Current Events > EVERY man falls for the same trap on online dating sites

(+) Yeah! (+)

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I mean sure, being in decent shape helps a lot. But it doesn't need to be extreme is all I am saying. I do agree with working out and some cardio in general, but that shouldn't just be for dating.

And yes, I agree with you Randy. The suggestion seemed to be some big muscular dude.

I havent bothered to use one dating app once in my life

DepreceV2 posted...

I havent bothered to use one dating app once in my life

Neither had I until recently but it was much easier to do than I expected.

Just go up and talk to them at the mall or store or something. Don't even need common interests; just be confident and project that energy in your mannerisms. It's not hard, and you get to be in a constant tug of war of manipulating the conversation.

It's even easier if they're with their friends. Make even one of them laugh, and the others'll start laughing because they're friends and open up to you, in more ways than one. Plus if you're projecting some real confidence, you'll find them quietly jumping over each other to ask you questions 'cause they want your attention.

Im foreveralone and never even attempted to find a relationship because I have no faith Id be capable of finding one and Im afraid of rejection.

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This was a damn nice read and unfortunately very true

VampireCoyote posted...

@MedeaLysistrata cant tell if youre joking Im talking about events tailored to meeting new people or for singles to get to know others

theres tons of them

lmao like speed dating?

120DrowzeeFur posted...

I've been on Eharmony since August and I've gotten a grand total of one reply and that was a girl who immediately rejected me because I have 2 first names.

rookie mistake, always make sure to get a proper last name or women won't give you the time of day

MedeaLysistrata posted...

lmao like speed dating?

"Break the bubble" events

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My wife's journey:

1. Proudly announce to her family she's going to finally get a boyfriend.
2. Create Tinder account.
3. Match with me on the first swipe.
4. Talk for a few days, go on date.
5. Turns into relationship and marries them 4 years later.

Meanwhile I trudged through a dozen women and dates over 6 months to get to her.

theAteam posted...

My wife's journey:

1. Proudly announce to her family she's going to finally get a boyfriend.
2. Create Tinder account.
3. Match with me on the first swipe.
4. Talk for a few days, go on date.
5. Turns into relationship and marries them 4 years later.
Meanwhile I trudged through a dozen women and dates over 6 months to get to her.

I'd say you BOTH got lucky and did well. You were able to date and get matches (many guys seem unable to) and she found a good one quickly.

Chunky posted...

I was mainly talking about Tinder and OkCupid.

Hinge - Tried it. Same issues as Tinder. Not sure why people recommend this app, it's owned by Tinder, so it's just another one of those apps.
Coffee Meets Bagel - Tried it. This one seems nice, but it's super inactive. Not enough people on this one.
Bumble - Tried it. Super overrated. I like the idea of women messaging first, but it just results in no one matching with you lol.

Yeah Tinder is probably the worst offender because it's possible for women to be absolutely drowning in messages. So even if you send a well thought out message that she'd love, she may never see it. Which is why I suggest other apps, rather than being discouraged by that.

I like Hinge, specifically because it forces you to be more selective. You can't just like every profile you see, because you only get around 8-12 likes per day. Then when you do like someone, you have to like something specific on their profile and can use that as a starting point for a conversation.

And when someone likes you, it let's you see who that person is (as opposed to a vague "someone liked you" with a blurry picture) and decide if you want to send a like back. I've gotten good matches thanks to the way it works.

Fantastic advice from bsp, but I really want to highlight 2 points here:

bsp77 posted...

2. I spent time on my profile and pictures, made it clear I was active, social and geeky. I was also honest I had kids. I had others check the profile and ideally have women look at it.

This is so so important. From what I've heard, a lot of guys put very minimal effort into their profile.

Your profile is basically your pre-filter. It's your way of showing who you are as a person and it really helps you match with women that will actually be interested in you. List your interests, show pictures of you doing things you like.

If you're into nerdy things, then say that. My last 3 matches have been even nerdier than me and we wouldn't have found each other if we didn't put our nerdy hobbies on our profiles.

6. Hopefully she responds (admittedly like 50/50 for me). If she responds, ask a question at the end of every single message. I never said anything sexual during any of this. (according to @Gladius_ this probably helped me)

Here's another really big one. I frequent some dating subreddits and holy shit, the amount of women that complain about guys sending sexual messages right away... It's way more frequent than it should be.

Just by not doing that, you're already ahead of tons of guys. Hold a conversation with her, take an interest in what she's saying. And save the sexting for after you've actually slept with her.

I feel like the age rating is wrong. If you're older, you're probably going be willing to date someone close to your age as long as they still look good for their age.

I dunno why these kinda topics always turn into the hardship Olympics.

Women are drowning, while men dehydrate to death.

Like, this should not be new information. I personally think dudes not even trying half the time to be intentional ruin it for everyone. But it could be a chicken and the egg thing.

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You're telling me he asked one(1) person?

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I agree with this.

It kind of reminds me of kids who complain that nobody passes the ball to them in sports, despite them making no effort whatsoever to put themselves into a position worth passing to.

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See, now I agree with Glob but not this. There are plenty of ways to put oneself out there without getting into the Alpha BS.

Yes, I know Alpha guys get chicks but that doesn't work for everyone. But people have to find what works for them.

bsp77 posted...

See, now I agree with Glob but not this. There are plenty of ways to put oneself out there without getting into the Alpha BS.

Yes, I know Alpha guys get chicks but that doesn't work for everyone. But people have to find what works for them.

Agreed.

Everybody competing to be the alpha works out badly for most people.

Yeah the alpha male talk is BS. I'm a skinny nerdy guy and I've gotten laid plenty from dating apps over the years. Mostly hookups, which is what I tend to go after. And I don't treat it like a numbers game. I actually read profiles and send real messages.

