12 new games in a year since I was a kid.

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pictured: the peanut butter and jelly of visual aesthetic combinations

Neon White is the Surprise of the Year

When I first saw Neon White featured in some Nintendo Directs, I thought it was interesting, but decidedly not "my thing." First off, I thought it was a first person shooter, which aren't my things. Secondly, I was not into the aesthetic, which I could maybe describe as 00's Hot Topic meets American anime. Not my things, right? Well, it turns out tastes can change.

In practice, the game is less FPS and more a speed-based first-person platformer. The shooter aspects of this can be mitigated and made so accessible via auto-aim that it made me wish this was a feature for all first-person games. In Neon White, the combat aspects are really more puzzle aspects - meaning you've never really concerned about "will this enemy kill me?" so much as you're thinking "how can I kill this enemy faster?"

Neon White is pure unadulterated "video games" in a way that most modern games (AAA and indie alike) have gotten away from. It's about character movement, momentum, and precision, and the excellent graphics and sound inform the gameplay, rather than the other way around.

The story here is serviceable. Don't try to grade it as a visual novel, because it's not that. "Icing on a cake" has never been a metaphor that's made sense to me (because icing is pretty damn important) - maybe marshmallows on a hot chocolate? In any case, the story is a nice plus but the gameplay is so good it doesn't really matter.

I will say that one of the Violet side missions nearly drove me insane in a bad way. It's been a while since I was tempted to chuck a joycon, yet here we are. If not for Elden Ring this would've been game of the year for me.

Neon White rules. It's a shame they emphasized the cards in the advertising since they turned me off the game at first. They aren't even really cards.

Also they should've let you skip through story faster

bump

Bonus: Splatoon 3. I didn't play this game but if it's basically Splatoon 2 with a couple new weapons and new maps, it still makes my top 10.

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pictured: self-portrait

Ambitious, Inconsistent, and Wildly Weird: Live a Live
The "golden age" of Square begins on the Super Famicom. Final Fantasy IV, V, and VI. Secret of Mana. Super Mario RPG. Chrono Trigger. Unarguably, these are brilliant games. For years, diehard game fans with reliable internet connections were at least kind of familiar with Live a Live, which never received a localized release outside Japan. So when the remake was announced, I anticipated it with curiosity and wonder, as if some long lost treasure had been found. Would it be on the level as these SNES greats?

The short answer is no, obviously. It is not the "missing link" between FFVI and CT. If anything, it's the spiritual predecessor to Saga Frontier for the PSX. The player explores 7 loosely related scenarios with 7 separate characters. An 8th scenario follows that allows for the characters to converge. In true Octopath Traveler fashion, this remake also features the dangerously overused "HD2D" engine (which is honestly not really noticeable unless you directly compare screenshots).

The scenarios vary drastically in quality, though each one brings something different to the table. "Far Future" - featuring the adorable coffee robot Cube - is proto survival horror told in an almost visual novel - like style. "Present Day" is a Street Fighter parody. "Feudal Japan" is stealth-based with opportunities for "genocide/pacifist" playthroughs. Some of these are really inspired (Far and Near Future are my favorite), while some are pretty bad ("Medieval China" is boring and has literally racist battle music, even in the remake).

The battle system seems to be the biggest strike against this game though. The game gives the player a ton of freedom to move around the grid and attack basically whenever they want. Sounds good, except the enemies don't have the same freedom, so it felt extremely... easy I guess? It's just strange, like it's missing something.

Anybody play this? What were your favorite scenarios/characters?

My main problem was the way too high number of battles, which got extremely old very quickly. I didn't find the boss battles too interesting either. The no-battle stories were my favorite because of that.

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pictured: an octopus you absolutely should not tease if you're a kid

Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age Makes the Original Obsolete

The Final Fantasy series replay continues, completely bypassing the FFXIII exits. I think it's safe to say that, within the fandom, Final Fantasy XII is the most polarizing in terms of its quality, with Final Fantasy VIII close behind. There are people I respect who genuinely think this is the best Final Fantasy game. While I disagree, the quality of life improvements on the Zodiac Age edition help the title immensely.

