Current Events > I think I'm finally starting to realize how narcissistic my ex truly is

(+) Yeah! (+)

She took our dog's actions as personal attacks lol

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This. I know it'll be a bit hard, but it's for the best.

Yeh I mean just adding this little tidbit to some of the behaviors you described in the other topic, youre so much better off! Probably be down for a while, since it was such a big time and emotion investment, but I think youre gonna integrate those lessons so effectively and it also sounds like youre entering a period of explosive personal growth. Im happy for you tbh

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Number090684 posted...

This. I know it'll be a bit hard, but it's for the best.

I'm trying. I'm really starting to notice that as I emotionally pull away she will inevitably try to enter my orbit so it's been so hard to resist going back. But recent events may have been the straw that broke the camel's back.

DespondentDeity posted...

Yeh I mean just adding this little tidbit to some of the behaviors you described in the other topic, youre so much better off! Probably be down for a while, since it was such a big time and emotion investment, but I think youre gonna integrate those lessons so effectively and it also sounds like youre entering a period of explosive personal growth. Im happy for you tbh

Thank you! I'm trying. Watched The Batman with my mom yesterday so that lifted my spirits up lol. My dad's also been getting treatment for multiple myeloma and he's saying he's starting to feel a lot better.

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I'll try. I've just been reminding myself of all the things I'll be free to do without fear of judgement or vindication.

Plus I've been wanting to leave TX for a long time and I think now would be the right time to put that plan in motion.

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Thanks guys!

A quick update...things have just been a shitshow. I'm starting to realize that her problem is that she feels like other people need to sacrifice their happiness because she's had to sacrifice hers. She still insists that I get a second job, despite the fact that I'm the one covering our asses when rent is due and she comes up short. Her argument is that because she's willing to work a second job, I should be too.

Problem is that she has extra expenses like her car note that I don't have to worry about, so why do I need to step up and "be a man" when you have extra expenses eating into your income? Why is that my problem?

My mom (who is fairly objective when it comes to things like finances because she's an accountant) basically said the same thing; that it sounds like she's pressuring me because of her own financial insecurity. Of course she didn't take this well and says that I'm being made out to be an "angel".

Now she's decided to go scorched Earth. I told her that now we should have enough to cover rent for this month and we can break the lease afterwards. Nope. Now she refuses to pay her share at all and is willing to let us get evicted. She also came into the office to throw my stuff around and shoved me.

I cannot believe I put up with this garbage for 4 years. That moment when you realize you fell in love with a perpetually angry, vindictive and spiteful person who intentionally provokes people and then plays the victim.

I'm just so fucking done with it

Not the same thing, but when I ended a friendship of eight years, I spent over a year just thinking about them and like worrying they were gonna come back into my life, and I'd basically have to have these one-sided imaginary arguments about why they can't come back and how much I dislike them. There was also a point where I was trying to overcome the issue at hand and go back to that friend group, and I had my first and only panic attack because I felt like I was running out of time to get better and repair that relationship. It was like losing everything I had.

Both of those feelings - having to mentally wrestle with the thought of my old friends trying to bring me back in when I didn't want to, and panicking over not being able to go back - were happening at the same time.

This shit is disorienting and painful, and the only thing that helped me get better was time and distance. Don't be ashamed of how you feel, TC. You're probably gonna be thinking about your ex for a long time, and that's okay.

One day you're gonna wake up, and you won't even remember her face accurately. That's the first day of your new life, and you're going to be okay.

MrMallard posted...

Not the same thing, but when I ended a friendship of eight years, I spent over a year just thinking about them and like worrying they were gonna come back into my life, and I'd basically have to have these one-sided imaginary arguments about why they can't come back and how much I dislike them. There was also a point where I was trying to overcome the issue at hand and go back to that friend group, and I had my first and only panic attack because I felt like I was running out of time to get better and repair that relationship. It was like losing everything I had.

Both of those feelings - having to mentally wrestle with the thought of my old friends trying to bring me back in when I didn't want to, and panicking over not being able to go back - were happening at the same time.

This shit is disorienting and painful, and the only thing that helped me get better was time and distance. Don't be ashamed of how you feel, TC. You're probably gonna be thinking about your ex for a long time, and that's okay.