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Its true that theres nothing wrong with being the best version of yourself, but thats not always going to be about physicality.

For what its worth, Ive found that Im much more attractive to women as I get older, despite being a shadow of what I once was physically. Im not in great shape right now but Im a former athlete who used to be incredibly fit. Still able to get attractive women to like me.

VampireCoyote posted...

get off of the dating apps and look for events where you can meet actual people

Meeting new people at events literally doesn't work. That person can already have a BF, find you unattractive, or be interested in someone else. Or be with their friends.

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It isn't a dichotomy. I am neither a prototypical alpha nor beta. I am somewhat confident and somewhat good looking, but I act very confident and can crank up the charisma. I am also a massive geek.

And while I hate using the number system, I will also say that there is no reason to go after 9s and 10s for a long term relationship. They are often more difficult. Personally I like above average but with a quirky cuteness. Women are so much more attractive than just their looks in terms of mannerisms and speech and personality. Added bonus when they only bring out that extra layer just for you.

You clearly haven't moved beyond the objectifying women stage.

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weight lifting has never made anyone more attractive

gunplagirl posted...

Dating sites are supposed to supplement your dating pool, not be the entire damn thing

Women literally find it creepy and annoying if random average looking men try to talk to them outside of their social circle

Crow0000 posted...

weight lifting has never made anyone more attractive

Well, that's not true

Crow0000 posted...

Women literally find it creepy and annoying if random average looking men try to talk to them outside of their social circle

Depends on how you do it

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No. Face matters most.

I was way more attractive when I was 130lbs at 5'7 because I still had a slimmer jawline. I'm almost at my 30's and my face is FAT and I'm trying to actively lose weight and go from 150ish lbs back to 130 lbs

If I lifted weights, it would make my FACE look worse

Guide posted...

All the dating app topics on this board have me convinced that, while they do increase your odds of getting a date, you are worse off mentally 99% of the time.

hmm

bsp77 posted...

Well, that's not true

Depends on how you do it

Face, Height, and hairline are what matters. Strong Jawline, good facial features. Good skin. Good hair/hairline.

And no, there is no good way on how to do it unless you're an 8/10 or 9/10 chad looking male. Women dont like it when STRANGERS talk to them out of the blue! Online is best because you can atleast talk about your interests and see if you truly click IRL

approaching random women is a literal risk and you can likely get the police called on you for harassment. Or get told off.

With online, atleast that wont happen

I don't have the amount of testosterone needed to produce enough muscle to upgrade my appearance. I'm stuck with what I have.

Maybe you're trying too hard. No one likes desperation.

Try ditching the dating sites. It's really not that difficult to meet women outside of them.

I met my wife over xbox. I never expected it. I wasn't looking for it. We just formed a connection naturally playing games.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

DisgracefulSins posted...

Try ditching the dating sites. It's really not that difficult to meet women outside of them.

Um..yes it is.

120DrowzeeFur posted...

I don't have the amount of testosterone needed to produce enough muscle to upgrade my appearance. I'm stuck with what I have.

Thinking looks is what's important is why you fail. You see the ugliest guys get girls. It's not always about looks or money. Sometimes it's about confidence and just how you make them feel.

Don't worship, don't be desperate. Just let things flow naturally. And accept when it doesn't work out.

VampireCoyote posted...

@MedeaLysistrata cant tell if youre joking Im talking about events tailored to meeting new people or for singles to get to know others

theres tons of them

Most people don't like meeting "new people". Most people have their own lives like jobs, kids, school, or closed friend group.

You think women go to events to meet new people? hardly. Most Modern women have great social lives

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I don't have either testicle so I'm pretty sure.

Crow0000 posted...

Face, Height, and hairline are what matters. Strong Jawline, good facial features. Good skin. Good hair/hairline.

Anytning that helps improve one's looks can help. And the things you list, most have no control over. Working out helps (don't have to be huge), good clothes helps, haircut and grooming helps...

And no, there is no good way on how to do it unless you're an 8/10 or 9/10 chad looking male. Women dont like it when STRANGERS talk to them out of the blue! Online is best because you can atleast talk about your interests and see if you truly click IRL

approaching random women is a literal risk and you can likely get the police called on you for harassment. Or get told off.

With online, atleast that wont happen

You seem to have a negative mindset about all of this. Communication and social skills make a huge difference here. There are plenty of fat guys with awesome personalities who can approach anyone. Now they might not get anywhere with many of those women, but they won't cause issues either.

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There is 0 benefit for me to lift weights and gain weight+ muscle at 5'7 150lbs.

Going from 130lbs-150lbs destroyed my face. And made it look fat. While when I was a skinny ass 130lbs'er, i looked more slim

you're dreaming if you think imma do squats and bench and deadlifts again when it does nothing for me on an attractive level.

bsp77 posted...

Anytning that helps improve one's looks can help. And the things you list, most have no control over. Working out helps (don't have to be huge), good clothes helps, haircut and grooming helps...

You seem to have a negative mindset about all of this. Communication and social skills make a huge difference here. There are plenty of fat guys with awesome personalities who can approach anyone. Now they might not get anywhere with many of those women, but they won't cause issues either.

Women don't care about communication and social skills. They care if you are good looking, or have huge amounts of money.

Being fat and having an awsome personality means nothing when modern women have tons of options in dates or getting laid. if she settles, it's with the fat man who has a large bag. not because of personality

Crow0000 posted...

Women don't care about communication and social skills. They care if you are good looking, or have money.

Stay lonely then. You are a misogynist. I was going to offer help, but no woman deserves your bullshit.

so sick of these topics perpetuating the tired myth that women are real