Out of all the improvements, "2x speed" is absolutely the best. FFXII's battle system is, put simply, bad. It is essentially an offline MMO, without any really flashy attacks, where the most effective tactic is to normal attack the whole time and heal when necessary. So you basically walk from enemy from enemy, letting the game do its thing, as you explore some really REALLY large empty areas or really REALLY long dungeon stretches. The original battle speed is interminably slow, so 2x speed helps a lot.

The other major difference between the Zodiac and regular versions is that this one has job specific license boards, which helps distinguish the characters from each other. I liked this change a lot too, as it gives players freedom to come up with unique builds (but again, the best strategy is just to hit the enemy a lot).

Story wise, FFXII remains a mixed bag. It absolutely could have been the best FF story, if they had the time/budget to develop it further. The game is gorgeous, and most of the story is told through legitimately impressive cutscenes - really pushing the boundaries of the PS2. The beginning in particular does a great job injecting the popcorn grandeur of Star Wars into Final Fantasy. However, the game feels more like a Lord of the Rings movie, where not only are you missing out on probably an hour of deleted scenes, but there's also a wealth of lore that really goes unexplained.

It's a shame, because I do like this game's Ivalice and its characters quite a bit. I even ended up liking Vaan and Penelo, who I thought were annoying/useless on my earlier playthroughs. The main villain is still probably the worst in the series though.

I enjoyed FFXII back when it came out, but I feel like even going back to Zodiac Age would leave me disappointed. I might still do so someday, but I'm not terribly eager.

merry bumpmas

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pictured: progress?

Final Fantasy X Hits Different in Your Thirties

I've been something of a FFX "hater" since its release. I didn't like Tidus, I didn't like Jecht, I didn't like Yuna even. I didn't like the linearity. I honestly didn't even like the battle system, which is the part of this game that is generally beloved. Even through later playthroughs, there was something about the game that never clicked with me the way it has with others.

Approaching the game this year, as a 3X-year old suffering through the loss of family, friends, and youth, Final Fantasy X finally landed. Where in earlier playthroughs I thought Spira was gaudy and weird, here I realized I was looking at a world richly informed by Southeast Asia and Pacific Islander culture; no game since has even attempted this.

The writing here is actually quite good and perhaps the series' pinnacle in terms of world-building and developing a theme. It is - simply put - the most romantic video game ever constructed. I just didn't realize it in earlier playthroughs, because I was stuck on "what I wanted" from FF, instead of what FF was giving me. The story is masterfully directed in both script and its excellent cutscenes, which are packed with subtle touches that help "show not tell" the characters' stories. It's sophisticated.

Some of my complaints about linearity remain, but in hindsight losing huge world maps isn't a big deal. My biggest complaint is honestly the menu - it's ugly and cluttered, full of useless equipment (second only to maybe Xenoblade Chronicles in terms of quality of game versus awful menu-ing).

It definitely does look better in my memories, and the HD remaster made Tidus in particular quite bloated. Still a gorgeous videogame.

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pictured: F***, Marry, Kill?

I Tried, I Really Did: Final Fantasy X-2 is Better Than I Remember

Final Fantasy X-2 is arguably the worst sequel of all time. It reduces complex characters into Charlie's Angels -esque sex symbols. It sacrifices the lore from the first game at the altar of modernization - in the same way that Legend of Korra updates the world of Avatar into a more "realistic" or "contemporary" setting, FFX-2 turns Spira from this rich unique world into something a little more ordinary. Yuna - who underwent so much in the first game to obtain strength and independence - is now something of a smitten teenager. This is all how the game is commonly criticized, and so it deserves to be raked over the coals.

Or does it?

FFX-2 is actually pretty interesting in how it inverts the gameplay of the first one. You are not Tidus in this game. You are Yuna, and so it makes sense that the game should feel significantly different. You are not walking across Spira - you have the airship from the very beginning. You are not limited by your job anymore - the dress spheres allow for the job system to be implemented in a way that gives you complete freedom. And that's the real interesting idea being explored here: what does Yuna do now that she's free? Why should we expect her to be the same Yuna as the first game? Is the game itself not a giant rejection of gamers who want Yuna to act/behave a certain way? Are we not the actual Seymours?