One day you're gonna wake up, and you won't even remember her face accurately. That's the first day of your new life, and you're going to be okay.

Thank you...I really needed to hear this.

Update...just started moving my shit out into my mom's house after my ex started aggressively forcing me to leave. Right now, I just have some night clothes and all of my gaming consoles (also some green hehe) but I'll be going back in the morning to get as much of my shit out as humanly possible. I'm hoping she doesn't fuck with any of my collectibles but nothing I can do about it now when I don't have the space in my car to fit everything.

This has been an absolute nightmare and tonight she just put all of her worst qualities out on display without any remorse. I'm hoping she gets the mental help she desperately needs but whatever, it's not my problem anymore. I can definitely do better than her. I don't need someone who feels like their anger justifies being intentionally spiteful

if you need some monetary assistance to rent a Uhaul or something I can spot you

DespondentDeity posted...

if you need some monetary assistance to rent a Uhaul or something I can spot you

I really appreciate that! But I should be okay for now

Just realized I'm probably not going to see our dog Eiji again...that's probably the worst part of all of this.

Fuck me

that really sucks. was the dog originally hers, did you get it together, or is she just demanding ownership?

RchHomieQuanChi posted...

Just realized I'm probably not going to see our dog Eiji again...that's probably the worst part of all of this.

Fuck me

UGH, Im so sorry, I remember you posting about Eiji and I could tell then that you really really cared for them as a close friend. I cant wait for you to be out of this whole mess.

One of my gf's professors, who is basically fresh out of college herself, had her fiance bring her dog to the class the other night. She then proceeded to berate the fiance for greeting the people who came into the class, who were obviously a bit confused on who this guy is. It is an all female class. Then she got mad at her dog for paying more attention to the other women in the class.

Okay, so I'm staying in the apartment and my mom is gonna help me cover expenses. Me and my ex both agreed to have her name taken off the lease.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna get to keep the dog.

RchHomieQuanChi posted...

She took our dog's actions as personal attacks lol

do you know what it feels like to feel like your dog is making personal attacks on you?

its impressive to me how quickly youre figuring out all this logistical stuff, and Im so happy for you that youll get to keep Eiji. How long is left on the lease?

RchHomieQuanChi posted...

Okay, so I'm staying in the apartment and my mom is gonna help me cover expenses. Me and my ex both agreed to have her name taken off the lease.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna get to keep the dog.

nice

*sigh* This has all been an emotional rollercoaster. We were able to have a far more civil and heartfelt conversation. I told her that we both need to find a way to move on. She said she doesn't want to move on, she just wanted things to be different between us. I told her that we both need to get to a place where we can heal and grow and that maybe we will be a better fit for each other, but for now, this is for the best. I told her that she needs to be happy and strong and that I want her to strive for her dream of becoming a successful engineer.

I also said she is more than welcome to see the dog since he's just as much her's as he is mine. He's also even closer to her than he is to me so I don't want him to never see her again.

Maybe it's a mistake on my part, but I told her I'd be in her corner, even from afar and that I'm not totally closed off to the possibility of something in the future, but it has to feel right and we'd both need to grow.

Right now, I'm just going to focus on getting myself together and securing my happiness.

Time to start hitting up trivia nights

MrResetti posted...

Time to start hitting up trivia nights

Yeah probably lol. Really I need to get back into the gym. Never been big on working out but maybe it's the change I need right now

No, no, no, no you cut her right out of your life. Don't give her any false hope and don't say you will support her.

I gotta agree. This has to be a clean split. You can be civil, but it has to be clear that you guys are over.

This is your decision, but if you've been hitting low after low with this girl to the point of outright leaving her and getting kicked out of your home *because you wouldn't take on an unnecessary second job at her whim*, your original gut feeling is probably right.

I'm a stranger, but from what you've posted, you're gonna be better off without her. It's a tough road to take, and it takes a long time to get over it, but the dividends it pays off when you never have to wake up in fear of stuff like this happening? Totally worth it.

But it's your call. Just whatever you decide to do, look after your own needs first and foremost. Don't worry about being perceived as selfish. Put your own needs first, and get what you need to move forward and be in a better position in life.