Current Events > So... a friend wants me to be a sperm donor for her

(+) Yeah! (+)

My wife gave me a head's up last night that a mutual friend of our's wants to have a kid and would prefer for me to be the donor, as she basically always thought highly of me and likes how our kids are turning out.

She and my wife have apparently been talking about this for a month or so, and my wife has no problem with this and the idea would be that she and I would be godparents to any kid/kids she would have. She is also aware of my past medical history, so she isn't too concerned on that front, especially as her family's even more loaded than my wife's family so any medical complications later in life would be financially a breeze for them.

Of note, that'd mean I would need to have my previous vasectomy reversed (my wife and I have four kids and already decided that that was enough!), but I'm aware that's a fairly simple procedure.

Took me a little bit to get used to the idea, but I'm leaning towards saying yes. Before anyone jokes, no, that wouldn't mean that the friend and I would bone. I'd just give several.... contributions to be saved in an attempt to artificially inseminate her. She is the same age as my wife and I (38), and has not had kids before but really wants one while still possible. She's financially in a position of independence on her own and can transition her business to her being on a work from home side of things (she runs a fitness company and is an instructor for said company as well), not to mention she can expect generous support from her parents as well.

Odd to think that a fifth kid of mine (that I'd be aware of, hyuk-hyuk) would be on this planet...

K181 posted...

but I'm aware that's a fairly simple procedure.

Has it changed? When I got mine, it was considered very hard, very expensive, and not at all guaranteed to succeed.

why not take out the middleman and just do it naturally? would probably save the friend a pretty penny

Is she hot?

Why would you ever consider this? Literally need a surgical procedure (which I assume you wanted, and therefore would have to *redo*), and makes you relationship with this mutual friend wildly more complicated...

Terrible idea, and both you and your wife are silly for even considering it.

Seems excessive to go through reversing your vasectomy and go through all these loops then justifying their finances for the possible medical issues later on.

I wish I could donate my sperm but I was immediately rejected because I am gay. I wish I could go back and lie about it.

Idk this seems like a bad idea. Not only because you have to reverse the vasectomy but you're turning a friend into the mother of your child and that's just a really weird change to the relationship imo.

Ryvell posted...

Why would you ever consider this? Literally need a surgical procedure (which I assume you wanted, and therefore would have to *redo*), and makes you relationship with this mutual friend wildly more complicated...

Terrible idea, and both you and your wife are silly for even considering it.

Why would it inherently make the relationship more complicated? It depends how sentimental TC is.

The surgery thing sounds like a pain in the ass but again, that's up to him.

That does seem like an odd situation. Not sure I'd like the idea of having kids that weren't "mine". Sounds like she's cool with you guys being of their lives though, so it may not be as strange as I'm thinking.

Still, it must be quite the confidence booster to know that she wants you as the father.

You have a vasectomy? Tell her no, lol, how is this even a topic of discussion??

Is your friend hot? >_>

ZangsBeard posted...

Has it changed? When I got mine, it was considered very hard, very expensive, and not at all guaranteed to succeed.

I can't speak for the past, but reversing a vasectomy nowadays is considered a low-risk, outpatient procedure.

TaylorHeinicke posted...

why not take out the middleman and just do it naturally? would probably save the friend a pretty penny

I mean... I wouldn't fully oppose, especially as....

YeOld3DS posted...

Is she hot?

... yes, she is hot. Tall, tan, thin, and fit is how I'd describe her. Not inherently my type, but she's definitely hot.

As for other points, I'm not personally thinking this would be hugely complicated for us as you guys are imagining. We already have our hands full with four kids, so having another biological child with another women that would more or less be akin to a niece or a nephew to us wouldn't really be a deterrent to us. I don't forsee a situation where that'd do anything other than turning a friend into a proxy relative, and she's already Aunt ____ to our kids as a very close friend as it is.

Dan_Haren- posted...

You have a vasectomy? Tell her no, lol, how is this even a topic of discussion??

It's basically an out-patient procedure to reverse and then another out-patient procedure to redo. That's a mere hassle more so than anything.

