Current Events > Remember when you had self-esteem and hope for the future?

(+) Yeah! (+)

What happened to that?

It's possible

You just have to beat through the crowd, ignore the noise and take what you want (legally).

It's everyone else that's left behind. I worked my ass off and I have no complaints now, other than the general decline of American Healthcare system. But I'll be out before it fully collapses.

I remember having hope, at least. Never had much self esteem. Ignorance really is bliss, because until I began to actively post on the social boards here I never realized just how much my life sucked. I was relatively content, and hopefully back then. Then I saw what I was missing out on and how others are living. It became ingrained in my mind, and killed the hope I still had. I wish I could just go back. Forget that anyone else actually has a life, and just be content and hopeful again.

Don't.
Don't give me hope.

As a person who's spent their entire life struggling with severe biological depression........no, I can't say that I remember that.

I 'member when it just felt like I had to complete the life checklist in order. Just do the thing. Get Car. Go on dating app and get girlfriend. Live happy life.

Except the weight of my own expectations crushed me and now I just want to live in a pocket of the past where I could tell people at the lunch table about my day and listen to their stories and be sympathetic. Crack a joke and make a girl laugh. Feel like I belong.

Now it feels like knowing others is a chore and a thing that eventually turns into me turning emotionally unavailable or uncomfortable and closed off because of a big ask I didn't personally want to do.

And no friendly faces appear out of the past to check up on me, commiserate, guide or shoot the shit with me. Unless of course I trek into unfamiliar territory where I don't know anybody else but the more successful guy who wants me to drop everything, and go somewhere they're conveniently about 10 minutes drive from that THEY go all the time just so I can tell them how depressing I am, how I'm alone and nothing is going on and I don't know where to go from here or what the fuck I'm doing. Which sounds like a waste of time doing something that isn't me closing off and doing whatever the fuck I want which is what I was doing before randoms who were never good friends with me in the first place caught feelings about abandoned discarded classmates it isn't their job to be pseudo head shrinks for in the FIRST FUCKING PLACE

I did? When was this?

I once thought that other people had good intentions and were as smart as I am.

Ryven posted...

I did? When was this?

The year was 20xx

I still have it.

Not for a long time, no