That being said, I could write an essay about FFX-2's unique brand of feminism, or I could confess that the game is still pretty bad. The skeleton of the battle system is strong, but it is unbalanced - you get OP really quickly. The game is pretty much constant backtracking. The new characters are all unlikeable. It's full of stupid minigames. The music just isn't good (except for "Memory of Lightwaves" and "Real Emotion" obviously!).

The game's biggest sin is missables/requiring multiple playthroughs though. I just can't handle this anymore. I did a quick playthrough and watched the best ending on Youtube. Then I read about the Tidus getting decapitated by a Blitzball and FFX3 plans and decided it's best that we never return to Spira perhaps.

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pictured: zoomerblade chronicles 3

Xenoblade Chronicles 3 is a Welcome Return to Form

Bucking a worrisome trend in the industry, the release date for Xenoblade Chronicles 3 was hastened, rather than delayed. No one could blame you if you took this as a bad sign, considering that the one two punch of Xenoblade Chronicles 2 and Future Connected may have led you to believe that Monolith Soft had cracked the Xeno-formula. While XB3 doesn't reinvent the wheel, and does in fact incorporate reused assets into its narrative, it does so in a rather sophisticated way that refines some of the questionable design decisions of 2.

XB2 is one of the few games that I quit out of pure embarrassment. I made it through Ultra Despair Girls but for some reason I couldn't stomach the dual combo of Nopon-speak and goth loli robot. Gameplay wise I also wasn't a fan of the gacha blade mechanics, the overly complex battles, the overall character designs, the quest system... really not much of anything tbh.

But to be honest, I'm not a huge fan of XB1 either. I recognize that it is a great game, but it is also an extremely overstuffed game, with systems on top of systems and expansive areas. It succeeds in spite of this due to its characters and story. As a series, Xenoblade is just grindy.

XB3 is closer in spirit to the first game, though it retains a lot of the grind. It has one of the best openings/setups in recent JRPG memory. It has individual moments that are among the best moments in the series, including Xenogears. There is just so much of it that it kind of puts me off. It's less complicated and less dumb than XB2, but it's still relatively meticulous and stupid at the same time.

Also the strength of the main cast is counter-balanced by how horrible the villains are. They went full Super Sentai on this one, for better or worse.

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pictured: ono michio's iconic pose

Yakuza: Like a Dragon is Both a Strong Entry Point and a Turning Point for Yakuza

Add me to the growing list of Yakuza converts, those smitten with the surprisingly heartfelt escapades of loveable Japanese gangsters. I haven't played any of the other games in the series, but they are on my list, should I ever decide to sign up for Gamepass/Playstation Extra.

Yakuza LAD follows the adventures of a Yakuza lad, Ichiban, who is equally obsessed with both Yakuza honor and Dragon Quest. From what I understand, this is the first game in the series to fully embrace turn-based rpg mechanics, and Ichiban's desire to be a hero from DQ is the plot reason for this shift in gameplay. I actually have no idea how the earlier games played. I am a stalwart defender of turn-based rpg battle systems and I think there have been a number of great examples in recent years: Persona 5, Octopath Traveler, Trails of Cold Steel III and IV. I honestly can't say I particularly enjoyed Yakuza LAD's battles, although the "summons" are hilarious. It adheres to the DQ formula to a fault.

However, the game truly shines in its sidequests, which are extremely good, blending the strange and the heartfelt in equal measure. Watch in horror as you escort a bubbly pervert from one part of Yokohama to another! Race NPC's in a game of Yakuza Kart! Pair together the dominatrix with the man who can't feel pain! Hold back your tears as Ichiban protects a sick girl's last persimmon! This sounds banal, but there is just a perfect amount of heart here that prevents them from being corny.

The story itself dragged a bit, but it also had some seriously good moments, which I won't spoil here. Best part of it all though was that this was actually a free Playstation Plus game, so I seriously hope everyone here checked it out while they could.