This is stupid lmao. You're just considering it because the idea of impregnating her turns you on

There's no way I'd be able to do that. It's one thing if you're just an anonymous donor. Completely different to have a child you will know is your child that you'd likely see often. I couldn't just be a godparent to a child I fathered.

Shabriri posted...

This is stupid lmao. You're just considering it because the idea of impregnating her turns you on

... what? Did you miss the part where it'd be artificial insemination?

And I don't have a breeding fantasy, so me ejaculating a few times into some cups for a medical procedure doesn't do anything for me.

K181 posted...

... what? Did you miss the part where it'd be artificial insemination?

no, that's why i said "impregnating" and not "fucking" :v

Despite being financially independent, you could still be legally on the hook for child support for her kid is she were to pursue it.

Solar_Crimson posted...

Despite being financially independent, you could still be legally on the hook for child support for her kid is she were to pursue it.

I'm sure we'll sign some legalese to prevent that, and as mentioned both of our families are rich, so I'm not really worried about that hypothetical.

Nice!

When would you tell your kids

Snip snap, snip snap

Solar_Crimson posted...

Despite being financially independent, you could still be legally on the hook for child support for her kid is she were to pursue it.

Pretty sure there's no issue as long as it's done through a proper process. The child support issue comes from when people do it on their own, sex or otherwise, to save money, so there's no legal trail to show it was done for the purpose donating genetic material.

K181 posted...

I'm sure we'll sign some legalese to prevent that

Yeah, that's not an actual thing... You can't just sign away your responsibility for a child. A judge can easily just ignore it if they decide there's a need for the child.

I wouldn't go through a procedure just so I could be a sperm donor to a friend. And then get resnipped so I'm shooting blanks again. Way too much of a hassle

Vegy posted...

When would you tell your kids

That's an interesting question.

The older twins are almost ten, and the younger twins are seven, so we don't think they need the nitty gritty details immediately. But I'd imagine that we'd let them know in a few years.

As mentioned, she's practically an aunt to them already, so they'd immediately view any kid of her's as a very young cousin regardless.

Definitely a subject that my wife and I would have to have more in-depth conversations about.

ZangsBeard posted...

Yeah, that's not an actual thing... You can't just sign away your responsibility for a child. A judge can easily just ignore it if they decide there's a need for the child.

And even if that's the case, I'd guarantee that a judge wouldn't rule in that way nor would she even take that to court. I've known her for well over a decade, my wife has known her since college, and she's more financially well-off than us. There's really no concern there.

YeOld3DS posted...

What happens if her daughter and one of your kids start dating since they're technically related?

They'll definitely know long before that could become an issue.

K181 posted...

And even if that's the case, I'd guarantee that a judge

Okay, you're delusional.

if the kid ever finds out youre technically the father, that could get awkward, no? seeing as how they will probably have been told differently all their life

K181 posted...

I can't speak for the past, but reversing a vasectomy nowadays is considered a low-risk, outpatient procedure.

The surgery itself has always been "low risk, outpatient". That isn't the same thing as being cheap, or guaranteed, or considered a simple surgery.

I'm under the impression they can just extract sperm from you without you having to reverse your vasectomy, you should ask about it.

K181 posted...

Before anyone jokes, no, that wouldn't mean that the friend and I would bone

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ZangsBeard posted...

Okay, you're delusional.

You're too paranoid for the reality of our situation.

Weezy_Tha_Don posted...

if the kid ever finds out youre technically the father, that could get awkward, no? seeing as how they will probably have been told differently all their life

If the subject comes up, the mom would say that I'm the father, explain the process, and that I'm a godparent to them. I would understand as he or she grew older they'd be more interested in me and her biological step-siblings, but I don't forsee a scenario where that'd be a traumatic experience for them as we'd assuredly be involved in their life just as their mom has been as active, if not more active, in our kids' lives than their actual aunts and uncles.

But obviously a complex and salient point.

If you have no shame or guilt, you could say you got it reversed and make some excuse about needing to do it naturally aka boning, then bam you get to raw dog your friend a few times

Otherwise yeah it sounds like a bad idea. She needs to respect that you got a vasectomy for a reason and it's not just a little birth control thing to be and off

My gf donated eggs to her sister who had ovarian cancer. It's a pretty selfless thing to do something like that, tho a hell of a lot easier when you're just donating sperm lol I say go for it.

K181 posted...

You're too paranoid for the reality of our situation.

You do realize that paranoia isn't even remotely the correct word? My feelings on the matter aren't in question, yours are. And I'm a realist.

Up to you, but I couldn't do it.

It would be way to difficult for me to not want to be involved with a kid who is biologically my son or daughter.

Top that with this is with a woman who is a mutual friend of my wife? Just my opinion, sounds like way too much future drama.

ZangsBeard posted...

The surgery itself has always been "low risk, outpatient". That isn't the same thing as being cheap, or guaranteed, or considered a simple surgery.

Nothing is guaranteed, but it's about as safe and simple as really imaginable, and she'd pay for any medical bill.

GranQroppoop posted...

I'm under the impression they can just extract sperm from you without you having to reverse your vasectomy, you should ask about it.

I will be sure to consider that, though I admit "extracting" it sounds slightly off-putting to me.

littlebro07 posted...

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Respectable response.

Is she going to pay for your surgeries

K181 posted...

And even if that's the case, I'd guarantee that a judge wouldn't rule in that way nor would she even take that to court. I've known her for well over a decade, my wife has known her since college, and she's more financially well-off than us. There's really no concern there.

Not doubting your story or the situation, but people can change especially when children enter the equation, and judge have in fact ruled against sperm donors even with the paper work in place.

Ultimately, it's up to you, but I just personally don't think it's a good idea.

K181 posted...

Nothing is guaranteed, but it's about as safe and simple as really imaginable, and she'd pay for any medical bill.

That's fine, I'm only questioning your characterization of the surgery itself.

I feel like Ive seen this episode on Jerry Springer.

Its definitely a CEman worthy topic lol.

ZangsBeard posted...

You do realize that paranoia isn't even remotely the correct word? My feelings on the matter aren't in question, yours are. And I'm a realist.

Yeah, it kind of is. There isn't really a concern here in our situation for the financials that I previously mentioned, or for our friend's personality.

Master_Kazuya posted...

If you have no shame or guilt, you could say you got it reversed and make some excuse about needing to do it naturally aka boning, then bam you get to raw dog your friend a few times

Otherwise yeah it sounds like a bad idea. She needs to respect that you got a vasectomy for a reason and it's not just a little birth control thing to be and off

My wife would draw the line at me doing anything more sexual than cumming in a cup, but solid evil idea.

And she is respecting the fact that I got a vasectomy. I don't think she'd be mad at us if I said no, and I wouldn't be considering this if I wasn't interested in helping her out and flattered by her wanting that.

RyukSan posted...

Up to you, but I couldn't do it.

It would be way to difficult for me to not want to be involved with a kid who is biologically my son or daughter.

Top that with this is with a woman who is a mutual friend of my wife? Just my opinion, sounds like way too much future drama.

As mentioned, we'd be involved as godparents/uncle/aunt, and we already have our major responsibilities plate-full with our kids as it is, so I think we could find a good balance.

I understand plenty of friendships where this could be a bad idea, though.

K181 posted...

Yeah, it kind of is. There isn't really a concern here in our situation for the financials that I previously mentioned, or for our friend's personality.

You can keep saying it, it still doesn't make it paranoia.

--Zero- posted...

I feel like Ive seen this episode on Jerry Springer.

Its definitely a CEman worthy topic lol.

We're more Maury fans ourselves.

Terrible idea.

No matter what happens you'll feel a connection and responsibility to that kid. Also that kid will never have a proper father in their life.

Don't give your jizz to friends.

If this person can't find a partner then there's probably something wrong with her and it would be cruel to force a child into that situation.

K181 posted...

As mentioned, we'd be involved as godparents/uncle/aunt, and we already have our major responsibilities plate-full with our kids as it is, so I think we could find a good balance.

I understand plenty of friendships where this could be a bad idea, though.

Like I said, do whatever you want.

Being a godparent, or uncle would not suffice for me. Also that's really not the only drama I forsee having a kid with a mutual friend of my wife. People commonly say a lot of things won't affect their friendship or relationship..... until it does.

But again, you do you. It's your life.